| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Albert |
Posted - 01/27/2005 : 11:39:31
What do you do if you have a family situation that is beyond your control (mainly due to a stubborn and defensive person who won't admit that he's causing problems that are partly due to his imagination)? I allowed myself to get really angry about it this morning (the situation has been going on for some time), but I can't fix it. In the past I've pushed my concern about it to the back of my mind. I don't want to constantly worry and think about it, so what should I do? I was thinking that since it is beyond my control and not my fault, I should absolve myself of responsibility. Is that enough, or will the worry fester in my unconscious and cause TMS problems. The thing is even if I relieve myself of responsibility, I'm still concerned about the people the situation effects. |
| 3 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Albert |
Posted - 01/27/2005 : 14:01:02
First of all, my situation probably isn't as bad as yours, because I don't live with the family members involved. The situation effects family members I care about more than it effects me.
Regarding how my TMS reacted, after sitting down for a while and going over a couple of other issues really good in a manner that reduced some minor back spasms I had, I reflected on my family issue. It gave me a headache. If I touched my head where the ache was, it felt sore.
While I drove to work I thought about the issue some more and a little while later after arriving at work and after sitting down for a little while, my headache went away.
I've reflected some more and I've come to the following solution. When I see the family member responsible, I'll talk to him again (I've already talked to him twice with no success). I'll try a different approach and this time without some of my own hangups involved. I won't try to force the issue. If he doesn't want to talk about it and reconsider, then when I'm by myself I'll make certain that I allow myself to feel what ever anger I have about it, and then let it go.
1. The effected family members aren't concerning themselves with all of my issues. Why should they? They have there own lives to worry about and it is up to me to figure out my issues.
2. I don't worry about all of their issues. Why should I? I have my own issues to worry about and it is up to them to figure out their issues.
3. The thing is that I chose to identify with one particular issue. Right now I think this is partly because one of my own hang ups was involved. But I've gone over this hang up and I believe it won't trouble me as much in the future. I've already made some strides with it.
Sorry if it sounds as if I'm going on. I'm figuring things out even as I write this. My mind is really in the "think psychological mode" today. It seems to be getting more automatic. Besides the above, while at work, I've also dealt with a couple of other issues today. It's a good thing my work isn't getting in the way too much.
-----Regarding your problem with your Mom, I wonder how many times you need to get angry for the same type of behavior? Perhaps you should get really angry about it once (perhaps you have), and then from now on when she exhibits the same behavior, tell her "that bugs me Mom" with the inner feeling that you are taking care of your anger as you do so. Once you've gotten really angry about it and let it out, it might take just a little reminder to do so again.
Of course the suggestion of saying "that bugs me Mom" is just one idea of how to deal with regular annoyance you seem to get.
quote]Originally posted by Ginag
When you allowed yourself to react today, how did your TMS react?? I
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| Tunza |
Posted - 01/27/2005 : 12:55:39
Albert, this is the kind of situation that The Journey process allows you to tackle. The journey is a kind of psychotherapy that uses NLP and visualisation techniques to go back into your past to see where your emotional and physical problems stem from and feel and then release those emotions. While this situation is happening now for you there may have been similar feelings attached to events in your past and if you could release them you'd have a fresh energy to allow yourself to sit with your present feelings and then move on.(since you say there is no action you can take then what other choice do you have but to face your feelings? If you run away from them they will add to your repressed feelings).
I hope I'm making sense.
I am not yet saying that it works for me yet as I have only just read the book and done half a session (using the CDs). Some stuff did come up for me that surprised me but unfortunately I got interrupted by someone coming to the door. You do one session (up to 3 hours long) on each major emotional issue that is affecting you. Do a google search on "Brandon Bays" +Journey. Here's part of what one person (a journalist) said about doing the process:
"During the seminar Bays saw that I was struggling and invited me to work with her on a one-to-one basis. With my best cynical sneer, I agreed. She chatted to me before the process and I found myself warming to her. She seemed funny, intelligent and completely authentic. There was no new-age nonsense with Bays.
Chat over with, it was my turn to do it. Bays led me through a process where I uncovered pain, anger and repressed grief that I thought I'd safely packaged away years ago. My feelings of fury and abandonment over the death of loved ones were so great that I found myself shaking. It was extremely emotional but also very liberating to resolve the grief that I'd nurtured for so long. And I finally reached that place of peace. Mine wasn't so much a white light, more of a glow that seemed to warm me to my very bones.
I opened my eyes and felt as if I'd been washed from the inside out, as if someone had just wiped me clean. I had always assumed that cynicism was sophisticated: I had never laid myself open, never allowed myself to be vulnerable. On finishing the process, I didn't feel exposed or self-indulgent. I didn't even want a cigarette. I merely felt curiously light, a little bit shiny and finally free."
I'm hoping to get 3 hours alone soon to do the process fully on my issue of abandonment. There are a couple of psychotherapists in my city who specialise in the Journey (it is becoming quite popular) and I may decide to see one if I can't get enough time alone at home.
Good luck with your family situation.
Kat
Kat |
| Ginag |
Posted - 01/27/2005 : 12:53:07
Albert, In response to your recent posting, I am in a similar situation with my mother who lives with me and is totally dependent on me and my husband. She literally as made my life miserable having her here. I'm an only child and basically stuck with her!!! She constantly says she can't find something and then proceeds to rant and rave and slam things in anger because she accuses one of my family of stealing it from her. I'm not sure if you're aware of the "dizziness" forum I'm active on here, but I can assure you her antics stimulate my dizzy TMS in a flash. In the past, when I tried to ignore it, my anger just percolated within and accomplished nothing but more dizzy symptoms. When you allowed yourself to react today, how did your TMS react?? I personally have hostile feelings towards my mother and seem to do better when I confront her with her nonsense and ungratefulness. She fully understands what's going on and just enjoys "stirring the pot" - if you know what I mean. If you can ignore your situation and not take offense from it - good for you!!! You should go for it. Remember one thing - in practicing Dr. Sarno it is not the worry that brings TMS on. It is the anger and rage that is not being acknowledged by you on a conscious level that manifests itself as TMS. Only you can decide if this person's behavior is making you angry; and thus, causing your TMS.
Gina |
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