| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| carbar |
Posted - 09/02/2007 : 22:09:55
Well, it's the start of new seasons of various sorts. I was doing a lot of journaling this afternoon and I drew a little time line of my life post-Mindbody Perscription. It's like a door was FLUNG open. Life is so different...
So, how far have you come since reading your first Sarno book?
Here's how far I've come since Nov. 2005:
--99% pain-free main symptom (RSI) and secondary (knee pain) Jan. 2006
--seasonal allergy free for past two years (still working on the creeping skin symptoms)
--started therapy Jan. 06, inner child work Dec. 2006
--significantly reduced depression and anxiety by April 2007
--emboldened by my recovery from pain, started training for dream job Jan. 2006, got job in field Sept. 2006
--started a practice of yoga March 2006, and meditation Jan 2007
--after being raised in a spiritually devoid house with lapsed catholic agnostics, got my faith community started Nov. 2006
Reading MBP in cahoots with Jon Kabat-Zinn's Full Catastrophe Living was this crazy strong message to my soul to START living.
For months and months after I read MBP, my first thoughts each morning were "THANK YOU, THANK YOU." Another pain-free start to the day seemed like an unbelievable gift. Another pain-free day was erasing the negative balance of the past seven years of waking up, thinking, "oh, this again." Maybe those bright grateful mornings gave me the first true joy I ever felt in my life.
Now that initial fervent gratitude has dulled, there are still these exquisite moments of contentment and happiness that were impossible to know when half or more of my brain was distracted by pain.
The days I feel numb and confusedare far less. The days I felt terror and despair got worse for a long-ass few months last year. Somehow I've evened out into an aware state of okayness. Part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop and my happiness to diminish, but most of me knows that the happiness I feel is from the inside and whatever changes on the outside, I've got the skills to handle it. I can kick TMS (in all it's manifestations) in the @ss like I learned from all the folks here. :D
MWWWWAH! Happy Season Change everyone!!! |
| 14 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Barb |
Posted - 09/19/2007 : 10:50:23
Thank you all for these posts. I am inspired!!
I was ready for Sarno's books all my life. I knew there was an emotional connection with my life long migraines not to mention hives and chronic fatigue. I tried psychotherapy and Silva Ultramind method for healing. Neither gave me any relief.
I have hope now hearing your stories. I've made an appointment with Dr. Sklar for Tuesday. I'm anxious about it and excited!!! |
| csmoon |
Posted - 09/19/2007 : 08:52:22
successstory |
| carbar |
Posted - 09/07/2007 : 08:43:11
quote:
Originally posted by Penny
I sometimes just want a few days to myself, alone, in the woods or by the sea, or somewhere alone... even though I love my family dearly and would miss them.
Has anyone taken such a journey by themselves? I'd be tempted to bring a stack of books ... but perhaps I should just go and be by myself and my own thoughts instead of someone else's for a change.
Thanks for the kind word, Penny. Definitely brought a smile to my first-week-of-school teacher stressed face. :D
When you mentioned time alone, it reminded me of an experience I had while in pain. I didn't mention this on the timeline, but in Feb. 2004 right after I finished my last classes for my college degree, I took off on a 6 week shoe-string budget trip to Spain by myself. This was absolutely a turning point TOWARDS Sarno because all that time doing what I pleased opened up a lot of smushed-down creativity and love in my heart.
(Also, more evidence that RSI was a TMS symptom b/c I could handle schlepping a 40 lb. backpack around the city, but it hurt to type a few emails? Come on!)
Thanks for everyone's participation in this post! |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 09/06/2007 : 19:04:42
quote:
It's like I stopped believing in my intentions ... my desires ... my nature.
Yep, that's how I've felt sometimes. And like I'm just beginning to believe in it again.
I went to a friend's wedding recently and stayed a few extra days to spend some time with a family friend. Still, I had some time to myself, and it was great. Nothing to do and no one to answer to. I loved it. So I recommend that, I guess!
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
| Penny |
Posted - 09/06/2007 : 17:57:17
I just LOVE you Carbar! Thanks for this post and for sharing as always.
As for me, I've come a long way baby! but feel I've still got work to do. Since reading and rereading, and relapsing I've learned TMS-work should be ongoing but success happens when the work is not over done. I've changed so much, hard to remember how much. I no longer research diseases. I no longer go to the doctor for every little twinge. I have different friends. I've questioned my marriage, and we have done a lot of tough work and are good friends again ... still working, and will be ongoing. Questioned my parents, my brother (in my head mostly). Have a very different relationship with them. And now I am employed for an employer instead of myself. This will unfold over time, but this has been hard for me and I've had a lot of pain/headaches trying to distract me from some neg feelings.
Things are more good than bad. I am so thankful.
Just wondered if anyone recovering from TMS ever woke up and realized that you had completely lost credibility with yourself? I've been working on TMS and unleashing lots of nasty painful emotions for over a year now (here, in psychoT etc.), and I just realized that part of my problem was that not only did I feel that I have no credibility with people in my life, but I also lost complete credibility with ME!!!! For ages the voice in my head would question everything I thought. Whether it was something I decided to do, or something I had said to someone, something I believed, or even something I had eaten. It's like I stopped believing in my intentions ... my desires ... my nature.
This new idea has been quite profound to me. I am now working on some new thoughts that squish out and replace those negative self-defeating ones. This is so difficult, but seems to be a work in progress. I'm blessed that my pain is dramatically reduced--mostly gone-- and that I've learned to react emotionally to uprising pain instead of self-imposed physical restrictions or obsessive-compulsive behaviours, but this it is so hard to recondition my brain. I'm so tired. I sometimes just want a few days to myself, alone, in the woods or by the sea, or somewhere alone... even though I love my family dearly and would miss them.
Has anyone taken such a journey by themselves? I'd be tempted to bring a stack of books ... but perhaps I should just go and be by myself and my own thoughts instead of someone else's for a change.
I am grateful to everyone here for your courage and honesty and for the times you challenge me and my posts.
>|< Penny |
| Logan |
Posted - 09/06/2007 : 10:07:45
Carbar,
I'm glad you asked. It's good to reflect on just how far I've come because sometimes I forget. It would be nice to have that feeling of elation back - I'm well! - and not take it for granted.
This is probably more info than you wanted but I thought this might help the "newbies:"
I was in a "whiplash" accident in Oct 98 that I thought caused my neck/shoulder pain. It got progressively worse so that by spring 02 I was starting to think I had "fibro." I never truly contemplated suicide but soetimes the pain and resulting depression/confusion were so bad that I used the thought of suicide to comfort myself. "I can always kill myself if the pain gets too bad..." It's hard to type that now and remember how hopeless I felt.
I read HBP and MBP in Oct of 2002. Someone had recommended them years prior but I wasn't ready then.
What made me ready in fall 02? I fell and had a very real, physical injury to my hand, which enabled me to feel the difference between pain and TMS pain. And I was fired (nepotism) so I had a lot of time to read.
The books made immediate sense. I so recognized myself in them. I wanted to see Sarno but when I emailed him, he replied that I probably didn't need to.
In Nov 02, I saw a therapist in my hometown who wasn't familiar with TMS per se but who said she believed very strongly in the mindbody connection. I stopped seeing her after a couple of months because she didn't seem as "on board" with Sarno's theories and what I was trying to do as I'd hoped she would.
By December of 02 I gotten rid of the "sciatica" and the "fibro" twinges in my arms just by constantly repeating to myself the knowledge that it was TMS. And my neck/shoulder pain was 60% better or so.
Jan 03, got Sarno's videos and really got serious about the journaling. (Digging into my conflicts with my parents was key. I had always been "the good kid" and I had a lot of rage at the pressure and responsibility they put on me at a young age.)
By Mar 03, I was 75% better. I'd resumed all my "bad" activities like biking and had taken up downhill skiing over the winter.
May 03. Bought Stan Lee's Facing the Fire and started doing his "anger release" exercises.
August 03. Felt 90% better and started to realize that the remaining 10% was due to two things 1) a deep seated fear that my recovery had been "too easy" though it had been a trip through hell and back and 2) a reservoir of grief that I'd neglected with all my focus on rage.
Sep - Oct 03. Let myself cry for "no reason" several times, just bawling like a baby for all that I'd lost in my life however "trivial" or "irrational."
Nov 03. 100% better!!!
I still get the very occasional flare up - usually August and January, in anxiety of the new semester starting up and having to face a room full of strange new students who expect me to teach them how to write. The nerve! But I'm doing what I like and would keep doing it even if they didn't pay me. By the end of the first week of school, I'm fine again.
I count myself so lucky to be in grad school: writing fiction and creative nonfiction and teaching undergrads about writing.
Writing was "the dream" that I had abandoned in high school and I believe, this dream was the "sliver" or the "shrapnel" that was at the root of my TMS. This was what was working its way up to the surface during my four years of pain, a time when I was working at a series of less and less creative and more and more administrative jobs.
I was suppressing a lot of creative energy that draws upon the unconscious as its fuel.
I also have minor, cyclical depression now that is a TMS equivalent but I regard it as I did TMS, something that comes and goes and is nothing to fear in itself. It's just a sign. I know when it hits me hard that it's time to cry it out or hit the couch with a baseball bat. And it's way past time to WRITE something.
Thanks to the good doc, I'm not only pain free but I am a writer, something I haven't been able to say with conviction since I was in the 8th grade. I wish there was something I could do for Dr. Sarno to express my deep gratitude to him. Flowers just aren't going to cut it. |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 09/05/2007 : 12:36:18
carbar, I just realized that your timeline was "since you read your first Sarno book" -- to be fair, then, I read MBP in Nov. 2005 and absolutely NOTHING happened for 6 mo. because I did not pursue it any further and did not really believe my RSI could be TMS (just the minor upper back pain I had).
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
| westcoastram |
Posted - 09/03/2007 : 20:17:39
Shoulder pain and groin pain to the point of debilitation. I was looking at going on disability until I found Sarno and now - 99% gone with only the occasional flare-up.
Also have had in the course of working through TMS: elbow pain, toe pain, finger pain, back pain (lower and upper) arthritis, TMJ, tooth pain, eye twitch, IBS, stomach cramps, sinus congestion, migrane, acne, hives, rashes, anxiety, depression, OCD-like symptoms and most recently a lump in my throat that wouldn't go away.
I'm usually in pretty good shape - no physical limitations (lift weights regularly and play sports) - and when I do have a flare-up, it goes away fairly quickly (within a week). |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 09/03/2007 : 13:40:57
quote:
I guess it also doesn't help that i see TMS as the worst possible curse, to have ever plagued mankind. And that my complete utter hate for the condition, has kept me from being even in the slightest bit optimistic in becoming pain-free again.
Yes, I think this doesn't help. You are emotionally engaged with your pain; thus, it succeeds in distracting you from your true emotions.
TMS is not a positive thing itself, but for me at least it's been an opportunity for tremendous personal growth, so I have a hard time thinking of it as the "worst thing ever". I hope this perspective may help you think of it differently and get detached from it.
westcoastram--
I had moderately severe dandruff from about 2002 to 2007. I finally figured it was probably TMS. I tried to stop bugging it (scratching) and worrying about it and just let it be. For other reasons, I also switched to more natural shampoo. At first, the shampoo helped, but I would still get symptoms with normal shampoo. I thought that was funny and further confirmed that this was a bit nonsense, and eventually it went away entirely.
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
| carbar |
Posted - 09/03/2007 : 13:29:35
Thanks for the congrats, FORU. i never got around to posting a lengthy successtory, so here it is. Is that the appropriate tag? SuccessStories SuccessStory
IC is inner child. (Recommended IC reading: Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller/ Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw)
ACL, I didn't realize that you just found TMS in 2006. That's an awesome recovery! I definitely credit therapy with helping on the anxiousness and depression front. Also, meditation (sitting with the concept of choosing your thoughts and feelings).
Mikey wrote:
quote:
Sad really, as these years in college and internships are the most important for my future.
I was suffering from RSI pain all through college and doing the emotional work NOW has resulted in a lot of mourning for missed opportunities Don't discount that your unconscious might be enraged or dispaired about this sensation of being different from the "normal" pain-free classmates.
|
| MikeySama |
Posted - 09/03/2007 : 12:06:54
I wish i have come as far as carbar and armchair. I started with Sarno about 1,5 year ago. I did pretty damn good for a long time with the occasional twinge, since a few months though i've been really struggling.
It has improved a little again, but i can't help but feel i've taken a wrong turn somewhere. As i'm unable to live 100% pain-free again for long periods. Sad really, as these years in college and internships are the most important for my future.
I guess it also doesn't help that i see TMS as the worst possible curse, to have ever plagued mankind. And that my complete utter hate for the condition, has kept me from being even in the slightest bit optimistic in becoming pain-free again. I can honestly say i feel hate, and despise towards my brain for unloading this big pile of cowpoopoo on me.
----
Call me Mike :) |
| FORU |
Posted - 09/03/2007 : 08:06:10
[Here's how far I've come since Nov. 2005:
--99% pain-free main symptom (RSI) and secondary (knee pain) Jan. 2006
--seasonal allergy free for past two years (still working on the creeping skin symptoms)
--started therapy Jan. 06, inner child work Dec. 2006
--significantly reduced depression and anxiety by April 2007
--emboldened by my recovery from pain, started training for dream job Jan. 2006, got job in field Sept. 2006
--started a practice of yoga March 2006, and meditation Jan 2007
--after being raised in a spiritually devoid house with lapsed catholic agnostics, got my faith community started Nov. 2006
I am impressed! Very inspirational! Are we allowed to congratulate on this board?? If so, Congratulations!!!  This should be posted in SUCCESS STORIES
fka something else |
| westcoastram |
Posted - 09/03/2007 : 00:47:45
Armchair,
I'm curious, can you elaborate on the dandruff thing? And what's IC? |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 09/03/2007 : 00:19:34
Wow, carbar! This is very inspirational.
Since April 2006, I've gotten from severe pain to:
100% pain-free from RSI, foot, knee, and lower-back pain
80% free from upper back pain (distracting but in no way debilitating
100% free from dandruff
Stayed in the 'ideal job' I had just started and probably otherwise would have had to quit
I started emotional work pretty much as soon as I started TMS, but in kind of a spotty way until about December 2006 when I got more serious. I was still having problems with anxiety and depression, so I started therapy in May 2007 and since then have had a big increase in my well-being and am progressing with IC work.
I still find it amazing what my quality of life is compared to a little over a year ago. I have no pain other than mild tense muscles, am in better physical shape than I ever have been before, and have much improved mental health, with far more awareness of my emotions and behavior, less anxiety and better strategies for dealing with it, and a reduced tendency to and experience of depression.
I honestly never thought I would see my life turn around like this, but it did and I am very, very happy it has.
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
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