| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Maisie |
Posted - 05/07/2011 : 12:39:19
I'm going to attempt to tell my story and hope you dont fall asleep before i finish.I'm truely at the point where i dont really believe anyone can help me,and i seem totally incapable of helping myself(in other words defeated and desperate).I stumbled on this site purely by chance.
I was born anxious(its true im afraid).Anxious child,developed a severe stutter age 5.Dr put me on valium(no one knew it was addictive then)over the next 20 yrs i was put on various(highly addictive drugs)i now know i was vitually in drug withdrawl on and off for years as the drugs were messed about with.I was mortified about the stutter,it controled my life.I couldnt be me,as i could'nt speak.My mum left my dad when she was pregnant and went back home.Because no one told me any different i presumed it was my fault and she wanted him back.I felt very responsible for her.Although everyone in the house(mum,grandparents&uncle)loved me.I was kept quite for one awkward person)The atmosphere could be very tense.Then my mum met someone else.It was like a huge weight had been lifted,i was really happy,i relaxed!(mum had bought a house of her own)he moved in with us.Within less than a year(much less i think)he left mum in the car one day,came back for something,grabbed me and literally stuck his tongue down my throat,said he loved me and left.
My world just stopped.I curled up in a ball on the floor whimpering.By the time they came back i tried my level best to be normal.(i loved my mum and she was happy)i was 12.He spent the next several years trying to "get off "with me.And me doing all i could to keep his "Love"but not let him.and not let mum know.Then came the psychological torment.he was a bastard.but somehow i held on to what i thought he'd been(our savior)i wanted him to love me(as a dad).He died 18 months ago.i semi looked after him for 6yrs after mum died.I sort of cracked up when i got married.i told mum.she never forgave him.i did i guess.I felt guilty id married to escape(still together after 36yrs)Still feel guilty.Lots more i could tell...but i bet your asleep already?
I'm 57 and i feel its too late.When the situation eased after about 40 yrs.The physical symptoms began(or i noticed them)I dont think my muscles will ever relax,i cant imagine not being tense.I've tried so many things.Very sad sometimes.i should be happy now,but quite frankly i dont think i know what it is.i appear quite normal!
Hope i have'nt gone on too long1has anyone been this bad for this long? Any suggestions would be helpful and any understanding much appreciated. Thanks |
| 1 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| shannclapp |
Posted - 05/07/2011 : 13:03:37
Hello & no its not too late. I am sort of new myself only discovering this concept in Dec. but read the books, probably Mind Body prescription first and you will see right away if it is your personality or not. And if it is, maybe you have found your answer!
From my reading I know it is never too late, once you deal with the emotions you can fully recover as your body is not really harmed. feel better |
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