| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| JoeyT |
Posted - 05/27/2009 : 15:48:34
As I journal I notice a topic that keeps coming up and that is fear.
That one word has been with me long before I had back pain..Fear of embarrassment, fear of disapproval, fear of rejection, fear of making a mistake.. This has plague my life since very early on. I think the root of this fear is part of very low self esteem and not wanting to do anything that my parents would not approve of... I was basically a shut in though my middle and high school years...I didn't get my driver license till I was 20 because I was afraid I would not be good at it and have a wreck and upset my folks....I had a bad fear of interacting with people...This kept me pretty much with no life for all of my teenage years..Never even had a girlfriend until I moved out of the house..I think I have gotten better at this but I know it is still a problem...As I dig into my past I realize how abnormal my childhood and teenage years were...I can't figure out how this started what event or events early on is life led to this..I have gotten quite a bit better since my youth but I would be lying if I said the fear is still not there..
The thing that is frustrating is that I see I have a lot of the TMS traits. But I can not disregard the physical Dx. I have a vision in my head of my disc pressing on my L4/L5 nerve. The 5-6mm herniation, the other two in my lower back that are bulged, the annular tear...I am only 28 and feel that since I am so young still that these are not degenerative changes but actual injuries. My job demands a lot of lifting and I live in fear at work at all times.. Theirs that word again fear...
I would have a more positive outlook if I was making either some progress or at the least was staying the same...But I have slowly gotten worse and worse..There has been NO IMPROVEMENT...
I wonder where I would be today if the doctor had lied to me and told me my back look fine on the MRI...I know that would not happen but I have always wondered
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| 6 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Albert |
Posted - 05/29/2009 : 10:46:52
Hello Joey:
Regarding your disc pressing on your L4/L5 nerve, I figure that just as you can't cause a light to turn on by pressing on the wire that leads to the switch, you can't cause a nerve to fire by pressing on the axon. The dendrites of a nerve cell need to be actuated by where the dendrites are located. The dendrites aren't located in the spinal chord. They are located by the part of the body a nerve is supposed to receive pain signals from. Many nerves don't serve the purpose of creating pain, and therefore don't create pain.
Regarding self esteem, sometimes when we are children an adult or more than one adult doesn't treat us in the manner we deserve to be treated, because they don't know how to treat people in an appropriate way. There is no need to form an opinion of ourselves based upon their lack of wisdom.
The list thing some TMS patients do is a good thing. Perhaps in some cases it is a good idea to make an additional list where as opposed to listing the things that trouble us, we make a list of our positive qualities, so we can see that there are plenty of reasons to love our self, despite how some unknowing person or people interacted with us.
I used to have lower back, upper back and neck pain. I used to imagine a worn disc pressing against my nerves. When I got clear on some of the psychological issues that troubled me, including fear based issues, the energetic flow within my non-physical body cleared up, and my pain went away. This happened more than once. I'm a mind/body/spirit kind of guy, rather than a mind/body kind of guy.
Pay attention to your dreams. I've analyzed thousands of my dreams and found that we can get some very important messages through our dreams, once we learn to figure out the symbolism. |
| sarita |
Posted - 05/28/2009 : 15:05:46
do read about stuff that is not back related. the problem is not in back. |
| fibri |
Posted - 05/28/2009 : 00:32:03
Hey Joey, I really understand what you say about fear, although I don't suffer from it as much as you say, but enough to understand how debilitating it can be.
I've been making good progress on thinking through TMS the past weeks... except at night. I can't sleep more than a couple of hours at a stretch because of the pain, and in the early hours it is so much harder to control because your defenses are down and the fear takes over. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking what if all this stuff about TMS is wrong? what if there is something seriously wrong with me that the doctors overlooked? what if it never gets better? what if...? what if...?
In the cold light of day however I can tell myself that the very fact that the pain is down during the day - even when I lie down - and flares up at night is a sign that it IS TMS. But I'm exhausted from the sleepless nights!
You say you have gotten worse. In the few weeks since I discovered TMS I got a lot worse, so I hear what you say about it hard to be positive when it's getting worse! But now it's slowly, at times, starting to turn the corner and improve. But the emotional overhaul has been hard. TMS really tries hard to resist efforts to focus on emotional instead of physical pain. Have courage and keep at it!
The last couple of years I went through a phase of intense social phobia. I read a book that helped me enormously: "Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness: A Self-help Guide Using Cognitive Behavioural Techniques", available on Amazon. It is quite down-to-earth and rather than digging deeply into your painful issues, it focuses on strategies to overcome social phobia. I really recommend it.
I think fear is at the root of the "goodism" Dr Sarno talks about. Wanting to please and being afraid of displeasing are just two sides of the same coin. But maybe in TMS terms it is more useful to word your thoughts in the more positive way: "I always wanted approval from others" is less self-accusatory than "I always feared the disapproval of others."
I wish you all the best. |
| scd1833 |
Posted - 05/27/2009 : 17:04:58
Hi
Have you been reading "Healing back Pain" consistently? it's good to have constant support and repitition to have the concepts sink in. There was a great Dr. Phil show on today about fear, with a woman who's life was consumed by fear of all kinds of things, she had all kinds of aches and pains, and was a hypochondriac, obsessed that she was going to die because of one thing or another, she was a classic tms case.
I suspect you are getting worse because THAT is the thing you fear most, you may really need to take a look at these fears and actually deal with them head on to get over them, or at least understand them.
Hang in there! |
| JoeyT |
Posted - 05/27/2009 : 16:43:55
Thanks for responding Sarita, your post on the "what is the benefit of knowing" thread was very insightful and I try to read it everyday.
I have not read the book you mentioned but I have read all of the Sarno books and am currently reading "Back Sense" by Ronald Siegel...It touches on a lot of Sarno's thinking. I enjoy it because it goes in more detail with more research that chronic back pain is not due to spine abnormalities. Since this seems to be a large barrier for me I find it a good read... |
| sarita |
Posted - 05/27/2009 : 16:09:48
joey,
i believe its NOT the disc or what the neurologist told you that makes you afraid. even if you say and truly think so. (be aware that sarno says dismissing the structural diagnosis is one of the hardest parts). to get over this, i think you need to engage in LOTS OF deep thinking. questioning. constantly. many many times a day. about your past, your thinking , the things that were tough...you are doing it, i know, but maybe not and in a positive manner. there has to be a CHANGE within you.
fear has been , and is, a HUGE factor in my life. i am getting better by realizing how i PRODUCED ALL OF IT. ITS 100% SELF MADE. as a protection, maybe. as an escape from pressure , who knows.
when i feel it coming now, i say, STOP. you had control for soooo long. be it as it may, you will not be payed attention to. and i try to immediately make a positive statement. if you think and see that your childhood was abnormal, its GREAT that you understand this. so you should say to yourself, well, its not surprising that i am where i am, but I WILL GET OUT OF IT.
have you read "the power of your subconscious mind" by joseph murphy?? there are some other books recommended on this forum that helped me also. A LOT. (taming your gremlin).
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