| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Dr Dave |
Posted - 01/27/2008 : 17:34:39
Hello again,
A large number of posts here mention personal characteristics of those who suffer from TMS. I read about perfectionism, people-pleasing, and those who are extremely driven and hard working and others who are angry, fatigued, anxious, or tense.
I have learned from interviews with thousands of patients whose diagnostic tests are normal that, in many cases, those personal characteristics AND the physical symptoms are both caused by hidden stresses in the patient's life. Successful, durable relief follows uncovering and treating those hidden causes which include:
o Present day stress
o Less obvious manifestations of depression, post-traumatic stress and anxiety disorder o The prolonged effects of a difficult childhood
One brief example involves two characteristics of my many patients who grew up in unpredictable violence or abuse. First, they learn to be very detail-oriented because they are, in effect, growing up in a mine field. It is no surprise that many are perfectionist, hard-working adults. Second, they learn to suppress their emotional reaction to the abuse as a survival technique. Therefore, as adults, they lack experience in verbal expression of emotions. That leaves expression into the body as a main (and symptom-causing) alternative.
Understanding the roots of these issues is the key to long-lasting relief. You can't begin getting rid of a hidden stress until the source is out in the open. In my book I describe a spectrum of four dozen different patients and how their hidden stresses were uncovered and treated. I recognize that this approach may differ from what some readers of the forum are accustomed to so I would love to hear what you think.
Thank you. Dave Clarke www . stressillness . com |
| 10 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Dr Dave |
Posted - 02/08/2008 : 18:31:17
Sarno often mentions links between symptoms and unexpressed anger. My view of medically unexplained symptoms is that often they result from expression of anger via the body. This can occur when anger is not being expressed in words or actions. In my work with patients I try to find what people are angry about. Often the anger is hidden. If we uncover the source of the anger the person can then work on expressing it verbally (written or spoken). The more the anger is expressed in words, the less seems to go into the body.
For example, when a person who has survived childhood stress recognizes how heroic they were to have overcome those challenges, it changes their self-image and also how they look at those close to them. Then, if they do journaling, their writing is usually quite therapeutic. This approach has helped thousands of my patients.
Dave Clarke www . stressillness . com |
| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 02/05/2008 : 00:56:11
Yes, Sarno talks about subtle emotional abuse or coldness in TDM...
...and (as a therapist) I would like to add something similar to this last point.
Emotional incest is as intense as physical incest. If your parent used you as his/her primary partner on an emotional level––in other words used you for their needs rather than being there as an adult for yours––the unconscious experiences pretty much the same violation as if there was actual sexual abuse.
AND it can be worse, because you have never been able to validate why you feel so strange when "nothing happened."
I like the comments above by Dave about the heroism. It pinpoints the fact that part of the resolution for many of us is to validate our own suffering and the strength it took to get through it. This sure beats feeling like a loser because you have mystery illnesses and you really should just get off it because nothing much happened to you...
xxx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| teleskiqueen |
Posted - 02/04/2008 : 20:37:34
Wow
I never thought of the long-term, although somewhat subtle forms of abuse.
Wow. |
| teleskiqueen |
Posted - 02/04/2008 : 20:36:29
quote:
Originally posted by Dr Dave
Thank you for those last three posts. I hear similar comments from my patients regularly. Jeremy's comment, for example: it surprises many of my patients that subtle emotional abuse can produce adverse long-term consequences every bit as severe as physical or sexual abuse. One of my patients, for example, had to prove he was better than his siblings in order to get praise or affection from his parents. He suffered no other form of abuse but this was enough to make him physically ill in his 30s.
Many of my patients have gained insight by imagining a child that they care about growing up just as they did and that they must observe the child but can't intervene. (A variation is to imagine being forced, for 24 hours, to treat your own child exactly as you were treated.) This painful exercise brings home how much a childhood stress survivor has overcome. It confirms how strong they are to have survived.
Then I ask people to recognize that a hero in our society is someone who has overcome a physical or emotional challenge for a good cause. Childhood stress survivors have done exactly that. When you can accept your own heroism, you have taken the essential first step to recovering from stress illness (my term for TMS).
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| Dr Dave |
Posted - 02/04/2008 : 15:39:22
Thank you for those last three posts. I hear similar comments from my patients regularly. Jeremy's comment, for example: it surprises many of my patients that subtle emotional abuse can produce adverse long-term consequences every bit as severe as physical or sexual abuse. One of my patients, for example, had to prove he was better than his siblings in order to get praise or affection from his parents. He suffered no other form of abuse but this was enough to make him physically ill in his 30s.
Many of my patients have gained insight by imagining a child that they care about growing up just as they did and that they must observe the child but can't intervene. (A variation is to imagine being forced, for 24 hours, to treat your own child exactly as you were treated.) This painful exercise brings home how much a childhood stress survivor has overcome. It confirms how strong they are to have survived.
Then I ask people to recognize that a hero in our society is someone who has overcome a physical or emotional challenge for a good cause. Childhood stress survivors have done exactly that. When you can accept your own heroism, you have taken the essential first step to recovering from stress illness (my term for TMS). |
| Jeremy |
Posted - 02/04/2008 : 08:24:18
I am wondering if the "prolonged results of a difficult childhood" that you mention, Dr. Dave, can in your experience manifest in someone who did not have a overtly traumatic childhood-- no violence or physical abuse -- but instead experienced slow, steady, often subtle, and cumulative emotional abuse.
That, I think, would describe my situation. And I deeply relate to this idea:
quote:
Originally posted by Dr Dave
Therefore, as adults, they lack experience in verbal expression of emotions. That leaves expression into the body as a main (and symptom-causing) alternative.
Long before I came across TMS, I have suspected this exact thing: that not being able to express my emotions was causing that emotional energy to express itself via the body. Now that I understand TMS I can see more directly what's at play.
But I'll admit I'm still frustrated because I know all this, I've done years of therapy and have a pretty good handle on what's going on and what the issues are, and yet the symptoms persist. I am definitely not one of those that you see talked about in Dr. Sarno's books who gets educated about TMS and bang, the symptoms disappear!
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| painintheneck |
Posted - 02/03/2008 : 23:39:21
"Therefore, as adults, they lack experience in verbal expression of emotions. That leaves expression into the body as a main (and symptom-causing) alternative."
On that note,I find that when I get angry or frustrated I experience pain symptoms no matter if I try to verbalize my feeling or not. During confrontation I have a fight or flight anxiety type experience and immediate neck and shoulder pain.
...................................................................
I will reread your book because I did have some thoughts I wanted to post but to be clear it's worth rereading first.
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| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 02/03/2008 : 03:49:12
Thanks for persisting, Dr. Dave. I have your book, and will now read it.
Yes, for some of us, crawling out of childhood pain seems to be a life's work. Not to say that life can't also be great. But these symptoms have made the whole thing hard to just "dismiss."
I appreciate what you are doing.
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| Dr Dave |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 23:41:55
Thank you, Scotty Dog. I have interviewed thousands of patients who have had a similar experience. It can be helpful to look back on difficulties experienced in childhood and see them as analogous to having been born in a wilderness. Finding your way out of that wilderness takes strength, perseverance and heroism often far beyond what most would think possible at that age in life.
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| Scottydog |
Posted - 01/31/2008 : 04:46:29
quote:
in many cases, those personal characteristics AND the physical symptoms are both caused by hidden stresses in the patient's life
Yes, this was definitely the case for me. I had a desperate need to be admired and seen as respectable (due to shame over my alcoholic father) so my capable and helpful tendencies (always available, always helpful) were a sham to maintain this illusion to myself!
It is such a relief now to be selfish and self-indulgent like everyone else! |
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