| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Elorac |
Posted - 01/22/2009 : 06:33:05
I discovered TMS about 6 months ago and now feel well on my way to recovery (mainly low back pain).
My husband has learned about TMS mainly from what I have told him, and he has read part of "Healing Back Pain". I asked him to read it so he would understand better what I was going through in my recovery.
As far as I can tell, he agrees with the psychosomatic explanation for pain where it fits with the TMS profile, but he probably doesn't understand all this to the degree that I do because he hasn't read everything I've read or had my experience of it, tho' he has witnessed it very closely.
Anyway, this is what I would like some opinions on:-
Last weekend he was doing some work on my car, and afterwards he said his back was aching. He is still going to work (desk job) and has been putting deep heat cream on his back each day. We are now on day 5 and the backache is stil there.
Before we knew anything about TMS, this sort of thing wouldn't have worried me too much, nor him. We are both the kind of people who normally soldier on and usually get back to normal fairly quickly. (Well, I was that way until October 2007 when I bent to pick something up one day and then had terrible worsening low back pain, which I was told by doctor/physio was probably a bulging disc - things went from bad to worse then and I had to give up my part time job, only seeing salvation 9 months later when I discovered Dr. Sarno's books.)
At the moment neither of us has actually said "Do you think this is TMS?".
I get the feeling that if I tell him to read the book and start doing the work it might just make matters worse and cause him to focus on it more.
I thought it would be best to give him some time to work through it his own way and get better as he would normally do, not thinking about TMS etc.
There are and have been stressful things going on in our lives, so this could be TMS. At the same time, I realise that not all pain is TMS. Even if it is, it might resolve itself soon anyway.
I don't know at what point I should say that maybe it's TMS. At the moment I think that he is probably seeing it as physical back strain or whatever.
Because of my experience with my back, it's possible that I may be more concerned about it than he is. Seeing someone close to me with backache is stirring up horrible memories of what happened to me.
How long do I wait before saying something?
I would be grateful for any opinions.
Thanks,
Carole.
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| 7 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| marsha |
Posted - 01/25/2009 : 19:56:55
My husband has TMS symptoms also. I have tried many times to get him to see the "light". He went with me to see Dr. Sarno and was at the 2 hour lecture. Still, he cannot see that supressed emotions are contributing to his pain.
What is clear to me is nonsence to him. There is now way I can convince him that the Sarno way will help. I am in the middle of a relapse and because I haven't completly improved he has validation that my way won't work.
I am sure I will improve and be pain free. He has doubts.
I cannot change his mind. I will not make it my problem. This will only add to my frustration and anger. I am sorry that he can't see that TMS is causing his pain. This is part of the syndrom.
Support your husband but do not try and change his mind. Cange comes from within.
Take care of yourself. When you improve he may start to accept that he has TMS .
Good Luck.
Marsha |
| Elorac |
Posted - 01/25/2009 : 15:06:08
Thanks Peg. |
| Peg |
Posted - 01/25/2009 : 08:50:27
Carole,
Sounds like you're handling things well. You've done what you could for now. I'm sure he appreciates your concern and support.
Men can be so different the way they process things. Not necessarily bad, but different.
My husband gradually accepted the connection between emotions and physical symptoms, but he doesn't choose to use the techniques that I have learned. He handles it in his own way and I have to respect that. Although I admit, sometimes I worry that if he's repressing and not dealing with things, he could get sick.
Good for you attending to the "Rage Soothe Ratio". Have fun!
A funny movie and some belly laughing can be very therapeutic.
Take care
Peg
In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual. Galileo Galilei |
| Elorac |
Posted - 01/25/2009 : 05:22:41
Many thanks for the responses, all of which have relevant points which have helped me.
Before I had got back on the forum to read these postings, I remembered that for a couple of days before the backache started, he had been a bit quiet and moody. He does get like this occasionally. You know the kind of thing, where I ask if he's Ok, has he got something on his mind, is he sulking about something? And he says, no, he's fine, but then continues to be quiet and sulky. So, I asked him what it was that had been bothering him last weekend when he was moody. With some gentle coaxing he said it was things going on at work that were a bit stressful. He said when he feels like that he just doesn't feel like talking about it because he doesn't want to "revisit it". After all I've told him about what I've learned about repressing/suppressing emotions, and how it affects us, it was hard for me to hear him say that. I've told him that it would be better if he did tell me and got things off his chest, so to speak. If he really doesn't want to talk about it he can write it down and throw it away. I'm not expecting him to dwell on things, but to get it out and move on. What annoys me is that him being moody etc. causes me to suffer as well.
Yes, he has previously had what I think were TMS type symptoms, and I also know that there are things that have caused him a lot of anger that he has held onto. I've just bought John Lee's Facing The Fire, which I hope will help him with that.
He doesn't seem concerned about the backache and at the moment he is just looking at it as muscle strain/whatever. I do think that normally he would have got over it if it were just that by now. He played table tennis the day after it started and thinks that has aggravated it.
So, for now I am leaving him to it with regards to his back. It isn't really bad, I think if it were anything other than the back I wouldn't be concerned, it's just a sensitive subject for me. He's doing everything he normally does, I'm just hypersensitive on the subject I suppose.
I am not drawing any attention at all to his back, I am tring to increase the "rage:soothe ratio" for both of us, and encourage him to not stew on things that are bothering him.
I'll give it more time before asking if he thinks it might be TMS.
tmsBgone, when you said your spouse finally "got it" for herself, do you mean that she treated her pain as TMS, or did she just realise it was stress related? |
| Peg |
Posted - 01/22/2009 : 19:27:33
Hi Carole,
You don't mention whether your husband was evaluated by his physician. You wouldn't want to miss anything serious. However, your husband probably knows his body pretty well and if he isn't worried, I don't think you need to be either.
We can't diagnose over a forum, but if it is a strain, it could take a week or two. I think it's important not to make a big deal about it, because that's what gets us TMS'ers into trouble. We worry so much about our symptoms that we make them worse
I think that's great that your have improved by using Dr. Sarno's information and I think you'll find that you will continue to benefit just by knowing about the mind/body connection.
Does your husband have a history of mind body type physical symptoms? Does he fit the profile in the books?
You say there has been a lot of stress for you both. Perhaps instead of talking to him about whether you think he has TMS, it would be more beneficial to talk to him about the stresses you both have been facing. Perhaps sharing ways each of you are coping, or brainstorming about possible solutions would be more helpful and may actually reduce both of your symptoms. Just a thought.
I understand how you feel about his backache stirring up bad memories for you. I remembered when I first recovered (after having 10 years of upper back pain), I went into a panic when my daughter developed lower back pain.
What's important to remember is that if his symptoms are TMS, that's actually good because then you know it's not structural or serious and can be dealt with. You now have the knowledge to resolve it. Otherwise you might be caught on the medical merry go round (and I don't mean the fun one) with MD visits, tests, ineffective treatments, etc
Take care,
Peg
In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual. Galileo Galilei |
| tmsBgone |
Posted - 01/22/2009 : 19:19:07
Elorac:
I had a similar situation with my spouse and I found that the more I suggested the book the less she wanted to read it. I did however ask if she thought that her pain were symptoms of TMS and she said, "maybe". After awhile I stopped offering for her to read the Sarno's book, (out of love, not resentment) and slowly but surely she "got it" on her own. I realized that I can't want others to "get" the TMS theory more than they do. I simply lay out the basic idea and how it saved my life and if they can gain from my experience that is great. I've also learned that not all pain is Psychogenic/Psychosomatic.
tmsBgone |
| tcherie |
Posted - 01/22/2009 : 14:14:24
IMO, there is a natural time period if something was pulled or strained that it should heal. I am not sure how long the period is but I would say from a few days to a couple weeks from what I have read. You should still be healing with normal activity, not overexertion. The problem is if the pain still persists after a normal healing period than you should start considering TMS.
Creams should soothe the pain during the healing period, but after a while I think the creams just become part of the process of focusing on the pain as a physical issue if the pain continues on for an abnormal period of time and is in fact TMS.
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