| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| marsha |
Posted - 03/31/2009 : 15:41:19
I was in terrible pain today while shopping with my husband. The pain was so severe my heart rate increased to 120 beats a minute. I felt at that time if I died it would be fine because I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life experiencing that kind of pain.
What struck me most of all was my husbands inability to deal with my physical and emotional pain. He did ask me if I wanted to leave the store or go to the car and wait for him but he never reacted to me. He didn’t have the ability to sooth my pain. He got angry when my temper flared up. I wanted soothing an arm around me or some kind words. Not to say there is no solution he knows of, but that he is concerned for my suffering. And then I thought .........
I suffer from chronic pain caused by repressed emotions, emotions lost in the dark part of my brain. Never as a child was I soothed or held or listened to by my mother. I learned to survive by putting all of those lonely, frightened and angry feeling away. How else could I survive? My whole life I have tried to get life to give me the love I needed by trying to be perfect. Helping others even when I didn’t want to. I though I was only good if I was doing for others. I did not ever learn to love myself, to give myself permission to be angry or afraid.
Don’t go beating up my husband. He does care he just cannot react emotionally. Much to much emotional pain for him.
And don’t worry I do not want to die.. I do not want the pain anymore.
I know that I have TMS. I am 100% sure ..no doubts.
But pain is pain and sometimes it gets you down.
Today was my day.
Marsha
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| 6 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Peg |
Posted - 04/01/2009 : 19:05:05
>"I suffer from chronic pain caused by repressed emotions, emotions lost in the dark part of my brain. Never as a child was I soothed or held or listened to by my mother. I learned to survive by putting all of those lonely, frightened and angry feeling away. How else could I survive? My whole life I have tried to get life to give me the love I needed by trying to be perfect. Helping others even when I didn’t want to. I though I was only good if I was doing for others. I did not ever learn to love myself, to give myself permission to be angry or afraid."
This is a very important insight Marsha. Hopefully it will translate into a reduction of your pain. Might you need to write about it? Cry about it? Rage about it? Share it with someone close to you?
Best,
Peg
In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual. Galileo Galilei |
| HilaryN |
Posted - 04/01/2009 : 06:46:17
Don't forget, you can ASK your husband for a cuddle. We try and get what we want without directly asking for it.
I remember one time stomping off for a walk in anger because I thought it should be obvious that I wanted cuddles. Then I brought myself up short, thought "You stupid idiot!".. (hastily stifled that one.. no, you're not an idiot.. thoughts like that aren't useful...)..."You haven't ASKED him for what you want."
So I went back and asked him for a cuddle and he immediately obliged. He's from a culture which is much more tactile than ours, so it's never a problem to ask for cuddles, but I think it's worth asking anyway. It's a case of don't ask - don't get.
Books like "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray talk about this - and of course, my favourite, "Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall Rosenberg.
I think that, (particularly in the British culture, I don't know so much about U.S.), we're very deprived of human contact as children. I know when I read in Candace Pert's book about needing hugging and contact it immediately struck a chord with me!
quote:
Unfortunately men are "fixers"
So are women - I know I am! 
Hilary N |
| scottjmurray |
Posted - 04/01/2009 : 03:44:35
quote:
Unfortunately men are "fixers"
Not all of us.
~*~
author of tms-recovery . com |
| pandamonium |
Posted - 04/01/2009 : 02:28:54
Aw Marsha, I have been there so many times I can really identify with you. Unfortunately men are "fixers" so he was doing his best to try and fix your problem bless him, but sometimes we just want someone to feel and empathise with us, just listen and support us, hold us and let us cry.
Learning to love ourselves is a long process but only we can love ourselves unconditionally so we must persevere I guess, I struggle with this too.
Be kind to yourself and your husband,
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| mizlorinj |
Posted - 03/31/2009 : 19:55:00
Marsha. LOVE YOURSELF UNCONDITIONALLY!!
-L |
| Bobbypols |
Posted - 03/31/2009 : 15:48:07
I feel for you Marsha. Today was a stiff day for me too. I was in the gym with the students all day and to be honest it was on my mind. But, the good news is that i sat and recalled the fact that over the long run, I have been getting better. So remember those pain free days as signs of more to come and setbacks are natural. Remember that they are only set backs. |
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