| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Albert |
Posted - 01/20/2005 : 16:47:43
Back when I was about 15 or 16 years old, I saw the Exorcist when it came out in theaters and it freaked me out.
It took me a while to get over it and I pushed it to the back of my mind.
I don't believe in the mythology of the movie anymore, realize it is a Hollywood creation, yet I still have repressed fears about it.
It used to be that when Linda Blair's Deamon image would come into my awareness, I would push it away. Lately I've been focusing on it, and trying to scrutinize it.
Despite my attempts to rationalize about it, there still seems to be a lot of fear connected to it. It seems as if the part of my mind that still has memories, is irrational and can't see beyond the falseness.
Is this the sort of thing that can play a role in leading to TMS?
Can you recondition the irrational part of your mind to stop being afraid of it?
An interesting point about all of this is that her character seems to be the embodiment of rage.
My ex chiropractor, who is the same age as I, also has repressed memories and fears about the movie. |
| 5 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Albert |
Posted - 01/24/2005 : 09:18:07
I puked in just an imaginary way. After all, at this time her character is just a memory in my mind.
quote:
Originally posted by Baseball65
Albert?
You're serious? you puked?
I knew I could get myself angry sitting in a chair just thinking,but I never got sick,or at least not consciously(maybe I had a symptom later)
Now,I wanna go find those pix....
I've never been to Pac Bell OR candlestick OR the Oakland Colliseum....and I've been around the Bay area a million time!!!
we gotta go! Watch the Barry on 'roids show!!
-marc
Baseball65
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| Baseball65 |
Posted - 01/21/2005 : 19:16:01
Albert?
You're serious? you puked?
I knew I could get myself angry sitting in a chair just thinking,but I never got sick,or at least not consciously(maybe I had a symptom later)
Now,I wanna go find those pix....
I've never been to Pac Bell OR candlestick OR the Oakland Colliseum....and I've been around the Bay area a million time!!!
we gotta go! Watch the Barry on 'roids show!!
-marc
Baseball65 |
| Albert |
Posted - 01/21/2005 : 09:36:25
While trying to figure out the psychological reasons for my TMS pain, I've been thinking about a lot of things. Perhaps I've been making too much of this Exorcist thing. I haven't been following my past tendency to repress Linda Blair's demon image. In fact, when the thought of it comes into my consciousness I try to hold it in my mind so I can contemplate what bugs me about it. I think part of the problem is that when I saw the movie I believed in the mythology and was afraid that Linda Blair's character/the devil would come pay me a visit. I'm afraid of the fear I felt more than anything. Last night I realized that the horific things she does when I think of her image are the result of my imagination. So last night just for the hell of it, I had her image do silly things like sing silly songs such as Kung Fu fighting, Disco Duck, Monster Bash, Who let the dogs out.
I believe that my memories of the Exorcist are just that: memories. I can form thought patterns that are opposite of the memories, but I don't know if there is anything that I can do about the thought patterns in which the memories are based. The main thing is that when the thought of her image comes up, I won't push it way. I'll just reason about how ridiculous they are.
One thing I have done is look for images of Linda Blair's character on the internet. There is one site that has photos of five different make up ideas they used for her. They are all different, yet horrific. I think what it comes down to is that different types of imagery will effect us differently. Bambi and Casper will seem cute; Linda Blair's character and mutilated bodies will seem horrific. Another thing about her character is that evil was connected with youthfull innocence. Horror movies seem to like to do that. Get a young girl and make her a subject of horror. It is as if they are saying that evil can get to innocence. I don't believe in evil. Just the terrible things that mankind does to itself.
Whatever the case, for a while there, I was thinking that I would have to overcome my fearfull memories of the Exorcist in order to get over TMS. It now seems that fear is a part of those memories nature (due to association, how they were stored), and I don't have to make it some big contest.
I think my inner rage is a combination of various things. Not just some dumb movie.
Baseball 65, it would be cool to go to a Giant's game with you. I don't know if I would be able to get tickets though. They tend to sell out. It is certainly worth a try. Who knows? Maybe the Angels will be in town when you come. Or maybe you'll be in town when the Angels play the A's. It would be cool if you could see the Giant's new ballpark. Perhaps you have. Regarding seeing the Exorcist again, I don't know if I want to create more memories. It might be similar to having somebody go through abuse again in order to get over abuse related trauma. I think it might be better to just deal with the memories I have.
P.S. Here's visualization. I just threw up all over Linda Blair's character's head. Take that. :) |
| Logan |
Posted - 01/20/2005 : 21:10:44
It couldn't hurt, in my opinion, to contemplate why the image frightens you so. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said she is the embodiment of irrational, absolutely unapologetic and indiscriminate [that phrase is mine] rage. I'm not what you would call a religious person. I wasn't raised Catholic or anything like that, but all the same, the idea of satanic posession is very scary to me as well.
The movie that always freaked me out was The Omen. Actually, that whole series. I especially remember this scene (from the Omen 2 I think) where Damien gets angry at another kid while they're playing hockey and works his evil magic so that the kid falls through the ice and then the ice seals back up over him. The image of that poor kid pounding on the ice as he's drowning, drowning, drowning and the adults desperately trying to break him out while Damien smirks in the background, it haunted me for years.
It still disturbs me to think about it - I think because my biggest phobia is to be in a situation where I am completely helpless and completely beyond help. OR maybe it's because the ice represents the boundary between the conscious and unconscious and I'm afraid of what's trying to get out OR maybe it's because I fear what I would be capable of if I had Damien like powers...
I think it's scary for alot of people because we fear our Shadow selves and what could happen if we lost control of them. Whatever you call it, the Id, the Unconscious - author Tom Robbins refers to it as the Reptile Brain - it is one scary mother at times.
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| Baseball65 |
Posted - 01/20/2005 : 20:54:27
Hi Albert.
Remember in HBP where Sarno talks about the unconscious versus the Preconscious...the Pre-c is really where this image is,,,,,because you could bring it to consciousness with stimulation,or forceful or contemplative thinking.
I was actually thinking about this very Idea you had brought up while I was at work today....when you paint,you're mind is always wandering freely.
I was pondering your excorcist thing,and asked myself"what's the most disturbing image I can conjure up?"
I overdosed on LSD,Cocaine,Pot and alcohol when I was 19.I had been sober for about 6 months and dove off the wagon head first....I ingested 2x500mcg windowpanes(LSD) snorted about a gram and a half of coke,smoked a ton of pot and drank 2 quarts of malt liquor in about oh...two hours??
I jumped in a jacuzzi....and came "back" being restrained about 10 hours later.I had swallowed my tongue,had stopped breathing(all hearsay...I remember nothing of the real world) and was bruised and cut everywhere(they said right before I lost it I dove head first off a diving board into the concrete lip of the pool)
Anyways,in MY world...I was being chased through the flames and torments of Hell by all the characters from a deck of cards..the Jack,the king and the Queen.
Than I was drowning at the bottom of the ocean where I was serving out the punishment for the life I had led up til then...I would swim to the top for air,only to be at the bottom again,and again,and again....every moment in that para-real-nightmare remains vivid to this day...the awareness that all guilt of the sins I had commited was mine,and I would serve all eternity,which was every moment in pain and torment for my negligence of the opportunites that life had given me and yet I had pissed away.
I just got the willies again typing this story,and no words printed or spoken could ever truly communicate the realness of the terror,or the imprint it left on my being.
Because of the nature of Psychedelic drugs,I don't know if I actually got "down" into the subconscious,but it was odd that 17 years later in therapy,I discovered that deep down,my whole life,I have always felt like a bad person.Guilt seeks punishment.Was this what really goes on down there?
The excorcist was just a movie.....I think the fear that it might have awoken in you might be "maybe that's inside of ME too"??????????
Maybe there is some feeling down there that the movie shook up?
...a little technicolor journey into the maximum security prison might sort that out....
You live by Haight/Ashbury ??? JUST KIDDING!!!!!
(thought that IS where I bought the Acid!!)
I was too young to be allowed to see the excocist,and by the time I did see it ,those special effects were...ahhh....dated!!
In cinematic theory,it is the job of the filmmaker to bring out the feeling that is already inside the person!
When we watched the Brady Bunch,we were happy,cause we were with the happiest family that WE wish we had been in.....our paradigm of the perfect Family!
When we watch movies over again,it's because we like the feeling these give us....the best of ourselves.
When we are freaked out by a movie,that TOO is a very telling sign.....something in it was too real or scary for us to face...
I'll fly to SF in the spring,we'll watch a Giants game,and rent the excorcist....and I'll tell jokes through the whole thing?
sound like a plan???
peace
Baseball65 |
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