| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| positivevibes |
Posted - 01/17/2008 : 17:57:38
2007 was a year of hell for me. This episode of lower back pain began in March 2007 and has still not left me. It's the longest amount of consecutive weeks I've ever had back pain. It has been a hellish rollercoaster ride that has taken away my normal life. I cry when I wish I could take a vacation from my body -- because I haven't been able to totally relax for many months.
I'm a 47-year old mom of 2 who runs a demanding internet business from home. I have been suffering with back and neck problems on and off since I was a young teen. My mother has back problems, so I've been hearing about back problems since I was a kid. My Mom (now age 85) has never done any physical exercise -- too afraid to hurt herself. I have never wanted to turn out like her. I've been an active person my whole life. I play tennis and workout and dance and lift weights and have done lots of things. The fear of "turning into my mother because of back pain" is strong. I WILL NOT let it happen!
I have a few bulging discs and some "normal" arthritis in my back. According to my current medical doc (an osteopath who has been doing manipulations on me for 4 months), my back is now structurally OK although he says my muscles are still a bit imbalanced and my facia is "tighter than average." My spine was actually a bit twisted when I first came to him (I could feel it), and he fixed it and I felt a LOT better within a few weeks. He says I really shouldn't be having any more pain. He's a very good doctor, and I believe him. Nevertheless, the stupid pain just kept coming back one way or another. It wasn't bad pain...but just enough to keep me worrying and in a state of fear and apprehension.
Since March 2007 I tried everything that had worked previously:
-saw my orthopedist
-did physical therapy
-saw the orthodpedist again -- he wanted to shoot cortisone into my spine, but I did not want it, so instead, I...
-got acupuncture
-got painful shiatsu massages that left me with bruises
-tried the Egoscue method (at one of their local clinics). This helped quite a bit. Good stretches and stuff.
-found an Osteopath (he helped immensely)
But even though I'm a LOT better, the pain keeps coming back here and there and moving around. I keep wondering WHY...WHY, when he tells me that in his opinion I'm "cured"?
I had come across a reference to Dr. Sarno when I was researching the Egoscue "Pain Free" books. I asked my osteopath about him. He said that he's heard that Dr. Sarno's method has helped a lot of people and he didn't see anything wrong with it. So I decided, based on his opinion and the pages of positive reviews in Amazon, to give it a try. I got several of his books from the library. Dr. Sarno describes me to a T:
-perfectionist
-a bit compulsive
-repressed rage, anger, and anxiety
-depressed sometimes
-life feels out of control, overwhelmed
-developed panic attacks a few years ago out of the blue
-A person with Type-A lifestyle but in touch with my feelings and sensitive to the feelings of others
-Hashimoto's Thyroiditis (under control with Synthroid)
I guess I am really a quintessetial TMS personality.
I just bought his lecture/workbook series because I thought it might be more helpful than just reading the book. I'm looking forward to exorcising some of my personal demons and telling my "back monster" to get lost! I decided to start psychological therapy. I definitely have some issues to work out (both from childhood and the present)and I think it's a perfect time to face some fears and make some changes. I want 2008 to be MY year.
The most interesting thing happened to me last week:
It's a 2-hour drive from my house to a really nice health spa resort. Ironically I was on my way to this resort 4 years ago when I got my first panic attack while driving my car (terrifying). Subsequently, I began to have a fear of driving. But I battled it. I got Cognitive Behavior Therapy and forced myself to overcome it. Which I did, about 85%. I avoided going to that spa for several years. One stretch of freeway really scared me. But recently my life got really stressful and I really wanted to go to that spa again because I love it so much. The anxiety of driving there was strong, but I forced myself to go. I told myself it was "just a road" and that I've done this before and was capable of it. Lots of positive self-talk.
The drive was successful; some anxiety but no panic attacks at all. Very positive. I got to the resort Thursday night. Friday morning I was scheduled for some nice treatments. I had paid by credit card, but the stupid credit card company decided this would be a great time to verify that the sale was legitimate. So I had to call the credit card company to confirm the sale. I was really annoyed and I wanted to scream, but of course I didn't because I was in the serene spa lobby. And then it happened -- a muscle in my upper back suddenly began to spasm painfully! I've never had a spasm in THAT muscle before, it was very odd. I remembered what I'd read in Dr. Sarno's book and immediately thought "it's from the anger at the credit card company I'm repressing, and a delayed reaction to the anxiety of driving up here." It made me feel better to acknowledge my feelings, but it still took a few days for the muscle to relax itself. My treatments were somewhat ruined because of the pain from the muscle spasm. BUT -- I stayed at resort 2 days longer than I had planned and did the treatments again -- this time with total glee.
Finally I was having a terrific time and for the first time in months, I felt TOTALLY RELAXED, despite a little bit of pain left over from the muscle spasm. The difference was that THIS TIME I realized it was no big deal. I yelled at my brain to knock it off and quit worrying and quit terrorizing my body. I told myself that this muscle spasm didn't mean the beginning of anything bad. It didn't mean anything at all. It would go away. I thought to myself, "would I freak out if I pulled my calf muscle? NO! Then why should I freak out about this?!"
Well anyway, I wanted to share my story and my progress with you. I am at the beginning of what will be a very interesting road. If it's OK with you guys, I'd like to post as I go on with the treatment.
I really want Dr. Sarno's methods to be the answer for me. I KNOW that I internalize a lot of things and that they've built up over the years. What happened at the spa was such a direct example of repressed emotions causing back pain -- amazing!
Last March, when I my back "went out" on me, I was under a tremendous amount of pressure and had an ENORMOUS amount of anxiety about numerous things. Looking back on it, it's no wonder that things turned out this way.
I want so badly to be one of the success stories on this message board.
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| 9 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| DitaH |
Posted - 01/27/2008 : 04:51:49
I spend the 8 hours / day at work on PC and then make music at night on the PC... I figured out my tms problems and the pain went away. MY life seems very stressful right now, but hey, that's life :-P
bless
Andrew
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| qso |
Posted - 01/20/2008 : 20:10:20
Right. And in your case particularly, positivevibes, this is a new trap set up by your subconscious. Don't fall for it for a second because you will find that you will be able to sit at the computer less and less until it becomes almost impossible-this is precisely what happened to me. Your subconcious is panicking because it knows that you are hot on the trail of finding out the real truth about what is happening to your body and it is going to try every dirty trick to prevent you from reaching the finish line. I now even can sit on completely unergonomic chairs for hours in front of a computer (as many people do every day and have done for years) and say -ha! how do you like that! |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 01/20/2008 : 19:12:35
The "you can hurt yourself by being at the computer too long" is essentially mythos. I mean, don't spend 48 hours straight there, right? But 8-hour days with some recreational internet surfing at night is fine.
--
It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
| lidge |
Posted - 01/20/2008 : 18:15:32
PositiveVibes-
There is another thread started by Shary called "Thyroid Connection" where we discuss this. Probably others that I'm not aware of. I'm struggling too with sorting this all out. Those of us who are women, particularly in our late 40s, seem to have thyroid and/or other hormonal issues which muddy the waters. Hypothyroidism certainly can lead to muscle pain. Very frustrating. |
| qso |
Posted - 01/20/2008 : 17:06:18
A note about sitting at the computer too long:
I once *thought* that my "back problem" was created **entirely** by sitting at the computer too long. I would often have to do 16 hour days consecutively, doing two days work in one day, up until 2am, and awake again at 6am to take drop the kids off at school. Obviously that all had to stop when I got the TMS and was unable to sit for more than 15 minutes and had to get a lounge chair in the office. Even then I was unable to work on the computer much. Naturally, I thought I would never be able to sit at a computer for long ever again and even if I got better, I thought I would never be able to work sitting in a normal chair without tons of padding and a back rest.
HOWEVER, as many people on this board will tell you, recovering from TMS involves a long process of wiping clean pretty much everything we have been told related to what's wrong with us. I was not able to recover from TMS until I knocked down many "truths" that seem logical and common sense. One of these was the notion that sitting at a computer too long is fatal. Of course it is not good, and we must regularly get up and stretch and excercise. BUT I had to wipe out the notion that it was the cause of my physical symptoms and the notion that I had somehow worn out my muscles. I thought that even if this were not true my muscles had weakened after a year of inactivity. I could not have recovered from TMS if I had not renounced these false beliefs. This is a critical part of recovery..you have to reject all of these things in favor of your brain toggling the switches to your nerves and muscles at the source. But it is very hard to do. Think about people who live to be 100 and have no problem sitting. Muscles do not wear out..the cells die and are replaced by new ones all the time. Most of your body is regenerated..if you are eating ok your muscles do not wear out. Also, evolution has ensured that muscles do not get so weak that you can't hold yourself up against gravity even if you have been physically inactive for a long time-the human machine is very resilient and clever. We would have become extinct if the brain did not ensure that muscle strength does not easily drop below some critical threshold if you are eating ok. Certainly muscle atrophy is real but things have to be pretty extreme for that to happen. When I recovered from TMS I went from being unable to lift more than 5 pounds for a year to more than 50 pounds in a matter of hours. Intrinisic muscle strength does not work like that - the brain was turning the oxygen supply down at the source..my muscles had not withered away and I got my full strengh back pretty much as soon as they were switched back on. I have not slipped back since and am able to sit at the computer for many hours again. But still, I now have an excercise mat in the office (BUT, and this is important: it's on a take it or leave it basis..I do not obssess about excercising because it may bring the TMS back). This is counter-intuitive but it is true and one of the things that makes TMS so nasty and devious. And fortunately I don't have to do 16 hour shifts anymore but I can basically do everything I used to be able to do and appreciate it 10 times more..I never thought I would say I enjoy washing dishes but it is a constant reminder and I am thankful that I can because I know what it's like when you can't.
QSO |
| positivevibes |
Posted - 01/20/2008 : 00:08:35
Thank you, everyone for your support!
Any other people on this board with thyroid problems?
I found out a few days ago that my TSH is almost 5.0! I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis 12 years ago, shortly after my youngest daughter's birth. My TSH has hovered around 1.0 for many years. I haven't had it tested in a year, so I have no idea when it began to rise. But I wonder if my rising TSH has anything to do with the TMS and back pain (if being hypothyroid can make muscle pain worse)? I know that in the past if my TSH got above 1.5, my legs would begin to ache. It's weird that aside from feeling foggy-headed (which I thought was stress related), I've had no other hypo symptoms. I have an appt with my Endocrinologist on the 29th and will discuss this all with her. In the mean time, I've increased my Synthoid dosage to bring down the TSH into a more normal range.
Aside from that....
I went to the gym yesterday and did the ellipical stepper for 15 minutes and then the recumbant bike for 15 minutes (both with only light resistance), and finished by walking on the treadmill. I haven't done the stepper in at least 6 months and was really happy to get back on that machine because I love it. And today I feel fine. I didn't do any elaborate back exercises when I got to the gym....just the "normal" stretching I used to do last year.
One thing I will say is that I think I still have to be careful about sitting at the computer for too many hours. The other day, I totalled 9 hours on the computer (I had been away from home and had a lot to catch up on) and my back did feel very tight afterward...but I think any normal person would feel that way. It felt better after I did some stretching. I will try to limit my sitting time at the computer to 4 hours or less per day if possible (and take more breaks) so that I'm not uncomfortable. Is that OK? Sitting was my major problem previously. Despite my belief about TMS, I think that being in one position for hours just isn't good for a person. Can I get some opinions from you guys about that?
Yesterday I took 2 Tylenol, but today I didn't take ANY drugs --just didn't feel the need. I felt really happy all day. If my back began to feel tight, I stretched a little bit and told myself to ignore it. And then...well guess what...the tightness went away and I forgot about it! I keep thinking to myself "I feel ok, I don't have a back problem anymore, my life is normal now." I figure if I keep saying it to myself it will sink into my brain. So many of my previous thoughts were sad and negative, focusing on being debilitated.
I haven't received the Sarno DVDs yet (they will probably arrive by the end of next week). But in the mean time, I have several of his books from the library that I'm reading. Along the way, I'm writing various things down in a notebook that I plan to discuss with my therapist next week (my first meeting with her).
I had also gotten a book from the library called Back Sense, which mentions and credits Sarno. I think it is also a very good book and is similar to Sarno's in its approach.
I am seeing my Osteopath on Tuesday (the appt was made last month). I decided to keep the appointment because I pulled a muscle in my upper back last week (it was very painful -- I talk about it in my previous post) and I just want one or two more appts with him to "fix" whatever had gone out of whack because of that muscle being so extremely tight. I'm sure it will only take one or two more maniuplations, and then he'll tell me that I'm OK. At that point, I plan to stop seeing him and just follow Sarno's plan. |
| MAbbott |
Posted - 01/18/2008 : 11:45:57
If you have become 100% convinced that your pain comes from a psychological place and not a physical diagnosis - you are already on the success strand. Don't let anything change your mind - TMS is the trickiest most insidious and most tenacious condition - but your mind can win by outlasting the TMS.
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| mizlorinj |
Posted - 01/18/2008 : 08:25:39
Hi Positive Vibes. Love your screen name!
You have had some encouraging experiences already! Incredible--the power of the mind, isn't it!! 
-Lori |
| DrGUID |
Posted - 01/18/2008 : 08:25:15
Good story!
Keep at it - it took me a while to get over my problems, but now I am well aware of when my body is stressed and when it is relaxing. In the last 12 months I've moved jobs, moved house 3 times and been to Japan, so I know I'm in for a lot of stress over the next few months... |
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