| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| painintheneck |
Posted - 11/15/2008 : 18:30:53
I've had what I believe is TMS for over 10 years now. This was exhibited by neck, r shoulder and upper back pain. It happened along with an "injury" at work and this same day I developed panic attacks which grew into a full blown panic and anxiety disorder.
Anyway I haven't been having as much trouble with those symptoms as of late but.....
I started school (late college) this fall, I'm 38 and the last time I tried was the "injury" and I had to postpone. Anyway I found some online classes I could do and work toward a certificate I believe I can use to get a job.
Well it has been harder than I thought. Add to that one homeschooled kid, one adult kid who's still at home and all my other duties of the house such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, bills, you know the routine. Argueing at home trying to get help and generally just feeling overwhelmed and basicly felt like I had a bit of a breakdown. I couldn't stop crying and wanted to hurt myself or worse to get out of it. I also have severe PMS ans am anemic so the symptoms didn't help from those things either.
All around this time I developed frequent heart palpitations and a female irritation. Was diagnosed with Bacterial vaginosis. Used Metrogel and two cultures later am negative for yeast or bacteria. The pain and itching won't stop though and it is consuming my life at the moment. It's been 3 months of pain. I can't stand anything touching me, even water is painful but you gotta shower.
I've been to my GP, 2 nurse practitioners, and a gyno and no answers to what is the pain from. All cultures come back negative.
I have to look at any possibility it is my body using it as a distraction. I just don't know. Unless the medication ruined my nerve endings I can't come up with a solution and my emotions have been all over the place. The "usual" pain in the shoulders, neck and back is low to nonexistent now except for a couple times I had an outburst and the tension made it painful. Otherwise those pains aren't bothering me and I am being comsumed by this other so much that I find it hard to focus on anything. School work is hard to do because I can't sit long periods of time and because the pain is making me feel like I don't want to do anything anyway. It alternates between itching and pain at random times and it's weird. It feels just like my nerves are on fire.
Any thoughts? |
| 8 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Peg |
Posted - 11/17/2008 : 08:43:39
It's great that you are seeing the connection with your previous symptoms and what was going on at the time. Very often there are patterns we can see around the development of symptoms.
The fear and doubt allow the symptoms to persist. I know it's hard not to be frightened. What helps me is to re-read parts of Dr. Sarno's books or other books that support the theory, of which there are many, TMS and otherwise. It took me a while to really believe this was going to work It also took some repetition in order to allow the information to sink in to the subconscious.
If you have seen improvements with simply aquiring knowledge, and a lessening of symptoms with increasing activity, that can bolster your confidence that you're on the right track. Keep at it, it's worth it. Sometimes performing some activity that we don't think we can because of the symptom is just what is needed in order to get the message to your mind that you're not falling for it's tricks.
My TMS tried to creep in when I was training on a tandem bicycle for a 110 mile charity ride. I just reminded myself what was going on and went out for another training ride. Sometimes during the ride I would repeat to myself "I can do this" (over and over). It worked. I made sure not to put too much pressure on myself and keep the attitude that I was doing this because it was something I wanted to do. The ride went well.
Good luck
Peg
In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual. Galileo Galilei |
| painintheneck |
Posted - 11/16/2008 : 19:33:08
Peg,
Thanks for writing. Wow, you've been through a run of things too. I don't mind blunt btw, I like it. I can totally see this a a distraction now with the school because the last time it all popped up with with neck and back pain was when I had started school too. I don't know why exactly but that is something I may have to work on finding out exactly.
With the neck and back I had been exercising anyway and had finally let it sink in that I was ok even though my body was acting in a painful way. It actually began to loosen up and I have been getting some neck mobility back I had thought I would never.
I'm not quite sure how to work with this newest pain so that I might have to be creative with. It's hard to sit, walk, or just get dressed right now. I have to admit the fear is huge of it not going away. |
| Peg |
Posted - 11/16/2008 : 18:43:26
Your symptoms are quite an effective distraction, aren't they? If I were you, I'd be pretty angry with my family for not being more supportive of your desire and willingness to return to school to better yourself and your circumstances. For years you have put your needs on a back burner to take care of your family and home. I don't think it's too much to ask that they pitch in a little so that you can focus on your future. Especially your spouse and an adult child. I don't know how old your home schooled child is but it's good for children to feel a part of a team by helping out and supporting family members.
That said, however, if you're still expecting everything to be the same at home in terms of the condition of the house or the home cooked meals, perhaps lowering your standards would reduce your stress. Is it essential that you home school your child while you are attempting to return to school yourself?
Kids are more than capable of doing their own laundry, giving them a sense of mastery. Oh sure they'll grumble, but it's good for them. Handing that job over to them demonstrates that you have confidence in their ability to do it. Don't let your TMS (need to control or do things perfectly) prevent you from enlisting their help.
School is hard, but bravo for you for going for it.
You mention that the neck pain is minimal or non existent. That would fit in with TMS. Your vaginal symptoms are taking over the job of distracting you, so you don't need the neck pain. The variable nature of your irritation symptoms also fit with TMS. You've been checked out and treated, the continuation of symptoms should make you suspicious of TMS.
You mention that you could never do what you wanted to because of the neck pain. I'm not sure I'm clear on this, but if you have learned about TMS, you have learned that you do not have to restrict activities in any way because there is nothing wrong with your spine. If you have continued to be afraid of the pain and limited your activities, then TMS is still winning. Even if you had an injury, that would have healed after reasonable amount of time.
I hope I haven't been too blunt, but I feel for you and can relate to much of what you have written about. I have myself had to learn to ask for what I need. I have had all of the symptoms you have experienced. My TMS began with neck pain, possibly an injury (not totally convinced it was an injury but it doesn't matter because the chronic pain was TMS for sure). Over the years I have also had recurrent or persistent vaginitis, palpitations, uti's. My back pain lasted for 10 years until learning about TMS.
All that was before I learned about TMS. My health has been so much better since finding Dr. Sarno's work. I sometimes have muscle tension, but I know to stop and check in with myself, figure out what might be stressing me out, try to figure out what I need and try to take action.
You might want to journal about what you are feeling regarding returning to school (eg are your scared, unsure, excited?) Write about how it makes you feel to have to ask for help. Why do you think you feel that way? How does it make you feel to ask for help and not get it? Do you think you deserve to do this? Is this what you really want to do?
Once you've gotten your thoughts on paper. You may be better able to ask you family in a more assertive way (really believing that you are not asking for too much) to support you at this important time in your life just as you have supported them over the years.
One last thing. don't forget about the "Rage Soothe Ratio". By enlisting some help or lowering your standards you will be able to take some time to do the things that bring you joy, which will reduce the need for the TMS symptoms.
Best of luck--take care
Peg
In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual. Galileo Galilei |
| painintheneck |
Posted - 11/16/2008 : 14:29:46
Thanks winnie,
I'm so glad to hear yours resolved!! It feels like it could be TMS because it will vary form one minute to the next from intense itch to a burn and I can't stand anything to touch me at all. My shoulder pain was similar. I had a really hard time wearing any sort of shirt that touched a certain area of my upper back and shoulders because it would cause pain and irritation. So weird. Now if I can just get it to let up!! |
| winnieboo |
Posted - 11/16/2008 : 11:09:39
Right before I was diagnosed with two bulging cervical discs, I went through two months of vaginal symptoms almost exactly like yours. I was first diagnosed with bacterial vaginosis and went through the metrogel treatment. Then I moved on to weeks of burning pain. I finally went to a "vaginal" specialist who attributed my burning pain to a vitamin D deficiency and then prescribed a huge dose of D as treatment. "It might make you dizzy," she said. I thought, "Wha????" She told me my "membranes had been stripped away from the medications" and that the vitamin D would help me "rebuild the tissues." I later relayed this info to my internist who made a funny face and told me that, if anything, I was simply irritated, and that I should keep everything off the area...take warm baths, pat or air dry, wear loose clothing, no thongs etc.
In any case, after the conversation with my internist, I took her easy home remedies to heart. As for the vitamin D: I viewed it as a preposterous placebo. I never took it (I just stuck with my multi-vitamin) and in three days I was fine, totally fine, all burning and irritation, gone. I do think it was TMS. The initial infection was real, but my mind and body held onto the pain as a distraction. A few months later I developed neck and shoulder pain as a symptom imperative.
So, it sounds like you have a lot going on. Since your tests are negative, TMS is the likely culprit. Know that the medication didn't harm your nerves and that even if you were/are irritated, the body heals--pretty quickly. Good luck! |
| painintheneck |
Posted - 11/16/2008 : 09:42:49
Thanks for the responses. Right now this has a hold on me and I am trying to find some footing because all I have been able to manage is despair. I have tried to get to school for 20 years now. Long ago I became pregnant and had to put it off, then I worked two jobs long enough to save up and then the "injury" and had to put it off but along with that I also can never go do what I wanted to because of the pain in the neck so I have had to settle for something I don't want to do, but something I can. Either that or I have no skills for any decent job. I feel angry and sad and overwhelmed. |
| Littlebird |
Posted - 11/16/2008 : 01:08:46
I've had problems off and on for many years with "infections" that don't prove out with testing, both vaginal and urinary tract. (I've also had fiery *nerve* pain and itching in my legs and back, but it's much less distracting in those areas.)
It used to make me crazy before I learned about TMS--doctors could not give me a satisfactory explanation as to why I had symptoms in spite of negative tests. If I get checked out and there's not evidence of a real infection, I now consider it TMS and I can get control of it pretty quickly.
I've gotten to a point where I often don't even need to confirm my TMS suspicion with testing; I just consider what's going on that may be triggering a TMS response and analyze whether there's any good reason to believe it's a *real* infection or not and if it seems to fit the TMS category more than the infection category I start telling my brain "This is not acceptable."
You have a lot of things going on in your life that can be feeding TMS symptoms, and since your tests are negative, odds are it's TMS. Being overwhelmed always makes TMS stuff flare up for me. Is school something you really want to do for yourself or is it something you feel you have to do? Feeling like you have to do it on top of everything else you have to do could certainly create a lot of emotional pressure. If it's something you do really want, anger that your family hasn't been pitching in to help you so you can focus on school could also be contributing to TMS symptoms.
Hang in there, keep acknowledging your emotions, and think about how much more likely it is to be TMS than to be damaged nerves. Let us know how things go for you. |
| Busted |
Posted - 11/15/2008 : 20:06:27
Since I was diagnosed with TMS I've been looking back over my life and all of the ailments I've had over the years. Back when I was in my late teens - early 20's I had a lot of vaginal problems which were "diagnosed" as yeast infections. I had constant itching, burning etc... but the "yeast infections" would never go away. I would be using creams, suppositories, whatever the doctors told me to do. I was taking acidophilus (yogurt pills), avoiding sugar etc... Still, I was in a constant state of itching and burning. I certainly wish I knew then what I know now. I am now 100% CONVINCED this was TMS (or an equivelant). Because if there really was a "medical" problem or infection, I'd be dead by now. Eventually I just learned to ignore it (because I was sick of going to doctors and never being cured), and eventually it went away for the most part (every now and then it'll act up again).
I'm not saying you should ignore yours, and I'm certainly not a medical doctor and am in no position to be giving medical advice. But my personal opinion is that "vaginal infections" that don't go away are TMS.
|
|
|
