| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Pd245 |
Posted - 10/22/2008 : 15:19:23
I'm approaching 40 and have to decide whether or not to have a child - I've been on the fence for years and now know that I don't have time to ruminate about it anymore. I'm slowly (very slowly) improving my TMS symptoms of migraine headaches, stomach pain, muscle stiffness, and TMJ, but I know I have awhile to go. I've been waiting to decide about children for many reasons, but the main thing is that I'm terrified that pregnancy/ childbirth/taking care of a toddler will make me much worse than I am now (and I'm already challenged to live a normal life with the symptoms). I'm mainly afraid that my headaches will get worse.
For those of you on the board who have given birth, did it make your TMS symptoms worse, did they stay the same, or did they improve with the distraction? How did it affect your symptoms? Thank you. |
| 9 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| mom2aidan2002 |
Posted - 10/27/2008 : 14:18:14
Just a thought--since TMS is a distraction against unconscious thoughts--could it be serving to distract you from the real underlying fears of having a child? Are you afraid you might be like your parents or your child might have experiences like you did, for instance (assuming these experiences were negative)?
I had NO issues with TMS while pregnant with either child, but had flare ups when each child was about 1 year old. No one can predict for you whether you will have TMS or not. The good news is that you know the underlying cause, so if you do have symptoms you know what to do.
Christine
p.s. I had similar uncertainties about whether to have a second child. I predicted the worst kind of stress--my mind went to all the possible negatives. I finally got my head out of the way and decided to try for a second. Having 2 turned out to be the best thing I EVER did and if I were younger, I would have 3! My advice--let you heart tell you what to do and don't worry about the rest. |
| winnieboo |
Posted - 10/24/2008 : 12:33:13
It's funny that you brought up "what ifs" in this context, because I remember 18 years ago after finding out that I was pregnant and I thought that very thing: that there was no turning back! When your belly is bursting, you'll think it again, with a new-found combination of excitement and fear. But you'll manage it! It's worth it. After childbirth is the wonderful baby! The whole of it was at once strange and terrifying and exciting. (Kind of like that with the teenagers, too!)
Having a child is one of those experiences that you absolutely can't overthink, or else you won't have one. There are a million what ifs in the life of a parent, and some of what you worry about actually DOES happen (they get sick, they get hurt, they make mistakes, you make mistakes, etc. etc). But you deal with it, you deal with everything. You CAN. Everybody learns and grows. You teach them, but the bonus and miracle is that they teach you. |
| Pd245 |
Posted - 10/24/2008 : 11:10:57
Thanks so much for your thoughtful and beautifully written responses. I tend to ruminate on the "what ifs," and your responses have made me think that even if I get worse it will be worth it. I tend to let my symptoms bully me and scare me into playing it safe, and im getting really, really sick of it.
After controlling so much (how I sit, what activities I can and cannot do, how much I can be out in the world before I trigger a headache), it's scary to have something else (pregnancy) controlling me. And you can't just say, Well, I'm not going to do this anymore. You're in it and there's no turning back. Kind of like jumping off a cliff - if it terrifies you you have to find some way to deal with it.
But, I can't predict the future, and like some of you, maybe I'll get better. And it wouldn't be about me anymore. What a relief! |
| cfhunter |
Posted - 10/23/2008 : 14:52:37
I suffered from foot pain, back pain etc etc for years and kept saying "when this goees away I will get pregnant..."Well finally I said forget waiting...and at 33 with all my issues I got pregnant nad NEVER felt better in my life. My feet problems went away and never returned, my back problems are totally situationaly and always TMS related but a host of other new things popped up and I can't say they are or are not related to being a mom BUT my son is almost 4 and there is NO greater joy in this world than having him in my life.
His presence far outweighs any problems I might have.
Best of luck, |
| pandamonium |
Posted - 10/23/2008 : 06:13:06
I have 2 children age 4 and 5, my smptoms got worse after they were born but that's because I didn't know about TMS back then, if I had it could have been very different.
Follow your heart, not your head; if you really want children then you can manage your TMS and it's worth it.
Panda |
| winnieboo |
Posted - 10/22/2008 : 19:39:22
I know I can't say it any better than Dan, Sue and Lori, but I will chime in that I hope you will go for it. I have two teenagers and they are the center of my universe.
Having kids means stepping over to another side of life that is beautiful, holy, loving, FUN, frustrating, annoying, rewarding, mind-numbing and completely enlightening. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. My youngest looks like a little man--he just walked into the room. What a transition that they're so grown up, but it's also wonderful to know that even in middle age and old age, you're still a parent, still a part of the lives of these great people that you were privileged to guide and raise since birth.
If you are still working through TMS, know that you will handle it. I've had psychosomatic symptoms since I was a teenager and certainly when I was pregnant and throughout my kids' lives. Frankly, they really weren't involved in my story and in your case, particularly since you are aware and have insight, you will handle your own physical situation, separate of offspring, and perhaps as you have hinted, making a go-for-it choice might relieve some of the pain and conflict. |
| Webdan65 |
Posted - 10/22/2008 : 17:17:37
I can't speak to how TMS was effected by pregnancy because I'm a guy. But I'll throw my 2 cents in hoping my perspective might be of some use.
My TMS started when my son was about 2 years old and money got tight. Even to this day, my now 14 year old son can be the source of repressed anger and TMS symptoms.
But in the end, despite normal parental frustrations and TMS pain, He's my world. I wouldn't trade the experience of being his Dad for anything. No amount of money, no amount of pain. He's why I get up in the morning.
If you want a child, don't let the fear of pain stop you. Muster up the strength and tell yourself that you are stronger than this challenge.
In 5 years you'll either be better, worse or the same anyway. You may as well have the joy that a child can bring into your life. Don't look back 10 years from now with regrets. If it's in your heart - go for it. |
| sue1012 |
Posted - 10/22/2008 : 17:12:43
Hi, I have 2 kids ages 7 and 4. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia/chronic myofascial pain 11 years ago (which I now believe is tms). So, I worried a lot about getting pregnant back then. In my experience, the pregnancy didn't make my symptoms any worse (though I had horrible morning sickness with both kids!) and the delivery was fine both times as well and didn't affect my chronic pain. As far as the care, I was actually able to handle that better than I thought I would. When you have to take care of a baby 24/7, you have no choice but to step up to the plate and just do it. I'd say for a while, it even distracted me from the pain both times. My first child was even a very high-needs/colicky baby and I was still able to handle it. I would say to not let the pain dictate whether or not to have a baby. If you really want one, I doubt process will make you any worse. I will not say it has been easy overall as I still fight the pain and also chronic fatigue, but my kids have given me so much joy and a reason to get up in the morning when I feel lousy. I can definately tell you that having had them didn't make my pain any worse or any better overall. They have changed my life dramatically, but it's because of the loss of my independence and the incredible responsibility involved with having children. Also, I can tell you my SIL suffered from migraines since childhood and during her pregnancy they went away and since the baby's been born she's had them much less frequently. Just her experience of course, but that's been a bonus for her! Anyway, good luck with your decision. I would say to not let the pain dictate whether you decide to get pregnant. My guess is that you would not be any worse off physically:) |
| mizlorinj |
Posted - 10/22/2008 : 15:30:26
Ok my experience was 19 years ago, however, I just recently realized I had a case of TMS in the hospital as soon as my son was born! I had very bad back pain which was blamed on my tailbone. The kind that you're ok standing or lying or sitting; it's when you try to stand up from sitting--it was like I was being stabbed.
I am also aware I was TERRIFIED of taking care of a baby! I remember thinking that! I was afraid to be home alone with him, what if he cried and I couldn't sooth him, etc. those kinds of fears. All worked out fine of course, and I loved having the little cutie around and watching him grow. I don't remember pain for longer than a week or two after we got home from the hospital. So I must've realized "I can do this!"
Birth of a child is a change in life circumstances and is stressful.
That said, I would do it all over again (up til 5 years ago). It is a joy to have them around! |
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