| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| southpaw |
Posted - 05/06/2008 : 13:33:49
Just thought I'd give an update on my TMS journey. I'm from Ontario, Canada and haven't found any doctors to help me out so so far I've been doing everything by reading Sarno's Divided Mind, Fred Amirs book and reading this very helpful forum.
I've been struggling with back and neck pain and constant sciatica for ten years now. Since it felt like nerve pain I got an MRI ten years ago and a malformation called Basalar Invagination was found. ALso my C1 vertebrae and C2 were naturally fused. If you look the first one up it sounds very scary and sounds like it could explain my symptoms. However after visiting a neurologist he said there was no compression of the brain stem and this could not explain my symptoms.
Well since then I've tried to figure where all this miserable pain was coming from so after chiropractors, physical therapists etc. I came to the conclusion that it was piriformis syndrome, SI joint dysfunction and basically just a screwed up structural system.Oh yeh and one leg longer then the other.
Well since coming across Sarno's book in February I've diagnosed myself with TMS. I've done the journaling and discovered lots of unexpected stuff that I won't get into now.
Fred Amir's book has helped with deconditioning and visualization. I have been learning to block the pain and picturing oxygen flowing wherever the pain is.
I have been making a lot of strides but I seem to get ahead of it and then it comes back with a vengeance. I knew there was something else I was missing.
I talked to my husband about what the neurologist actually said ten years ago because I couldn't exactly remember and I think I've always believed that the malformation has something to do with all this pain. He remembered more clearly what he actually said.
I know I have to get over that the malformation is causing this and that is the tough part; but as soon as I talked to my husband out loud about it the pain decreased. Hmm good sign.
My next stumbling block that I've figured out is thinking psychologically rather then physically. I thought I was doing this but I wasn't sure. The seasoned TMSer's on here kept repeating that, so I thought that maybe I wasn't quite getting that aspect right. Now I know I wasn't.
So the other day when I had to do a full days work lifting boxes and bending over(I'm helping my husband with his new store) I just tried to ignore the pain and kept telling my brain that this wasn't a physical problem it was psychological. I got through the day so much better then I normally would and the next day had no stifness(I normally would have had to lay on the couch all day from stifness after a day like that). Things have been going good this week so I'm quite excited again.
I don't know why it's taken me this long to "get it" I guess my stubbornness. Normally I would go through the day and think "I wonder how my pain is going to be or how my body is going to treat me or why is my hip so out of wack"?
Anyways I think I finally get it so I thought I'd share this if it might help other struggle rs. Think psychologically, I repeat think psychologically!
Now I have to get over the "OH my god I can't be getting better it's too good to be true" mentality, any suggestions?
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| 5 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| carbar |
Posted - 05/09/2008 : 23:36:56
quote:
Dr. Sarno lecture last year, and he said "every illness/condition is a gift."
Wow, Ms. Lori, thanks for posting this. I've been away for a while, but it's great to come back and read this statement!
I like your positive affirmation of I deserve good health.
Southpaw, good luck with your journey. Sounds like you are on the way. I remember when I was first getting better from 7 years of TMS pain. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for some other symptom to show up. And even though that thought was lurking, it never did. Working on over 2 years without any of my main symptoms now. :)
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| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 05/07/2008 : 11:35:46
quote:
This would be very different from say..... the Type A people. They are walls of integrity, righteousness and endurance....They have strokes and heart attacks, not back and neck pain.
Sorry to break into this rather intense thread with such a prosaic point, but this is just not true. There are plenty of type-As with TMS pain. We get whatever distractions work for us, whatever our personality types might be.
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
| southpaw |
Posted - 05/07/2008 : 08:57:34
Thanks Mizlorinz and Baseball,
I don't think I'm a negative person, more that I had inner anger at a couple of things. One was the total loss of my Catholic faith, yes things did start at that time(religious people would probably say it was God's anger at me). Another was that I was raising three kids while my husband was too busy to help much so I never had time to pursue my goal of being an Illustrator/Artist. I love my kids and felt the sacrifice was worth it at the time but I guess my subconscious didn't like it much. (hope my kids don't feel about me the way you feel about your mother Baseball).
After the pain came I never had energy to pursue my dream, just mostly get through the day and try to raise my kids as well as possible. Over the years I did find things that helped, like walking and swimming.
I think part of the "too good to be true" is that this method is so different from what we have been told and what we have believed for so long. It makes sense but yes it's so tricky, even when you have tons of evidence that it's working your little inner gremlin keeps up with the denial.
I may get those Louise Hays books for my daughter as she is going through anxiety and is very negative right now. |
| Baseball65 |
Posted - 05/06/2008 : 15:46:57
"Oh my god, it's too good to be true"
Hmmm... I think I'll go ahead and get controversial here for a minute. All my opinions are highly biased by the fact that I have been symptom free for so long and have had success against virtually every relapse, no matter where in my body it struck. I haven't gotten a cold in over two years and I am a heavy smoker who exercises sporadically.
I think a lot of people get occasional TMS and that it's widely under diagnosed. That being said, not all of us are Lifer-TMSer's. I get the impression that us Lifers have a unifying quality or characteristic. That is, we have an awareness of our own limitations and shortcomings and are sort of prone to blame ourselves for things in our environment. It might be part of the 'Goodist', though it is actually a selfish trait...if WE are the problem then there is something WE can do to stop the problem.(control) All the world should be OK as long as WE don't screw it up.
When I was in Therapy for TMS related Rage, my therapist who was well versed in the fundamentals of anger-child-ID made something clear to me that Sarno has reiterated in "the divided mind". He said that since my Father died when I was 5, I effectively killed him. To a 5 year old, the sun only rises because he's there to see it. Anything that happens in a 3-6 year olds world is of his own making.
Since the Unconscious stores these things, but has NO sense of time, I not only killed my Father, I killed my father every day for 37 years now. I ruined my Mom's life by being born....every day, for 36 years....(she told me so)... I screwed up my 'last chance' around the time I was 12 and it was clear to the world that all the problems in it are my fault.
Now.. how can anyone so depraved, useless ...a MURDERER be entitled to any sort of respite from punishment? We read that Jeffery Dahmer get's murdered in prison and we all think "He had it coming"...Mussolini is strung up with Piano wire and all of Italy cheered. Nazi war criminals are caught and everyone says "good! roast the B-tard"
So, we judge ourselves continually and we are guilty, over and over and over and over and over and over.... every moment of every day for years.
Than, a simple rapid and thorough program of recovery comes around and we (the peanut gallery in our head that has watched all of these other trials) says "Oh my god, it's too good to be true"
And it's so easy...NOT. It's sort of a trick. It's a lot easier than having conduit run up your backside every week at the sports medicine facility, but it's actually very painful finding out your Mother doesn't like you, you married the wrong person, you chose your career for someone else,etc,etc,etc.
There have been days I miss the blissful ignorance I lived in, and still do. I just don't miss the pain.
But back to the main idea... I think people who suffered from TMS intensely, like you and I tend to have some sort of leaking from the unconscious of that Narcissistic rage Vs. self esteem. This would be very different from say..... the Type A people. They are walls of integrity, righteousness and endurance....They have strokes and heart attacks, not back and neck pain.
Now...all of that set aside, I too have the congenital fusion, but mines in my back. I painted all day today. I'll lift weights later, or maybe play Baseball. I skateboarded all morning on my knee that "blew up" a few weeks back.
I also remembered to thank GOD this morning... for letting me in on his little prank...that guy(LOL)
You will be well.
-bb65 |
| mizlorinj |
Posted - 05/06/2008 : 14:13:14
Hi Southpaw from Canada. BTW, I love every city in Canada I've been to.
I suggest positive affirmations to change the "too good to be true" mindset. I totally empathize because I was the same way. "oh, wait, there's got to be SOMETHING I need to be worrying about." Took years to change it but it's hardly there anymore. I've learned to truly savor life and realize it all CAN BE AND IS GOOD!!!
I like: I deserve and enjoy good health now.
LOUISE HAY!! I can't say enough about Louise and her books and dvd about CHOOSING to be positive in your life. It truly is a choice.
I was re-reading my notes from the Dr. Sarno lecture last year, and he said "every illness/condition is a gift." I probably chuckled at the time I heard it. Yes, my being laid up with back pain was the biggest eye opener of my life and has brought a changed life for me. But we have to CHOOSE to make our life different. BETTER!
Best wishes for healing,
-Lori |
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