| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| judyhorowitz |
Posted - 07/30/2007 : 15:50:31
I have been trying for weeks to think about the possible anger, rage, sorrow, disappointment, etc. that could be contributing to my TMS symptoms. OK, I had a tough childhood with a manic-depressive mother, then raised a difficult son, then was left a widow with financial problems, BUT it's all behind me. I'm basically a happy person. I just can't figure out what problem, past or present, could be pushing my daily headaches. I know from the Knowledge that I don't have to find the anger, just acknowledge it. I do, but it's not working. Any suggestions. Thanks. Judy
judyhorowitz |
| 6 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Littlebird |
Posted - 08/04/2007 : 18:45:57
Hi Judy,
Just thought I’d pass along what I’ve learned about acknowledging anger since I first discovered TMS theory, about a year ago. I’ve had numerous symptoms, which were diagnosed as Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, since January of 1988, as well as several other health issues.
Initially, reading The Divided Mind and finding the forum was enough to eliminate several symptoms. Most of those symptoms were ones that had developed more recently, and the original symptoms wouldn’t budge, even though I’m certain it’s all TMS and even though I’m aware of a lot of anger and know I’ve been suppressing and repressing emotions all my life.
I had a mentally unstable mother and grew up with constant fear of triggering her anger if I showed emotion, so it all got stifled and I continued to stifle emotions in all other relationships too. I’ve always been in relationships where I put the needs of others way before my own. Much of the time I’ve made great sacrifices in order for them to avoid making sacrifices. It hasn’t always been my choice to do this, it’s often been pushed on me to make the sacrifices and carry more of the responsibility. Sometimes it was loved ones doing the pushing and sometimes it was just circumstances—for example, caring for multiple family members with serious illnesses.
But just acknowledging it all on an intellectual level wasn’t enough for me to continue making progress against the symptoms. I’m finding I have to acknowledge my feelings on an emotional level. It’s taken me a while to begin to understand how to do that. It involves really looking at the situations and acknowledging that I have the right to feel anger and pain about what happened. I’ve always had a tendency to sort of detach the emotions from the people causing them, because I don’t want to feel anger at my loved ones, but I’ve had to start saying that specific people did hurt me and I am directly angry at them and I’m not betraying them by feeling that way. Even if they had some really good excuse for what they did, or some valid reasons why they couldn’t really control their actions, it still hurt me and it’s still ok for me to feel angry about it. This applies to both those who are no longer living and those who are still close to me.
My stubborn symptoms have begun to improve since I decided to stop being so uncomfortable about feeling anger and started examining both past and current events with a new perspective. I’m not full recovered yet, but I’m now sure I’ll get there. I hope you’ll be better soon too.
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| Kristin |
Posted - 08/03/2007 : 14:01:04
Great Comment SS, re: Anger hiding behind more minor emotions. I'll be working with that one! I know it to be true but in the moment it would be nice to access the deeper feelings more quickly.
I personally have fewer troubles expressing anger lately the problem is just how it comes out. It surprises people around me even if it's clear communication of an angry feelings, not violent or threatening per se. I'm finding I cannot supress my feelings as effectively as I used to. A good thing? I'm not so sure yet!!! |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 08/03/2007 : 07:11:06
Anger can hide behind milder emotions which you may not think of as anger. Think, for example, about disappointments, irritations or annoynaces. Everyone has those. These are gradations of anger. As you think about these categories new areas of "anger" will open up.
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Sarno-ize it!
Read chapter 4 of Dr. Sarno's "The Divided Mind." It's all you need to know in order to recover. |
| Jim1999 |
Posted - 08/02/2007 : 22:44:06
quote:
Originally posted by judyhorowitz
BUT it's all behind me.
Judy,
If I had ignored all the issues that I thought were behind me, I never would have recovered. My conscious mind had no idea that those issues were still causing me problems.
Jim |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 07/30/2007 : 16:40:11
quote:
OK, I had a tough childhood with a manic-depressive mother, then raised a difficult son, then was left a widow with financial problems, BUT it's all behind me. I'm basically a happy person. I just can't figure out what problem, past or present, could be pushing my daily headaches.
As far as the unconscious there is no sense of time, so to say this is "behind you" doesn't mean it has gone away in the unconscious.
You've just named three huge things. Have you explored all the emotions around these (maybe you have, I am just asking)?
At some point, you may need to just work with the pain directly through deconditioning and learning to ignore it or approach it without fear.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
| JohnD |
Posted - 07/30/2007 : 15:58:22
OK my advice would be to stop trying to figure it out, it may not be anything too tragic. Instead, start asking yourself how you feel. Not what you think, but how you feel. As a TMS free person, I notice my feelings much more than I did when I had TMS. Usually its just everyday things.....like how I have too much to do today, or because I didn't get as much sleep as I would have liked...minor things that are an inconvenience bring up feelings.
Ask yourself how you feel a few times per day. Be patient with yourself, your feelings may not just turn if you're not used to feeling. |
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