| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| walnut864 |
Posted - 06/01/2010 : 22:32:27
Be warned this is a long list. It spans from childhood til present day.
Symptoms before age of 11
I had symptoms of IBS in stressful situations. Diarreha before little league basebeall games.
Age 11 to 15
In the 6th grade I began having panic attacks, anxiety, some depression, the panic attacks would come out
of nowhere.
Age 15-20
I started having back pain around 15, also knee pain. Started having chest pain in my mid teens. I was told
it was growing pains. Once I had this pain in the area of my appendix and nothing was found on CT is
resolved only to return in my early 20s. I developed TMJ in this time. I cured my TMJ at age 28 using MBS
method.
Was still being treated for Generalized anxiety disorder, depression and OCD.
Age 21-29
I have always had suden physiological changes in my body b/c of anxiety. I knew it was anxiety that create
the symptoms and dealt with it.
I got married the age of 24. This is when my physical symptoms got worse. I started having back pain more
often, I developed sciatica in my right leg, testicular pain in my right testicle, IBS, frequent urinary tract
infections eczema. The pain in my appendix area came back with a vengeance. It would come and go.
I also had prostatis a few times. Prostate was tender upon digital exam. My PSA levels have always been
elevated since first PSA test back 4 or 5 years ago.
My vision just messed up one night when I was with a friend at the laundry mat. I cant really explain it. My
vision seemed very dim. I went to my mothers house and went to sleep on her couch and I woke with my
vision normal again. Sometime back in 2009 or late 2008 I was painting the walls in my house and the
same visual thing happened but only in the left side of my left eye. It resolved within 30 minutes.
Age 27 I had chest pains for 3 months straight. I was sure it was the end. 1st month had EKG , it was clear, 2nd month they did another EKG, it was clear also. 3rd month the dr. ordered cardiolite stress test. It was clear. A few days later pain leaves.
Ive had muscle spasms (cramps), pain in the sphincter or levator ani, whichever that is between my anal
area and my penis. I have had penial pain, frequent urination, urgent bowel movements, ive had wha
people on anxiety forums call "jelly legs" I dont know if those people were experiencing the same thing
that I was but my legs felt very strange, I felt as if they were going weak and couldnt move them. I never
had any loss of strength. Seen neurologist for the legs symptoms, he spoke to my GP first and just did some
reflex test, and some strength test, just the basics, then he told me i had anxiety, go home and exercise its
the least you can do for yourself and he rudely left the room.
Developed fasciculations a couple of years ago.
My medical doctor found no reason for back pain on testing. I had several ultra sounds on my right testicle
and was told possible epididymitis. I had a colonoscopy and ct scans with dye for the pain in my appendix
area. Nothing was found to explain the pain I was having. I seen a neuro opthamologists for my vision and
he seen nothing wrong.
I had alot of weird sensation in my abdomen area along with loose bowel movements and sometimes
yellow fatty bowel movements, had ct scan with dye for this and several ultrsounds of liver and other
organs. Had endoscopy and diagnosed with IBS.
Currently I have very painful inflammedshoulders (shoulder impingement according to orthopedist),
inflammation and swelling in right foot (possible plantar faascitis), eczema on hands, this came back out of
nowhere, fasciculations but they arent as bad as last year, get weird feelings in my legs sometimes, the
other night at the race track my sciatica, testicular pain and pain in appendix area came back, lasted for
about 12 hours. I get chest pains on and off, sometimes wake up with a muscle that feels like it has been tensed and cannot relax. not like a cramp but clinched for a long period of time and has not returned to relax mode
long list of crap here. looking back at this list its hard to see a tms and then its kind of like "wow, see all that symptom imperative?" I dunno.
I always felt like it was MS or Lyme. I dunno.
A few months ago my wife went to the doc and a few days later they called and told her she had lymes disease. She took the meds for a month and she seems fine. I had read where Lymes could pass from sex. I dont know how true it is and feared I was the one who had it and gave it to her.
Ill let you guys give you opinion on the mess Ive been through.
Thanks for taking the time to read. |
| 11 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| walnut864 |
Posted - 06/08/2010 : 11:11:29
quote:
Originally posted by catspine
from Walnut 864quote:
I look in the mirror and am never satisfied with who I see. I'm very judgemental of myself.
Alright, it sounds like you 're getting somewhere now...
Yes you seem to know what you got this is good, so you also know that you can put an end to it.
Did it ever occur to you that there is a strong notion of guilt that comes along with a need for judgment which of course leads straight to punishment with what ever the mind finds available for the purpose in this case, supported by a belief unconscious or conscious that you're not good enough which of course leads to guilt and so on going around in circles... to an unbearable level.
Even seen from a distance you sound alright to me Walnut I think you are enough already you do not have to be perfect (I don't know anyone who is perfect not even Superman ) I assume you never get any complaints from all this people you're helping so I would say you are a good person. If you feel you're asked to do better just hang a sign out there for YOU and others to read: OFF DUTY. until you find a way to cooperate with respect to yourself in order to end the internal conflict. Chances are others are always glad to accept your help politely but it doesn't mean they are judging you as severely as you do.
It is very hard to help others to your own standards if you don't apply those to help yourself first because you would end up doing more than you can and wear yourself out. Your family probably needs your help too... in other words you must draw the line somewhere in order to manage your resources and to find the balance that works covering a wide spectrum.
Walnut quote:quote:
i was not raised with any real sense of discipline or resonsibility. i was never made to clean this or have any kind of chores, i was never made to earn anything, i was never made to take care of something that was goeven to me. i feel this had made me the way i am bc I have no real appreciation for something therefore it is not long lasting when i take up a new hobby, etc.
That doesn't mean you never acquired a sense of discipline or responsibility or value or sense of appreciation , maybe you just can't figure out who these work for you yet simply because your own values don't match with the usual standard. Have you aver read a book called Summerhill by A.S. Neil?
quote:
when i have problems like reynauds, eczema, weird neuroogical stuff and a few other things it often pulls me away from the TMS mbs approach and i began to feel it may be something else.
Yes of course and you can expect TMS do be very good at making you feel like that too...
will get back with a reply soon, i gotta finish some yard work. |
| walnut864 |
Posted - 06/08/2010 : 11:09:57
quote:
Originally posted by tennis tom
Walnut, I wish I had a TMS doc as a friend. What does he think about your list?
You said something to the effect that, you don't enjoy anything or look forward to doing anything. I would dx that as depression. Are you taking anti-depressants, they can make you feel numb and like you are on the outside looking in at your life. Dave suggested therapy and that's what I was thinking too, are you in therapy now?
Do you enjoy race cars? I'm into cars too.
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
I feel is definetly depression. I took myself off of anti depressants a little over 2 or 3 years ago off of klonopin a little over 1 or 2 years ago.
I do better with my anxiety and stuff on my own. The meds were just a mask and mafe me sleep alot. Also, I do not care what other people say but I did not experience 3/4 of the emotions that I have felt since being off of meds. Emotions I had never felt.
When you take Dr Schubiners course. You can email him directly. Thats the TMS doctor friend I speak of. I only know him through email and the course. I call him my friend b/c I genuinely feel he is a trusted friend. He feels it is TMS also. I have shared alot with him.
His course really helped me. It was an awakening but, I have gotten to the point for quite some time now where I just cannot make myself do the writing or meditation or anything else that would help me to live a better life.
I want to exercise but cant get up the motivation. Its sounds silly to some but they have no idea how physically tired I get when just thinking of exercising or doing something I dont want to do. It like there is the little inner child kicking and screaming bc he isnt getting his way and if I make myself do it then I am doing nothing but dragging my body around for the ride bc I do not have the motivation.
I often thought that maybe I should add some of Fred Amir's techniques in his book I read long ago. Where he had to almost punish the inner child. At least thats what I got from the book. I believe he said that if he had pain he would force himself to clean or do something he didnt want to do and not reward his mind with fun stuff. If he was pain free he would reward himself with ice cream.
I like cars also. I grew up around this track as a teenager. My brother and my uncles raced there. My brother still has his circle track mustang but money is tight right now and he hasnt raced in awhile.
Also, I am not in therapy now.
Funny how all my symptoms got to their worst point starting after I got married 5 years ago. |
| catspine |
Posted - 06/07/2010 : 19:30:34
from Walnut 864quote:
I look in the mirror and am never satisfied with who I see. I'm very judgemental of myself.
Alright, it sounds like you 're getting somewhere now...
Yes you seem to know what you got this is good, so you also know that you can put an end to it.
Did it ever occur to you that there is a strong notion of guilt that comes along with a need for judgment which of course leads straight to punishment with what ever the mind finds available for the purpose in this case, supported by a belief unconscious or conscious that you're not good enough which of course leads to guilt and so on going around in circles... to an unbearable level.
Even seen from a distance you sound alright to me Walnut I think you are enough already you do not have to be perfect (I don't know anyone who is perfect not even Superman ) I assume you never get any complaints from all this people you're helping so I would say you are a good person. If you feel you're asked to do better just hang a sign out there for YOU and others to read: OFF DUTY. until you find a way to cooperate with respect to yourself in order to end the internal conflict. Chances are others are always glad to accept your help politely but it doesn't mean they are judging you as severely as you do.
It is very hard to help others to your own standards if you don't apply those to help yourself first because you would end up doing more than you can and wear yourself out. Your family probably needs your help too... in other words you must draw the line somewhere in order to manage your resources and to find the balance that works covering a wide spectrum.
Walnut quote:quote:
i was not raised with any real sense of discipline or resonsibility. i was never made to clean this or have any kind of chores, i was never made to earn anything, i was never made to take care of something that was goeven to me. i feel this had made me the way i am bc I have no real appreciation for something therefore it is not long lasting when i take up a new hobby, etc.
That doesn't mean you never acquired a sense of discipline or responsibility or value or sense of appreciation , maybe you just can't figure out who these work for you yet simply because your own values don't match with the usual standard. Have you aver read a book called Summerhill by A.S. Neil?
quote:
when i have problems like reynauds, eczema, weird neuroogical stuff and a few other things it often pulls me away from the TMS mbs approach and i began to feel it may be something else.
Yes of course and you can expect TMS do be very good at making you feel like that too... |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 06/07/2010 : 17:29:12
Walnut, I wish I had a TMS doc as a friend. What does he think about your list?
You said something to the effect that, you don't enjoy anything or look forward to doing anything. I would dx that as depression. Are you taking anti-depressants, they can make you feel numb and like you are on the outside looking in at your life. Dave suggested therapy and that's what I was thinking too, are you in therapy now?
Do you enjoy race cars? I'm into cars too.
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
|
| walnut864 |
Posted - 06/07/2010 : 11:45:54
Thanks for all the replies.
Yes catspine I do look at this from a tms viewpoint. I seem to be very emotional and I really believe in the mind body approach.
I was able to stop alot of my symptoms aftering using schubiner's course. All the problems returned but that should have been assurance enough that its all TMS. I developed fasciculations after taking the course.
I do enjoy helping others. I seem to go out of my way to do stuff for others. I actually do more for other people than my own family.
I look in the mirror and am never satisfied with who I see. I'm very judgemental of myself.
dave
it has crossed my mind that this is an equivalent. i have this mindset where i dont feel like i live in the moment and enjoy life. i feel like i am inside my mind looking outwards, always being preoccupied by the symptoms, and physical sensations that my body makes, always being aware of my surroundings and any thing that could cause me or my family harm, always on guard. i did alot of the writing that dr schubiner adviced doing in his course and it really helped. i took the course a year or so ago, i still go back to his back and his online course and read but the writing is like every thing else in life. i dig in head over heels and give it all i got, then i lose interest and when i try to make myself do the whatever it is i have grown tired of my body throws a fit. i get physically tired and feel deep seated aggravation and anger when i am making myself do something, like fix something around the house or anythign that i dont really want to do.
i was not raised with any real sense of discipline or resonsibility. i was never made to clean this or have any kind of chores, i was never made to earn anything, i was never made to take care of something that was goeven to me. i feel this had made me the way i am bc I have no real appreciation for something therefore it is not long lasting when i take up a new hobby, etc.
tennis tom
i was at a racecar track.
ive never seen a tms doc. i do have a good friend who is a TMS doc that I can speak to.
me and my brother went to a large flea market yesterday morning and my left leg felt strange down in my shin/ ankle region, not painful just weird muscular symptom, cannot explain it, i pushed through it, even though i cannot get wahtever symptom i am having out of my attention and realy enjoy whats actually taking place around me.
then my the the inside of both of my hands began to swell, itch and turn red, very painful, reyanuads phenomenom, my hands did this the entire time! i had rubbing them and clawing at them. i had not touched anything at all. i told my brother and he siad that his had been feeling like they were swelling also. but no itching or stinging pain. we both had been in air conditioned houses then jumped right in the truck to head to a hot and humid flea market and i believe the weather temp change was the cause. but as soon as we left i pulled into a store to get a drink and noticed my hands were back to normal.
ive had this happen to my hands many times before, sometimes to just a thumb and there would be no apparent temp change.
when i have problems like reynauds, eczema, weird neuroogical stuff and a few other things it often pulls me away from the TMS mbs approach and i began to feel it may be something else.
|
| Dave |
Posted - 06/06/2010 : 10:59:44
quote:
Originally posted by walnut864
Hmmm, I dont know. I dont find alot of enjoyment in life. Nothing really excites me anymore. I dont have anything that I am passionate about. When I do find something I like to do, it is short lived. I lose interest quickly.
This is an equivalent symptom.
You may benefit from psychotherapy to get to the root of what is troubling you. |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 06/06/2010 : 00:48:46
Hi Walnut, I sincerely feel for you. Looks like you have had TMS since childhood. Your TMS symptoms have been protecting you from having to confront emotional issues head-on because it would be to overwhelming to handle alone. Anxiety, OCD and depression are TMS affective equivalents.
Have you seen a TMS physician? If not, I would strongly advise you do.
What kind of race track were you at the other night horses or cars?
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
|
| catspine |
Posted - 06/06/2010 : 00:25:51
From Walnut quote:
Hmmm, I dont know. I dont find alot of enjoyment in life. Nothing really excites me anymore. I dont have anything that I am passionate about. When I do find something I like to do, it is short lived. I lose interest quickly.
You went through a lot and it's unmistakably difficult still.
I doubt that you could resolve all these problems all at once but there must be some things that can be improved one thing at a time and altogether make a difference. Even a long walk is taken one step at a time.
The good thing is that you're still open to try something else . You seem to be aware of the possibility of a mind/body disorder here so did you ever seek any help in this direction? I mean psychologically .
In the meantime since you loose interest quickly doing thing you'd like what about doing something that would maybe make someone else worse than you very happy and see how that works? Is this a possibility? I mean someone who wish they could but physically can't do it and you could. It doesn't have to be hard for you or complicated e.g reading a book to someone who's blind or bringing groceries to someone too old to walk anymore ... Some people feel so alone that an hour of company a week makes a huge difference in their life. In exchange maybe you could benefit from something they'd like to share with you. There are plenty of good surprises out there. This is just an idea... |
| walnut864 |
Posted - 06/05/2010 : 18:32:46
quote:
Originally posted by tennis tom
What would you REALLY like to be doing if you weren't worrying about your TMS symptoms?
Have a nice day.
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
Hmmm, I dont know. I dont find alot of enjoyment in life. Nothing really excites me anymore. I dont have anything that I am passionate about. When I do find something I like to do, it is short lived. I lose interest quickly. |
| marsha |
Posted - 06/02/2010 : 13:14:33
Great list. I have one just like that.
I am not sure that this will be of any help to you but here goes.
If all those ailments posed a real threat to your physical well being I am afraid you would already be toast. I can say this since I am 66 and still going strong( well, anyway ,still going)..
Years ago I would have very severe anxiety attack. They would appear in the car, shopping,watching T.V.,playing with my children and going to sleep. My husband often took me to the emergency room because I was sure death was imminent. I never died..but I made some friends in the emergency room.
Seriously. One day I had a light bulb moment . I felt an attack coming on...my heart began to race and I felt like I was going to faint. This was the BIG ONE until I realized I had not died from the other big ones and no one could find any reason for their occurrence. (That is because they didn't know my parents) Back to my point. When I figured out that the attacks were just rushes of emotion they lost their power. After 40 some odd years I occasionally get that panic feeling and all I do is remember that it isn't anything harmful. Just a rush of emotion lurking in my subconscious trying to make it's way to the surface.
When I am having back and leg pain I try to remember that my pain is a rush of emotion making it's way to the surface and I let it be and it goes away.
Marsha |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 06/02/2010 : 08:29:45
Nice list Walnut,
Now make a list of the emotional events that triggered your psychosomatic TMS symptoms. If you need help with that check the Rahe-Holmes list of life's most popular causes of stress. That's a great place to start figuring out the source of your TMS symptoms.
Lymes, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia--it's all TMS--convenient dx's for docs to come up with when they can't dx conclusively. Your wife got cured through the placebo effect. After 30 days a fracture of the femur--the biggest bone in the body, heals stronger than new.
You may have given your wife something through your penis, but it wasn't Lymes.
I find that just knowing I have little bottles of Flowmax, Xanax, Hydrocodone, and Atarax, in the medicine cabinet is enough to control occasional TMS outbreaks without ever having to swallow them. They also help control my anxiety about approaching Armageddon.
What would you REALLY like to be doing if you weren't worrying about your TMS symptoms?
Have a nice day.
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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