| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| skizzik |
Posted - 08/28/2008 : 17:30:44
I think I need to get off the board, the books, the journaling, the trying to contact members for off the board advice....etc for a certain amount of time.
So why don't I just do it? Why do you care right?
don't know.
I do know that I've tried to "go pure" whatever that means many times. Where I just get back to life and ignore the pain. Then the pain wins, and I go analytical, then the pain wins, then I go pure, and the pain wins, then analytical and on and on....
The only thing I havent been able to do is stay off this board or not read anything, or not journal for more than 3 days in 17 long mos.
I think I need to set a date and stick to it and that could be the only way for forgetting everything. My family and work need me. I need me.
I'm hurtin pretty bad right now, and of course that keeps me coming back.
Kids back to school this upcoming week, wife back to work (teacher), and I can't go on looking for the next guru, looking for the next success story that makes it click for me, looking for the next therapist....etc..
I'm thinking of a month. Maybe 6 weeks.
Not sure when to start, or if I will, just stuff I'm thinking about. Don't know what it will do, I do know I need to get better organized in my life right now, and spending less time on the board might help. It's not like I ever get physical relief coming here, so why do I keep coming back to the well that never satiates me?
Let me bounce it off you guys, what do you think? Maybe I can stick to it if I know theres a date that I get to come back. And maybe the whole thing won't become a waste because I can prove that it doe'snt work perhaps?
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| 11 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| winnieboo |
Posted - 09/10/2008 : 18:26:07
quote:
This past week I was involved in the homework and quality time more.
It was great to hear this. It must feel great to read and to have written it, because before you left at the end of last month, you said:
quote:
My family and work need me. I need me.
So, in your 10 days away, you zeroed in and accomplished some of your goals. |
| skizzik |
Posted - 09/10/2008 : 16:56:05
wow, made it 10 days!
thanx alexis, that may be my next step.
I awoke @3:30am in pain and tossed and turned for a 1/2 hr. I couldn't shake the urge for some good ole forum comfort food.
So I thought I'd post an update while taking the risk of looking like I'm turning this into a blog.
I was so used to checking every couple of hours that seeing a dozen new threads or so was refreshing.
I read my last post where I was scheduling worry time, geez, forgot about that. Perhaps I've moved into more acceptence, don't know. Can't tell if pain better, worse, or same.
I do know I got a lot done, and proved that I don't need to be here every minute. I'm posting this now, and one kid is doing homework, and the other 2 are watching tv after school and I'm being reminded of all the time spent here when they did that. This past week I was involved in the homework and quality time more.
I could'nt go "pure" whatever that means, maybe no work, because I kept writing. Needed too, went nuts. I was clawing at the walls to come back here. Informing you guys was key for me though because it held me from coming back. I've tried to get off in the past, but was'nt accountable to anyone. I'm not accountable to any of you, but...i don't know...it helped.
I think I made a breakthru thought here or there journaling, since I was free'r to think then come here searching. But I thought I made breakthru's all last year, so whatever.
I was hoping to have 3 weeks go by and have the pain go down to a level where I'd want to not be here for a long time, but when it kicks you out of bed, whatta ya gonna do.
Dave made a lot of posts that hit home and were comforting as usual. And the longer I dwelve into the whole thing the more I think he's on track.
I recall giving up chocolate for 2-3 weeks because I was so hooked. Like crazy hooked. When I went back to it, I was able to eat a peice or 2 w/ no urge for more. I still binge on it from time to time, but nothing like b4 I went off it. Hopefully my 10 day retreat will carry over to here like that. Hey, maybe I'll eventually be pain free too!
Like hillbilly said, it's not normal to revolve my life around here. So right. |
| alexis |
Posted - 09/07/2008 : 12:52:47
quote:
Originally posted by skizzik
I think I need to get off the board, the books, the journaling, the trying to contact members for off the board advice....etc for a certain amount of time.
Hi skizzik,
This may seem a bit extreme, but kicking any sort of community board as a habit is hard - especially when you think somewhere in there is The Answer. New sites and blogs are similar, as are health sites for those who think they have a particular condition.
My advice if you can't break the habit? Look into both browser and firewall security settings, block the site, and have your wife keep the password. I've done this with a blog I was spending too much time on, and it did work. And soon other things fill the space.
Alexis |
| skizzik |
Posted - 08/30/2008 : 08:54:20
hi, I scheduled myself 5 min to be here yesterday, and it was cool seeing all these replies instead of checking every 5 min like I used to.
I've taken up "to do" listing which includes fun stuff for me to do and I see it as important because I got so much done yesterday and this morning.
I even scheduled 10 min of tms worry time yesterday afternoon, and it helped because I was freakin out while working w/ a bud yesterday but I kept telling myself to wait for later for my 10 min.
During the 10 min I kept trying to get the worry out, but I kept thinking about golf...lol..
hkp, thank you, knowing you guys will be here for me and the info isn't going anywhere is what I have to remember.
Hillbilly, thanx for the no nonsense reply, I needed that.
mk6283, if your'e interested you can go thru my early archive to a nauseating to me thread I put up I think it's titled "MRI tommorow...sigh" I'd link it, but I think I'll puke if I accidently read it again. 
Elorac, it did help thanx.
winnieboo, I think your therapist is right on. I'm gonna schedule a time to come back. 3 weeks? Trying to just leave the board permanently has proven to be to stressful to me.
debbette, I'll read it later. It looks like one of a thousand things I've read on it, but maybe there will be a nuggett for me, thanx.
Thanx armchair, you had great advice for me recently where I've got to figure what works for me and that means just going w/ my gut for now.
Alright,
I'm settling on 3 weeks of no "work" whatever work is. I see that my daily planning is gonna be key. Stuff like "research quarterbacks for fantasy football draft for 10 min" will be next to "clean basement for 10 min". And of course "worry about what if's for 5min" so I don't do it all day. I'm not gonna strive for perfection. I'm assuming I'll see results in 6mos. Not huge results, but I think thats the time I'll look back and see that I'm better than b4. See ya then. Cheers!
"I just keep trying to get a little better, just a little better than before"
-Axl Rose, from "Mr. Brownstone"
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| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 08/29/2008 : 11:57:22
Good luck skiz. As you know, I believe in you and your ability to find the path that will work for you. A break from external ideas might help with that.
Elorac:
quote:
I was analysing everything to death because I wasn't quite getting to the 100% belief that we're told we need to fully recover.
I used to have a sig that said "It's not 100% belief, it's 100% commitment". Once you commit to the TMS method, you might still have doubts but you don't let yourself obsess on them, and you don't dwell on thoughts or practices that are inconsistent with treating your symptoms as TMS.
--
What were you expecting? |
| debbette |
Posted - 08/29/2008 : 09:14:18
After reading this wonderful article http://www.stjohn.org/InnerPage.aspx?PageID=2480 and how obsessive I've gotten with this board, I have to agree with you. This taken from the above article rings true with me...
If your life has already begun to revolve around your particular symptoms, support groups tend to make it worse.
Have you tried therapy?
Best of luck,
Debbie |
| winnieboo |
Posted - 08/29/2008 : 06:37:33
Hi Skizzik,
Well, I hope you don't clear out the board! Your post got me thinking and Carole's did as well. I thought back to my first meeting with my therapist last January. She focused the session on what was going on in my life that week, that day. She reassured me that I was perfectly healthy, that the pain I was feeling, while real, was harmless and in the end, she said, what do you have to do for the rest of the day?
I was off work, so I was picking up my kids, shopping, preparing dinner, seeings friends that night. She said, great! Focus on that. Be open to everything the kids have to say to you, try a new recipe, etc.
I took her advice and put my focus outside of myself, and I felt better that night, without analyzing anything.
That's not to say that I still don't have days where I'm struggling and I try too hard. And in eight months, I have looked closer at my past. But the point is, maybe we don't always have to try so hard!
We will miss you if you take a break, but you can report back to us later, right? The bottom line is quote:
My family and work need me. I need me.
That is what life is all about, Skiz. |
| Elorac |
Posted - 08/29/2008 : 06:11:47
I think I am coming to a similar conclusion re. myself.
I was diagnosed TMS recently, and didn't feel the sense of relief that I thought I would. I was analysing everything to death because I wasn't quite getting to the 100% belief that we're told we need to fully recover.
I spoke to my TMS practitioner, and she said that over analysing symptoms and TMS information doesn't help. She said I was trying too hard.
I realised that probably what is best for me at the moment is to believe as much as I can and not worry if it's not 100% yet. I've kind of said to myself that I will act like I believe 100% for, say, the next few weeks, keep following the advice but stop myself from trying to convince myself or analyse symptoms.
So I'm just going to "let it be" for a while and have faith in the diagnosis I've been given by a professional, experienced person. Then I'll see how I feel in a couple of weeks. It's a bit like the "worry holiday" I mentioned to Winnieboo the other day.
I will be off the board for a while anyway from tomorrow as we're going on holiday, but I was thinking I might give it a break anyway. I am going to read sections of Sarno's books each day, just a bit that I know strikes a chord with me and makes me feel more confident in the diagnosis and of a full recovery. I'll also try to journal a bit each day, but not worry if I miss it occasionally.
I don't know if this helps you at all Skiz, but I hope it does.
Carole |
| mk6283 |
Posted - 08/29/2008 : 05:49:13
What are your symptoms? Studies?
Best,
MK |
| Hillbilly |
Posted - 08/28/2008 : 18:44:55
quote:
All agree you need to reclaim your normal life.
Precisely why you MUST go, skiz. You must. Nobody's normal life revolves around pain forums.
I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
Ralph Waldo Emerson |
| hkp |
Posted - 08/28/2008 : 18:33:41
Skizzik:
If this need for a break is coming from your inner voice or gut, or whatever you want to call it - then listen. If you fear that you're going to miss out on some critical piece of information - don't worry, it will be here waiting for you. Don't let fear prevent you from listening to what you really need.
I can't believe there is one precise formula that works for each and every person - we all have to come up wih our own. As I've read this board, I've learned that journalling works for some and not others. Some swear by CBT and others by insight therapy. SOme incorporate spirituality and some not.
All agree you need to reclaim your normal life. If this is what your break will allow, take it. You know everyone here is pulling for you!
hkp
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