| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 05/17/2007 : 09:16:06
I guess I will do some public journaling here as some recent incidents in my life have provoked some anger resident within me.
First, I taking a class in which I have paid $1,100 to take and it is utter crap. The teacher is dry and boring, and their is this annoying person in the class who just won't shut the hell up. I am paying all this money to listen to this crap!!!!
Second, my wife has invited someone over this weekend and I simply cannot stand this person. The person is an obnoxious braggart and a know-it-all, and I will have this person sitting in my face all weekend!!!!
Okkkkkkkkkk, that is the surface anger, what are the real issues involved? More later as I gotta run....
*************
Sarno-ize it!
************* |
| 20 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 05/24/2007 : 14:37:17
I read recently, but can't remember where, that self-esteem comes from the authentic experience of one's self, especially emotions. If we cannot experience ourselves, and feel that we are ok the way we experience things, then it is hard to get any real sense of self-worth, no matter what external accomplishments we get.
I do think that getting out and doing things can help, though, so maybe the accomplishments in that case are a part of experiencing ourselves. We experience ourselves and see that we are doing something we enjoy, and this helps our feeling of self-worth. Cooking and bike riding work this way for me, usually.
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 05/24/2007 : 12:04:27
That's a given. No one really acts against their self interests, not even the late Mother Theresa. Read the "The Missionary Position: Mother Teresa In Theory And Practice," by the - it would appear - mentally unstable Christopher Hitchens. Neverheless, Hitchens's book got a lot of negative responces, including this one: http://www.catholicleague.org/research/hating_mother_teresa.htm
*******
Sarno-ize it!
|
| tennis tom |
Posted - 05/24/2007 : 11:48:55
All governments operate their foreign policy in their own best interests. Perhaps as individuals, we do the same?
Some of my favorite excerpts from " THE DIVIDED MIND " :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
|
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 05/24/2007 : 10:15:20
Last night my wife and I had a talk. There was obviously something really bothering her as she was flabbergasted, but she was reluctant to let it out. When she did- after much promiting from me- she angrily told me two things:
1) I am not pulling enough of my wieght around the house and that she is expected to do everything, even after a long and very taxing day at work. I should say that I do some things, but not enough for her liking.
2) When she wants to spend money on something for herself I object, while I have no qualms on spending money on myself.
What I found interesting is that in the past I would get angry and hide behind the excuse of pain as a cover which would force her to back down. Last night, however, I did not respond in that way at all but patiently listened to her and understood her point of view. For me, this is progress.
The deeper question, however, is what makes me behave and think the way I do? The only answer I can come up with is that I am basically a selfish person who wants to be taken care of and only think of my own wants and needs. Not a preety picture to behold.
*******
Sarno-ize it!
|
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 05/19/2007 : 21:24:11
It may be frustrating for some when they feel they have made some good insights into what they feel is causing them inner tension and anger yet their physical symptoms continue to persist. They have journaled and journeyed well below the surface and hit on some real previously buried issues, but depiste all of this the pain keeps pounding on without let up.
It is very important not to get discouraged as their is a temptation to doubt the diagnosis of TMS at such times. There is- understandably - a real desire to recover quickly, but one must realize that with treatment of TMS we are unraveling a whole lifetime of behaviour and emotional repression. In essence, we are developing an understanding of ourselves, what makes us tick and how we emotionally cope. This is not an overnight job, but takes time and patience. Some recover more quickly, but that does not mean they have a firmer grasp of TMS principles than one who takes a longer time to recover, only that the repressed emotions may be more powerful and thus more stubborn to relent its strategy of creating pain as a distraction. Continue to do the work and slowly the results of your efforts will bare fruit.
Here is what Dr. Marc Sopher writes in his book
For reasons that are not entirely clear to both Dr. Sarno and
myself, there is great variability in the time required for symptom
resolution. This gets back to the notion of doubt. If someone states
they truly believe that TMS is the problem, that they have been doing
the mental homework and yet are distressed that their symptoms
persist, they may question whether they have TMS. This has the
elements of a catch-22. If you begin to doubt there is a psychological
cause, that there could be a physical cause, then the work is undone
and the brain’s strategy of creating a physical distraction will triumph.
This is part of what I refer to as The Calendar Phenomenon. By this
time, everyone may know of someone whose symptoms vanished
immediately after reading the book or shortly after seeing a physician
trained in TMS treatment. So, an expectation is created in their mind
that their symptoms should recede soon after incorporating this
philosophy. They look at the calendar and become upset as days and
weeks go by. This is where I tell people to look back at their
personalities. The calendar phenomenon is another manifestation of perfectionist tendencies – it is self-imposed pressure to succeed and
succeed quickly. If they can recognize this aspect of their personality and add it to their “list” of sources of stress, relief will be on the way.
*******
Sarno-ize it!
|
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 05/19/2007 : 14:15:17
But they are soooooooooo preety.
*******
Sarno-ize it!
|
| tennis tom |
Posted - 05/19/2007 : 10:05:25
Jeez Shawn, give me that Grand and I'll teach you the ways of the world and guarnatee it won't be dry and boring. First we'll take a little road-trip on Old HiWay 50 'cross the state of Nevada and make a few pit-stops at some Pony Express stations.
I'll teach you about the "Three Date Rule". It would have saved you a lot of heart-ache with that Indian girl. Rule number one: Never date Indian girls, if you're hoping to get lucky. Their present day culture is more prudish and sexually repressive than ours.
All that Tantra stuff comes out of a long by-gone era in India's ancient past. India today is more about cell-phones, Bollywood, and out-sourced CS for Dell. There's more Yoga happening in Southeren Marin then in India today.
Cheers,
tt
Some of my favorite excerpts from " THE DIVIDED MIND " :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
|
| LitaM |
Posted - 05/19/2007 : 06:55:40
Shawn,
Self acceptance comes first, no matter what you are doing with your life at the moment. Make small goals that are achievable, even small goals like cleaning off your desk. Then move on to larger goals. Use the class as a learning experience, study the people that annoy you and learn from them what never to be like. The only other choice that you have would be to blow off $ 500 and I don't think that's what you want. With regards to your visitors, people who act superior always feel inferior, they brag to convince themselves that they are successful. Everyones meaning of success is different. You care too much about what others think about you, until you get to a place where the only persons opinion that matters is your own, you will keep on having problems. Not an easy task, but one you can work towards. Also you need to negotiate with you SO about possibly not having this couple over since for you it isn't enjoyable. With her forcing them on you, this leads to problems in your marriage which doesn't benefit either one of you. Remember marriage is a compromise. Get working on your self esteem and self acceptance, then the world will seem a better place. Good luck, and you can do it!
Lita |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 05/18/2007 : 21:15:56
quote:
Originally posted by shawnsmith
Well, right now I am on a longgggggggggg media fast, and I don't intend to break it anytime soon. I find that the news, and I am not just talking politics here, is way too depressing and has a negative impact on my recovery. The media keeps sinking to new lows and I don't have to watch this stuff if I don't want to. In fact, at this moment in time I don't even have a TV. I have do not have a clue about what is taking place in the world- except Britney Spears recently appearing topless on some online chat room she has as one cannot escape news about her or Paris Hilton- and I feel at peace with that decision.
*************
Sarno-ize it!
*************
Dumping the media is a good move Shawn, if anything important happens, you'll hear about it from somebody.
Some of my favorite excerpts from " THE DIVIDED MIND " :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
|
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 05/18/2007 : 13:28:25
Well, right now I am on a longgggggggggg media fast, and I don't intend to break it anytime soon. I find that the news, and I am not just talking politics here, is way too depressing and has a negative impact on my recovery. The media keeps sinking to new lows and I don't have to watch this stuff if I don't want to. In fact, at this moment in time I don't even have a TV. I have do not have a clue about what is taking place in the world- except Britney Spears recently appearing topless on some online chat room she has as one cannot escape news about her or Paris Hilton- and I feel at peace with that decision.
*************
Sarno-ize it!
************* |
| art |
Posted - 05/18/2007 : 11:51:45
Self-esteem in my experience has very little to do with external accomplishments...If you have somehow internalized a sense of self that is characterized by shame and inferiority, nothing in the way of college degrees or wealth or a beautiful (or handsome as the case may be) mate is going to change that...
Like many of us who hang around this pleasant little oasis we call a forum, I was raised by critical parents. My mother's favorite name for us kids was "creature." As in "they're not children of mine. They're not even children. I don't know what they are. They're creatures, that's what they are."
Somewhere along the line, I began to understand that this terrible sense of inferiority I carried around with me was only that, a sense, an image. It had nothing to do with objective reality. When I got to AA, for my higher power I chose my own fundamental "ok'ness." It was a good choice and helped me tremendously. In the decades that followed, I began to have some external success, but it was only because I'd begun to feel better about myself already that that was something I could build on.
Today the image I have of myself is very far removed from what it was when I was 20. On the whole, I like who I am. BUt that doesnb't mean I'm not susceptible to those old feelings. That table of shame and self loathing is always set...My job is to refuse to take a seat.
|
| Woodchuck |
Posted - 05/18/2007 : 11:27:59
quote:
Originally posted by shawnsmith
The invited couple who will be visiting us are quite "successful" in their chosen careers which make me feel like a piece of crap.
Probably not something you can easily turn off, but it looks like you may "care" too much what other people think. I went through this early on in AA. I had about 18 months sober, had become quite active and known in the local area attending meetings evey night, etc. Then, I broke my sobriety and it took a couple more years of in-and-out of AA until I finally got sober (now a little over 21 years). I think part of what made it so difficult to come back to AA was my concern of what people thought of me. I felt like a real loser and well-intentioned people were not helping by trying to "correct my program" or questioning me in why I was not raising my hand during my 1st "30-days of sobriety." I just wanted to crawl in a hole. The one person who was helping me was an old-timer who would shake my hand and say he was glad to see me and did not PREACH! That's all I needed at that point. Not preachers, but EXAMPLES! Anyway, one day it finally dawned on me that what these people thought was ridiculously unimportant and that I'm going to meetings for ME, not to appease THEM! So, after that, when someone approached me in what I read as a pious "my program is working as yours is not" attitude, I would thank them for their suggestion and go on my merry way. Some of the more aggressive people I even told thanks but mind your own business. Anyway, this opened up a new realm for me and I now really don't give a rat's behind what anyone thinks of me. And, these "successful" people you mention? "Successful" by monetary standards? The old keeping up with the Jones' joke? That's a shallow benchmark. Are they happy? Maybe. But I doubt it is because they are filthy rich ;) Getting comfortable with myself has been a big key for me and realizing that other people's opinions are like ***holes and we all have one ;)
IMHO
Woodchuck |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 05/18/2007 : 10:27:29
Shawn, your story and that of the Indian lady's makes a good case for the futility of much of what passes for higher education today.
If one's choice of a educational path does not lead to a viable vocation that pays the bills, it's bound to create TMS in the long run.
At the end of the day, whether one feels good about oneself, is largely based upon a feeling of acccomplishment; whether we contributed to the betterment of the univerese as a whole. If all we did was push some papers around and looked busy, it's bound to create guilt, anger, rage and TMS symptoms.
Our culture, society and government, with the propaganda help of the New York media and Hollywod fantasy machine, has turned us down a slippery slope, extolling self-esteem, based on no fundamentals and extolling the virtues of being a loser.
Some of my favorite excerpts from " THE DIVIDED MIND " :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
|
| Shary |
Posted - 05/18/2007 : 07:55:44
I know quite a few people with TMS who don't know they have it. I've always done a lot of alternative stuff so Sarno's approach to pain wasn't much of a reach for me. Most people, however, only take TMS seriously when absolutely nothing else works. To our own detriment, we've been conditioned to believe our incredibly complex bodies are like our vehicles. When something goes wrong, we think we can hobble off to the mechanic (the doctor), pour a few chemicals in the tank, replace or repair a few iffy parts, and we'll be good as new. No wonder homeopathy refers to such a system as flat-earth medicine! |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 05/18/2007 : 07:14:39
quote:
Originally posted by ndb
Hi Shawn,
I'm about to get a phd, and almost every minute of the day I think about what a fake I am, how unoriginal my thoughts are and how I'm not suited for research.
I can now see now how much of a farce getting a PhD is. I saw my wife go through all kinds of hell to get hers and everyone around her who was also pursuing their PhD were utterly miserable and I am sure used the f word alot. I think with some cultures there is such intense pressure to get the advanced degrees and associatesd presitige it becomes overwhelming on the individual.
I know an Indian lady right now who is the worse TMS case I have ever seen and if you knew her story you would know why. You name a body part and it hurts on her. She spends literally thousands of dollars a month on meds, physical therapy etc and the doctors keep telling her she will only get worse. Fibro, irritable bowel and bone degeneration are merely three of her diagnosis, there are many more that I cannot even list here. She hobbles along on a cane and is only 32 years old. I introduced her to Sarno's work but she is not fully convinced yet as she has a stakc of MRIs and X-rays to "prove" what the doctors are telling her.
As I stated earlier I meet people with TMS everyday and it is simply amazing. A wife of a friend of mine has TMS really bad but she does not know about TMS yet. I bought her "Healing Back Pain" but have yet to get it to her. Another friend of mind who I ran into yesterday has constant foot pain and has to take cortisone shots. My own niece has back pain so bad at times she cannot even walk. She also has foot pain. She is 26 years old.
When examining the life histories, current situations and personality traits of these people I can clearly see what is taking place. A house wife with 5 children living in the shadow of a highly successsful man, a lady with a phD with no academic or other job prospects and who is constantly enraged about the current state of politics, a goodist who wants to help everyone, and a victim of emotional abuse that is simply terrifying are all part of who these people are.
*************
Sarno-ize it!
************* |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 05/18/2007 : 06:57:22
quote:
Originally posted by gehpsh
have you told your wife how you feel about this? seems most of your rage is toward her,actually. and why is she doing this if she knows how you feel?
Yes, I discuss this stuff all the time with her. She knows everything I am writing here and a whole lot more.
*************
Sarno-ize it!
************* |
| gehpsh |
Posted - 05/18/2007 : 04:43:17
have you told your wife how you feel about this? seems most of your rage is toward her,actually. and why is she doing this if she knows how you feel? |
| ndb |
Posted - 05/17/2007 : 20:57:53
quote:
Originally posted by shawnsmith
hate to compete in this nasty little place called planet earth. I hate having to continually validate my self-worth based upon my personal performance in this or that activity.
I feel like that too and reading that made me tear up a little. What if you just go and spend part of the weekend doing something else by yourself so you don't have to be around the visitor all the time? |
| ndb |
Posted - 05/17/2007 : 20:54:13
Hi Shawn,
I'm an indian girl too. Sending hugs your way to make up for the other one. And just in general I hope it makes you feel better about all the other crap.
You know, I sometimes feel that we'll never be happy no matter what we end up achieving. I'm about to get a phd, and almost every minute of the day I think about what a fake I am, how unoriginal my thoughts are and how I'm not suited for research. I think people would find it strange if they knew how much I hate myslef. I am trying to learn to say f*ck it, and just doing the things which I never realized I enjoyed -- going on hikes, tkd, climbing -- and not taking the work stuff so seriously. |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 05/17/2007 : 20:21:41
Well, it's official, I'm an old geezer now. The daughter of a guy I graduated with from high school just graduated from university. Sigh!
*************
Sarno-ize it!
************* |
|
|
