| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| francisair |
Posted - 12/06/2009 : 09:09:32
Hello. I read Dr. Sarnos book 15 years ago and believed in it. Problem was I only had "episodes" once or twice a year. Very managable. In 2001 I had the L4/L5 disc rupture and had a micro disc surgery immediately that was successful. In 2004 I had a procedure that removed scar tissue from that area and it also seemed to work. My problems always were on my right side and never involved sciatica. In August of this year I severely hurt my left side and an MRI diagnosed a ruptured disc L5/S1. This time I suffered extreme pain and lost 75% use of my left leg and complete numbness in my left foot. I had surgery on Oct 1st and the pain in the buttock went away but continued to have sciatica symptoms from my back to my foot.
I am 50 years old and 22 years clean and sober and have had many profound experiences that have helped me to grow emotionally and spiritually. I'm open to all possibilities and my journey has brought some interesting insights. I recently had a thought that my pain continues because I really am not happy in my job and I'm scared about the future. I almost immediately remebered Dr Sarnos book. I bought it again and read my story on every page. The next day two people who I hadn't heard from in awhile just "happened" to call me and in the conversation related how they both have the Drs book and proclaim it thier bible!!! One had two surgeries which one involved Disc replecement. He is back to playing basketball and running and is pain free.
After I read the book again I was overcome with a paralyzing anxiety and fear. I knew right away that the repressed emotions no longer were being subjected to TMS's rule and were releasing. It was difficult to move. I did however start getting back into the gym. I actually ran a 1/4 mile the other day but mostly I'm walking 2 miles and stair climbing 20 minutes and lifting some light wieghts.
My fear is that being so close to surgery I shouldn't be so aggresive in my workouts as I'm not sure how long the surgery needs to fully heal itself.
My pain comes and goes and it shifts to all the spots that are talked about. Mostly in my groin that was severe upon return to the gym but I pictured the TMS in my groin and I pictured it on a heavy bag at the gym and punched the hell out of it!!
I have ALL the symptoms emotionally. I fully believe that my back problems that started at 16 years old were designed to protect my perfectionism. My back has been my excuse to not participate in anything that may cause me to look srupid. I was eotionally incested into believing I couldn't live without my mother and on and on. My life demands that I reinvent myself. 23 years in the Automobile business is over. I'm in a new relatinship and finally I think I didn't pick Mom. I'm saying goodbye to lots of things that have constricted my growth and that's why I believed my disc ruptured and why TMS contolled the decisions after. I now believe that TMS has controlled my whole life up until now.
It's been so very helpful to read all the posts on this site. I need a daily reminder that my pain isn't caused by anything other than TMS trying to rear it butt ugly head. My foot is still numb but I believe I can have relief as I let go of all fear and move forward.
Thanks to all who participate on this forum. It's really been such a great help and I'm sure more will find this space and get the insiration they need.
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| 5 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| francisair |
Posted - 12/15/2009 : 15:08:52
Thanks again Skizz. I appreciate the feedback and your words are comforting. Hope you stay well! |
| skizzik |
Posted - 12/15/2009 : 11:22:41
show me a male tms'r, and I'll find out about his problems with his dad. So far I'm at 100% on this.
I've read your stuff fran, and all I find is typical tms'r. I too came in here guns a blazing with mri readings with L's and numbers. Your'e fine. Looking forward to hearing your progress. Don't try too hard to get better. In hindsight you will be.
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| francisair |
Posted - 12/07/2009 : 07:47:42
Just an added note I believe My journey has brought me back to when TMS began it's control over me. That 16 year old kid who wanted nothing more than to escape his feelings. It's like being back at the scene of the crime. It's brought back alot of sadness most of all. But also lots of anger over earlier events involving my Fathers inability to protect us from a raging Mother. I never knew I was angry with him. Anyway I believe I'm on the right track and expressing that with others who share this is very helpful to me. |
| francisair |
Posted - 12/07/2009 : 07:23:59
Marsha,
Thanks for the advice. I used to journal everyday and I know I'm avoiding it so I am getting a notebook today and beginning that. I've used therapy several different times in my life and I'm sure it's time to return to that as well. I have someone who I feel can help me with this particular type of problem, that being TMS. It's amazing to me how buried some of these emotions are. I've unearthed lots of "stuff" in the past and this is just another example of how in the spiritual realm the work never seems to be done. At least that's how it seems to me. I've been feeling lots of emotions and your right I think it's time to allow them to be present and to learn what they are trying to tell me. Thanks again. |
| marsha |
Posted - 12/06/2009 : 21:08:57
The sole purpose of TMS is to protect you from feeling emotions. Knowing what you are afraid of isn't enough. Try to feel your feelings.
Talk therapy is very helpful and for me memoir writing brings up some hidden emotions. I know the stories of my life but feeling the emotions connected to them isn't the same,
Marsha |
