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T O P I C    R E V I E W
Joy_I_Am Posted - 05/25/2011 : 10:09:42
Hello Everyone!

I'm new to the board, but a fan of the Good Doctor for about five years now. Thanks to reading Mindbody Prescription and Divided Mind, I've banished the back pain that pretty much defined me since I was a teenager (I'm now 45) - in fact, if I see an old friend who asks 'How's your back?' I get annoyed, because that just isn't me any more! Now I know why all those x-rays over the years never showed anything...

As a sensitive child (with narcissistic, critical, shaming parents) I used to get 'nervous tummy'. In university this was diagnosed as IBS, which was new and trendy then. I've also dealt with sensitive bladder, insomnia, sciatica, tooth pain, etc etc as I travelled around the world (now living back in the UK). All the usual tests, all clear. I now know it was all TMS! Since 'finding' Sarno, those symptoms may still occasionally crop up, but I can now recognise what might be triggering them and have a sharp but kindly word with myself. I've gone from crawling on the floor to exercising daily. I used to see an osteopath regularly, and now I haven't gone for about four years.

The only thing I cannot seem to shift is pain in my lower left abdomen, around the sigmoid colon. This seemed to arise when I was fitted with a contraceptive coil in 2002. This caused cramping and pain, but like a 'good', compliant patient, I kept trying with different coils, and Elavil and Ponstan to deal with the pain. In 2005 I finally had the coil removed, and expected the pain to pass - but it hasn't.

I assume that my body is not damaged, but has 'learnt' to feel the pain. I have had ultrasound scans (clear), two sigmoidoscopies (clear), and am due to have a colonoscopy (I'm sure this, too, will be clear - they just don't know what else to do). I've had acupuncture at a pain clinic, and I've had physical therapy in a pool. I've spent money on osteopaths and Chinese herbs. All without results. I journal and I know what my issues are, past and present, and I think I'm pretty good at analysing my life. I definitely don't want to sue anyone about the coil, that was my choice, and besides, possibly a coincidence. I know I'm a Highly Sensitive Person and a 'creative', the classic TMS personality. I just do not know why I can't 'Sarnoize' this!

I'd be grateful for any advice or encouragement, please. Oh, and while I'm here, I'd like to thank you all for making and using this site - it's been a great help to me, and I have lurked too long in your excellent company!

Joy isn't my real name, I just wanted something positive to see each time I log in...

Best wishes to you all, J
7   L A T E S T    R E P L I E S    (Newest First)
Joy_I_Am Posted - 06/02/2011 : 03:05:52
Ha, yes, GG, I've also noticed those direct 'cause and effect' stories - so much easier to see others' than your own! I have a friend who, whenever she feels sad or neglected, develops a 'sinus infection' and goes to her doctor - I can predict it within days from the tone of her emails. Her doctor has been telling her for years that she doesn't really have an infection, but she nags him until he gives her antibiotics to go away. Ah, the harmful side of TMS... I've run Sarno by her, but she Does Not Want to Know. You can't force it.

And darling girl - the best relationship of you life SO FAR ended! You're still only 29 - believe me, there's heaps of time! Your current issue with shared finances seems a vexing one... But again, I think you're so right about the body remembering - as part of my current investigations, I've been looking at old diaries, and notice that I first had the coil fitted in May... then the next coil in May... then finally removed in May... and the recent flare started - last month!

And though I don't understand the internet, I can understand your job being creative and esoteric, and that these can be harder to do because we don't have so many obvious role models, we are ploughing a furrow of our own. I think it helps to remind ourselves sometimes that there are special joys in this, as well as difficulties. Sure, on hard days, I also wonder if I wouldn't be better off with a 'real job'! Regular hours, obvious expectations... but then I remember the ones I have done, and how much they sucked, and how depleting the lack of autonomy was... so for now, the kittens are safe...

BTW I also freak out at the prospect of going to the doc, dentist, hairdresser, shops (how can people shop recreationally? How can they enjoy all that stimulation?!)

Anyway, I am learning that topics work best in separate posts here, so am off to put some other thoughts down. Hope you're well and thriving, Joy
golden_girl Posted - 06/01/2011 : 22:20:27
Not wise at all, Joy! Just perhaps it's easier to spot things in others - I've read a million and one books about 'TMS' and they always have those nice and tidy case studies with "X had pain in her foot every year in December, and then realised her second cousin had his foot amputated around Christmas 1976" - ok, I'm taking the mickey, sorry! - but I seriously believe there AREN'T coincidences, and the body DOES remember.

The best relationship of my life ended for good on my 21st birthday. A week before my 22nd, something happened that triggered this particular (and lasting) bout of TMS - I still have it and I'm now 29. On this birthday earlier this year I had really troubling chest pains for two weeks - one week before, and one after my birthday. I wouldn't recommend anyone else to do this, but because I have such ridiculous anxiety about some things (doctors, dentists, hairdressers, shopping... I could go on) I didn't see a doctor. In fact, one of the most comforting things I found on the internet (HELLO GOOGLE MY OLD FRIEND) was a checklist for first aiders on a small boat at sea (?!) that said: chest pain that lasts for over two days - if it was a heart attack, they would be dead by now. Seriously, this WAS comforting ! I'm often a "in the minute" worrier, so if I haven't dropped dead, I'm ok. Of course, I can still go to town on non-threatening symptoms and worries...

I would look into, if you want to, the issues then that you may feel that contribute to your specific issue? I have felt fear about my age, even though I'm "only" 29 - I'm no longer a child, and am now considered an adult (I feel 17!!) You really sound like you have a handle on things, and you should be proud of that!

I also totally agree about the 'creative lifestyle' you mentioned. My job is very difficult to explain to the majority of people I meet (most of them have 'solid' jobs ie builders, plasterers, receptionists, waitresses - you know, something you could easily explain on a census!!) My job is a little more... esoteric, especially for those who don't fully understand the internet (who are many, I find!) as my job centres on, I suppose, digital media. I find it embarrassing at worst, and uncomfortable at best, to describe it to people - apart from a select few (everyone I "know" via the internet totally understands it obviously, thank god!) who do "get it" and are as supportive as they can be, and even tell me to be proud of my accomplishments.

I totally understand that there are some who do not, or will not, understand the need to create, in whatever form, if you are not making your "millions" from it. I didn't mean to in any way belittle the job titles I mentioned above, but they may not be bringing home tons of money either, but they will assume I might do better if I had "a real job". Then I feel like questioning them - if we make similar wages, why would it matter what I do?!

I also have a lot of internalised feelings about making money, about how my partner seems to/apparently should make more than I do, with his "proper job", but yet I still seem to pay for everything... I shan't go on!

I think, ultimately, that we should be proud of what we do. My work is more in the visual field, but also incorporates writing, and that has always been an important thing for me, something I know I'm good at. Without the artists and writers of the world - what would we have had?! So - please don't strangle kittens, keep on writing!!



"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown
Joy_I_Am Posted - 05/31/2011 : 05:20:16
Hi There,

Just back from a trip and catching up on your posts, thanks for them. Golden Girl, that's a very interesting point you make about the 'female issues' - this started about the time I hit my forties, and started to have all sorts of fears about being an ageing female in our youth-obsessed culture. It was also a time when I was having relationship problems. Hmm, you are wise!

Also, being an artist (a writer, actually) means I earn very little; my husband is able to keep us both comfortably in a job he loves, and he couldn't do this without my considerable practical help; but this sometimes means I don't feel I have a voice in our marriage, that I haven't 'earned' it. My body, of course, has a voice of its own! As a child at the mercy of my crazy mother, I had no voice, but would get bad stomach cramps... hmm again!

And of course, this means, when my work is going slowly or loses direction or is not selling at that time, I am not even 'justifying' my existence as an artist! And this causes me great emotional, and therefore physical, pain. I image you recognise, GG, that people have an idea of what a 'successful' artist is, and if you're not troubling the bestseller lists or earning millions, then they think you 'can't be very good'. It's a different lifestyle, and a choice of lifestyle, but one that can be very hard to explain. If I were, say, an animal euthaniser, I wouldn't have to justify myself as much as I do as an artist, because the work/money exchange is so much more obvious, and at least I could say 'I get a dollar for each kitten I strangle...' :-)

So I guess this is how it affects me. And also, I think 'sensitive' personalities are more prone to TMS. It's actually a sign of intelligence! There's an old saying: 'Where there's no sense, there's no feeling'. But that's not much of a consolation.

And Shanclapp, I have, like you, gone to the dentist about tooth pain many times, and he has found nothing. And this has gone on for several years. I have to conclude he's right and there is nothing, and treat it like TMS accordingly. But yes, it is a weird one, isn't it?! Hard to ignore. I still struggle with it. I think it's because I'm squeamish about teeth anyway, and my TMS sees this as a handy weak spot. I found that although, during a flare, my instinct was to floss and brush furiously, it helped not to overdo it, because that can not only focus you on the pain, but actually does irritate the gums!

Good luck to you both, Joy
shannclapp Posted - 05/27/2011 : 17:52:11
Good for you and all your success, you can do it for this as well.
When reading I see you suffered tooth pain and that is my current issue tooth and gum pain in side of my mouth. Been all around tot he Drs and dentist and of course nothing. Can you give me more info on your tooth issues and how you over came them?
I feel like it is an unusual area so it creates so much doubt for me.
THANKS :)
golden_girl Posted - 05/27/2011 : 17:33:08
Hi Joy!

Well done on ridding yourself on most of your TMS!

With regards to your current pain - if nothing has been found, then I guess you can assume it's TMS too. I've had 'mittelschmerz' (ovulation pain) that many times convinced me it was appendicitis in my hypochondria/paranoia days - funny, now that's disappeared too, so maybe that was TMS also! Wow, that's like two layers of TMS - a TMS pain that I then TMS-ed about!

Anyway, I'm not sure I can be that much help, but maybe there's something in the location/"cause" of the pain? Something to do with a relationship/contraception/female issues - I'm just throwing ideas out there! Ignore me if I'm talking rubbish

Oh, and I've always been creative from an early age, interested in art, fashion and design and did most of an art degree before TMS ate me - I definitely think it makes me see the world in a different way! My current 'career' (such as it is, I'm self-employed due to years of anxiety/TMS so I make just enough to get by, and it is in an area I love greatly, but recently is causing me stress and other problems) is in the creative world. I don't know if it has any real bearing on my symptoms though, except that although I'm definitely as intelligent as my siblings, they're far more academic, and so I haven't "succeeded" in the same way they have... how does your creativity have a bearing on your symptoms?

Hope you're doing ok!

"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown
Joy_I_Am Posted - 05/27/2011 : 15:51:56
Dear Darko,

Thanks for that! I'm still finding out how this forum works - and yes, my first post was a bit of a blurt, not sure what to say first, so I ended up saying it all...

You're right, there are events currently in my life that I can point to and say 'That's a factor'. The missing link for me is between knowing this, and getting my body to listen! I wonder if anyone on the site has tried hypnosis? I'd love to hear if/how this has worked for them.

I am also interested in finding out if there are other people whose career or vocation is creative - art, music, writing etc - and if this has a special bearing on their symptoms, as it certainly does for me.

But I'm in danger of overloading my post again! So I'll take your guidance and go and search some posts - yours are always useful to me. Thanks again,

Be well, Bests, Joy
Darko Posted - 05/27/2011 : 07:32:33
Hey Joy,

Really hard post to answer, I guess that's why you haven't had heaps of replies. Go back and read some of my recent posts and see if you get anything from them.

I'd say you have conditioning of some sort. Assuming you've checked it out completely then there is no other explanation.

Look at what is going on in your life and you thoughts around those events...

D

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