| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| tamo |
Posted - 10/20/2008 : 14:16:51
Dear All .I am new here and this is my first post.I found this site during research into my current ill health.I desperately need to find some answers and pray I have found the right resource.
Okay here goes .
Im male age 52 married 3 kids and I had a breakdown 2 years ago following a host of problems and heavy drinking(haven't drank since)
I have had too many symptoms to list here which are all related to anxiety disorder. My dear wife was diagnosed with cancer in June and I have developed this all over pain but mostly in chest, ribs ,sides ,middle of back,tight prickly pain like a band round bottom of ribs.
Shooting stabbing pain in head,arms fingers ,face ,everywhere really but not all at once.The most disturbing pain is the chest and middle of back between shoulder blades.
Ive had ECG ,xray,bloods and all are apparently normal.
I wake up feeling ok but as the day goes on i start to hurt al over and its driving me mad.
My wifes prognosis is good and hopes to make a full recovery and I know this alone is causing huge amounts of stress.
I was unfaithful a few years back which amounted to nothing and now riddled with guilt about it.
But I cant turn the clock back .
I have read self help books till I could write my own about anxiety related symptoms but still I suffer all these horrible pains and sensations.
DO YOU THINK THIS IS TMS RELATED
I gave up on all medication a year ago and only take the odd co-codamol if I get really bad.
Any repies most welcome
Thanks
when you change the way you think about things the things you think about change |
| 18 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| mizlorinj |
Posted - 10/22/2008 : 14:43:33
Tamo, I'd explore why you feel responsible for everything. Was responsibility put upon you as a youth? Did your family blame you for things whether good or bad? Perhaps start writing (your own therapy) about one of the things for which you're feeling responsible.
I think as parents we put a lot upon ourselves. And others do too as I learned from a recent conversation with a (childless) person who feels parents are to blame "when a child goes wrong". I feel we guide our children the best we can. They are their own person and make their own choices. Try as we might to steer them! I am speaking from experience as a parent, and as the youth who went to do my own thing despite my parents steering me in the "right direction." I had to learn things on my own. And learn I did! But it made me the person I am today. :-)
And you are right, we can't turn back the clock. The past is the past and we can't change it. What we have is the present! This is where forgiveness plays a large role in healing. Esp. forgiving ourselves! Not easy, I know, I've worked on this a lot.
RE: cancer, there is evidence that emotions do have a contributing factor (see Dr. Siegal's books and others with case studies of various patients with similar cancers and what they had in common--it was not genetics; and other mind/body books show cases of cancer patients who healed with emotional work--not medical treatment). Dr. Sarno acknowledges an emotional factor in cancer. Docs are finding that much less is genetic than originally thought. They are also learning the plasticity of our brains and how we do indeed possess the capability to change the chemicals in our brains (i.e. genetics). So what "runs in the family" is questionable; we are our own person with our own thinking & feelings.
Best wishes for healing,
Lori |
| moose1 |
Posted - 10/22/2008 : 14:19:07
positivevibes, wonderful posts. your insights are really terrific and so encouraging. keep up the good work.
moose. |
| tamo |
Posted - 10/22/2008 : 13:21:27
Thanks for your involved reply pos ,it is very much appreciated as are all replies.I will look for a therapist in UK in due course.
I look forward to the arrival of the mind body presciption and the other one from Dr sarno (forgot the name righ now).
Come to think of it i seem to be forgetting quite a few simple things lately ,must be my age lol.
Take care you lot.
Peace |
| positivevibes |
Posted - 10/21/2008 : 22:27:21
Tamo,
Perhaps you haven't been the most pristine perfect person on the block...maybe you haven't been the most excellent role model for your kids at times, but I bet that you aren't to blame for all of those problems you mention as much as you think. Remember that adults (your kids, your wife) make their own decisions...you can lead a horse to water...etc...
Part of the TMS personality is being a "very responsible" and "perfectionist" person...in other words, the type of person who is the backbone of a family, who everyone relies on, and who takes that responsiblity very seriously. Wait until you read Dr. Sarno's books -- he explains it very well. Many of us on this message board have "seen ourselves" very clearly in the pages of his books.
Cancer is (so far) an uncontrollable genetic time bomb. It can be helped along by stress, but there are other factors that make no sense and probably have nothing to do with one's emotions. So perhaps the state of your marriage made your wife feel unhappy, but if she was genetically predisposed to cancer, she would have gotten it no matter what was going on. Even happy relaxed people who eat excellent diets get cancer. So please don't blame yourself for that one!
And kids....well, sometimes no matter what you do, they veer off the path. I have a friend whose teenage daughter has bipolar disorder and is now in rehab for a drug problem. I have another friend with a similar situation with his teenage son....learning disability, drug problem...in a rehab camp for months. These are good mentally stable people who did the best they could for their kids, and the kids still turned out with all sorts of problems despite their good intentions and non-disfuntional households.
When I was in college many years ago, I took an excellent psychology class that opened my eyes about family dynamics, and at age 19 I was able to dissect the dynamics of my own family and decided that there were certain patterns and behaviors that were unhealthy, and I wasn't going to play the game anymore. It really changed my life. It's not easy to step back and look at things objectively, especially when YOU'RE the parent. Now that I'm a parent, I constantly find myself doing little "checks" to try to ensure that things are going OK for my kids (who are young teens). It can be really hard! Parental guilt is really strong! I think "mother guilt" is even stronger, LOL. As long as your kids know that you love them -- even if you screwed up along the way -- you have set a decent foundation, IMO.
When you have a breakdown of sorts, with all that anxiety, it is really disconcerting. You feel "unteathered" emotionally, sort of detached from life, as if you're in some sort of alternate reality. I've had a minor problem with anxiety and panic, so I have gotten a small taste of what that's like. Scary as hell! I'm really surprised that the psychiatrist didn't refer you to a psychotherapist, but then again, many of them are only interested in writing prescriptions.
Look, you aren't perfect. Nobody is. Everybody screws things up at one time or another. Give yourself a break! Remember what it felt like to be a small child and feel really light and happy? We all start out "good." Life happens....but dealing with the crises of our lives help us to change and grow. Sometimes working on this sort of stuff can be the hardest thing to do. It's like "personality rehab" or "soul rehab." It sounds like you're ready to face some of your problems. So be brave, find a good therapist, and get going. Hang in there and remember to take it all problem at a time, and one day at a time.
Remember to be kind to yourself. Try to forgive yourself and love yourself. Treat yourself the way a great friend would treat you, if he or she was trying to cheer you up or help you.
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| skizzik |
Posted - 10/21/2008 : 16:20:19
quote:
Originally posted by tamo
Sorry folks I had to get that stuff out .
Let it out bro. We're a little cheaper than therapists |
| Carly |
Posted - 10/21/2008 : 15:49:49
Hi Tom
Try Drmarkatkinson.com. He is a TMS doctor here in UK. Think have got that correct from memory. Also you could search on this site as someone also posted links to another TMS therapist in UK.
Good luck
Carly |
| tamo |
Posted - 10/21/2008 : 14:40:35
Thanks positivevibes.I did ditch the phsychiatrist a year ago for the reasons you mentioned.It,s not so easy in UK to find therapists on the NHS . Ill see what happens with my private healthcare .Yes indeed I have had issues in my life for many years ,most of my adult life.My big ego told me I was too strong or proud to deal with such things . One thing after another piled up inside my head(without me knowing they were piling up)and then BINGO ,a mental breakdown or something like that.They don't use that term these days .All I know is that I was stuck with the most terrifying fear and panic which lasted for 3 months.That was the Phsycological part which slowly but surely began to clear .The physical symptoms were worse and still are .I feel a need to list them here in the hope that someone can relate to them.
Sharp stabbing pain head ,chest, back arms, abdomen in fact everywhere but not all at once and different every day.
breathlesness
numbness in fingers
creeping feeling in skin
restless legs
sweating at night
I must be holding on to something inside but don't know what.
I do forgive myself for my infidelity years ago.
My oldest son is in Jail and a recovering heroin addict and I blame myself ,is that it? I don't know.
My daughter age 25 has a failed marraige and I blame myself for that too .I seem to take responsibility for everyones life.
I am even to blame for my Wifes illness I think.
mY 15 year old boy is not sticking in as much as I want him to at school and I blame myself.
I know these thoughts aren't helping me but why do I take responsibility for everyone?
Sorry folks I had to get that stuff out .
Peace
when you change the way you think about things the things you think about change |
| moose1 |
Posted - 10/21/2008 : 13:59:32
+100 to everything positivevibes says above. nail on the head.
moose |
| positivevibes |
Posted - 10/21/2008 : 13:24:21
Tamo,
For what's going on in your life and in your body, a psychotherapist is a better choice than a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists are mainly trained to treat mental conditions with drugs. They are not "counselors" and in my experience they don't usually talk to you much about your problems.
Please remember that finding the right therapsit can take some trial and error. You have to feel comfortable with the person, and you have to decide whether the therapist's "methodology" is the right one for you. Sometime you don't know these things until you've seen the person a few times. So if the first one doesn't work out, move on and find someone else -- don't just give up!
I've read several of Wayne Dyer's books as well. I would recommend Echart Tolle's books to you. What he says makes a lot of sense and it is very compatible with Dr. Sarno's TMS theories.
But remember, this is all very personal, relating directly to YOUR life. You can read all the general theories out there and try to "quiet your mind" in a Buddhist way, but frankly IMO until you come to terms with things that bother you, it's hard to find inner peace. It's rather like a chronic infection....you have to flush out all the bad stuff in order to really get true healing.
Remember also that this is a process. You have a lot of issues to deal with, and it sounds like some of them have been in your life for many years. Your problems didn't grow to where they are today in one day, so don't expect to solve them in one day. It could take months. It's a journey. The most important thing is that you be totally honest with yourself and your therapist. |
| tamo |
Posted - 10/21/2008 : 11:19:21
Thanks for your replies folks. I have read through all of them several times and find them all very helpful and positive .This gives me a whole new outlook as to how I deal with these symptoms. I am waiting on two books from Dr Sarno and I think they are the latest ones but cant remember exactly which ones.
What I sense is that from the way you all fed off each others replies in the name of helping me is that I have definitely found the missing link and that you guys know the score and are also very sincere and commited.
It's difficult to express exactly how you feel when you reply to me so please don't think your answers need to be perfect. I have put the whole lot together and generalised your replies.This leaves me feeling very positive and as I said earlier I think I am on the right track .
I read wayne dyers books alot and I find peace with his work.But as you say there are only so many books one can read.
I have been advised to seek professional help by you and I agree .
I am in private health care through my employer and I am going to contact them to see if I can see a phsycologist(is this the guy I need)
I have met with a psychiatrist many times but all she wanted to do was give me more medication .I tried the meds but they made me worse.
I need to tell you this ,and I find it very encouraging.I felt better today that I have for a long time. I don't know if something subconscious happened since I posted on here or whether its just a fluke or maybe I'm imagining things with my exhausted mind.
I just wanted to say that I work in a responsible job in analytical chemistry so my inelect is very much intact .It's the emotional side of my mind together with constant physical pain that is dragging me down.
I will be in touch with a progress report and wish you all well.
Many thanks once more .
Tom
when you change the way you think about things the things you think about change |
| JohnD |
Posted - 10/21/2008 : 10:36:07
Skiz-
Thanks for bridging me into where you were coming from, I interpreted your message differently than it was intended.
John |
| winnieboo |
Posted - 10/21/2008 : 10:19:49
Tamo,
What you describe is likely TMS related. When the battery of medical tests all comes back normal and your body is still aching, then your body is trying to tell you something you're not listening to. If you've gone the route of self-help and meds, then move up the list to psychotherapy. The good news is that you're already aware of many of your stressors, and it sounds like even some of your repressed feelings aren't even repressed anymore. You just need some help knowing what to do with the feelings, including guilt, which as we all know can be a huge burden. You're right, none of us can turn back the clock, but we can forgive, and we can forgive ourselves, hard as that may seem.
Good luck, but most of all, try to be kind to yourself during this process. Get some strength from the fact that you've come far already. Pause for a second and look at your here and now: you have a successful marriage, your wife is doing fine now and you LOVE her, you are doing your best to raise great kids, and you've beat the drinking habit. You sound like a good person. More progress is close in sight. |
| moose1 |
Posted - 10/21/2008 : 09:18:23
tamo,
it might help for you to talk to someone about all of this, like a therapist or someone who can listen and offer constructive advice. that's an awful lot of emotional pain you're carrying around inside of you.
best,
moose |
| skizzik |
Posted - 10/21/2008 : 04:31:04
quote:
Originally posted by JohnD
Skiz - I think thats uncalled for. This guy needs some legitiment advice and help with all he is going through.
JohnD,
read his post again, he's already realized he probably fits the bill for TMS and "prays he found the right resource" and "DO YOU THINK THIS IS TMS RELATED?" are his ONLY hopes and questions at this time.
He did'nt ask for advice on what to do about his personal problems, or how to get rid of the symptoms, he was DESPERATE to see if our opinion was if he had TMS or not.
I think mine and Mzlorinj were "direct" "short and sweet" "spot on" opinions that would relieve tamo a bit so he finally could put a name on what he's been suffering thru.
If you go back to my cry for help 2 years ago on my "MRI" thread, I threw everything out there about my symptoms and my personal problems coinciding at the same time. I was looking for confirmation here that others thought it was TMS. Most people were nice like the post mizlorinj put here stating "I think you already know" and stuff like that. But the one that sticks out to me was "tennis toms" response that I had a "TMS time bomb" go off. That direct short answer gave me more relief than any of the other posts.
The first step is the diagnosis. And for many of the lucky ones, the only step thats needed.
Having said all that, I'm only human, and what I felt was good for me might not be good for others, so I am looking forward to your "called for" legitimate advice and help to tamo! |
| positivevibes |
Posted - 10/20/2008 : 22:30:05
The theory of TMS is that our emotions greatly affect our physical being. Usually they are repressed emotions, or emotions we are not aware of. But sometimes physical pain can be caused by something you are aware of, but afraid to totally feel emotionally -- something so dreadful that you just can't feel the feelings that are associated with it.
You had a drinking problem. Do you understand now why you drank then? This could be a major clue regarding your pain.
Your wife has cancer. This is incredibly awful, and it must be devistating for both of you. There is probably a lot of fear inside you surrounding that. And maybe guilt regarding your previous behavior and the guilt you feel.
I hope that you are seeing a psychotherapist, because it sounds like you have a lot of heavy issues to deal with: alcoholism, infidelity, an ill spouse, kids, and possibly other issues.
Basically, yes your symptoms could definitely be caused by TMS, your emotions, and the things going on in your life and in your mind.
Self-help books are great, but sometimes there is only so much you can do for yourself. It can be scary to face some of your inner demons alone. Sometimes you need a therapist to help you deal with some of the more difficult problems in your life.
So please try to figure out what is eating you up inside, because I bet a lot of your pain is being caused by your emotions. If you've had blood tests and MRIs or CT scans and they have come back normal, then TMS would be a good place to start.
Any of Dr. Sarno's books would help you, but I think his newest one (The Mindbody Prescription: Healing the Body, Healing the Pain) would be the best place for you to start, followed by Healing Back Pain (because it is helpful for all sorts of pain as well). These are not books you read once and put aside. You should read them several times and let the information sink in.
You might also want to check out Dr. Schechter's website and get his mindbody audio program on CD. On the CD, he explains TMS at length and gives case histories, but there is also a very good long segment with Don Dubin, who is a TMS psychotherapist. Dr. Schechter also has an online mindbody course. There are also some podcasts you can listen to for free at: http://www.smi-mindbodyresearch.org/podcasts.htm The segments with Arlen Ring (a psychotherapist) are especially informative.
I hope that with some work, things will turn around for you. TMS can take some time to beat. If possible, see a TMS medical doctor in your area to confirm the diagnosis. I'm not sure if there are any in the UK. If not, then either you'd have to come to the US, or just use the books, DVDs, and audio programs.
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| JohnD |
Posted - 10/20/2008 : 21:21:56
Skiz - I think thats uncalled for. This guy needs some legitiment advice and help with all he is going through. |
| skizzik |
Posted - 10/20/2008 : 17:10:42
a nuclear TMS explosion! |
| mizlorinj |
Posted - 10/20/2008 : 15:07:22
Tamo, what do YOU think?? |
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