| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Mely |
Posted - 09/15/2008 : 05:15:23
I really believe in the TMS theory but while trying to make it work I constantly feel like I'm in a battle between good (conscience) vs. evil (unconscious/pain). I'm reading over "the Mindbody Prescription" and trying to internalize the things I need to do to rid myself of the pain. While it works some of the time, other times I just feel like I'm worn down by the effort and loosing the battle especially since the symptom imperative is alive and well in my body (I conquer the pain in one place and I get pain somewhere else or I get bad itching or a headache).
I guess it takes time. I try not to get depressed when I think I've made progress and then the same pain returns. Today I gave in (kind of like eating chocolate while on a diet) and took a pain killer. I felt I needed a break from the effort I've been making and hopefully it will give me some renewed strength to keep fighting. I haven't taken a pain killer in about a week.
I have recurring pain in my upper back, left side, right next to my shoulder blade (wish this was my only painful spot but there are several more). This particular area especially irritates me. If I had to choose which pain I'd like it would be lower back over upper back/neck. I was sitting in my computer chair and pushed my back against it so I could really feel that trouble spot. I had a visual of pushing someone up against a wall and grabbing their shirt and saying, "get out of here you creep". It was like a physical fight with the pain. Guess what, it helped reduce the discomfort somewhat.
Any words of encouragement on the battle are welcome. |
| 6 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Mely |
Posted - 09/18/2008 : 13:44:58
Logan,
Thanks for your response. It is really helpful and I'm going to look up the book you mentioned.
Your insights are both serious and at times funny (only another woman would think so). I think it's true that Sarno and all his pals do over-focus on anger and rage. Although I know I have some of that stored up inside, I think I have equal amounts of sadness about certain parts of my childhood.
About shoulder/neck pain hurting more than lower back pain -- it reminds me of a conversation I had with my husband when he had strep throat one time. He said "this hurts so much, I'm sure it's just as painful as childbirth". I told him, "I've had strep and I've given birth and I can tell you that giving birth hurts more!"  Since I've suffered from neck/shoulder and also lower back pain, I can say that the neck is definetly worse even though both are no picnic.
I know what you mean about getting emotional about stuff from long ago. I've done that occasionally and always feel better (physically) as well. I think I prefer not to cry over everything as it is simply not an accepted norm. I guess those emotions just get shoved down the sink until it gets clogged up. It is a defense mechanism really. If you cried and felt sorry for yourself all the time, you wouldn't be very functional. But then what happens is that it comes out in your body as a distraction and then you're not functional either!
Thanks again for your intelligent words.
|
| Logan |
Posted - 09/18/2008 : 08:45:38
Hi Mely,
I sure do know what you mean about the shoulder pain being hard to ignore. I remember sitting in PT, many, many years ago before discovering Sarno, and thinking all those people with knee or lower back issues were SO lucky. I mean, they could not-walk, or not-lift things and get relief from the pain but the shoulder pain I had was constant, throbbing hell! The way it radiated up my neck and infiltrated my every thought...it was a damn effective distraction, I tell ya! : )
It is hard work doing this TMS stuff. Don't worry if sometimes you get tired or it seems overwhelming...it is kind of overwhelming, you're changing the thought processes you've had your entire life, you're engaging your mindbody in ways its never been before. It takes time and effort and sometimes you'll want/need to take a break and take a painkiller. We've all been there.
What I'd recommend you do, what helped me the most and energized me in the "battle" was the book Facing the Fire by "something?" Lee. Do the anger release exercises. I think you'll see that what you're really battling isn't your evil subconscious but the society that has forced it underground, all of it, the good the bad and the ugly. : )
In becoming adults, every one of us has been "tamed" and trained to ignore and suppress our most elemental selves...the anger exercises will help you access that self and express it. It sounds simple, it is simple, but the experience and the results you'll have with this book are profound. Can't recommend this book enough. It got me from 80% better to 100% pain free and alive in a way I'd never been before.
Also, don't forget the flip side to anger - grief. I think because Sarno and Lee are men they maybe focus more on anger. Around the same time I was doing Lee's exercises, I also let myself cry, really cry about "stupid" things like how I'd moved so far away from my cousins, or how my great-grandparents were dead and we'd never gather at their house for holidays again. I mean, this was stuff that was old, old news and stuff I couldn't change but I let myself cry it out...
Often, I'd start with a weepy movie or book and let myself cry about it and then I'd find myself crying about something from my childhood I thought I'd forgotten or gotten over. It was amazing how much better, physically, I felt afterward.
Welcome and good luck Mely! I've enjoyed reading your posts. |
| Mely |
Posted - 09/15/2008 : 23:54:34
thanks for the feedback everyone. I guess I have to change my mindset somewhat. My main point is that I find the emotional work challenging and sometimes I feel it is a tug of war and I'm getting too weak to keep pulling. Is that a better visual? The more I read of other people's stories and suggestions, the more ideas I get on what to do to improve. Sarno's books are pretty thin on the steps to take so perhaps that's why I feel like I'm floundering sometimes. |
| scottjmurray |
Posted - 09/15/2008 : 19:38:29
this whole good vs. evil dichotomy isn't going to do you any good. there isn't anything bad about your subconscious. you've been divided from parts of yourself because you think those parts of you are bad. the division is only in your head, and it's probably contributing to your anger.
there isn't anything wrong with giving in to stuff like painkillers, as long as you understand you're just trying to make yourself more comfortable while dealing with this.
there isn't any need to hurt yourself or do yourself any harm throughout this. you're just creating more frustration.
getting angry about the pain actually helps i've found, as long as you aren't afraid of the pain anymore. it feels good to unleash all the frustration and negativity from your brain when you need to. this is a normal response to pain, frustration and anguish. it's gotta be released like every other emotions.
---
author of tms-recovery . com
(not sh!t, champagne)
|
| mala |
Posted - 09/15/2008 : 18:04:41
Hi Mely,
Rather than thinking about about your subconcious as 'evil' try to think of it as a child who is frightened, feels guiltly, is ignorant and stubborn and bewildered. This child does not want to or does not know how to let go of these feelings and has stored them over the years to the point where these feeling are pouring over thus producing the pain in your body. What you need to do is to tell this inner child that you know what it is doing and acknowledge the emotional stuff that is going on. Remember these emotions have been accumulating since we were kids maybe even babies so it may take a while.
With time & practice (yes there is a kind of practice with tms) the level of these stored feelings will begin to fall like water in a reservoir and slowly the pain will begin to lessen.
Talk to your unconscious, chide it, scold it and tell it that you are AWARE of what is going on. But MOST importantly do not fear the pain and try to go about your life as normally as possible. Don't give it the attention it craves by focussing on it all the time.
quote:
Today I gave in (kind of like eating chocolate while on a diet) and took a pain killer.
Take pain killers when you need them and don't beat yourself up about it. You are adding to the reservoir in your unconscious by feeling guilty. There is nothing wrong with getting pain relief when you need it and I'm sure you will not be taking them when you don't need to.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
| winnieboo |
Posted - 09/15/2008 : 06:58:32
Hi Mely,
Your unconscious is not evil, it's just blocked.
Try to think of this time in your life as a journey, not a battle. We all get caught in the cycle of "one step forward, two steps back," and because of our perfectionistic streak, any kind of even momentary setback distresses or depresses us.
Do you journal? This is a good way to identify your blocks. Once you can put your finger on what's underneath the physical pain, you can take steps to understand and feel the emotions and journey closer to your pain-free life. I'm an advocate of less is more in the journaling department. Give yourself twenty minutes a day, make lists of stressors and let your unconscious do the rest. It will slowly open up. Straining and hoping and battling won't get the job done any faster and may be counterproductive.
In the meantime, stay engaged (or re-engage) with your life, your reading, your family and most importantly, your physical activities. Try to refocus your thoughts on anything and everything other than your aches and pains. Good luck.
|
|
|
