| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Jena |
Posted - 06/23/2009 : 00:40:16
I am currently going through a situation where my two old friends really betrayed me in more ways than one. I am feeling so enraged and angry I don't know what to do. I cannot sleep and I tried reaching out to then and they are not interested even though they were at fault for what the did to me. Anyway I am so upset and mad and I know these ate bad feelings to have because according to sarno it cal cause really bad diseases and such. I wrote a pretend letter to the girls but that didn't help. I don't want this to stay in my unconscious. What do you do when your are so enraged? |
| 9 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| mizlorinj |
Posted - 07/01/2009 : 21:14:06
I would journal out all the feelings. Cry, scream, whatever needs to be FELT. If I wrote a letter to the person whom I feel offended me and then I still felt the emotions, I'd write more to them. Until I felt there was nothing left to say. May take more than one session or day.
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| Garth |
Posted - 06/26/2009 : 15:50:37
Jena,
One of the hardest, yet most profound and rewarding things I'm learning . . . . . is to be in the present moment. When I am present . . .right here ring now. . .breathing.. . . neither the past nor the future can harm me. . . . for they do not exist.
In your case you are experiencing a deep wound. You are feeling the pain of this wound, which is the whole point of life! Feel your experience. You do not however, need to get carried away by this emotion, as it is fleeting. You can't hold onto to it because it was never yours to start with. So, you watch it pass by like a sunset after a stormy day.
I think we have been trained since birth to hold onto our emotions, or at least we think we should. No one ever told me to fully feel my pain of living, and that it would pass by like a cloud in the sky. No, I had to hold onto to it . . or try to. . . . let it live on in agony.
I can see now how that holding on and reliving pain is a from of self-punishment. My e-g-o . . . thinks maybe I deserved it, maybe I really am a (fill in the blank). This is likely not even conscious, but that energy as alive as anything in the universe, and it can run my life if I remain unconscious to what's going on!
That's the whole point of what we're doing. We are no longer unconscious. We still have zero control over what someone may do or say, but we do have control of how we deal with it. If I see Tornado, I don't say to myself . . . " gee, I think I'll jump in". I will stand my ground, protect my physical well being if I need to, but ultimately I feel what I need to from the storm, and watch it pass by. As you become more conscious, these "storms" won't have such an impact on you, as you begin to realize they ultimately will not harm you. . . in fact they are here to further awaken you. Storms can be our most valuable tools.
How do you get the rage out? I can't tell you what to do, but I can offer this: Rage is the fire. The fear is the fuel. Your friends provided the spark. What are you afraid of that so fuels this fire? Whatever it is, you can let it go. While you are doing this, just breathe. When the sh!! hits the fan, always remember to breathe
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| PattiT |
Posted - 06/26/2009 : 00:58:27
Wow. I can't begin to tell you how much I can relate to your post. I went through something very similar several years ago. I was completely thrown by things that were said to me. The first thing I tried to do was sort through whether the comments had any validity. Much as it pained me to admit it, there were a couple of minor points that hit home.
Like you, I reached out to both of them and offered an olive branch. Both of them rejected my gestures. The good thing that came from that was that I felt I took the high road and did what I could to maintain the relationships.
Mostly it felt like envy [my life had changed for the better and it appeared my old friends liked me better when I was "down and out"].
I allowed myself to express my feelings verbally to my life partner and also did much ruminating about what had transpired.
Ultimately, I realized that these individuals had not been adding anything positive to my life for some time. As Webdan said, I was forced to look at whether they were ever truly friends. And that was painful. But where that eventually led me was to a place of freedom.
Try to remember that being right can be its own trap. In the Buddhist tradition it's all about intention. If you were coming from a good place, that's all you need to know. The rest is on them.
I'm sorry you went through this loss, Jena. Honor your feelings first - through writing, screaming, crying - whatever you need to do that doesn't hurt you or another being. You'll know when you are ready to let go and drop the burden.
Many blessings. |
| Webdan65 |
Posted - 06/23/2009 : 07:44:09
I agree with the gang above.
Choose wisely who you include in your circle of "friends".
If they did something so "unfriendly" - then they probably aren't real friends in the first place. If you try reaching out to them and they don't show interest - the writing is on the wall. They aren't really friends.
Decide from a position of strength that you are moving on and eliminating them from your life.
When my mom was thinking about divorcing my dad at age 68, I told her - "life is too short for assholes." I love my dad - but with my mom, that's what he was. Now she gets to live out the rest of her life in peace.
Evaluate your "Friendship" with these two.
Great Book:
Get off your But by Sean Stephenson - In it he speaks about being very careful who you include in your inner circle. Keep the good, eliminate the bad. But ultimately - it's your choice who you spend time with and how you react to their actions. |
| pandamonium |
Posted - 06/23/2009 : 06:15:14
Well I would use the tools taught to me in the Presence Process to identify which emotions I am feeling and why, and then meditate to get them out of me. You might want to check out the discussion about the PP on the wiki if you aren't familiar with it. See here for details
If I didn't have that option I'd sit and try and journal from their perspective, ie "why is Jena so angry, all I did was xyz..."
I have used that to come to terms with a similar situation and although I'm still sad that the friendship didn't mean as much to them as it did to me, the anger has gone, and I have accepted the situation.
Good Luck!
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A beginner's guide to psychology: If it's not your mum's fault.... it's your dad's... |
| crk |
Posted - 06/23/2009 : 05:56:59
I could be wrong, but I think anger is magnified to unmanageable proportions when we see situations through a screen of insecurity, self doubt, or other negative self images.
People do sh--ty things all the time -- it is when they do it to US that we are enraged. Why? After the initial feelings of anger, it's time to take action and move on, but we don't. We brood, ruminate, and stew in our juices.
These people are either in your life or not. If you choose to keep them in your life -- and more importantly in your intimate circle (where you are most vulnerable) -- then you have to choose to forgive and work it out with them. If you decide that they are NOT trustworthy to be in your life or in that inner circle -- GET THEM OUT and move on. YOU are in control.
Take responsibility for your own choice and let them take their responsibility for theirs. This takes self-love, self-assurance, and a positive outlook on life. That is the ultimate goal. When you move towards it, tms pain will disappear.
That's my 2c. Best wishes and I do hope you find peace soon. Life is very short. :) |
| scottjmurray |
Posted - 06/23/2009 : 02:00:58
The only thing that will really help if you're feeling angry is to express it at that moment. There might be a lot of rage jammed inside your subconscious, but there's no real point in trying to force it out. I agree with Sarita, it sounds like you're preoccupied with the concept.
~*~
author of tms-recovery . com |
| sarita |
Posted - 06/23/2009 : 01:50:25
one more thing: i am so glad i found sarno, weekes, even this forum! life saving. its the help i needed!
but ultimately, only I can help myself. the same goes for everybody. |
| sarita |
Posted - 06/23/2009 : 01:45:59
forget that thing sarno says, what will cause a bad disease IS worrying about this, to quote you:
"I am so upset and mad and I know these are bad feelings to have because according to sarno it can cause really bad diseases and such."
So are we to avoid all bad situations, stress, LIFE, because we can get cancer? I do not think sarno means it like that at all! we cant live in a nutshell of safety, he is just saying, not eating it in, repressing. From what I read, you ARE feeling the rage.
From your earlier posts, I think you are so nervous, anxious (to use a mild word) and that, if you weren't in this state, this whole story would not rob your your entire sleep and agitate you so such an extent. its this state that needs attention. you seem caught in a treadmill (is this the word?), in a cycle of worry. "relax" is not what you need, you need to rethink, reverse the wheel. thats not easy.
things that were really banal (unlike this story) upset me so so so much when i was down, depressed, scared and worried. i was enraged, i could not find sleep, i was stuck with the thought, i let it ruin me. it ran like a broken record. does that sound familiar?
what i mean is, its not your fault at all what you are feeling, its your state that makes it possible for you to be so so affected, the same goes for your health worry. its what i think. of course i don't know you or anything, but i can sooo read some stuff between the lines.
if this ended up sounding "like i know better", please ignore that! i went through the same exact thing, still sort of in it. lets say i wrote this for me!
good luck!
"how do you get your rage out" is an important matter, but there are more important things to pay attention to now. |
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