| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Lizzie |
Posted - 11/09/2007 : 03:40:08
I have not written for a while and although I have had no major episodes, I still have a lot a low grade daily pain and stiffness. I have however challenged myself and jogged further than ever before (still not that far but progress I feel pleased with) and faced fears such as having a bath rather than a shower(something I had found uncomfortable), ditched my special pillow and carried a small rucksack when walking which I love. However, I still feel the need to stretch each morning and can't bring myself to stop and when faced with suddenly having to drive a long way tomorrow realise I am still fearful of long distance driving. I do drive every day up to 40 miles but tomorrow is a 200 mile+ journey with a car full of children and I suddenly feel fearful. I think this is because I had a horrendously painful journey when driving before I knew of TMS and my neck first hurt and I still associate this journey and long distance driving with pain. As a passenger I have travelled the world. Now faced with the prospect of driving my back feels more achy. I know this is TMS but TMS is soooooooo painful and wonder whether I am ready for this journey? Am I prolonging TMS? words of wisdom welcome.
Lizzie |
| 6 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Penny |
Posted - 11/13/2007 : 06:55:20
Hi Lizzie,
I'm so proud of you for speaking up, and for ignoring your pain and walking ANYWAY!!!!!! That's such a great story and I'm so glad it turned out good for you. Yes, I feel the same as you ... that TMS is a constant battle.
For me, dealing/managing TMS has been about learning different reactions to things, and creating coping strategies. Instead of suppressing my negative feelings--like I did for 36 years--I now let 'em out. This is very different for me and a HUGE change. I speak my mind. In the beginning I was WAY over-reactive. I think it was like I had a lot of negative catching-up to do, so I was probably perceived as over-dramatic. Now, I feel more even ... I'm still learning how to do this. I feel like a child, relearning emotional boundaries. It's very strange and often uncomfortable, but I welcome this.
If something upsets me or if I don't want to do something I let the people in my life know how I feel. I often end up doing the things anyway, but somehow just to be heard has validated me and freed my subconscious up for other things.
The hardest part about this was my husband's reaction. I didn't know if he and I were going to make it, but after many many many (Since April) unpleasant conversations about his seeming apathy and my over-reactivity, he and I have created a new way of communicating that has saved our friendship (and mostly stopped my TMS).
I don't see the fact that you are stretching as a bad thing. Stretching feels good and is good for you, so if you like it, I don't see why you should stop. If you are worried that you will have pain if you don't stretch, try to do a test one day and remove the stretching. Your brain may jump on the opportunity and give you pain, just to trick you. Remember, this is that imfamous TMS gremlin. If that happens IGNORE the pain and go about doing what you want to do anyway. Tell that gremlin off and tell her to take a funny run! If you want to stretch, DO IT!
Pay attention to your guilt. You say you feel guilty about things, well Lizzie, those are big cues to you that there is some work for you. Guilt can definitely cause TMS. Why do you feel guilty? Why do you have double standards? If a friend told you the same story you just told us, would you think "Well, gosh, she's so selfish to have made her husband drive!" Or would you have thought, "Good for her!!! She deserves to have things go as she'd like once in a while." Be kind to yourself!!!!
Perhaps you could journal on your guilt, or feelings of inadaquacy. Why aren't you worth being heard, or worth having plans changed for?
Just some thoughts for you. Again, congrats on the work you are doing. Keep on fighting for yourself, girl!
Hugs,
Penny
quote:
Originally posted by Lizzie
I think what I did was a bit cowardly but honest. I verbalised my fears about the journey and also how I actually did not want to go anyway with my husband. Normally I just get on with things and do not say all this.
.......
The only thing is I did not drive so I feel a little gulity about that. Lizzie
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| Lizzie |
Posted - 11/13/2007 : 03:41:27
Thanks for the replies. Actually you were all right in many ways. The trip was just so my younger son and his friends could play in a soccer tournament. I was not meant to be the driver but the original driver cancelled and therefore I felt as a goodist I had to step in, but did not want to go. i had other plans. I think what I did was a bit cowardly but honest. I verbalised my fears about the journey and also how I actually did not want to go anyway with my husband. Normally I just get on with things and do not say all this. He actually decided to change his day too and we all went with him driving. We had a great day , watched the football together went out for lunch with the children, did some Christmas shopping and I loved it. The only thing is I did not drive so I feel a little gulity about that. Am I prolonging TMS? Sometimes I see TMS as a constant battle that is not much fun and it was nice to get what I wanted (not drive, nice day, good company). I am also still doing the morning stretches though! On the up side, I got a new pain in my leg at the beginning of a hike the next day and although it did not go away completely, it became intermittent (where did it go?) and I managed the 8 mile walk anyway.
Thanks for listening.
Lizzie |
| Penny |
Posted - 11/12/2007 : 22:07:56
Hi Lizzie ... how was your weekend? |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 11/09/2007 : 15:51:42
I wonder if it might help to think of a 200 mile drive as a sequence of 40 mile drives. It is 5 40-mile drives, after each of which you can stop and take a break if you want. Everyone will probably be happy to stop and stretch anyway. Get some positive self-talk going if do you start feeling tense, and it may just go away.
When I was getting ready to do a 50K bike ride (30 miles) I told myself I would look at it as 3 10-mile rides. I knew I could do a ten-mile ride so I would just do 3 of the things I could do instead of one thing I didn't know if I could do. A strange way to trick the brain but it kept me focused and calm. Our fearing brains are not that smart and can be fooled by this sort of thing!
--
It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
| Penny |
Posted - 11/09/2007 : 14:54:37
Hi Lizzie,
Congratulations on your progress. Sounds like you are really challenging yourself and trying to get past the pain (distractions.)
I have a strong feeling the emotional factors behind your trip have far more to do with being isolated in the car with the children than actually the physical in nature.
If I were in your shoes, I would ask myself if I really wanted to go on the trip? If so, forge ahead with your trip. I would try to journal tonight about what possibly might be upsetting me emotionally.
Personally, I've got a trip coming up and my TMS is a flaring. I'm asking myself a lot of questions about my fears for my kids, and seeing my family again. It's really hard, but I'm identifying ways to protect myself emotionally, that I never had before. I love my family, but I often find myself caving to their wishes and never entertaining my own. This ticks me off and agitates TMS.
Do you really want to go on this trip? Who are you going to see? What do you not enjoy about your children's interaction in the car? Do you feel you have no control over them? Concern yourself with the emotional factors of this trip, far more than the physical. I know it's really hard not to focus on the physical, but try to notice what happens that triggers the pain. It also sounds like you have some anxiety about the trip too, and that is a bigtime TMS symptom.
The fact that you now know about TMS is the biggest blessing for you and your trip. If you get a symtom IGNORE it and carry on. Yes, press through the pain. Carry on. I know it hurts. (Believe me, I had fibromylgia, I know what pain is.) BUT you need to take control, don't let TMS control you. Find out if you really DO want to go on this trip, or if you are doing it for someone else's benefit. Stand up for yourself. Don't go it you don't want to--as long as it's NOT b/c of the fear of pain.
Hold on there Lizzie. Make some decisions that are purely for YOU!
I wish you all the best!
>|< Penny
"Feeling will get you closer to the truth of who you are than thinking."
~ Eckhart Tolle
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| mamaboulet |
Posted - 11/09/2007 : 06:56:21
Since you will have a car full of kids, stop at every rest area and get out and stretch your cramped muscles. Just walk around for a few minutes while the kids use the bathroom and drinking fountain. Riding in a car all day can turn anybody into a pretzel.
I once had several days of a big vacation road trip destroyed by pain in my lower back. That was back before I knew about TMS. I was coming home from a camping trip last week and I started getting the same pain. I just said NO WAY I'm being miserable for the next 3 hours. The pain went away. cool.
I have an extremely mobile SI joint, which I don't believe anymore is the source of pain in my lower back, but it does like to be walked and straightened on a long drive. So do your legs for that matter. And you could use some fresh air if you spend the day in the car with kids.
I guess what I'm saying is GO, forget your neck and back, be kind to yourself and body on trip, and have a good time. |
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