| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 04/12/2007 : 17:03:45
quote:
also, i think the dichotomy between "facing things" and "ignoring things" is a false one. the key is facing the correct things. what that means is completely ignoring the symptoms, and facing the emotional issues, which you've spoken very little about. go back to the source--repudiate the physical, focus on the psychological.
This is a quote from Dr.Z from the "relapse" thread below.
It took me aback (even though it is classic Sarnoism and not an unusual thing to say) because it is exactly what I spent about 10 days trying to educate a friend on, in a situation a bit similar to what is described there. He was having "neurological symptoms" that no doctor could find any real source for. Went into such an extreme panic attack that he wanted to live in my home to get over it. He was even on doc meds for panic attacks. But no other diagnosis after months of tests and specialists, etc.
I poured a lot of myself into trying to get him to stop focusing on the physical and go for the emotional and psychological, with quite a bit of success. But the kicker was that he kept thinking he wasn't "being realistic." There was a kind of devotion to the "reality" of a physical diagnosis that just hadn't been discovered yet. I had already given him the book, which he had read, and showed him the Sarno video.
At one point he actually was breaking through, once he got to the stuff that was really pissing him off. When he got angry the tremors completely stopped!
Then I didn't hear from him, suddenly, and next thing I know all our mutual friends were in an uproar because so-and-so "has Parkinsons." Now, I know that in those 2 days there could have been no diagnosis of Parkinsons. At best, the docs said that the symptoms were in the "Parkinsonian" category, but that isn't a diagnosis. It's just like saying pain is "arthritic" because it affects the joints.
So really he just decided to jump ship and "be realistic." Everyone we know in common would be very sympathetic and supportive to that explanation of what was really a huge panic attack, rather than to the Sarno perspective. In fact, they would consider me an asshole to have been implying that his illness wasn't real. This attitude is quite common in many of the people I know, because they have been led astray years ago by Louise Hay and have swung in the other direction and worship at the inevitability and "realness" of illness and death.
I can really understand all this because when I was in my 30 years of illness I came to hate people who implied it wasn't real. They seemed to be denying my pain and yet not helping me to the other side. But this approach actually does help one to the other side, and my friend was actually getting to the other side.
His bailing and diving into the disability identity was very upsetting to me. I haven't heard from him since, despite my one call and one e-mail of concern (I'm an AlAnon alum and hip to not being codependent, despite how all this may sound). And get this: I got all kinds of symptoms myself! It is as though I caught TMS from the stress of trying to help someone else out of it!
Of course, it wasn't him. It just triggered my reservoir of rage about my parents, especially my mother, whom I have not been able to help out of her suffering.
In my teens and twenties I was a missionary for my Eastern meditation guru. It was quite dangerous, actually, because I was sent to Franco's Spain when Franco was still around, and I got arrested and nearly tortured there. But I escaped.
I feel as though this new kind of missionary activity has been mildly dangerous for me. But really it's all good. I feel as though the recent triggering is helpful because it is making me notice how much anger and sadness I really have about my mother (who is going under with Alzheimer's, but won't take any help from me or my sister except to move in with us, which we cannot survive). I was quite numb to these feelings until this recent trigger.
It helps me to see everything that comes in my way as part of my healing, even if it seems to make me worse. If I catch it I can use it to uncover and release a bit more of the ROR.
I think there was another thread about the stress of trying to get people to understand they have TMS, but I'm right in it right now (or at least coming out of a new wave of it).
Freeing up again!
xxx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| 10 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 04/14/2007 : 02:44:33
quote:
Originally posted by Wavy Soul
I love us all.
xxx
Love is the answer, whatever the question
X2 Wavy 
some of my favorite excerpts from 'TDM' : http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
|
| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 04/13/2007 : 23:41:57
I love us all.
xxx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| art |
Posted - 04/13/2007 : 16:01:42
quote:
I was afraid of being alone. When life forced aloneness on me, I tried to embrace it rather than scramble to fill the void. This was the hardest thing I ever did (after my divorce 3 years ago). Cornering myself (and being cornered by life) to have to feel the unfelt feelings gave my symptoms less to distract me from, and I started getting better.
One of the most moving lines I've ever read re being alone, which not surprisingly I came across in The Sun....I'm paraphrasing, but I think I have the gist....
"Use loneliness like a plow and make something out of hard ground..."
linguist, don't be too hard on yourself..We're all afraid. It's what we do with that fear that's important. I've actually been thinking about fear a lot recently..The so-called neurotics among us, we sensitive, anxiety ridden types are I believe, much more in tune with the actual human predicament, which is actually quite terrifying...The universe is impossibly large and impersonal, we as individuals are just as impossibly small..."normalcy" and "well-adjustedness" require a huge quotient of denial, and that must carry a cost all it's own... |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 04/13/2007 : 15:15:22
Wavy, your post reminded me of my Dr. Bronner's soap which says: We are All-One or none!
If we are none when we're alone, we're certainly not all-one.
I am trying not to fill my empty moments with Things to Do, but it's hard because there are many Things to Do.
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 04/13/2007 : 14:21:04
This is very profound stuff. I've been on both sides of it, so it's even more profound.
Yes, to what was just said about the illness allowing us to have an excuse not to do/be/experience something.
I was afraid of being alone. When life forced aloneness on me, I tried to embrace it rather than scramble to fill the void. This was the hardest thing I ever did (after my divorce 3 years ago). Cornering myself (and being cornered by life) to have to feel the unfelt feelings gave my symptoms less to distract me from, and I started getting better.
This was when I first smelled a rat, as I have posted about before.
Much later I read Sarno and more pieces fell in place.
I am still alone, but not alone, if you know what I mean. Getting towards All-One.
xxx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 04/13/2007 : 12:08:03
quote:
Wellness imposes responsibility and freedom, which can be very frightening things...
I definitely understand this. When you are ill/injured, all the things you are not doing, you are not doing because you can't. When you are well, if you are not doing something, it's because you're choosing to -- usually because you feel a lot of fear about going for it. I've had to confront this now. I want to have a stronger belief in what I can accomplish and go for it, but I find that I am still afraid. Now that I have the freedom to aspire to more, I still don't always do it.
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
| art |
Posted - 04/13/2007 : 09:07:42
Wisdom inevitably brings loneliness and pain. It's hard to know things that other's cannot or will not grasp. Harder still to be attacked for knowing these things...
The older I get, the truer this becomes for me. My rule of thumb when it comes to TMS missionary work is to mention it once, then let it go if the response is not favorable. People are often powerfully attached to their illnesses. They may very well feel that they need them...Wellness imposes responsibility and freedom, which can be very frightening things...
|
| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 04/13/2007 : 08:04:03
HAH!
That Sopher quote is just the ticket!
Thanks for your kind words, all, and Singer, fly free!
xx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| Penny |
Posted - 04/12/2007 : 18:21:17
Hi Wavy!
I saw this quote that TT posted in February, thought it was relevant post. (Thanks Tom!)I try to remind myself that those who do not believe or accept TMS (when all other non-TMS related things have been ruled out), these folks find that the pain serves them in some way that is larger than being pain free. I'm guessing here, but since your friend told all your other friends about the "Parkison's", he probably needed the sympathy more than he needs to feel better. This is tough to watch someone else do to themselves. My dad is like this, and it makes my TMS surge bigtime, just to be around him. When it comes time for my parents to visit, I dread it b/c I have not yet learned how to accept him for his choices. I end up getting sick with vomiting and blood pressure probs.
Here's the quote.
Good health to you! (You must be some kind of Angel, going thru all that with him, and then to realize that it has actually helped you! Blessings on you! You are doing the work, girl!!!!)
>|< Penny
From Dr. John Sarno's THE DIVIDED MIND:
Chapter Ten: "A Family Doctor's Experience With Mindbody Medicine"
by Marc Sopher, M.D.
Page 340:
"Sadly, the majority of patients that I introduce to TMS concepts are not receptive. I would estimate that only 10 to 20 percent are intrigued and enthusiactic. The interested ones are often relieved to hear that I do not believe that they have a serious physical problem or disease. They may even be overjoyed to learn that I am going to recommend only some reading and the use of their brains. This group is happy not to have to take medications or be referred for some other treatment. Why is it that more do not respond this way is beyond me. As a society, we are becoming so passive that we wish to be recipients of treatment as opposed to active participants in our health and wellness. As for others, as soon as they hear me say psychological or discuss the role of stress, they may tune me out or get angry. They may feel that there is a stigma associated with anything psychological and that I do not really understand them. And one dare not use the term psychosomatic!
Dr. Sopher's website is: www.themindbodysyndrome.com |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 04/12/2007 : 17:16:25
Hi WavySoul,
I feel for you..It can sometimes feel like one is catching someone else's pain if it is intense enough and the relationship is very close..I have felt that way on more then occasion..I have taken on the pain of closed loved ones, almost literally...It is tough putting up boundaries especially with family/friends..But, if we don't take care of ourselves, we are good for nobody..Sounds like you have led an exciting and fascinating life so far! You are an open hearted woman..Be gentle with yourself and protect yourself as well...I mentioned you, of course, in my farewell thread..I so appreciate your support on here...
Blessings and hugs!
Karen |
|
|
