| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| socon0183 |
Posted - 01/22/2009 : 17:49:07
Hi,
I'm fairly new to TMS, well a couple of months or so now and really I'm struggling. I have a TMS practitioner, I've been to groups and a lecture. Read the book but now re-reading it as I have been told to read it four times so it soaks into your unconscious. Currently I'm trying to get to see a psychotherapist on the NHS but it sure takes time! I'm also talking to my brain over and over again and trying to say positive things to myself all the time.
I've had my symptoms for almost 4 years. Well prior to that I did get migraines often and did have problems with my neck and shoulders but somehow without knowing it I managed to get rid of the neck and shoulder pain by myself and my migraines were slightly better and taking Sumatriptan would abort it so I was a lot happier. I think I just decided to ignore it and decided I didn't want to be down anymore, but at that time I didn't have pain and uncomfortable symptoms all the time so I found it a lot easier to cope with and get rid of. Then 4 years ago I did something stupid and everything exploded - I had stabbing pains in the back of my head and I could hardly sit up. All I wanted to do was sleep but whenever I laid down my head would thump. It was like a migraine that was constantly swapping sides, changing sides day to day without a day off. My GP initial said it was a rebound headache but eventually he said it was psychological but I was convined it wasn't, that there was something else wrong with me and that he was wrong. I was quite upset about it. I have tried all sorts spending lots of money and none of them have got rid of my pain.
Almost 4 years on I have begun to accept that it is psychological, I didn't want to believe it was emotional because if it was I didn't know how I was going to handle it. The symptoms I have now are really quite bizarre and I would really like to find someone that has had something similar as so far I haven't found anyone. It is literally like there is a line down the middle of my body and one day it is over the entire left side and another it is over the entire right side, but the sensations are different on either side. My left side is a pressure type pain and it is particularly worse in my upper back, shoulder, neck, head and face, jaw and teeth. When it is on the right side it is a prickly burning type pain and it is worse over the same distribution. Depending on which side it is on my tissues and muscles feel tight and my spine will crack like it is being pulled. Then when a migraine comes on it is like the migraine is covering the entire side of my body that the pain is on that day. The symptoms are never on both sides at the same time. I also have anxiety, panic attacks and fear. I'm a perfectionist and hate it when things aren't right, I actually get quite upset and angry if things aren't right.
I struggle with journalling as I find it quite tedious really. When I first started I got a migraine when I decided I was going to plan what I would write about. The migraine came on really quite bad but I carried on planning. The next night when I then started my journalling the following morning I woke up with the most horrendous migraine and everytime I have journalled since the same thing has happened. I write about some positives after I have been journalling but that doesn't seem to stop a migraine coming on. Obviously my brain is trying to stop me from doing the work and I was doing the journalling prior just before going to bed so things that I had only just scratched the surface of were probably going on through my mind all night as I slept. I don't know exactly what is causing these uncomfortable symptoms, what memory, what feeling. I think I am generally uphappy and angry but I feel like I'm mainly unhappy because of my symptoms and that if they went away I would have a better chance of being happy. My pain is brought on by stress and social anxiety I think and associating certain things with certain memories. I don't have a problem with bending or anything like that, I'm actually very mobile but part of my spine feels stiff and my tissues feel tight. I also get a migraine after doing strenous exercise ie netball - I used to play but had to stop because I kept having to have off work when I played due to the migraine. I used to play sport everyday when I was at school and was fine so it is really frustrating that I've had to give up something I enjoyed and was good at.
Even though when I started the journalling I got a migraine afterwards once the migraine had gone my symptoms on my side felt a bit better, not gone but a bit better but then I had an arguement with a friend and the day after I got a cold which I feel has really set me back and I have been struggling since. A lot of things have gone on in my past, especially over the last 4 years, problems with relationships etc that I am finding very hard to get over. Things just seemed to get worse when I first got really ill. I never saw myself as someone that represses my feelings but I suppose at times in your life you do but you just don't realise it.
I would really like to hear from anyone that has had symptoms similar to mine or if anyone has heard of this kind of things before. Any tips and ideas to help me would be greatly appreciated. |
| 15 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| socon0183 |
Posted - 02/05/2009 : 17:56:03
Hi Peg,
Thanks again. I have seen that movie advertised, I didn't realise it was a book. I will have to check it out, I will probably buy the book.
Hi Marsha,
Thanks for your contribution. I have felt that for a long time and my TMS Practitioner said it too but I do worry that it is another thing I am saying "when I'm better" to. I don't think I'm ready to see anyone but when will I be? I don't want to burden anyone but I don't want to be alone. I do know that I would rather wait until I'm better before I start seeing anyone as if I started seeing someone now with the way I am and it doesn't work out and I end up getting upset over things that I will just set myself back.
Thanks again |
| marsha |
Posted - 02/01/2009 : 20:05:51
Hi,
You must learn to love yourself first. You will feel emotionally and physically better. Then you will be able to have the "right" relationship.
Marsha |
| Peg |
Posted - 02/01/2009 : 19:46:03
Relationships certainly can be complicated.
I've had similar experiences in the past. My only suggestion would be to trust your gut (your feelings) and know that you deserve someone who doesn't cause you so much pain.
There's a book that I wish I had read about 25 years ago, it's called; "He's Just Not That Into You". (I'm not insinuating that your man isn't) Have you ever heard of it? As a matter of fact there is a movie coming out in the states later this week based on it.
It's actually funny in parts and basically the man who wrote it encourages women to hold out until they meet the man who will cherish them and treat them well. One of the lines in it that I like is when he says "don't waste the pretty". It's written by a guy who made all kinds of excuses when he was with women who weren't "the one",but when he finally fell head over heels, there were no more excuses. He says he wrote the book because he couldn't watch his sister putting up with a relationship that wasn't really working, but she was afraid to give it up.
Unfortunately, I suspect having low self-esteem (which is common among TMS'ers) is a set up for accepting a relationship that may not be the best for us.
Take care,
Peg
In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual. Galileo Galilei |
| socon0183 |
Posted - 02/01/2009 : 17:25:50
Hi again Peg,
I have expressed to him several times how I feel, got angry and shouted etc. I sometimes feel better for a short time but it all builds up again. I may hear something else about him that I don't want to hear etc which makes me angry again. I feel like I need him to understand and it makes me angry that he doesn't understand. I have been told to do what you say and write a letter to him but not send it, though I can't seem to bring myself to do it.
We were together, I then left him for a few months and then we got back together, that was because I thought things were going to be different but they weren't, they were worse. He had moved on to other things during that time we were apart and I wasn't happy with it all. I then left him again in April/May 2008, I think he hopes we will get back together. I wonder if he thinks that when I'm back to normal I will just go back to him. He frustrates me because he doesn't understand what pain and upset he has caused me. He seems to think that I should just get over things and move on but when someone does things to you over and over again you feel emotionally battered and that you can't take anymore, so him not getting what turmoil he has caused me makes me very angry. He will say things like it was 2 years ago or something like that, to me it doesn't matter how long ago it was it still affects me and him doing other things on top of that makes it worse. He isn't very emotionally in tune and appears to get over things quickly but I think he has his own problems that he doesn't deal with and that has affected our relationship. He seems to have a problem with women telling him what to do, he thinks we are trying to boss him around, which I believe comes from his past relationship with his mother.
On nights out in the town where I live the pubs and bars etc are mainly all based around the area so it is quite easy to bump into someone you don't want to see. Plus we both generally stay away from anywhere that's rough and so go to similar places. I had done quite well at not bumping into him. Also on nights out I don't like to restrict my friends to where they want to go. If I didn't want to go somewhere because of him they would say we should go, let him see me out enjoying myself with friends, but they don't know what seeing him can do to me.
Thanks again.
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| Peg |
Posted - 01/29/2009 : 05:51:02
Glad to hear you're getting out, but it must be very difficult when you see him. Sounds like you need time and distance. Can you do things or go places that you know he won't be? I know you probably want to go to you're favorite places, but maybe for now you should avoid him.
Have you tried writing freely about all your anger at him? How he wasn't there for you and he should have been? How when someone really loves someone else that's what they do? I think writing a letter like this (not to be sent) using any language that comes to mind, no censoring, no worrying about how the other person would react (he's not going to see it) can be very freeing, and may reduce some of your physical symptoms.
Once you've done that, you might want to write a toned down version of it to explain to him how you are feeling. This way you will know that you have said your piece (this is about you, it doesn't really matter whether he understands or not). Depending on his level of insight, he may not get it, but at least you will have expressed yourself, your hurt, sadness, anger, whatever, and you might feel more of a sense of closure, enabling you to move on.
When you say that he hasn't been there for you these past four years, do you mean you have been apart? Or were you still a couple during part of this time? If you were still in a relationship with him and he wasn't there for you, that would be upsetting to anyone. In my experience, if he hasn't been able to "be there for you" thus far, he will most likely never be able to be there for you. IMHO
I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. You've had him for a long time and must feel very close. It's very sad to lose a pet.
Take care,
Peg
In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual. Galileo Galilei |
| socon0183 |
Posted - 01/28/2009 : 15:47:27
Hi Peg,
Thanks once again for your helpful message. I feel like I have been trying to get over and grieve for this relationship forever. I do better when I don't have to see him but when I go on a night out I'm likely to bump into him. He's a DJ in my town and is out a lot. I saw him Saturday night, I was okay at the time, I didn't feel much really, but over the following few days it got me. It triggered off bad memories and a lot of anger. I don't want to see him yet I don't want to hide myself away and stop going to the places I like in fear that he might be there. I would feel better if he actual understood how I feel but unfortunately he has no idea, we are very different people. He hasn't been there for me through these difficult 4 years and I just wish he had been.
I try to push myself to do things but sometimes the anxiety of it all gets to me. Maybe if I was a bit more confident I wouldn't get so anxious about social situations. I do go nights out with friends but I suffer for days afterwards. I have actually been thinking of what things I could do to get out and about so I will continue to think about that. I do not really feel I'm ready for University yet, I do not think I could cope with it, but hopefully at some point I will take the plunge and just do it.
My mum knows I'm concerned about her, she is an anxious person too. We have spoken about it but it doesn't really make much of a difference. She says I'm doing well to just keep on as I am, though to me it doesn't always feel like I'm doing well.
Also worried about my dog too, he's 17 and has a liver disease. So I dread the day when he goes, he has been with me for most of my life and I'm not sure how well I will take it when that day comes. He's the only thing that seems to warm my heart these days!
I hope you are right that the hard times won't last forever. Thank you for help, I found your message very touching.  |
| Peg |
Posted - 01/26/2009 : 04:36:22
You've certainly been through some difficult times and so it's understandable that you would feel sad and somewhat lost. You invested many years into a relationship that didn't work out. Allow yourself to grieve about the loss. At the same time, if it didn't feel right or you weren't getting your needs met perhaps it wasn't meant to be.
"I feel like I need more heartwarming things in my life" Of course you do, your heart was broken.
I like the way you put that. I think many of us need that and don't realize it. So, what is it that warms your heart? Can you find a way to put those things into your life?
I understand that your pain and anxiety is keeping you from some things, but if you push yourself to go out and do something it may help with your pain and anxiety level. For example, if you work more, you will meet more people and maybe have some enjoyable experiences.
Or how about volunteering with children or the elderly? You would be appreciated so much by them that you would benefit just as much as they did. It can be good for us to get out of our own heads for a bit and help others. I suspect that this activity would even provide you with some "heartwarming experiences".
You certainly do have courage. When you began writing, I could see the courageous things you have done and I was glad when you wrote at the bottom that you could recognize the courage you have shown. Most of us on this forum don't give ourselves enough credit and that's part of what perpetuates this syndrome.
As far as worrying about your Mom, that's very sweet of you, but as a Mom, I don't think she would want you to worry about her worrying about you. That's what Mom's do, it's our job. Have you talked to her about it? It might help you both. She may not feel burdened as much as concerned. While she may not be able to fix everything for you, just by listening she can be helpful.
I know this is hard for you to believe, but you have a lot of life ahead of you and I'm sure you will have many wonderful things in your life. The hard times won't last forever.
Going to University is a great ambition and you could make good friends and build your confidence.
Whatever you decide, do what feels right for you. Trust your instincts
Best
Peg
In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual. Galileo Galilei |
| socon0183 |
Posted - 01/25/2009 : 18:45:56
Thanks for your reply Peg.
The book you mentioned "Hope & Help for Your Nerves" yes that definitely sounds like me but I do lack a bit of courage, I'm actually quite scared about it all. I do try to carry on with my life as I used to the best I can but many things have happened in the last 4 years and I now I don't enjoy that many things. A relationship I had for almost 7 years broke down and I got very hurt and I'm still not over it. I am also unsure whether to give the relationship another go but I don't feel I am able to with the way I am now, I don't feel strong enough and I'm definitely not ready for meeting anyone else.
I'm 26 now and I worry about what my life is going to be like, that's why I'm in such a rush to get better as I feel like the clocks ticking. This is not how I imagined my life to be. I still want to go to University, get married and have kids. I live with my parents still and I don't work full-time. I feel like a bit of a burden. I know I would probably get better faster if I was to calm down and not think about this stuff. I feel like I need more heartwarming things in my life which I just don't have at the moment. I'm also quite worried about my mother as she worries about me and my brother, I just wish me and my health was one less thing for her to worry about. I also I find I get disheartend if I don't see improvements quickly, or if I do get improvements and then I have a bad day it's like I'm back to square one. I think it has made it worse with me meeting three people at the TMS meeting when I first started that got better extremely quicker. I do admit I'm having a problem just getting on with life and ignoring the pain and discomfort. Before I do anything I think it depends on how I am, how much discomfort I'm in, or if I just say yes I'm doing something and I'm confident I will do it by the time that day comes I panic and I'm unsure if I'm upto doing it. I'm absolutely fed up with considering my symptoms before I do anything. With me having so much discomfort in my face I find it hard to ignore.
I'm much better than I was though, at one point I gave up everything - work, going out, netball. I was scared of just going into town and and seeing anyone I know, I would panic and want to go home. I managed to get myself out of that rutt but it was hard and this was before I started the TMS programme. I feel I came a long way just on my own so I must have some courage to have got myself to how I am now. I really think that if I manage to get to see a suitable psychotherapist on the NHS that will help me a lot - I'm hoping so anyway.
Thank you so much for your help.  |
| Peg |
Posted - 01/24/2009 : 18:50:06
Hi Richard,
I don't know about you, but I spent way more money during the 10 years I had chronic upper back and neck pain when the medical community couldn't help me. Thousands of dollars I would guess.
Since finding Dr. Sarno's information, the only money I've spent is on a couple of his books. Although initially I borrowed a copy, then got it at my library. Eventually bought my own copy since it was so valuable for me to re-read it occasionally. Reminding myself, exactly what was going on.
Well, maybe there have been other expenses, like the two years of dance classes I was able to take because I was no longer in agony on the couch.
The trips to Disney world with my husband and kids, since I could walk miles and go on any damn ride I wanted. The wilder the better.
The course I took to get certified in scuba diving. Something I had only dreamed of.
The bi-plane rides with my son.
And then there's that tandem bicycle, my husband and I bought, and rode on for 110 miles in a day during a charity ride.
So now that you have me thinking, Dr. Sarno HAS cost me a lot of money! Maybe I'll send him a bill. Seriously, I owe him. How do you repay someone who has literally saved your life?
I'm sorry, I can ramble. To get to your question. It's hard to pick one,it depends on your situation and where you are in the process. Based on your brief post, I would highly recommend Dr. David Clarke's book "They Can't find Anything Wrong". Otherwise, you could go to your library and see which ones they have.
I'll try to edit my previous post and give a brief description of what each book covers.
Hopefully your medical insurance covers therapy, except for maybe a co-pay.
Good Luck,
Peg
In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual. Galileo Galilei |
| Peg |
Posted - 01/24/2009 : 18:25:48
Socon0183----I understand how you feel. For quite a while, I beat myself up and felt like a failure because I wasn't "totally cured". I learned that this was very counterproductive and prolonging the process. Have you heard the line "what we resist, persists". It's very true in TMS. Give yourself credit for being open minded enough to accept this information and having the willingness to put in the effort. I promise, it will pay off for you in a big way, in time.
I also can relate to your feelings of anxiety. One of the books mentioned on this site under resources is Claire Weekes---Hope and Help For Your Nerves. It has been recommended highly by people on this site and I recently got it. I just started it and like it already. You can probably get it at a local library.
On the very first page she assures the reader that they can be cured if they follow the advice in the book. She says it will take perseverance and courage. She then points out that she didn't mention patience ad explains that: "a nervously ill person is rarely patient, because "sick" nerves are usually agitated nerves."
Does that ring true for you? It does for me. Perseverance and courage, I got! Patience, not so much.
As far as The Divided Mind. I don't think you need to rush into reading it. If you have read one of his earlier books, that should be enough for now. You just need time to practice (thinking psychological instead of physical, returning to activity, journaling, balancing responsibilities with pleasurable activities ("Rage soothe ratio"), re-reading sections of the book and most importantly, getting back to your life).
The book (Divided Mind) is pretty deep, covers the same theory, but adds some things as well. The chapters written by other physicians are an excellent addition. You may want to read it in the future, when you are further along in your recovery. Just my 2 cents.
Take care,
Peg
In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual. Galileo Galilei |
| Bobbypols |
Posted - 01/24/2009 : 05:38:26
Im more of a back pain person. But i can tell you, that as soon as I took up the TMS cause, I have had all sorts of aliments and pains that i never had before, they come and go. In 2 months I have had migraines for the first time, and pain everywhere, included 2 flair ups of my back which felt like death-incarnate, acne, and one very odd flu like/stomach problem (never had that before). Well, the good news, is that pain is bothers me less and less, as i feel it is less a serious issue. Keep with the journaling process, it helps to watch sarnos lectures, and little more than written word. At the end of day, even if you didnt have TMS, these practices are just plan good for you, and deserve time warranted to them, so if you have that in mind you may reduce the anxiety of wanting to be healed so fast. |
| Bobbypols |
Posted - 01/24/2009 : 05:36:03
Im more of a back pain person. But i can tell you, that as soon as I took up the TMS cause, I have had all sorts of aliments and pains that i never had before, they come and go. In 2 months I have had migraines for the first time, and pain everywhere, included 2 flair ups of my back which felt like death-incarnate, acne, and one very odd flu like/stomach problem (never had that before). Well, the good news, is that pain is bothers me less and less, as i feel it is less a serious issue. Keep with the journaling process, it helps to watch sarnos lectures, and little more than written word. At the end of day, even if you didnt have TMS, these practices are just plan good for you, and deserve time warranted to them, so if you have that in mind you may reduce the anxiety of wanting to be healed so fast. |
| richardadams39 |
Posted - 01/24/2009 : 02:24:52
I am in a very similar boat to you, but I am blighted by the more 'conventional' back and neck pain. I to am going to see my GP this week to see if I can get refered to a psychotherapist. Part of the worry of TMS is the costs associated with all the treatments, but I feel it is a price worth paying.
Even the books and the DVS;s cost so I was wondering Peg, out of all those books and DVDs, which would you recommend the most? |
| socon0183 |
Posted - 01/23/2009 : 17:40:27
Hi,
Thanks for replying to my post. I see that it will take time. It gets frustrating when you see others recover from their symptoms so fast from doing the work. At the group meetings I have met a few that have recovered really fast even those that have been really ill and hardly able to walk and sometimes I think what am I doing wrong but I suppose we are all different aren't we? I feel anxious all the time and I find it hard to calm my body down but I do try to.
I have a DVD my TMS practitioner did though I don't get much opportunity to watch it. I also have her CD so I play that in my car. She thought I may need more help with things ie a psychotherapist so hopefully I will get to see one soon and it helps. Thanks for the booklist, I have actually heard of a few of them and were looking at reviews to see what people thought of them so it's handy that you recommend them. I haven't read the Divided Mind, do you think I should read that also? I heard its a bit more complicated, more for psychologists etc.
Thanks for your help, it's much appreciated. |
| Peg |
Posted - 01/22/2009 : 19:03:11
Hi
I'm sorry, I can't tell you that I've had the same symptoms that you have, which is what you were hoping for.
I can tell you what your post says to me and hope it will be of some help to you.
As long as you have been evaluated by your physician and nothing serious has been found, I think you are on the right track. TMS can do some strange things and while I haven't had exactly what you have, I'v had several different manifestations of TMS over the years.
It sounds like you're doing all the right things, but maybe you're working too hard. If you have accepted the diagnosis and begun the work, you can also just take a deep breathe and relax. Begin to do things you enjoy, be patient with yourself, take special care of yourself.
You don't have to be perfect at the TMS work. It is a process. You may not want to hear this but it takes time. Try to notice even slight improvements in your symptoms and celebrate them.
I also have re-read Dr. Sarno's books, but have done so over time. I also read other books which supported his theory, bolstered my confidence in the information, convinced me more definitively and inspired me to continue with this approach. After all, nothing else had worked (not all the traditional, alternative treatments, surgery, thousands of dollars spent and 10 years of my life spent with some level of pain).
Some of the other books I read were:
Lee---Facing The Fire (facing and expressing hidden anger without hurting anyone)
Norman Cousins--Anatomy of an Illness (He recovered from incurable autoimmune disease with mind body approach)
Candace Pert---Molecules of Emotion (scientist who has proven how the emotions change the biology of the body)
John Kabat Zinn--the Full Catastrophe (general mind body concepts--it's been a long time since I read)
? Zapolsky---Why Zebras Don't get Ulcers (How stress affects our biology/bodies)
Gabor Mate, MD---When the Body Says No (How emotional conflict play a part in cancer and multiple sclerosis)
Bernie Seigel, MD---Anything by Bernie is great---Peace, Love and Healing especially good (How resolving emotional conflicts can be healing---His big point is not necessarily curing your disease, but healing your life. Works mostly with cancer patients)
David Clarke, MD--They can't Find Anything Wrong (He has helped people recover, some from many years of illness, mostly GI, by helping them identify the stresses in their lives that were causing their "stress illness")
etc, etc, etc
Something else that helped me to get the message deeper was to watch Dr. Sarno's video of his lecture.
Therapy can help also. Good luck with that.
Take care of yourself
Best
Peg
In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual. Galileo Galilei |
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