| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| johnaccardi |
Posted - 11/02/2008 : 18:09:16
I've been doing great. I've been journaling, reading, forcing thoughts to the psychological, and I have seen a small improvement in both my mental state and physical symptom.
Recently however, I noticed the symptom coming back a bit and it's because I have been furious at my roommate. I know he's making me unconsciously furious but I have also felt conscious anger toward him that I suppress every time.
My roommate is someone who I met last year and thought he was my friend, so I roomed with him this year. All year he's been trouble, but recently It has gotten really bad and I'm angry about it all the time. He basically puts me down to put himself up...he kind of verbally bullies me. If I do something wrong or say something wrong, he will destroy me for it. He gets very loud and sarcastic, it really pisses me off. I want to kill this kid. Also, I fear drinking alcohol because of this whole mouth symptom...the symptom still gets much worse when I drink. My roommate can sense that I never want to drink and so he pressures me like crazy to drink especially in front of others. This kid's disgusting!
I want to be assertive, I want to verbally yell at him. But then I start to think of my mouth and how I can't get the words out. So, I don't do anything. This is making the symptom worse because I'm putting more attention on it and blaming it for not being able to stand up to my roommate.
I don't want to change rooms and I don't want things to be ackward all year. What should I do? Can journaling help here? I'm constantly in fear of this kid, he makes me miserable.
I seem to let out my anger physically since I can't do it verbally. Over the summer my dad angered me one day and I got so mad I said to myself, "I'm going to break my hand." And so I went into my garage, punched a solid concrete wall, and shattered my hand. I don't want something like this to happen again...or even worse be directed at my roommate. I really could kill this kid.
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| 20 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| alexis |
Posted - 11/19/2008 : 13:56:27
Wavy,
We're going to have to disagree on this one. You may compare not believing in most recovered memories to not believing in TMS, but I compare believing in them to believing in RSI. I don't, btw, disagree with the use of hypnosis for other therapeutic purposes, just the use in recovering memories.
I recommend that anyone thinking of taking this route do a lot of reading on all sides first -- I recommend Elizabeth Loftus, recipient of the APA William James Fellow Award (http://faculty.washington.edu/eloftus/Articles/lof93.htm). And note also that not only do many hypnotized subjects "remember" their infancy, but often also their time in the womb and previous lives. I don't think this is any sort of intentional fraud on the part of the hypnotherapist -- they believe in what they are doing every bit as much as most chiropractors. And it doesn't require prompting or manipulation...just a very small amount of imagination from the hypnotized, an attribute found much higher in those who have high hypnotic ability.
I know its nice to believe that we are all here in this together, but if this really is a practice you engage in, I have to admit I have serious doubts about what you are practicing, and I think it hurts people when left unquestioned. Would I question it publicly? No, Loftus and others have received threats and present under tight security for having done so. I'm only happy that recovered memories (whether 'recovered' through hypnosis or in other therapy sessions) are no longer generally accepted in court, and that therapists are increasingly turning from the practice.
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| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 11/17/2008 : 07:59:40
quote:
Memory is not there to be discovered. It's fluid, creative and easily manipulated. If you want help dieting, fine, see a reputable hypnotist. Otherwise stay the hell away from anyone involved in this as "therapy".
This is hysterical, because I will have to stay away from myself! Ha ha!
Although I don't talk about it here (not wanting to share as some kind of "expert," but as a vulnerable layperson), I am a therapist, and I have worked with and taught hypnotherapy for 27 years, although it's not my focus now.
I was amazed when I discovered, back before early childhood sexual abuse was even talked about, that when people were very relaxed, they would remember such things. And as a result of this unfoldment of something deeply suppressed, they would get better.
The projection of the use of hypnosis as something evil whereby evil therapists implant something in unsuspecting patients' minds is just not my experience after decades in the field of alternative therapies. There may have been some Dr. Evil somewhere in the Cold War USSR doing such a thing, but none of my colleagues are anywhere near such a place. Hypnotherapy is just a form of deep relaxation so that a person can move below their usual armor which holds certain things in place. The concept of so-called False Memory Syndrome was created to argue court cases in which prominent men, including priests, were getting busted.
I'm not saying all memories someone might have in a therapy session are "true." In fact, they are none of anyone's business (unless you are taking someone to court, and I'm certainly not, and nor have any of my clients, ever -- in fact I have never encouraged anyone to even mention their memory to the person involved.)
However, the idea that there are no memories before age 3 is simply untrue. People in my presence, and with no suggestion from me, have recalled their births, and their prenatal experience. There is a vast amount of work in the field of Pre and Perinatal Psychology with hundreds of proven and confirmed cases of recall, with no other explanation for details remembered.
It's not about swinging a pendulum and having power over people (that's just a movie fantasy) but about creating a safe place without the usual superego/ disapproving social censors, so that a person's BODY can start to unwind what it is holding. It's not really about stories at all. Although I had a clear recall of my experience with my sister, the main experience was a releasing of some terror and armoring I have been holding my whole life, and that has absolutely contributed to my TMS.
My therapists (two different colleagues) simply held space for me (one through bodywork).
If I can offer anything from my weird and wonderful experience of decades of sitting in these deep, dark and sacred places with clients, it is that if you are looking for help, and haven't found it from mainstream talk therapy, be open. Don't believe everything that so-called authorities tell you. Remember how people may have warned you about believing in the mind-body connection instead of going through the usual white coat structure.
I'm feeling SO much better, although I'm not all the way through it.
Love is the answer, whatever the question
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| HilaryN |
Posted - 11/15/2008 : 10:53:31
Hi Alexis,
Do you feel concerned when you read of Wavy's experience because you'd like reassurance that it won't lead to further conflict between her and her sister?
Wavy, I feel happy when I read of your experience. I'm not sure I've fully understood it, but I have some thoughts about it which I'd like to confirm when you've had more time to process it.
Hilary N |
| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 11/13/2008 : 16:13:11
yes, I can completely relate to this conflict
it seems so hard to integrate that our sister is not our sister
one way I'm dealing with this is by having several close women friends who know the whole thing and say "we're your sisters darling"
in related news, just had ANOTHER session in which I remembered infant abuse by her - whole body memory. Just the POSSIBILITY of how my body can feel when I'm not suppressing my feelings / power so as not to piss her off even more is truly radical. I can see that ALL my so-called illnesses of 30 years are related to this early abuse which I didn't really know about.
(I say didn't "really" because I actually had recalled it under hypnosis once, but never really thought it was that important compared to my stuff with parents. But (as a therapist) I've come to know that sibling issues are sometimes - often - the hidden factor in what isn't working in someone's life...)
I feel an actual recognition in my body of traces of what life without this unconscious pattern of energy suppression might be like - wow - could anyone really stand me to be that alive, beautiful, powerful, etc.? (Yes I know the "right" answer, but starting to get it somatically is rad!)
xxx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| mcone |
Posted - 11/13/2008 : 11:54:26
quote:
Originally posted by Redsandro
Idiots are easy to ignore. But the fun starts when you have some mutual symbiosis (for lack of a better word) going on.
* * *
People that are a little valuable but are also a little irritating enrage me more than total idiots. It still gets me sometimes.
* * *
Wavy Soul, you still have an abusive sister? I think I remember.. let's call it annoyance, from way back. Can't you cut her out of your life (and draw funny comics about her)?
I've been turning myself upside down and inside out over my relationship with my sister...So many (whole-body) strong emotions in opposing directions.
On the one hand...having an immediate family member seems to naturally invite a sense of security in the world - a sense that always been embedded deep into my emotional programming... (and she is intelligent, successful, resourceful, well-connected, etc.)
and yet, she is EVIL - not 100% EVIL, but about 90% EVIL. When I was in the worst throes of my RSI, both hands in terrible pain - not being able to drive anymore, terrific amount of emotional pain, back in August '07, she threw me out of her house calling me "useless". [In her defense, and not insignificantly, she was pregnant at the time - but why would this demand that she treat me abusively]
I had been at her house in Brooklyn - 1,200 miles away from my apartment (and home of 16 years) in Minnesota, and it tooks me about two or three months of convalescense - in a room-share that cost me a fortune to rent - just to get the strength back to return to Minnesota.
How can I EVER, EVER, EVER forgive her for treating me this way? For throwing her own flesh and blood out on the street under the worst possible circumstances? And yet, when things were "good" (earlier years) she always wanted me to come and visit and hang out and spend time with her kids etc. And I did TONS of errands for her, household stuff and car stuff and fixing stuff, and taking the kids out on trips, etc. (because she wasn't great at keeping men around) and we have much in common - sense of humor, interests - we are even in similar professions. And it's always been the "vision" in my mind that our families (if I ever have kids) would be close, and that we would be close, etc.
Even if I recover completely from "RSI"/TMS etc. it seems IMPOSSIBLE for us to ever have ANY relationship again. It definitely seems like an all or nothing proposition. Even if the relationship could be mutually beneficial in a million respects and even if there were no basis for continuing conflict - I still can NEVER forget what was revealed about her TRUE NATURE under challenging circumstances. THAT is really who she is - and THAT is at odds with my (and perhaps any objective) sense of ordinary humanity - especially when it comes to family.
So much of my struggle these days is "mourning" the loss of a relationship I thought I had with my sister...and I keep questioning the soundness of my thinking process (i.e., is she really *that* bad? isn't there some relationship we could have? etc.) I just know it is probably best for me to consider her a non-factor in my life - she can be counted on, relied upon, depended upon - for nothing - and becoming engaged in any kind of relationship with her is a trap. That *seems* like the right logical answer here, and yet when I look at what I feel deep inside about my sense of family and emotional connections - this all seems TOTALLY WRONG. It's a HUGE conflict.
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| Redsandro |
Posted - 11/12/2008 : 23:08:59
Great news!
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TMS is the hidden language of the soul. |
| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 11/12/2008 : 00:23:19
Today I had an incredible session in which the whole somatic (body) memory of my sis and the abuse seemed to wash through - and out - of me.
I have been lying on the couch feeling like something has broken which has been a bit stuck for most of my life. I don't know why it sometimes seems to take so long for certain old emotional pieces to work their way through - Gawd knows I've been at it for 30 years!
But all of a sudden now is the time. Whatismore, I seem to be coming out of my post-traumatic-divorce single phase, and suddenly I seem to be babelicious and it's raining men.
But what does one Do with them? (I guess this is another thread, or perhaps another forum)
 
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| Redsandro |
Posted - 11/11/2008 : 11:49:41
That's one messy situation for you, Wavy Soul. I do know that everytime I read your stuff, it's like you pretty much know and name all the variables. So I think you can learn how to handle these things. Starting with your sister on the phone. 
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TMS is the hidden language of the soul. |
| HilaryN |
Posted - 11/11/2008 : 04:02:48
I like that. Thanks, Wavy.
He talks about cultivating sincerity and it chimes in very much with one of my goals in therapy: to be able to (first recognise, and then) express my feeings without having to hide them.
Hilary N |
| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 11/10/2008 : 18:21:22
In response to my own post, I just had a good therapy session in which I was guided not so much to stand up to her as to brush her aside and focus on my own exciting life purpose.
It's a bit of the "resist not evil" stuff where the more you resist, the more it entangles you.
With regard to this, everyone should, right now, go to Youtube and paste in this (after you take out the spaces)
http:// www. youtube. com/ watch?v=26pJkYhHGek
then go on to parts 2 and 3
It's a Chinese chi gong guy demonstrating how keeping himself open and connected to his heart and belly allows him to ward off attackers. This 30-year black belt keeps coming at him, but can't hit him, and goes flying back again and again as though he is meeting a force field. But it's not a defensive force field, but the power of love. As he does it, the teacher is giving an explanation of how he is doing it, and it's really life-changing.
Enjoy!
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 11/10/2008 : 09:25:04
Yes, I still have her. I have to be in contact with her because it's the end of my mom's life, and she (sis) has been taking care in many ways. They are in England and I am in California, and I have traveled there several times this year. And now the sis has cancer that looks pretty bad. I am trying to be supportive although she just lashes out at me. And I have some legal issues that I need her to attend to because she has POA.
So although I try to minimize it and e-mail is better, and someone else is communicating with her about the legal issues, yes, I do have to have contact with her.
I'm considering that since life has delivered it to me in this way, the unavoidable contact and dealings are something that I somehow have to go through rather than round. I have to say that I am ****-scared and have plenty of symptoms.
A therapist friend was talking to me last night, saying that until I really learn to fully be with myself in my belly, she (or something else) will always have the power to scare me. I think that's true. I notice how I jump out of myself into one distraction or another (syymptoms just being one of them) because I am scared of certain feelings deep inside which are probably memories of her abusing me when I was an infant, which I have had vague memories of. I am being with it all as much as I can.
Thanks.
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| Redsandro |
Posted - 11/10/2008 : 09:11:16
Double post! 
Sorry about the double posts.. the board was being VERY slow and annoying the other day. |
| Redsandro |
Posted - 11/10/2008 : 08:46:47
Nice topic!
I was feeling like I should give some 'advice', but then I realised I would say something different. Reading about other peoples' idiots make you think about 'yeah I would handle it like this', but in reality, for me at least, it's usually not that easy.
Idiots are easy to ignore. But the fun starts when you have some mutual symbiosis (for lack of a better word) going on. Not making bashing the con's let go away the pro's. Or not being able to answer ones whining with a list of similar but bigger complaints about idiot behaviour because - for example - your mother used to complain like that and for all you know, doing this kind of complaining makes people hate you.
People that are a little valuable but are also a little irritating enrage me more than total idiots. It still gets me sometimes.
Wavy Soul, you still have an abusive sister? I think I remember.. let's call it annoyance, from way back. Can't you cut her out of your life (and draw funny comics about her)?
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TMS is the hidden language of the soul. |
| scottjmurray |
Posted - 11/07/2008 : 04:09:18
this is true. he projects his own self esteem problems on the world. in private he likely disses himself in the same way as those around him. the way we deal with one thing is the same way we deal with all things.
---
author of tms-recovery . com
(not sh!t, champagne)
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| johnaccardi |
Posted - 11/06/2008 : 09:25:33
JohnD, thanks for that info. When I really think about it I can see him only "dissing" me because he's uncomfortable with himself. Knowing this makes the whole process a lot easier. |
| JohnD |
Posted - 11/05/2008 : 14:47:10
JohnA,
Glad to see that you're having some success. Whenever dealing with confrontation its crucial to have your instincts up. What instincts are is the ability to constantly be outwardly aware. So when dealing with someone like your roomate, he will instinctively try to make you focus inward(anxiety, panic, insecurity) on your weakness because then he is safe. Whenever he does this to you, it probably means he already feels guilty about something regarding himself and he is trying to make you focus on you so that he can slide off the hook. When people constantly do this, you have to always keep them at an arms length to protect yourself. You can say what you need to say and walk away like you suggested....but instead of calling him a dick, you can just tell him that he's not allowed to treat you such and such way and then end the conversation by walking away, and telling him thats all that needed to be said. Be short, assertive, and then defend by keeping him away. YOu can always add in a consequence too. Does he need anything from you like a ride to class? or anything? You can start withholding these things or just not engage with him until he can learn how to be somewhat respectful. |
| RageSootheRatio |
Posted - 11/05/2008 : 09:53:03
Yes, this is a GREAT thread! Wow, I sure am learning a lot about guys! |
| mizlorinj |
Posted - 11/05/2008 : 09:12:28
John I love that the STAREDOWN is working. Good for you. This guy's apparently got his own big issues!
The other comments on this thread are just so funny. |
| winnieboo |
Posted - 11/05/2008 : 08:30:51
Don't call her. When she calls you, let her do all the talking and after a reasonable amount of time...oops, there's something burning on the stove--gotta go! |
| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 11/05/2008 : 07:15:12
This is a great thread - I am cracking up here at 6 in the morning.
But how do I deal with my abusive sister on the PHONE? I've tried the stern eye contact thing, but it doesn't seem to work!!
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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