| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Newmom |
Posted - 07/02/2007 : 12:22:12
After months of talking and thinking about having a second baby, it happened without trying. My husband has been ready to have another baby since our first was born, but I have been reluctant because of my back. He has never put any pressure on me to have another baby, and his attitude has always been if we have another one or two, great, if not, we have a baby and we are already lucky.
I no longer experience any physical symptoms, but I am still guarded and live in constant fear of reinjuring myself. This is why I have been afraid. This weekend I found out I was pregnant and I have been in complete panic mode since, not being able to think about anything else but how am I going to be able to carry around a bowling ball with my weak back. I know this is against everything here, but like I said I am in complete panic attack and I am forgetting everything!!!
I am not afraid of having more children, I am afraid of carrying another baby. I have even discussed many times with my husband the possibility of adopting which we have looked into also.
Anybody else ever been here? How did you reassure yourself? Please, please, please!!! I cannot think about anything else, and I am so so so so scared.
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| 13 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Lizzie |
Posted - 07/06/2007 : 05:19:06
NewMom
If you have a bulging disk and a herniated disk now, how come you are pain free? You can do it. Good luck.
Lizzie |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 07/04/2007 : 19:05:31
wow, having a baby without even trying. Someone call the Vatican.
*******
Sarno-ize it!
Read chapter 4 of Dr. Sarno's "The Divided Mind." It's all you need to know in order to recover. |
| h2oskier25 |
Posted - 07/03/2007 : 14:50:11
No, you don't sound like a broken record. You sound like somebody with TMS.
OK, so you're in court a lot where people make money from their "injuries." See that for what it is. If I told you I'd pay you $100 every time your back hurt, guess what . . .
Some people think playing the victim is how to get what they want. I think there's roots of that in TMS, but we're not going to play that game, as recovering TMS'ers, we're going to feed the strong, independent higher selves within us. It helps us to convince ourselves of the only physical truth we subscribe to, which is that we all have normal healthy bodies.
The other thing you mention is a CLEAR MRI change. Well, let me tell you something, when my wrists were in great pain, they swelled a tendon just below the thumb, and I was constantly monitoring that swelling. The physical change was undeniable. Doesn't mean the brain is not causing it. Doesn't mean you can't yell at your UNC and tell it knock it off, you're not playing.
I'm not saying you didn't throw your back out when you sneezed when you were pregnant. My roommate threw his back out last fall, and I picked him up a pair of crutches just so he could make it to the bathroom. REAL INJURY. They happen. While we're on the subject of real injury, let me say that THEY GET PROGRESSIVELY BETTER day after day no matter what we do. I saw it in him, I saw it in me when I sprained my ankle waterskiing last year (OK, some amount -- OK significant amounts of alcohol involved -- don't want you guys thinking I'm a klutz).
That ankle got a little better every week. If you charted it, it would make a perfect straight line. Not at all like the pain that comes and goes with TMS.
So, we're OK to repudiate the physical NO MATTER WHAT THE EVIDENCE.
Calm down, sweetie, and journal all your thoughts GOOD and BAD about the baby coming. Don't stop yourself from journaling the "selfish" thoughts either. Kids are precious, but they take away a lot of our freedom, and take away from our inner child on some level. Don't be afraid of journaling those thoughts.
Relax, dear, and have a great fourth.
Beth |
| Newmom |
Posted - 07/03/2007 : 12:19:25
In another post recently somebody told me that I should post a success story and my response was that even though I have no more pain everyday, until I can get rid of the fear I am not a success story. I agree that I live in constant fear, guarded, etc. and this is my problem. Maybe if I share why I am so afraid of reinjuring myself somebody can help me to get past this.
#1. In my field of work, there is an accident, traumatic event that always causes the injury for my client. Everyday I read medicals, listen to clients, participate in depositions/court with doctors, all confirming that an accident happened and injury and subsequent pain is related to accident/injury.
#2. I suffered a muscle strain in my low back and I insisted that my family doctor send me for a lumbar MRI. MRI took 2 weeks to get the appt and by the time the appointment came for the MRI my muscle strain was completely gone but I figured I would have it done anyway because I am a hypochondriac. Impression came back completely normal, no degenerative changes, no bulges, no herniations, nothing.
I became pregnant right after I had the MRI. Fast forward 8 months, I experienced extreme pain, etc., severe muscle spasms, etc., took a month or so to get through this. Everybody told me my "back went out" because I was pregnant. I got better.
Fast forward - four months after having the baby, I sneezed one day and OUCH - extreme pain to my low back. I mean I dropped instantly to the floor and began crying. In a few hours, I was paralyzed by the muscle spasms and extreme pain. I was in such bad pain I couldn't even make it to the emergency room because I couldn't move. I wasn't healing properly like I did when I was pregnant and I couldn't walk more than 20 feet and I dragged my foot. That's what led me to the doctor and I got an MRI.
MRI results: Herniated lumbar disc at one level and buldged disc at another level.
My personal impression: bulged disc happened when I was pregnant because the pain symptoms healed and the herniated disc occurred when I sneezed because it was so much worse.
Here's where I get stuck. I have concrete before and after diagnostic images and concrete events. I had a clean diagnostic scan prior to these two very painful events. This is why the physical event and the direct assumption that my back was injured is impossible for me to get out of my mind. ACCIDENT = INJURY.
I am a solid believer in Dr. Sarno's teachings. After reading his books, I got my butt up and began to take my life back. I now live a somewhat regular life compared to what I was living before I heard of Dr. Sarno. I read some of my prior posts, and I do sound like a broken record. Sorry so long. |
| h2oskier25 |
Posted - 07/03/2007 : 11:08:09
quote:
Originally posted by Newmom
Still very scared though.
I am scared though. I am so very guarded with my body and my flexibility is no where near a normal person.
This is how guarded I am.
I do nothing physical out of the ordinary so that I won't get hurt or suffer any set backs.
I do have muscle aches and pains here and there that keep reminding me that I must be careful.
I am so scared of reinjuring myself or suffering a new injury.
All this from JUST ONE of your posts.
You're scared of just one thing. You're body's fragility. As somebody who's been there, and been through it, I can tell you that you need to quit feeding that fear.
Remember, we have two people inside of us. Our higher selves (confident, visionary, joyful, loving) and our baser selves (fearful, pessimistic). Whichever we feed with our thought grows stronger.
For me, you know what I did?
I was like you, quit doing everything physical (except obsessively working out to stay thin) and called myself cured because I had no pain. When I realized there were things I wanted to do and accomplish that I wasn't doing because I wanted to stay pain free, here's how I put it to myself.
"I'm going to do this, and I don't care about the pain, because life isn't worth living if I can't do this thing."
Sounds extreme, but I never had to make any extreme ultimatum. The fear got weaker, because I quit feeding it. Now, it barely comes at all, maybe twice a year.
Cheers, |
| skizzik |
Posted - 07/03/2007 : 10:07:49
I believe your disc was already ruptured some time b4 you think it was. The sneeze was the trigger that allowed the mind to find some part of the body that had a minor abnormality such as a ruptured disc (in your case), or meniscus tear...etc.. and quickly give you an acute attack to take your mind off of your tension.
A buddy of mine (low back trouble for some time), about 6-7 yrs ago lost a great job just after he built his dream house, got married and had his first child and then his wife became pregnant w/ twins. His personality is so mellow and cheerful however. Soon after, he was just sitting/lying in bed w/ his wife, and sneezed and could'nt move his legs. An abulance took him out on a stretcher. The doc told him he would get surgery immediately. He did, and the leg pain went away. But he's still taking nsaids every day since for back pain.
In my mind it was no coincidence. I think the rupture was there for him for some time, but the mind chose to pounce on it at the time of the sneeze.
Another guy I work with, was telling me 5 yrs ago or so, that his brother was getting married and moving away, and he'd be alone for the first time in his life. I did'nt realize the significance of that til later. He lived w/ mom and pop til early 30's and then lived alone finally in late 30's. Well, all of a sudden he can't lift his right arm w/ out stabbing pain. MRI showed rotator cuff tear. I asked him how he tore it, he did'nt know. One day he just could'nt lift it. He had the surgery, and got relief. But he has gone into a major depression recently and had moved back in w/ Mom and Dad. So, issues were never worked out. Again, the tear must've been there, but the mind had no need for a distraction till the brother moved away.
I hope this helps, I know what your'e going thru. |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 07/03/2007 : 09:05:46
Hi Newmom,
Congratulations on your pregnancy!
One thing I could not help but notice from your post is that you still look at your original pain onset as a physical event akin to an injury. This is contrary to what Sarno says, which is that the onset of pain is coincidental and only relates to physical events as "triggers" at most. It was not the physical behaviors that caused the pain. This means you don't have to worry about them.
Sarno mentions that for many people the fear of pain is the biggest obstacle to their improvement. His treatment plans tend to simply approach this phase as being one where you constantly remind yourself of the truth that your pain is not caused by physical activities, and take steps to normal activity as you feel more confident. I don't know if this approach is good for you, but getting more confident is, I think, the aspect of your improvement that you need to focus on. Push back on the panic response with the Sarno mantras.
Best to you.
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
| Newmom |
Posted - 07/03/2007 : 08:47:55
Skizzik and Lizzie, you brought tears to my eyes reading that I was an inspiratinon to you. Wow, thank you - truly thank you!!
I am better today. Still very scared though. In no way is being pregnant a bad thing for me, it is a very exciting thing, I even went and picked out paint samples for another one of my bedrooms for the baby last night. A little premature, but we are truly excited and ready for another baby.
I am scared though. I am so very guarded with my body and my flexibility is no where near a normal person. I cannot even lay down on the table at the doctor's office like I used to, I have to turn to my side and make a big ordeal of getting down. What's gonna happen when I am really big? I know this is crazy, I am only 30 years old and I act like a 70 year old. This is how guarded I am.
Like I said before, I am pain free mostly on a day to day basis. However, I do nothing physical out of the ordinary so that I won't get hurt or suffer any set backs. I do have muscle aches and pains here and there that keep reminding me that I must be careful. Everytime I try to do something new or push myself, my
TMS gremlin reminds me of my original "spot." This is the frustrating part for me and I cannot overcome this.
I am so scared of reinjuring myself or suffering a new injury. When I was pregnant the first time, I have no idea how I suffered an injury, my back just started hurting one evening and got progessively worse until the point I couldn't even move by morning because of severe muscle spasms. Fast forward a few months and I ruptured a disc by sneezing. (Sorry to all for talking about the physical). This is why I am so guarded. I think that if carrying a baby that all females do and a simple sneeze caused those things to happen twice, then if I bend over to fast, pick up my 30 pound son now, carry a bowling ball in my bell, etc. what's to say that I won't rupture another disc. I know, I am a mess and that's part of my obsessive compulsive cycle that I get stuck in, but that's the truth.
I was never real big into journaling, and I basically would mentally journal and I have a friend who we are very honest with and can deeply talk about anything that has helped me. There's no judgment and basically no topics are off limits.
I have discovered that I tend to be a hypochondriac and I am always looking for reassurance that I will be okay, nothing is wrong with me, it will get better by this tate, etc. I know I do this at work, in my personal life, etc. |
| Lizzie |
Posted - 07/03/2007 : 04:11:44
Congratulations NewMom
Skizzik said it well. You have been an inspiration to me and encouraged me too. You have no symptoms so you know what you have had is TMS and you know how to beat it. Fear/worrying is just a characteristic many of us share!
Years before my disk herniation diagnosis, I had backache during my first pregnancy (looking back it was TMS) and worried about it happening again during my second pregnancy. It did not happen. I had no pain but my worrier/perfectionist nature meant I did worry about what I ate and was I doing it right for the baby. Looking back this focussed me on my body anyway so there was no need for back pain. (TMS again) Pregnancy throws up loads of emotions but you are in a really good strong position because you know how to look at the psychological and challenge it. Keep journalling..your "ounce of prevention" will help!
Think, when you get to the end of this pregnancy not only will you have a beautiful baby but also if you can beat TMS at this time you can beat it permanently. My kids play together well (most of the time) and my life has been so enriched by both of them that I would not have missed it for anything. There is so much to look forward to for you.
Good luck. I have a good feeling you will be fine. Keep us all posted and certainly use this forum to not bottle the fear in but to let the fear out!
Take care
Lizzie |
| skizzik |
Posted - 07/02/2007 : 18:01:36
newmom, whatta ya doin freakin out? Your'e one of my biggest inspirations in overcoming my relapse. I went back and read all your posts a couple weeks ago and they were so helpful, and you have had a great recovery. And now your'e gonna have this new baby and be blown away that your back pain never came back.
I can't speak for my wife, but when I found out I was having my 3rd I was in shock, and did'nt know what to do. So understand that your'e in total shock right now especially since it was'nt planned. Your mind already has you thinking "structural". I'snt it funny how you have no other worries other than a supposed "weak" back and "re-injuring" yourself when you never injured yourself in the first place? And you have no regards to all the INCREDIBLE STRESSES of having a child much less your 2nd. The TMS "fear train" has steamrolled into your station big time.
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| carbar |
Posted - 07/02/2007 : 16:41:59
Congrats on your news, Newmom!
Now, on to how to think TMS here.
The tricky thing TMS does to us is it creates a cycle of pain. We remember the intensity of the pain, this is scary, and to deal with the fear of pain, the brain provides us with a TMS symptom.
SO -- you are strong! You can break the cycle!
Your back pain is TMS. Think psychological.
There's a lot of emotions tied up in being pregnant. There's a lot of transition in terms of money, time, work, sharing responsibilities -- can you still yourself to find time to reflect on these issues that are stirring around in the psyche? Sometimes that's all you need to release the repressed emotions.
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| h2oskier25 |
Posted - 07/02/2007 : 14:40:14
H-e-e-e-e-e-y Newmom.
Guess we'll have to start calling you Newmom2. 
When I start to panic, I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and picture very still water. It's easy to do for me, since I live right by a large river, and right now it's glassy every morning. Perfect for waterskiing, but I digress . . .
The universe did NOT create us to run around in a panic and sweat all of the small stuff. Let go a little. Remember, it may not feel that way but your CONSCIOUS mind is in control.
Here's Sarno's basic twelve rules to help you get back on track.
-The pain is due to TMS, not a structural abnormality
-The direct reason for the pain is mild oxygen deprivation
-TMS is a harmless condition, caused by my repressed emotions
-The principal emotion is my repressed anger
-TMS exists only to distract my attention from the emotions
-Since my back is basically normal there is nothing to fear
-Therefore, physical activity is not dangerous
-And I must resume all normal physical activity
-I will not be concerned or intimidated by the pain
-I will shift my attention from the pain to emotional issues
-I intend to be in control - not my unconscious mind
-I must think psychological at all times, not physical
I KNOW it's easier said than done, but just try to keep in mind the glory of your situation, the miracle of birth, etc. Not all of us can have children. You're very lucky!
Congratulations 
Beth |
| swmr1 |
Posted - 07/02/2007 : 13:32:06
Hi Newmom--
I'm new to this forum but can relate to your question. I just came across Dr. Sarno's books online about 3 weeks ago. I had been dealing with lower back/piriformis issues on and off (mostly on) since I had my second child in 1997. Strangely enough, when I got pregnant with my third (2004) I had no problems at all during the pregnancy. But after my third was born I battled my piriformis even more. That was up until 3 weeks ago.
I read "Healing Back Pain" and knew that not only was I TMS prone, my problems were largely a result of my fearing my piriformis pain. Once I discovered that and quit doing the most recent daily back stretches the PT prescribed I've been fine. (Can't believe how amazing that is).
I now see that childbirth didn't "ruin my back" and carrying my kids didn't do permanent damage. Women have been having kids and carrying them around on their hips for a very long time. I think our bodies are made to be able to handle it. I don't think we've evolved to be
fragile beings. Trust your body--if there are women who've carried 9 kids, surely your body can handle 2!
Congratulations!!! |
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