| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Baseball65 |
Posted - 08/26/2007 : 10:19:31
Long time , no see.
So... I try to stay off of the forum sometimes because the Nocebo is strong and I have a vivid imagination. I have had the usual attempts by the Daemon to overthrow the castle guard, but I usually just re-read the book, write, vent...maybe go full on sailor mouth,baseball-bat-swinging gestalt and get 'cleaned out'
I sometimes feel like the Voldemort of TMS... I have pushed this magic as far as anybody that I know of with 100%,beyond a shadow of a doubt success.... I am 9 plus years removed from my back pain with zero,nada,zilch back pain.I have also battled fake Asthma (terrifying) shoulder pain (confounding) and a host of other maladies I won't bore you with. Suffice it to say, this ain't my first Barbeque.
So... that is why I am absolutely flummoxed,baffled,frustrated at the NEW and puny symptom I have that just won't go the F*** away !!
It all started during some G-Narly fighting with Mrs. Baseball65. She asked me for a divorce for like the umpteenth time and for the umpteenth-plus one I said 'no problem...where's the door?'
Initially the Daemon went for my leg; I was completely crippled and couldn't walk at all. So I walked a few miles down the road, fought the notion of injury (through intense pain) and than fortune smiled on me...The Mrs. happened to open her mouth one time too many and I let her have it with the verbal assault she's had coming for quite some time. She is an emotional bully and spoiled princess extraordinaire.
I walked home alone, took a nap, and woke up pain free!
Than
We somehow 'work it out' and now we've gone the longest time in our marriage without fighting that I can remember.
2 days after the leg incident, My arm starts hurting (right around the time we 'made up'). Since I play Baseball,skateboard,lift weights and am a painter for a living it's really convenient.
Baseball season wasn't quite over for me. I couldn't really locate the pain, though it seemed to be in my rotator cuff....so,based on almost a decade of experience, I went out and threw 7 innings of nasty sliders,fastballs, Uncle Charlie and the whole kitchen sink (faced 2o some odd batters, 3 hits one walk,6 strike outs)
The harder I threw, the more the pain went away.TMS. period. If there was anything 'wrong' with me it would have hurt worse, not less when I revved up the nasty.
so then
The pain moved from the shoulder to the joint that connects my bicep to the shoulder (it flipped!!)
I lift weights and I noticed that it's the upper bicep....the pain started and than it 'settled' there (basball season is now over so a shoulder injury couldn't distract me)
Anyways... I have racked my brain and come up with numerous culprits...
The Bosses brother at work who is a piece of S*** that I have been shackled to under the guise of 'training him' (slows me down, makes me look bad)
The other Bosses Brother who I snapped on the other day and warned never to come near me again (not afraid of him...afraid of getting in trouble with Boss for being Hostile)
The manager who I am under who is a dilletante and micro-manages my work when I am paid as a specialist in paint chemistry, and do my job just freaking fine without needing a 'coach'
Career Burn-out? Loneliness ? ( My best friend and work partner got promoted to manager and I barely ever get to hang out with him or work with him anymore)
Getting along with the wife because we finally plugged the hole in our financial ship via the 'Dave Ramsey' Method (financial peace university)... We have paid off about half of our debt (all hers BTW) but it has meant that I have had to cut my personal expenses down to guitar strings and a pack of cigs...no more 200 dollar bats or skateboards. No more nothing.
Am I so crippled that I can't stand getting along with my wife? Is the resentment built up over the years so deep that I can't hang out with her without a 'symptom'? Am I like 6 years old and can't stand sucking it up for a year materialistically so we can be debt free?
This thing is so freaking lame. I read the book and had a complete recovery about 2 weeks ago. This arm pain absolutely vanished (note*
I was working briefly under the manager who is also my best friend) I threw baseballs, lifted weights and schlepped humongous loads of stuff across a quarter mile driveway, all pain free. I thought I was in the clear again...Thank you Dr. Sarno
but...
Than my wife earned a huge bonus at work. I told her "Cool...now we can pay off another credit card" but she went total-full-on materialistic somnambulist on me and decided that even though I have to suck it up we can hit the 'pause' button on our plan to get her out of debt and buy a new leather couch.
God, my arm is killing me
It isn't keeping me from doing anything .....it's just sort of there. I still lift weights, work 9 hours a day (manual labor) and lift really heavy stuff all the time...it's just reallllly sticky this time so I thought I'd appeal to my brethren and sistren (is that a word??) for some insights.Incites. Insites...in sight....
Thanks for letting me ramble.
Yours always
-Baseball
I once was lost, but now I'm just blind |
| 19 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| JohnD |
Posted - 08/31/2007 : 17:23:46
Bert,
always listen to your body during any type of activity.....not your thoughts about the activity but the signals that your body gives you |
| Baseball65 |
Posted - 08/31/2007 : 16:59:05
quote:
Originally posted by bert
OK BB,
I gotta ask you for a few more opinions. When I was in my late twenties and early thirties. I was in my prime with being in all around shape. Playing ball, working out, running and not to mention all the partiing we did while keeping in top shape. I recall after games my shoulder would be shot from throwing to home and cut offs. Nothing a few beers wouldn't fix for the night. But I'd be hurting the next few days. Always needed at good 30 minute light throwing warm up for the next game to be able to throw to home plate. It never really got better, but I dealt with it. As the years went by, the same shoulder would give me problems with heavy bench workouts. The other day I played a little football with my nephews and the shoulder acted up again. I felt if I tried to throw the long ball too many times I'd have some issues for awhile. TMS or just an old injury never corrected? Whadaya think?
At Skizzik.... my email is m_mrichards@yahoo.com or solpig@yahoo.com
I think the e-mails from the forum get snagged by my spam filter
at Bert... Baseball has so many Red Herrings about throwing it's a wonder that everybody who has ever played isn't lining up to get Tommy John surgery.."always warm up before you throw..Don't over extend on a breaking pitch...don't throw too many curveballs",etc,etc,etc ad nauseum
I think that one of the reasons my shoulder has acted up is because this year I paticipated in prolonging the folklore of throwing caution. A bunch of my players had arm issues. They were invariably nervous about the game, in a slump, or having personal problems at home.
To stay out of trouble with their parents, who all believe in the Easter Bunny (arm injury) I cautioned them about making sure they were stretched and warm even though I don't believe it does anything other than maximize your efficiency and accuracy. I didn't want to get in trouble for my SARNO-ish views so I started giving advice I really don't believe in. I 'Nocebo'd' myself...
I believe the reason you needed those warm up throws in the past was probably just shaking out the bugs, getting you legs in rhythm with your feet, and generally loosening up. I always need to throw about 3 throws before I can snap off a sharp curve, just to get the feel of the thing.
I have thrown 500 pitch BP's 3 days a week all season long for the last 5 years and NEVER had a problem, and that included throwing 60'6" BP on my adult team...curveballs ( I throw a nasty) Sliders (nastier)
Leo Mazzone , who is pretty much the last word on throwing to me (Maddux, Glavine, Smoltz) insists that his guys throw everyday...no off days. Funny....all of the guys on his program have never had any problems....Glavine has NEVER been on the DL his whole career. Mazzone would probably love Sarno if he ever read him.
BTW... the only pitcher he discusses in his book (which is now about 10 or 15 years old) who absolutely HAD to rest his arm after starts is also the one who no longer pitches.
It sounds like you expect to have pain whenever you throw. Going back to my older post, I would go and play a nice quiet came of catch and 'talk to your head' while doing it. Conditioning is a mother, and we are all conditioned and conditionable.
and all that soreness you used to have after games? That was just regular soreness... usually goes away in a couple of days to a week if you get regular. Mid season when I'm playing longtoss every day I only need about 4 or 5 throws. If I haven't launched one in a while I might need 30 and be sore the next day, but it's not nasty and painful like TMS... it actually feels good.
-BB65 |
| bert |
Posted - 08/31/2007 : 15:27:14
OK BB,
I gotta ask you for a few more opinions. When I was in my late twenties and early thirties. I was in my prime with being in all around shape. Playing ball, working out, running and not to mention all the partiing we did while keeping in top shape. I recall after games my shoulder would be shot from throwing to home and cut offs. Nothing a few beers wouldn't fix for the night. But I'd be hurting the next few days. Always needed at good 30 minute light throwing warm up for the next game to be able to throw to home plate. It never really got better, but I dealt with it. As the years went by, the same shoulder would give me problems with heavy bench workouts. The other day I played a little football with my nephews and the shoulder acted up again. I felt if I tried to throw the long ball too many times I'd have some issues for awhile. TMS or just an old injury never corrected? Whadaya think? |
| skizzik |
Posted - 08/31/2007 : 13:49:22
everything you say helps bb!
hey I sent a couple e-mails to ya over the past couple mos, are you still taking any? |
| Baseball65 |
Posted - 08/30/2007 : 20:12:58
Hmmm..
Hi Bert. I guess I'd have to ask you where you are as far as your relationship to the work?
The three R's; Rejecting the diagnosis
Returning to activity
Reconditioning the brain
It sounds like your OK with the first two. I think a lot of people read Sarno, lose a lot of their fear of activity and try to bull on through.
What I have found is CRUCIAL though is almost becoming Thich Nat Hanh 'mindful' of the pain, but in a sort of Insane way.
Like this deal I've been working through with my shoulder. I get off a 9 hour day, throw a baseball 100 times and lift weights. I'm fine.
Than 16 hours later, at work I get a shot of pain.
I go full on tourettes... "FCK you....we're not going there.... there's Nothing wrong with me"
I go to lift a heavy scaffold piece and I can feel it trying to creep in......so I grab the piece and jog around the parking lot with it over my head, saying 'there is nothing wrong with me, but I have been conditioned over the last two weeks to think somethings wrong.... I'm really mad at my wife, I hate my bosses brother and there is a moral imperative for me to not tell this client that he is a dickhead"
I'm driving home and I lean in a position that was causing pain a week previous. I realize I no longer have pain. The second I have the realization, the pain comes back. I say "what a crock of chite... I am fine... I am really pissed that (blank) wants me to coach fall baseball when I'd really rather stay home and write songs"
It's a moment to moment battle for airtime in your own head. It's difficult if you have a lot of people around, for sometimes it requires some odd action.Simple academic appreciation will alleviate it, but there is a definite plan of 'action' that must happen for complete recovery.
All I can say is that being the weirdo that I am , I have beaten this thing over and over and over no matter how it tries to remanifest itself in my life,and I'm nothing special....just another compulsive,neurotic. I just don't give a **** what anybody else thinks.
BTW... icame to Sarno a cripple and I NEVER EVER have any back pain. That's why it goes after limbs,lymph nodes, blood pressure.
I don't believe in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny, and neither one ever comes to my house.
I don't believe in back pain, so it never comes either. It is as absurd a notion as the Easter bunny.
However, I had 32 years of mythology pumped into my head and have only 9 years of debunking it, thus the occasional weird deal.
hope that helps
BB65 |
| bert |
Posted - 08/30/2007 : 18:18:33
Hey BB, I'm relating to your life style. Almost a mirror image to my own. I'm a painter/carpenter by trade. I'm a musician/recordist. Love all sports and lifting weights. Probably getting a divorce soon. Love my kid. Hate trying to bail others out along with myself.
That's where the similarities stop sorry to say. I haven't been able to get past the pain issues yet. Although I've been the best I've been in 2 years. Just starting to get out of a long rut. Wife moved to another state. Lost a big contract for income 2 years back. Finances are almost gone, but now feel well enough to try and re-establish a customer base again. Although I hate marketing and all the bull of re-establishing a business. Still taking meds for pain at the end of work day.
But I love working way better than staying home or in bed waiting for the pain to go away.
How about giving some ideas as to how the F*** to get past this point. Seems if I push really hard at work, like lifting furniture and carrying ladder all around and stretching for the extra reach on a ladder, is when I regret I pushed too hard to get the job done. If I pace myself, I just get that tender stretch it out type pain.
Any help?  |
| Baseball65 |
Posted - 08/29/2007 : 07:13:07
quote:
Originally posted by skizzik
hey bb,
I was reading an old post of yours where you offered to talk to a young dude (a swimmer) who was going to have his 3rd or 4th bk surgery and was bed ridden, but wanted to go the TMS route. Did you end up ever talking to him? He never posted again.
I've spoken with a few people from this forum. I don't recall him specifically, but I have corresponded with people sometimes forgetting the details of their Personal lives.
I am always surprised about the DOUBT that plagues people. I guess by the time I was willing to ...uhh...Listen? I was already waving a white flag as far as 'what I thought I know' and '..but the doctor said'
Periodically however, I have had gratifying experiences working with other men who definitely GOT IT and are TIRED OF IT.
@ Logan... Actually, no, we don't have a non-confrontational way of addressing each other. For a brief period about 5 years ago, we did, but that was when we were BOTH in counseling/therapy . We went to the same guy, and to be quite frank, being a reasonable guy he tended to see my way of reasoning.
I abandoned the idea of intervention after reading that guy Homer at stopyourdivorce.com, though I sometimes now wonder if that's what I want in the longer view of things.
My symptoms have dwindled down to close to zero. Sort of odd... I had an unusually vivid dream the other night and when I woke up I scribbled down about 2 pages worth of notes. It was amazing how much detail I remembered becuase I usually don't remember anything from my dreams.
It was clear from reading it back to myself, that I am way off base from my core 'being'
I have the dubious luxury of having an extremely amoral painfree previous existence to contrast against my current lifestyle or responsibility, accountability, Adultishness,etc.
I really, really miss not being able to do and say whatever I want whenever I want. I have become sort of my own worst nightmare of prudishness...my Moses is getting waaaaay to powerful.
The pain is on the way out. In fact, right now it is non existent. The external/internal factors I could cite would be.
1. I've assumed a sort of silent disdain for any 'repairs' on my marriage.
2. I've been reading and thinking and reading and thinking,etc,etc,etc. The daily reminders,etc.
3. I went out and threw a long workout without stretching or warming up... I've been intentionally lifting really heavy weights and objects at work to contest the notion of injury in my mind.
4. I came here and vented and talked about it.
5. I'm almost done with an extremely difficult job I've been working on alone at work.
6. I have been following through on a recording project I've been working on and NOT making it a secondary 'whenever I get around to it' deal.... I think the contrast of being a carefree musician and being a responsible person in School Facility Management (my company) are being illuminated and I'm starting to see the distinction between the Me and the Pretend me.
AT westcoastram... Sure.. I'll have to think on it, but I have had a lot of success battling varous manifestations of this thing.
Interesting.. I didn't get a SINGLE cold or flu last winter, and I live in a cold weather state and work around Kids, the ultimate germ carriers. I have to consciously battle the idea of a cold all winter, but more important, I tell myself constantly
"I'm not getting a cold."
Now, the Daemon being what he is, that doesn't mean we don't have all sorts of other charades and fun
I just think it's relevant that I could banish something that most people blame on a virus by simply steeling my resolve against it's existence. That's 2 out of 3 winters I've gone illness free, and I am no health nut ...
I'll have to check my journals, but I have had a LOT of funny 'issues' that were certainly , beyond a shadow of a doubt TMS. They weren't funny when they were going on, but when you look at them in hindsight, it's always sooo simple to see what was really going on.
peace
-BB65 |
| Logan |
Posted - 08/28/2007 : 10:36:42
quote:
Originally posted by skizzik
 ugh, what is it about wives that can't see the big picture!!!
 credit cards are marriage cancers for sure
Hey,
It's not just wives that can run up the credit cards. Both my brothers in law (my sister's husband and my husband's brother) are nice enough guys but compulsive spenders who seem to find it impossible to save money or let a credit card go a month without a balance. I know it keeps my sister up at night worrying about their future and their baby daughter's. My sister in law's family, they're rich, so I don't think she worries as much but they fight over it anyways. |
| Logan |
Posted - 08/28/2007 : 10:27:27
Hey Baseball,
I haven't been on here in awhile. Just logged in to keep the "daemon" at bay. I'm pain free now but I had a TMS flare up a couple of weeks ago in my shoulder because school was fixing to start up and I'm both a teacher and a student and still battling my perfectionist/goodist tendencies et cetera...
I saw your username and was like, "oh, I miss that guy's posts." You really helped me when I was going through my **** getting pain free a coupla years ago. I like your irreverent style and your sense of humor.
I would say it sounds like you have some justifiable anger over your financial situation and your wife's decision to say f' the budget let's buy a couch. That doesn't sound fair although I can appreciate her desire to do something "fun" with a windfall.
I know from experience that paying off debt and sticking to a budget - even when it's me making me do without - is infuriating to my "leftover child," as Sarno calls it. I want shiny new stuff. I want to eat out. At the same time, my grown up self wants to sleep at night and not worry over money. It's a battle that sure to stir up some inner rage.
You add a spouse to that equation and it's like youre two siblings chafing under the parental dictate to "be good with money" and there's bound to be some finger pointing and resentment. "How come he/she gets to spend money on that?!"
And I'm just talking about small, run of the mill stuff like this month I spent $90 on work clothes for my new teaching position and my husband spent $70 on honey to make mead.
I've often thought of hiring an accountant who could act as the bad guy for my husband and myself so that neither one of us had to say NO to each other or ourselves.
I know that you and your wife have been through a lot these past few years. I think you mentioned that you'd gone to marriage counseling? Are you able to talk reasonably and in a non-confrontational way to her about how you feel about doing without and the potential purchase of the couch?
I ask, because it seems to me that we TMS'ers, get so angry because we feel powerless to change the situations we feel trapped in, even when we do have the power to at least speak up. I'm still working on that despite being pain free for almost 4 years now.
Nice to hear from you Baseball, though I'm sorry about the circumstances that got you back here. Take care! |
| skizzik |
Posted - 08/27/2007 : 04:38:25
hey bb,
I was reading an old post of yours where you offered to talk to a young dude (a swimmer) who was going to have his 3rd or 4th bk surgery and was bed ridden, but wanted to go the TMS route. Did you end up ever talking to him? He never posted again.
|
| westcoastram |
Posted - 08/27/2007 : 00:46:34
Baseball,
I'm sorry that you are having trouble again. It sounds though that you have a firm grasp on what's going on though.
Do you think, when things calm down, you can share your extensive list of TMS and it's equvalent symtoms. I'm compiling a log of all known ones and it sounds like you've had quite a few.
|
| skizzik |
Posted - 08/26/2007 : 18:22:42
Sarno says relationships are "loaded". Theres a lot on your plate there bb. I've been reading your old posts and it seems as if you've put in so much effort in keeping the marriage.
Keep venting, keep posting. I hope some good cycle of luck comes your way w/ the wifey.
I hope she sees your son's admission as a cry for her attention as soon as she is done being mad about it.
|
| Baseball65 |
Posted - 08/26/2007 : 16:54:35
Thanks for the quick feedback.
I think HellNY is spot on ..... I've had to confront an awful lot of unpalatable truths on this journey and that's one I've considered often. I read the book and I always stick on '....or a bad marriage' in the psychology portion.
My wife is pretty much from the 'spoiled brat-high maintenance' category, but than again I had a super intellectual,cool, Tom boy girlfriend for years and years before I met my wife and I never ONCE thought about asking her to marry me.
That's the problem. Everytime I've steeled myself to walk out on her and start my life over again, she cries, freaks out, apologizes, says she's going to get help (her Father raped her sister, ignored her completely and was totally absent her whole life and she HATES anybody with a penis)
It gets pretty freaking stale.
I actually just went and bought the couch and schlepped it up a few flights of stairs. I could feel the rage concentrated in an exqusitely painful shot into my arm. I know it's TMS because I ought to be in excruciating pain now, but my son and I had a good 'f-you' session getting the thing in the house ( I let him punch me about 5 times...I can't punch him back or I'd crush his spirit...and his bones)
After all the other things I've been through in life, I guess I feel stagnant as regards my wife. She's beautiful.. I feel guilty, like I should let her go now while she still has her looks so she can hook up with a much wealthier sucker who NEEDS a trophy wife.
It might be like my 'last demon'.... I got married because she was beautiful and sweet and all that stuff that goes sour after a few years.... she thinks I am unambitious because I am but little motivated to sell out and write bovine country songs for the dorito eating moronic masses.
I spent all winter writing a Novel and she told me that I'm really negative and need to write 'happy stories'... because of the really happy positive, "anthony robbins--NLP--The secret" crap her friends (that steal from their husbands checking accounts) all fill her ears up with.
I guess I ****ed up bad when I married her....but I absolutely LOVE my sons.. I couldn't ever picture leaving them.
My older son had to write a report for school that was a 'brochure' about his own life. He wrote
'My name is (blank) and I am 14. I play Baseball,ride skateboards and play music with my brother and Father. We are always doing something together. My mom works a lot and is really Moody'
didn't go over well at all. Now she's as mad at him as she is at me. |
| miche |
Posted - 08/26/2007 : 15:28:45
Baseball, be careful and watch your assets, unlike me who ended up poor after divorcing my well to do husband my new partner's exwife planned her divorce for years while redecorating the house ( which she got to keep) and running up his credit cards to the limit, once that was done she asked for a divorce, he realised too late that she had formulated a plan to destroy him while he still trusted her sense of fair play, he is a good man, smart and trusworthy, she took advantage of that, soooooo be careful buddy |
| Bonnie |
Posted - 08/26/2007 : 14:48:22
Hi Baseball, I can totally empathize with what you’re going through. The people closest to us will drive us nuts faster than anything else.
I've been going through some of the same type of things with a re-occurence of TMS.
I moved away from my main source of major aggravation early last year, relocated to a town where my sister is living, and I’d gotten rid of almost all the pain and I was feeling really really good. But because it was a new place I had to find a new doctor. I hate doctors with a passion, they scare the hell out of me so I was tense even thinking about it, let alone going in to see them.
I finally found one in April of this year. And of course, because of the one small heart attack I’d had, {caused by medication I was given, which my former doc will not acknowledge} the new Doc was bound and determined that I should be on loads of pills for everything under the sun. It didn’t matter to him that I’m perfectly healthy and my blood pressure and cholesterol was just fine for a normal person, he read me the riot act about this that and the other thing and by the time he were finished I was doubting myself, hating him, terrified of all the things that might happen, in a flat out PTSD reaction, and had lost all the gains I’d made.
Then, the major aggravation, my mother and brother, decided to move here to the same town I chose and that just capped everything. I now have hayfever on top of recurring upper back pain and muscle spasm headaches. I’ve never had hayfever in my life. I lived in this same area for almost four years a while ago and had no problems, and there were no problems last year when I moved here in early March, no reactions at all last summer and fall.
I know the hayfever’s TMS because it has none of the earmarks of the real thing, it goes away when I’m with other people or traveling and it doesn’t bother me at night for the most part. But it is a lot harder to equate this with TMS when other people say, “oh I’ve had that for months too, that’s just normal,” or “yeah this year has been a lot worse than other years for hayfever, a lot of people have it.”
I’m having a hard time combating this stuff because it’s so ‘in my face’ and I keep reading and re-reading Sarno’s books over and over and telling myself I can do this, I’ve done it before and I can do it again, but every damn day there’s more crap coming in from my mother, and my brother is a sh*t magnet and attracts bad luck like nobody I’ve ever seen.
My eighty-four year old mother is in a really good well run care home, owned by people who are the same religion as she is. We investigated it thoroughly first and she said that’s where she wanted to be, but she doesn’t like it now because they won’t let her lie around and do absolutely nothing but read and eat chocolate and complain all day.
She’s been doing the kind of things that a three year old would do, like tipping over her water glass at the table when she doesn’t want to drink it, flushing her pills down the toilet if they don’t watch her, refusing to bath or wash her hair, running away from her care aid in Walmart, and I do mean running. She just lowered her head and barreled down the aisle like a linebacker until some woman grabbed her and stopped her, then she pulled her doddering little old lady trip on them and said “she simply had no idea why she’d done that.”
She’s been staying up all night wandering around the house because she knows the care aid will have to be up with her in case she falls, and she’s lying about what happens to her at the home and driving the poor care aid to tears. And we know she’s lying because we’ve caught her at it, and she’s not senile nor does she have dementia, yet. She just doesn’t want to stay there so she’s working to rule.
My mother, for all her bodily complaints, has never had and never will have TMS, she’s the most passive aggressive, lying, sneaky selfish person I’ve ever met. To strangers and some of the rest of the family, people she wants to impress, she’s the sweetest little church lady and Christian you could ever hope to meet but if she doesn’t think you’re worth impressing she won’t give you the time of day. I’m supposed to care about this woman but I’m totally ashamed of her and fed up to the eyeballs with her stupidity.
And it doesn’t matter to her that we’re all paying an arm and a leg to have her in the best place possible. There is no other home for her around here because there’s a waiting list at all the Government or Private run places and she can’t get in there, so there’s nowhere for her to go in the short term and hell will freeze over before she comes back to stay with any of us.
My place is so tiny there’s no room for anyone else, thank God, and my brother is living at my sister’s place in her spare bedroom so there’s no room for the old bat there either, and she just doesn’t get it, or, more likely, doesn’t care.
I came here to get away from them and I know they, and the doctors getting on my case about medication I don’t need, are what set off this last bout of TMS. And I know the hayfever’s only been around for six months and that’s a drop in the bucket compared to the years of Fibro and palpitations and migraines but it’s just so crazy-making. And the darn TMS keeps switching plays on me the last couple of months, it feels like I just catch one incidence and there’s another one sneaking up to drive me nuts.
So yes, Mark, I can say unequivocally that the people around us, current or ex's, inlaws or outlaws, bosses or co-workers, are our worst sources of aggravation and pain and some days I think if I just crawled in a hole where nobody could find me I’d be better off. But I want a life in this crazy beautiful world, I want to enjoy myself and not be afraid to do whatever I want to do, or feel what I want to feel, or think what I want to think, and I’m damned if I’m going to let this crap win.
And reading over this stuff about my mother, {haven’t even started on my brother’s antics}it’s actually bloody hilarious what she’s gotten up to, I’ve just been too close to it to see how ridiculous she really is.
Hang in there, you beat this monster before and you can do it again.
Bonnie
|
| art |
Posted - 08/26/2007 : 12:42:42
Hey BB,
Welcome back. Hang around this time. Since Tennis Tom took a hike it's been pretty dull around here, though ironically he'd probably tell you I had something to do with that...
Anyhoo...I'm working up a pretty good case of rage over your wife and I don't even know the woman. Although on second thought, as the veteran of many a domestic war myself (I've got the purple hearts to prove it) it all sounds pretty familiar ...
Too bad life isn't some sort of laboratory such that you could have a clone in scenario #1 move to a bachelor pad and party like crazy for a few months, and clone #2 stay with the wife and find a new job, and clone #3 ditch the wife and the job...Then after a while you could see how they're all doing on the psychosomatic pain front...
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| miehnesor |
Posted - 08/26/2007 : 12:29:37
BB- I wonder whether the symptom imperative is there as a signal that you need to make a change in your life. The frustration level is bubbling over and knocking at the door a lot in your post. |
| HellNY |
Posted - 08/26/2007 : 12:12:37
My sense is you might want to get out of that marriage. There is probably someone else you want and have been thinking about. |
| skizzik |
Posted - 08/26/2007 : 12:04:21
ugh, what is it about wives that can't see the big picture!!!
credit cards are marriage cancers for sure |
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