| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| JayP |
Posted - 06/15/2004 : 09:45:07
Can anyone tell me if they've had good results with exercise as a way to release anxiety/stress/rage? I'm considering purchasing a new bicycle...I haven't ridden for years, but think it will give me the outlet I need. |
| 20 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| JayP |
Posted - 06/29/2004 : 13:28:47
Everyone,
Here's an interesting review on a book on bullying bosses I found on the Internet. Note my highlights in red!
Is your boss a bully?
Abusive use of power and control of employees in the workplace is a subject that many people are afraid to discuss. Two leading psychologists and a management expert bring this often-taboo subject to light in their new book, The Dragon Complex: Identifying and Conquering Workplace Abuse.
The authors define Dragons as bosses who use sophisticated psychological manipulation to achieve personal and malicious ends. These abusers seek total control over their workplaces in order to further their own goals and compensate for their own insecurities and neuroses. To accomplish this, they manipulate and attack workers and attempt to destroy those people who are unwilling to be controlled. Dragons use fear, intimidation, criticism, threats, and unethical practices to bring down their victims.
For targeted victims, the environment created by Dragons can bring on serious problems. The extreme, prolonged stress and tension can evolve into severe mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety. It can also bring about physical illness.
This issue is compounded by the fact that victims are often unaware of what is truly occurring and therefore, cannot rectify the situation. They may be angry, stressed, or tired but cannot pinpoint the exact cause. Often, these issues are explained away as simple job stress.
For more information, see our website at www.cypresspublishing.com or call us at 913.681.9875
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| Carolyn |
Posted - 06/29/2004 : 11:45:46
Thanks JayP - I printed it out.
Carolyn |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 06/29/2004 : 10:25:54
JayP, thanks for the times url-it worked. tt |
| JayP |
Posted - 06/29/2004 : 09:13:13
Carolyn,
I just went to print out another copy and had the same problem, but then figured out how to get it. Go to this URL:
http://www.nytimes.com/pages/health/
Scroll all the way to the bottom and you'll see the article "Fear in the Workplace: The Bullying Boss" under the Mental Health & Behavior section. I would suggest that anyone who is interested in this article print it out today or copy it into Word so you don't have to pay for it later on! |
| Carolyn |
Posted - 06/29/2004 : 07:58:49
I wanted to read the Bullying Boss article- since I suffered terribly under one a few years back. I think I have put it behind me- but who knows what my unconscious is holding onto?? I went to the New York Times site and can't access the article without paying for it. Am I doing something wrong? Thanks
Carolyn |
| JayP |
Posted - 06/29/2004 : 07:26:51
Good Guy,
When I read the bullying boss article, I couldn't believe it. I passed it on to 2 other people that are confidants and they too were shocked. We are all trying to figure out ways to deal with those humiliating incidents where one of us gets singled out during a staff meeting. She does exactly what the article says, she moves from one to another like clockwork. Before every meeting we all say, "I wonder who's turn it is this time?" The article also talks about the #2 person in the department who takes on the same bullying qualities. That's certainly true for us! The article starts off quoting a person who would start twitching on their way in to work due to a bullying boss--certainly a sign of TMS.
This morning at 5:00 AM I woke up from a weird dream that I can't even remember, but suddenly I remembered my first humiliating experience where I was the one in the hot seat at a staff meeting. It was last September. I kept telling myself it didn't hurt. I threw it all on her and what an ass she made of herself, but I refused to acknowledge my own feelings. Crying in bed (quietly) at 5:00 AM over something that happened 9 months ago certainly made me realize how much I'd suppressed/repressed these feelings. (Dave, you were right...sometimes we don't know what's really bothering us down in that well of rage we all have.)
I read in Amir's book last night how "self-talk" is very effective in healing TMS. But in doing that and acknowledging what you are mad about, does that make you angry for awhile? My anger is at an all time high, especially after my self-talk session this morning on my way into work. I'd be interested to know what others have experienced.
Thanks again, Austin Gary, for telling me about the article...it will come in very handy next year as our reorganization begins to take shape (if not sooner)!
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| austingary |
Posted - 06/28/2004 : 14:46:36
Does anyone have a copy, or know where to get a copy, of the bullying boss article?
If you mean the one I mentioned in a post to this topic on 6/22, that article was in the NY Times "Science Times" section, 6/22/04. You should be able to pull that up from the Times website. Requires free registration, if you haven't already. |
| goodguy |
Posted - 06/28/2004 : 13:34:07
Does anyone have a copy, or know where to get a copy, of the bullying boss article? Does it make any mention of physical, TMS type symptoms? |
| Carol |
Posted - 06/28/2004 : 08:46:04
I have to weigh in on the "rage against age" subject. I am 65, and this has been a HUGE issue for me. The pain began in ernest at age 61. I had been, and thankfully am again, a VERY active person. My husband and I hike, climb, mountain bike, and kayak during the good weather. In winter we ski and snow shoe, plus working out in a gym.
When I found Dr. Sarno I also found Dr. Sopher, right down the road from me. I went through his program, had a short lived recovery, then went right back into the pain. I e-mailed him to see if he had any suggestions as to what might be blocking my recovery. He said that my age was one factor that could be a problem. He also suggested therapy, which I did have for nearly a year.
Ultimately what finally began to help me, after doing all the psychological work to no avail, was to resume my physical activities. I simply refused to be a "pain criple" when there seemed to be nothing seriously wrong physically. I started by doing almost exactly what Gary recommends, walking and gradually increasing the time and intensity. Then I gradually added back my other physical activities. At the same time I continued to do the emotional work. Currently I am 100% back to full physical functioning, and take no pain medications at all.
As for the ageing issues, I am currently dealing with the issue of whether to get long term care insurance, which is a VERY emotionally loaded subject. I also have to update my will to reflect some changes that have taken place in my family during the past few years. These issues, when they surface, are always preceeded by huge pain increases. The pain dissapates as I actually deal with the problems and make the necessary decisions.
Carol |
| JayP |
Posted - 06/28/2004 : 07:44:21
Austin Gary,
Thank you for telling me about the Bullying Bosses article. I gave a copy to a friend who also works with me and we were amazed at how our boss fit the profile...now we have to figure out the best way to handle her. I've done some searching on this topic on the Internet, but as yet haven't found ways to deal with it that are new or that I think will work. I'll keep trying. Meanwhile, my TMS has settled down and over the weekend I was actually able to get on my knees and put my shoulders and head on the floor and it was mid-morning! My low back was very tight, but this was a first since January, so I'm making progress.
Thanks again. |
| Connie |
Posted - 06/24/2004 : 15:53:30
"Rage against age" probably applies to me too. I'm surprised that such a large portion of membership in support groups such as this one is of those near the 5-0. I turned 49 this year and have been having a lot of trouble dealing with aging for awhile already, especially since prolonged poor health has kept me from many experiences those of my age usually have. The loss is particularly hard to bear. I hadn't thought of it in connection with causing more TMS, but it certainly makes sense. My first reaction was, Oh no, not that too! Seems to be SO much to straighten out in order to be healthy! |
| JayP |
Posted - 06/24/2004 : 14:45:12
Carolyn,
Thanks for your comments. I think the rage against age was brought out in the Workbook I just bought or possibly Fred Amir's book. I bought 3 books at the same time and quickly scanned each to determine which to read first, so it may not have been in Sarno's.
I think the toughest part about aging for me is becoming invisible to men under 40, even though I'm 9 years older than that! My mind isn't middle-aged and the thought of seeing my mother when I look in the mirror is killing me! My weight is probably affecting me more than I care to admit. I'm 20 lbs. overweight, but I carry it fairly well since I'm 5'8"...but, I think I would look and feel more my "mind's age" if I lost the lbs. I love good food and good wine and can't seem to give either up...for long. So I guess I just made the circle and now I'm back to exercising, which I know I need to do and stop my procrastinating!! |
| Carolyn |
Posted - 06/24/2004 : 11:36:49
I just want to comment on the 'rage against age'. I don't remember this from Sarno's book but I think this is really interesting because in my journaling just last night, I was exploring why I have certain self-destructive behaviors and how they may come out of a form of self-loathing. One of the things I uncovered is that I think 'my mind is angry at my body' for letting it down. By this I mean both by getting older and by getting sick. My body is no longer perfect and my mind needs all things perfect and under my control, according to my TMS-prone personality. So I am angry at my body for betraying me and getting in the way of all the things my mind wants to do. I remember reading somewhere (The Power of Now -I think)that if you have the sensation of "I just can't stand to live with myself anymore" that must mean that 'I' and 'myself' are somehow different parts of you. I think aging gives me an uneasy feeling that I don't belong in this body anymore because it no longer represetns who I really am and maybe this split between body and mind is incredibly stressful to the sense of self and contributes to TMS and rage against age. Just some food for thougth.
Carolyn |
| JayP |
Posted - 06/24/2004 : 07:14:22
Texasrunner,
Thanks, I was skimming his book quickly yesterday and saw something on age, but didn't have time to read it, so I'll definitely check it out tonight. So how do we get over the rage...or does just accepting that it's a problem for us help? |
| Texasrunner |
Posted - 06/23/2004 : 12:56:54
JP- Dr. Sarno mentions in his book, how "rage against age" is a common and often overlooked source of tension. He mentioned how he didn't realize how prevalent it is until he discovered that it was a source of rage in himself. It's probably more common than we think.
PS- I'm 49 and approaching thebig 50. Although I am not conscious of the rage against getting older, I bet it's there, big-time in my sub-consicousness. |
| JayP |
Posted - 06/23/2004 : 11:56:36
Thanks, Austingary. I will definitely check out that book. I just started reading Sarno's MindBody Prescription last night and it's got a lot of great new information.
With regard to health/fitness, I used to be more health conscious when I was younger but somehow it slipped away from me. It's time to begin anew, but the older I get, the harder it is. Maybe by beginning a regular exercise program, I'll start feeling younger! Fortunately, I look 8-10 years younger than I really am, due to excellent genes on both sides of my family, but mentally and physically, I'm beginning to feel ancient as I approach the big 5-0. Age is a big issue for me, and it may be contributing to my TMS. I catch myself talking about age quite a bit, and someone recently said to me, "You sound like you're 80!". Wow, that hit home! I definitely need some de-programming about age!
Thanks again for your last post.
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| austingary |
Posted - 06/23/2004 : 09:36:30
Fitness has truly taken a back seat to work, and other activities that I'm involved in.
But you sound like a rational person and a rational person has to realize that we are biological creatures, therefore everything else in your life comes tumbling down in ruins if your biology suffers a major hit. So, your first attention must be to your biology -- your physical fitness.
Because of the way we have evolved, we are healthiest when we eat certain foods and eschew others, don't eat very much so that we stay quite lean, and exercise consistenly so that all of our musculature gets regular movement against some resistance. So, those are the things that a rational person does.
In addition, we have to defend ourselves against the particular threats to our health that are posed by modern civilization. For example, a body that evolved to be more or less constantly on the move while awake, just squatting down occasionally for rest, now sits for 9 hours straight in a chair (invented 6000 years ago), leaning forward unnaturally, moving only in a very small circle right in front of the body. When this ends, the body moves to another chair (car), then another (recliner), then to bed. And that's it. Punctuated only by eating manufactured food that destroys the body and far too much of it, at that. And we wonder why we get sick!
Yesterday, I was reading an interesting article in Science Times about potassium metabolism. Seems that, because we evolved eating mostly fruits and vegetables (high potassium, low sodium),our bodies excrete potassium quickly but hold onto sodium. But now, most people eat manufactured foods loaded with sodium but few fruits and vegetables. Result? Diseases directly related to too much sodium and not enough potassium in the body. Just one more example of how ignoring the evolution of our bodies leads to trouble.
I strongly recommend that Egoscue book, "Pain Free at Your PC" to you. Sounds to me as though it's written for you. |
| JayP |
Posted - 06/22/2004 : 13:24:56
Austingary,
Thanks for your responses. I will definitely check out the bullying bosses article.
Yes, my environment is difficult. Before coming here 2 years ago I was on the road a lot working for a big software company doing presentations. Lots of variety, which I thrive on. My travel has shrunk to next to nothing now because of budget cuts, but I'm actually glad since all of the trips I've been on have included my boss. So staying home and just going to work everyday is easier on me than schlepping bags through the airport and putting in 14-15 hour days, trapped with my boss! I do want to move on, but as I've said in past posts, I have too much at stake. Jobs at my pay level are difficult if not impossible to find. Plus next year I'll have 5 weeks of vacation per year, which is important to me. I actually like the work I do. It's challenging, interesting, and some times Fun! I'm constantly learning new things, everything from writing articles on a topic I know nothing about (that got published last year!), to working with state and federal law enforcement. With a new boss, I'd love it!
The older I get the more I realize how important fitness should be in my life. I just can't seem to get out of the gate. I have a mother who never exercised...ever. Great role model. I have a husband who also doesn't exercise. My father on the other hand, at 82, still works as a golf ranger and will begin playing golf as soon as he's recovered from his knee replacement. My brother, 52, is the sports fanatic in the family...windsurfer, hockey player, snow skier, runner, to name a few. I was very active until after college. Biking, skiing, and figure skating were all sports I enjoyed. Fitness has truly taken a back seat to work, and other activities that I'm involved in. So, I think it's time to bite the bullet and turn one of my guest rooms into a home gym! I've been talking about it for over a year, but just haven't made the effort to do it. Thanks for giving me the motivation to get the ball rolling!
I appreciate your posts. They're definitely having a positive impact on me! |
| austingary |
Posted - 06/22/2004 : 12:45:14
One other point: your work environment, as you describe it, sounds extremely oppressive. That alone could give you body pain, even without torturing your body by putting it in front of a computer for 9 hours a day with no exercise.
The last time I worked in a situation that oppressive -- which was about 35 years ago -- I had stomach pain until the day I quit.
There is an article, btw, about bullying bosses in today's NY Times "Science Times". |
| austingary |
Posted - 06/22/2004 : 12:17:59
That's hard for me since I sit in front of a computer 9 hours a day.
Well, here's the concept: your health and fitness comes first on the priority list. Health first, everything else after that. If you are a rational person, grounded in the real world, then you have to see that, since you are a biological creature, you must attend to your biology first.
That doesn't mean that you do not shift your schedule around to accomodate your job and other responsibilities. Of course you do. But it does mean that if your job or other elements in your life force you to maintain a poor diet, restrict your body into positions that harm it or keep you from exercising, then you have to make changes so that is no longer the case.
Yes, you have to "make an effort" to get up and walk. Attending to your health and fitness is just one such "effort" after the other. The good thing is that after you force yourself to make these efforts for a period of time they will become habits so that it is actually harder to not make those efforts than it is to make them.
I go to the gym 3X a week, run 2 or 3X/week. To someone who does not have those habits, they would be a big effort but for me, who has been doing them for 20+ years, it would be much harder not to do them.
How you sit those 9 hours a day at your computer and the things you don't do while you are sitting there are probably the primary cause of your pain. Related to how the human body evolved in the evolutionary environment, what you are doing to your body is extremely unnatural, a form of physical torture. So, you must learn to counter that. You probably need to learn a new way to sit as well as exercises you can do while sitting and during constant small breaks during the day. Yes, getting up and walking around will certainly be one of them.
Egoscue also has a book, "Pain Free at Your PC". I have it but have not read it. It appears to cover pretty much the same territory as the "Pain Free" book with special emphasis on people in exactly your situation. So, you might want to check that out. |
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