| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Villen |
Posted - 07/16/2008 : 02:33:41
Hi!
I just wondered: I know that the "inner child thing" (sorry for my english-I am norwegian;)is important in curing TMS, but how important are the stressors "in the now" (especially those its hard to change? I acceptance and calmness imortant words here? For example, could a troublesome relationship/not knowing if he is the right for me, be the real reason for my pain and other healthissues? I know I have many issues from my childhood, have always been a big worrier and obsessed with what other people may think of me etc.
I also have had problems with understanding why I don`t like my self...Before I tend to think it was because of my pains and anxiety and POTS symptoms ("If I didn`t have the pains etc I would do this and that and would be a much happier person, its sooo unfair that I have this ") But the last says I have realised that this crap is all I fill my life with, and maybe that is whats been keeping me "safe" and not dealing with the real stuff in my life...
I also wondered, have any of you benefited from changing you lifestyle in genereal ( stop smoking, drinking, reduced coffee, sugar, more meditation etc etc?)
And one more thing, is it possible to email Dr Sarno?
Villen:)
Villen |
| 4 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Scottydog |
Posted - 07/17/2008 : 00:14:13
quote:
At my appt, Dr. Sarno drew a beaker beginning to overflow with issues: 1/3 childhood, 1/3 our personality, 1/3 life's everyday stressors.
This is interesting as it's the first time I've seem this 1/3 idea.
Dr Sarno says '1/3 life's everyday stressors' - note the word 'everyday'. Since I've started concentrating on small niggles my sleep problem has greatly decreased.
It's not things like 'should I seek a divorce?' or 'should I have my elderly mother live with me?' but the trivia, 'should I drive all the way into town to buy a congratulations card for not very close friend', 'should I spend all day cooking as husband's brother is coming to visit?', 'should I clean the car as husband gets annoyed when it's muddy?'. And the answer to these is to DEAL with them, not kid yourself that you don't really mind whilst silently gritting your teeth or persuading yourself that they are irrelevant as they aren't important - believe me, they really do matter (to your inner child or whatever),
So you go into town for the card, but make sure you allow time to browse round your favourite shop. You buy in the food for husband's brother (life's too short etc), and you bribe your son to clean the car ----- so everything is dealt with and not praying on your mind.
I recommend you give this a try, Villen, write the niggles down or you will be unaware that they are even there, it is too easy to dismiss them as silly. I have had great success with this to date. |
| Littlebird |
Posted - 07/16/2008 : 23:50:12
Hi Villen,
Your question about a troublesome relationship reminded me of this thread, because Maryalma8 talked about how even though she loved her best friend, her symptoms improved when she lost him and stopped having the constant worries about her friend's well being.
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=4706
One of the best books I've read on discovering what you need to get from a partner in order to be happy is called "Will Our Love Last?" by Dr. Sam Hamburg. The author really does a good job of helping a person analyze what they need in a relationship in order to be happy. Feeling love for someone doesn't guarantee that you can make a happy life with them. And the constant stress of a difficult relationship has contributed to TMS in some of the people who've posted on this board, so it's wise of you to recognize that this could be adding to your TMS. It would be good to journal about your feelings regarding the relationship, or speak to someone about them.
The other issues you mentioned, such as issues from childhood, being a worrier, and not liking yourself are all likely to be contributing, so journaling about those feelings will probably be useful to you as well.
Reading this forum is an excellent way to learn more, so I encourage you to continue reading and asking questions.
Best wishes! |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 07/16/2008 : 11:10:50
As Lori said, the stressors are a combination of past pressures, current pressures, and personality factors. It sounds like you are a type (as most of us are) to put some pressure on yourself to figure stuff out and handle it well. That kind of pressure can result in internal conflict leading to TMS.
Being accepting and calm can be two different things -- it can be genuine acceptance, or it can just be an attempt to push away the feelings that we have about a difficult situation. Accepting that we have the feelings we have, whether joy or anger, happiness or frustration, is very important in TMS.
An improved lifestyle is almost always going to be beneficial, but keep in mind that changing your lifestyle is also stressful! Particularly to the unconscious mind or "inner child", the part that wants to keep doing what it wants even if it doesn't have good effects in the long term. So I would not put great focus on changing your lifestyle unless it is really out of whack.
Focus on understanding the TMS concepts (benign, non-structual physical problems with an emotional source) and accepting the feelings you may have about your past and current life experiences.
--
What were you expecting? |
| mizlorinj |
Posted - 07/16/2008 : 10:19:56
Villen:
Yes. Everyday stressors can cause mind/body issues. I have had minor aches or issues that I determined were related to say, anticipation of an upcoming event, angry at my brother for something, afraid to tell my boyfriend something, etc. Once I worked through the feelings and set reasonable expectations for myself, problem vanished. Example: I felt angry at myself over something and had a tummy ache yesterday-all day. I woke up this morning and lovingly told myself that I meant well with this person but to lay off (release myself--felt good) and let things be. No tummy ache now. I knew the issue was stressing me and it manifest itself in my stomach.
What you are talking about with your boyfriend is a life issue--if he is right for you or what you should do. Can be quite stressful. How about talking out or writing out your feelings? See where it leads you. Maybe you'll feel more secure or make other decisions.
At my appt, Dr. Sarno drew a beaker beginning to overflow with issues: 1/3 childhood, 1/3 our personality, 1/3 life's everyday stressors.
It's what YOU think of you that matters!! Not what others think.
For me, I figure it's good to cut sugar and caffeine (my experience--I don't smoke at all and have 1 or 2 drinks infrequently). So I do believe those lifestyle changes have their benefits. One person who was trying to stop smoking--it was suggested that when she have her ciggy she be smoking ONLY--not smoking while driving, eating, etc. and really pay attention to what she was doing. Then see if she really wanted to smoke . . .
And your English is FINE! Better than my Norwegian! LOL
Best wishes!
-Lori |
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