| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| MHI |
Posted - 01/20/2009 : 07:35:02
Some advice. I have heard some but I continue to struggle. What kind of emotions can be triggered by a change of job, even if originally considered a good job. It is frustrating because I was essentially pain fee until I started a new job almost 3 months ago. It is no coincidence that the back pain came back 1 week into the job but I can't kick it. Usually it starts in my left lower back and hip but now has spread to other side. I know this confirms TMS but I cannot understand why it is taking so long to get back under control. Is this something I can conquer with time and adjustment? |
| 4 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Northerner |
Posted - 01/21/2009 : 07:07:06
A friend and business advisor once told me to stop viewing myself as an imposter. I'm a one-man show, competing with giant firms located on the 33rd floor of a building on 5th Avenue. How could I be as good as they are?
Your fear and insecurity comes from the feeling that they'll discover you for what you really are - someone imperfect, masquerading for someone who is perfect.
You're not an imposter.
You're capable. Imperfect, but capable.
Keep reminding yourself of that. |
| MHI |
Posted - 01/21/2009 : 06:56:05
Thanks folks. I will try these and I really appreciate the feedback. I know my personality fits exactly what you said Northerner. I am sure I put all this pressure on myself to impress others and justify their decision to give me the opportunity. It is frustrating because, I am only doing this job on assignment which means, if I choose to return to my old job in April, I can. I know this but I still put excessive pressure on myself to impress others and be recognized. After almost 3 months I still have a lot of anxiety and back pain. I know I will come out of this whether I stay or go back. I just have to keep reinforcing the concepts and telling myself it will be ok. I think that reminding myself of the faulty thinking (as you suggested) is something I have not done. I know it is faulty but I have not focused on it. I guess it is not just this thinking but also fear, insecurity and confidence in a new job that can be enraging. Would you agree? |
| Northerner |
Posted - 01/20/2009 : 15:22:44
A job change ranks way, way up there among life stressors on the traditional list - just a few notches below divorce, death of spouse and loss of job.
I recruit executives for companies, and have spoken with many people just after they have started their new job.
I can also remember a new job I took. When I got there, I found out that the sales had fallen far more than I had been told, and they were desperate - I was brought in as the saviour to turn the place around, unbeknownst to me. I wanted to quit the first day, but I had already moved. I actually stayed there for four years, and was successful in keeping the place in business (and the company is still is in business, by the way, 20 years later).
But back to you. I can't tell you how to make your pain go away, because I haven't licked mine yet, but I can probably tell you what is going on in your conscious mind and in your unconscious mind.
You feel the need to be perfect - to shine right away. They may be expecting you to turn water into wine. Even if they aren't, you probably think that they are, and your mind can't tell the difference, especially that little bitty kid inside of you. He (or she) is scared to death. Munchkin thinks that you have to make everybody there like you and think you're more than capable. Helping to counter that thinking - that you have to swoop in with your cape and Superman/Wonder Woman suit and instantly clean up the place or you are worthless and won't be successful in that job - may help that little brat inside of you let go of your back.
This is faulty thinking - thou must be a deity, or thou are unworthy.
Keep telling yourself that you don't have to perfect and please everyone there to be successful. Because no one else there is pleasing everyone and doing perfect work.
Your self-perception is rarely accurate - people probably aren't judging you as harshly as you think they are ("I shouldn't have said that; my deodorant isn't working; he sure is keeping a close eye on my work; it took me over 4 hours to learn this software"). And your unconscious is your own worst critic.
As a consultant (and all my work is done on a consulting basis), I appear at four new places a year and am handed a problem they couldn't fix. In each case, I feel pressured to perform perfectly, right away. I usually take longer than I think the client wants me to, but do an incredibly thorough job that is like something they've never seen before, and they find it fantastic. This is like having four or more new jobs a year, so I've been down the same road you're traveling. After 13 years of doing this, I have finally realized that these never go just as I expect them to, but they almost always come out fine in the end. And if they don't work out, I'll still be alive. We're not living in Nazi Germany, where they line you up against a wall and shoot you for poor job performance.
I probably haven't convinced my unconscious about this yet, because he came out of the blue 7 weeks ago with a new war on me after I thought he had forgotten about this garbage.
Try a couple of things:
1) Draw the horror floor - what will happen if you don't perform up to their expectations (not yours - theirs)? Most likely they won't fire you, but you won't be eating out of garbage cans even if they do - that won't happen in this country. You'll be OK.
2) Then remember that in this economy you probably weren't hired because they had to settle for an incompetent, that the people who hired you probably had some sense as well as a choice, and that you are probably fully capable of being successful. Keep reminding yourself that you're competent, that you don't have to be perfect in your eyes for them to consider you to be competent, and tell all of this to that nasty little unseen troublemaker inside of you.
***
Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.
- Swedish proverb
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| mizlorinj |
Posted - 01/20/2009 : 12:51:51
How are you FEELING? Any change in life circumstances creates stress and a job change is a change in our everyday life. How about exploring your feelings here? Sit with it for a few minutes if you need to and see what comes up, then grab a pen and start writing.
I had a job change awhile back and got some weird tingling but I knew I was afraid of the change. Journaled about my fears. Tingling went away as I adjusted my thinking.
-Lori |
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