| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Bento |
Posted - 07/12/2010 : 03:11:54
What do you tell people when they ask about your back or whatever issue you have. I came across this today. A person I know with whom I have spoken of my back issues previously asked me how my back is and what is wrong with it. I didnt feel like telling them about TMS for fear they might think Im crazy. Neither did I feel like telling them the physiological diagnosis I have received ie bulging discs etc but I ended up telling them the latter as I wasnt prepared. I felt at the time that I didnt want to verbalise the disc thing because I dont want to believe it anymore. What do you tell people? |
| 13 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| winnieboo |
Posted - 07/23/2010 : 06:06:10
quote:
Whether you choose to tell people you have a psychological disorder (which this is) is a choice. It is one you should make very carefully and with knowledge of your audience
Thanks for chiming in, Alexis. That's exactly what I meant, but you said it much better than I did. |
| alexis |
Posted - 07/19/2010 : 20:38:28
quote:
Originally posted by winnieboo
Okay. No hard feelings...take care and good luck to all.
Hi Winnieboo,
Actually, I mostly agreed with you on this one. Some people are in a position to get away with sounding "crazy", but most are not. I guess I take a middle position, because I think some people can get away with it, and others know how to very carefully pick who they tell.
Everyone engages in avoidance behaviors. I don't tell a boss at work I think he has a bad managerial style, and I don't tell associates I think their religions are silly and illogical. Heck, most people don't go around discussing their sexual fantasies and social prejudices – and most have at least one political opinion and family secret they don’t announce in public.
Certainly, avoidance of the excessive type someone deep in TMS engages in is bad, but anxiety is an evolutionary tool and serves a purpose. In a normal, healthy state, it is there both to increase your attentiveness and drive AND to act as a deterrent from possibly dangerous behavior (such as losing support within your tribe ... or losing your job down the road as your reputation is subtly tarnished).
Whether you choose to tell people you have a psychological disorder (which this is) is a choice. It is one you should make very carefully and with knowledge of your audience. In many contexts, this is about the same as telling your family and coworkers in 1950s Arkansas that you’re gay. And a communist. And think you were abducted by aliens. And passing on the advice is telling your 1950s Arkansas acquaintance that he or she is a gay, communist who believes the equivalent of having been abducted by aliens.
Some people have the luxury not to live in that world, but most of us, for at least part of the day, do. And that includes those of us living in liberal areas with educated families and friends.
If one can go around freely spouting Sarno they're either very lucky, or, quite possibly, a bit deluded about their audience. You can come to think, if you hang out on boards like this, that everyone thinks the way we do and understands psychosomatic illness.
But most people don't, and won't, understand. And whether they say anything to you or not, many are going to think poorly of you and be deeply offended by the suggestion that they have a psychological illness. This is a bit worse on the US east coast and in the UK than in California or some other parts of europe, but the prejudice against psychological illness, even mild illness, is still strong almost everywhere I know.
Alexis
|
| winnieboo |
Posted - 07/18/2010 : 11:53:44
Okay. No hard feelings...take care and good luck to all. |
| Dave |
Posted - 07/18/2010 : 09:36:41
quote:
Originally posted by winnieboo
I don't like to break promises, but your last post came across to me as condescending, and I would like to respond.
That's your perception. It is dangerous to read emotion into text messages.
quote:
I disagreed with your advice to someone, and when my counter point did not agree with Sarno, I believe I was blasted for that.
"Blasted" is your perception. This forum welcomes people to express their opinions. I was simply expressing mine, admittedly in a blunt and pointed manner. You chose to read into my reply and take it personally.
I was not "blasting" you for being "anti-Sarno" as you suggest. I was expressing my opinion that the choice be careful about what you say to others in order to avoid the potential for anxiety, goes against the basic concepts of TMS treatment. I believe it is necessary to accept our anxiety symptoms and recognize what goes into producing them. Avoidance behavior is counterproductive.
As for being focused on Sarno's TMS theory, you're 100% right about that. This is why the forum was created and it continues to be its main focus, although welcome any constructive debate or criticism provided the forum policy is not violated.
If you cannot handle some healthy debate or are personally offended by my blunt approach, you are free to ignore my messages or choose not to visit this forum. The forum's purpose was never to be a touchy-feely, politically correct support group for TMS sufferers. It is intended to share thoughts, ideas, experiences, and information that might be helpful in the battle for recovery. |
| Dave |
Posted - 07/16/2010 : 11:46:56
quote:
Originally posted by winnieboo
Whatever, Dave...I don't actually...shouldn't be on this blog anymore, I see. I promise this will be my last post.
I meant nothing personal by my response, but obviously you took it that way. Maybe you should try to figure out why. Hypersensitivity can be a TMS equivalent.
My point is, if you allow other people's opinions to affect you to the point where it generates anxiety symptoms, then it represents an area where you might want to dig deeper to find out why you are having such reactions. |
| Dave |
Posted - 07/15/2010 : 11:16:09
quote:
Originally posted by winnieboo
Sorry, but why would you tell people "there is nothing wrong with my back?" If your back is in pain and people know it, then it will likely sound crazy to say there's nothing wrong with it. That's reality. And if you're walking around telling people things that might inspire others to think you are crazy, then you're only adding to your own anxiety--and your own bad rap. Sounds self destructive to me. We are prone to anxiety in the first place, that's our main problem, hypochondriasis is other flaw for some, so adding to personal anxiety makes no sense.
This doesn't really make sense to me.
First of all, if you think you "sound crazy" to tell people this, then there is a problem with your own perception.
Second, why do you care if you "sound crazy" to other people? Who cares what they think. If they don't accept your beliefs and choices, that's their problem.
Third, if you allow other people thinking you are "crazy" to generate anxiety symptoms, then it is your fault, not theirs, that you are allowing their perceptions to affect you in this way.
One must take ownership and responsibility over their well being. My family knows that Dr. Sarno changed my life. They don't necessarily understand or agree with the reasoning behind it. I do not care. When I lift something heavy, my dad instinctively says "watch yourself, you don't want to hurt your back." I respond, "there is nothing wrong with my back" and proceed to lift said heavy object.
If you do not project this image onto others, then how can you believe it yourself? |
| Capn Spanky |
Posted - 07/14/2010 : 08:55:22
I guess it's up to everyone to decide what works best for them in a particular situation. But I like Dave's response of there's nothing wrong with my back. It allows me to say out loud and re-affirm the diagnosis.
By-the-way, there is nothing wrong with my back or elbow.  |
| marjrc |
Posted - 07/12/2010 : 16:36:48
Dave, that is what I've been telling people lately. They often want more explanations and depending on who's asking, I sometimes get into it, other times, I don't bother. I used to skim over it, not really wanting to discuss it for long, but when you've had chronic pain for 20+ yrs. most people in your life are aware of it and ask out of kindness. Once you are more confident, Bento, about the reasons you know you have your back pain, you won't hesitate to talk about it. :) |
| Dave |
Posted - 07/12/2010 : 10:02:16
quote:
Originally posted by Bento
What do you tell people when they ask about your back or whatever issue you have.
Tell them the truth.
"There is nothing physically wrong with my back." |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 07/12/2010 : 09:03:40
Tell 'em it's stress related. As the word about failed back surgery is getting out more and more, people are increasingly buying into the stress origin of pain, another name for TMS.
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
|
| saralou |
Posted - 07/12/2010 : 07:23:48
tell them that there is physical problem that they found but lots of people have bulging discs etc with no pain and that your dealing with it 'alternatively'! don't go into the tms approach if you don't feel comfortable telling them. It's a very tricky area i know.. or you could tell them the truth i guess..that for now u are trying to ignore the pain and working on it that way..
anyway hope that helps |
| Bento |
Posted - 07/12/2010 : 06:20:35
quote:
Originally posted by saralou
tell them it's not too bad at the moment and change the subject!!
don't let your brain entertain the idea it's physical even for a moment.
But what if before you get the chance they ask you "so whats wrong with your back?" |
| saralou |
Posted - 07/12/2010 : 03:58:31
tell them it's not too bad at the moment and change the subject!!
don't let your brain entertain the idea it's physical even for a moment.
|
|
|
