| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| shamrock62081 |
Posted - 09/09/2009 : 13:45:02
I am just starting out on my battle to cure my TMS. Forgive the long post, but I thought I'd give my back story, as it makes me feel better in telling it. Hopefully I'll get some tips to help me on my way as I'm trying SO hard not to be skeptical and "un-condition" myself.
Back in January 2009 while lifting weights at the gym I felt sudden pain in my lower back. I avoided going to the doctor thinking that it was just a strain, though I began to have sciatica, mainly in my left leg, as time progressed. Mid-March I opted to go to the doctor as I couldn't sit in a chair for very long, was very uncomfortable with my sciatica, and just all around uncomfortable.
After trying some pain medication/muscle relaxers, both of which masked the pain, not curing it, I had an MRI. This showed 2 herniated disks (L4-L5, L5-S1) with the L5-S1 being degenerative. The MRI also showed some moderate stenosis.
The neurosurgeon I was referred to scared the hell out of me. He said that I was going to need surgery. I'm only 27 and before seeing this doctor, I didn't think I was in that bad of pain. Just some discomfort, mainly in the mornings for the first 20 minutes I was up or so (couldn't take a step with my left leg without a sharp pain in the upper left buttocks). He said we'll try physical therapy and also referred me to a pain management center to get steroid shots.
I only got 2 steroid shots before deciding that masking the pain for 2 weeks was not what I wanted, especially if I would then have to wait months before getting more shots. Physical therapy seemed to be doing some good, but I definitely had my good days and my bad. All the time I was taking naproxen tables twice a day every day. Just before Memorial Day weekend, I had my last therapy session and was feeling pretty good. Then Memorial day weekend happened and I felt like I had taken a huge step backwards. At this time I heard about Dr Sarno's book and purchased a copy. It ended up sitting on my desk, buried by junk mail as I decided to try a chiropractor about decompression.
I figured if the pain was caused by nerve compression that this should help. Well it did for a little while. I was able to go without taking anything, though I did have some pain. I thought I could manage through and be better off. I was still religious about doing my physical therapy exercises to stabilize my core.
Fast forward to this past Labor Day weekend. I had taken some time off of work and had been feeling great. Minimal pain, but like I said, mostly in the upper left buttocks, but also had developed more pain in the upper right buttocks, but nothing that couldn’t be managed. Great I tell myself, it's moving around! How frustrating!!!
On Labor Day, I went to pick up a shirt off of the floor, and POP!, I felt so much pain in my back and buttocks. I could barely walk, and taking a step with my right leg was EXCRUCIATING! This really disheartened me. I thought I was getting better!! That night I picked up Dr. Sarno's "Healing Back Pain" off of my desk. After reading it I was sure that I had TMS.
I have always been one to worry about stupid things. Thinking about the times that I had my bad days or big "trigger" events, I was under a lot of stress or worrying about something for one reason or another. Dr. Sarno's book really opened my eyes. I am tender in a couple of the "pressure points" mentioned. I've decided I have fight TMS!
Now for the hard part. I am so skeptical. I've read the book and am waiting on 2 others. I plan on re-reading as many times as necessary to get the message through my head and into my subconscious. It is so discouraging to hear people immediately have paid relief just by reading the book when I think mine is getting worse just to prove the book wrong!!! I almost had to call someone yesterday while walking my dog because a step with my left leg hurt so bad! AHH! I'm going to start journaling and have already made a list of "issues/stresses" that I have experienced lately or that I know I have had an issue with in the past, and plan on writing about these various issues in my journal.
Any tips that can be given would be GREATLY appreciated! I am trying to consciously analyst my thoughts during the day--"I am feeling this. It is ok to feel this. This is why I am feeling this way." I'm now half-way through day 2 of my battle with TMS (since reading the book) and I'm trying to keep hope alive!
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| 7 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| guej |
Posted - 09/23/2009 : 06:43:26
Shamrock,
Great to hear that you went for a run! I spent 1 year not running at all, and 9 months being absolutely inactive because I kept thinking that if I just stay still, the pain will eventually fade. Nope, it went the opposite route. It got worse, and morphed from pain in my right buttock and ITB band, into pain in my shoulders, neck, arms, hands, rashes, etc. I was in a complete panic. How in the world could a "strained muscle" in my back, as I was originally told, turn into body-wide pain hell.
Fast forward one year, and yesterday I ran for 25 minutes straight. That's a miracle, as far as I'm concerned. After I read Dr. Sarno's books and Fred Amir's "Rapid Recovery from Back Pain", I started to write down short term, weekly exercise goals. I started real slow, and game myself realistic goals. I had ENORMOUS fear of doing anything, but I soon figured out that if I sat on my couch for a week straight, I had the same exact pain as when I exercised. So guess what...I chose to exercise and get my life back. I still have pain every day, and unfortunately for me, it's pretty constant, but not nearly as bad as it once was. I would say that now, my pain is 50% better, but my activity level is about 75% back to where it was pre-pain. I got extremely worked up over the fact that I didn't get better quickly. I'm taking a longer term view now, but there are definitely days when I fall back into dispair (you can usually tell when, because I'll post a frantic message to this forum, and then a day or two later, I'll have calmed down considerably). The key for me, and maybe for you, is to not let the fear and panic cause the physical symptoms to spiral further. Keep working slowly to get your life back (even if the pain persists for now), and believe that it will eventually fade over time.
I've recently started working with a psychologist trained by Dr. Sarno because I just felt I needed some guidance and a weekly sounding board (I was driving myself nuts, alone). He is a strong believer that what is going on with us is simply stuck energy, or hyperactive nerves, caused by how we react or continue to react to events in our lives. He vehemently opposes the whole "once in chronic pain, always in chronic pain" diagnosis, and believes that over time, we can learn to quiet the body down. I know different things have worked for people on this forum, but for me, I needed to be told by someone to stop putting so much "recovery pressure" on myself. It was literally having the opposite effect. I'm taking a different approach now, and accepting that in my case, it may take awhile, but that doesn't mean it will be forever (which is the biggest fear, right?). In the meantime, I'm back to biking, swimming, running, weight lifting, and hopefully...my grand long-term goal...skiing this winter. You might want to take a look at Fred Amir's book. Don't let his "rapid recovery" drive you nuts either! Apparently he was able to just tell his legs to move without pain, and it worked! Didn't work for me pain-wise, but the process of actually writing down exercise goals every week and giving myself rewards really worked to get me active again, and as a consequence, brought back a lot of the joy I had lost this past year. Good luck to you. |
| shamrock62081 |
Posted - 09/23/2009 : 06:40:38
Guess I was wrong about not hurting... went to bed last night and had/still have sciatica/buttocks pain like I can't believe... Going to work out again tonight despite the pain. |
| shamrock62081 |
Posted - 09/22/2009 : 19:48:04
Wanted to share with everyone that I went to the gym tonight and actually ran for the first time in 9 months. I was surprised, yet not surprised when it didn't have any impact on my pain level. The only noticeable "new" discomfort was the fact that the muscles in my legs have lost some of their flexibility from not stretching them for fear that I would somehow further hurt my back. After my run I did some stretching and it felt great! While I'm not pain free, I am making some progress mentally and am beginning to have greater confidence that I will be pain free some day. |
| shamrock62081 |
Posted - 09/10/2009 : 09:43:42
I can see that I've really worked myself up telling myself the pain has no real physical basis besides tension yet still hurting. It actually made me more tense. I'm trying to focus on relaxing and doing so, opening up to address why I am not relaxed but tense. My desire for a quick fix just leads me to frustration and looking back over the past 9 months that I've been experiencing pain, I can see that when I quit worrying about the pain and go about my life, the pain begins to fade. Hopefully I can keep everyone's advice in perspective and will begin feeling better sooner rather than later. One day at a time. |
| guej |
Posted - 09/10/2009 : 06:32:12
Skizzik: Great post, and thanks for the reminder about how worrying about recovery is a major TMS trigger in and of itself! When I hit the end of month 2 of doing the "by the book" process, I started to panic and dispair again. Sure enough, the pain and other symptoms got worse. I just finished month 3, and its better. Still have pain, but its more manageable, and I've calmed down considerably!
Dr. Sarno called me yesterday to check in (I signed up with him in June in NYC). We went through what's been going on for the past few months. His comment to me was that it took me 41 years to get to this point...it may take more than a few weeks to get out of it. Fair enough. I told him I wished he had never even mentioned the 2-6 week timeframe in the book. He laughed and said it was never meant to be a definitive timeframe for everyone. It was the average, considering he sees people with infrequent pain, all the way up to people in severe, chronic pain for years. I also asked him point blank..."Since I've been in constant pain for 1 year, and I'm not dealing with flare-ups but rather, non-stop pain, am I beyond hope?!". Of course he said absolutely not. He's treated many people with worse circumstances, and that just represents one part of the broad spectrum of cases he has seen. It just felt good to hear it from him. I guess if we all had a crystal ball that showed us out of pain, regardless of how far down the road, that would be enough to stop all this worrying, but that's what "faith" is all about. Easier said than done sometimes!
Good luck to you, Shamrock62081. If I could give you one piece of advice with the benefit of hindsight, I would say try not to get all worked up about this. The more panicking I did, the worse the symptoms got. That was during a time when I was completely inactive, so logically, you would think an "injury" would heal. Instead, it went the other way. Just goes to show how the brain takes over the body and does its own thing. Just give it time, and start to pay attention to how life stresses make your body feel, and you'll start to see the connection. |
| shamrock62081 |
Posted - 09/10/2009 : 05:55:36
Thanks for the great advice. It makes complete sense that I am making myself more tense because I am already tense. I think I'm going to take a couple of steps back and work on not going strictly by the book right now (doing stretches, applying heat). Since these help relieve the pain (even if temporarily) I will start working on complete relief from there. |
| skizzik |
Posted - 09/09/2009 : 22:53:31
I have had the same MRI and symptoms and scary docs as you.
If I could look back in hindsight at my recoveries, Yes several, I would say that following the book "by the book" (excuse the pun) can be counter productive.
As the harder you fight to be a quick book cure, the more resistence to healing you will build, thus creating more anxiety and more "what if" thoughts as to why you ar'nt recovering which put you back in to the fear pain cycle.
I considered my first recovery a "book cure" even though all I did was read the book. I was very skeptical, and thought he was nuts w/ the talk to yourself, and fight your mind stuff, but It gave me confidence in him that he was so confident. Then one day I realized I was better.
When I relapsed, I rushed to the book and followed it to the letter and went coo coo for cocoa puffs yelling and screaming at myself. Lets just say the pain and anxiety and depression went to levels I did'nt know existed. I'm much better now.
Read Dave's approach to TMS as a long term diet. Anything Hellny says is gold, Webdan is a great example of how you can recover when there is clear abnormality w/ out a scan, and Hillbilly's stuff. If you have crushing low back pain, I would take more of Hellny's approach and relax and allow yourself relief, heatpad whatever and allow tms to run it's course without pressing the accelerator so to speak.
Don't go too nuts w/ the journaling either, simply put your life into perspective, what is it about your personality that causes you tension, and see if your tension is self induced. You should notice relief when you come upon these discoveries.
Oh, and time. If you could put 6-7 months in a capsule and swallow a couple, I would do that as TMS treatment, it's good to get to a point where you forgot about the pain, rather than wait for the "day" when it all went away.
-cheers |
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