| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Suz |
Posted - 03/13/2007 : 12:42:58
Hello all,
After much success using Sarno's method to get rid of my back pain of 10 years, I am still struggling with insomnia. I know this has become a psychological problem and one I am completely obssessing over. I have been doing the 6 week program from "say goodnight to Insomnia" - recommended by someone here. It has helped a little but I am still suffering from waking up early in the morning and not getting back to sleep.
I have gone through the most awful breakup with my boyfriend - completely devestated but now recovering. Also, I am going through changes at work. I got a bad review - first in 5 years and i know it is time for a change. There is an opportunity in HR here but I am concerned that I am expected to do 12 hour days. I already do 10 hour days.
so - these things weigh on my mind.
Can and has anyone used Sarno's method to get rid of insomnia.
I am absolutely exhausted.
Oh - by the way, my digestive problems have competely gone away |
| 20 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Suz |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 14:10:12
Thank you little bird (love that name!).
This has been such a great opportunity to explore all that sadness and loneliness stuffed down in me with a therapist. I think it is time I face it. If I had not gone through this break up, I would not have begun to learn all these valuable things. I am a strong believer that you can always find good in the tough things in life.
I have definitely never been through this kind of emotional pain before as I absolutely adored him and have never treated anyone so well before. I turned a blind eye to some important things - why - because I so want to belong somewhere and to be married with my own family. I remember thinking that the thought of losing him was quite devestating even though I worried about the drinking and his immaturity. Fear of getting older and loneliness which takes one back to the deep insecurity of my childhood (terrible divorce)has driven my life. I think now I can break the pattern for the first time.
It is kind of exciting when you think about it |
| Littlebird |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 13:40:19
It seems totally natural to me that breaking up can trigger all the deep pain that's hiding in the unconscious, and I think it's a great step towards recovery that you were able to realize the pain and loneliness go beyond just this relationship.
When my first husband and I divorced--I learned he had a girlfriend when she called to tell me that he loved her now and I should just let him go so he could be happy--it triggered all of the deep feelings of abandonment that I had from childhood, due to family issues growing up. It was extremely painful and I spent weeks just sobbing so hard every night that I'm sure I kept my neighbor in the next apartment awake. But I didn't know what I needed to do with those feelings and I worked real hard at stuffing them down and hiding from them--that's when I started to have really bad IBS, followed later by other TMS problems.
I love what ACL mentioned about the therapist who said you dip your toe in the water and gradually can go deeper. What a great analogy for looking at painful emotions!
It sounds like your therapist is a good match for your needs. I think you will do very well with getting through this situation and will make good progress with conquering the insomnia. |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 12:34:56
Suz,
Therapists that help us feel our feelings are the best! I so often put on a happy face for the sake of others when, deep down, I am very sad and scared..My TMS therapist was great at helping me feel my deeper feelings..As soon as I can afford to, I am doing more session on the phone with him again..
I wanted to say Happy Easter!!! Enjoy! I am going to be fasting for Good Friday and look forward to the spiritual high that accompanies a fast..
Hugs and God bless,
Karen |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 12:32:11
Wow Suz, sounds like you found a good therapist who's really able to help you with your emotional process.
Your description of your emotional experience of fear was very evocative. I remember back when I first started to get into the deeper emotions, it often would happen like that, without warning and I would not be able to get very far before it pulled out. This was when I began to realize that my brain was not just crazy to think physical pain might be easier, that there really was some very intense stuff down there.
I actually saw a therapist briefly who told me this was okay, that you start by dipping a toe in the water and gradually progress to being able to sit with the feelings for longer. (She was a good therapist, but I moved away from the city where she practices; also she had seen my mom, and I didn't think it was a good idea for us to work with the same person long-term.) Sometimes now I can get into the deeper places, but I have not gone to anywhere like the place you describe. Actually, this is why I am interested in therapy (which is set up to happen once the therapist I found has an opening) -- I feel like it might be better not to try going there without a little help.
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
| Suz |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 11:51:18
Thanks Tom. I thought it was a good move to hit this thing on the head and go to therapy. I really dislike it however I have to put my discomfort and pride aside, bite the bullet and do it. What I like about this psychologist is that she does not focus on blaming my parents etc. - she points out the faults and gets me to look at my pain - feel it and then move on to a point of understanding and eventually forgiveness. I always come away quite emotionally drained with alot to think about it but strangely uplifted as well |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 10:28:11
quote:
Originally posted by Suz
It was interesting to observe.
I felt the same way, when I fell into my "significant depression" about a year ago. With my knowledge of TMS it was interesting to observe the psychosomataic process occuring. Going to a therapist is a good move on your part.
Regards,
tt
some of my favorite excerpts from 'TDM' : http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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| Suz |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 08:16:49
Hey Karen,
Actually I think my mind was immediately protecting me - distracting me. I think I watched the TMS process in action. I was entering an area that my conscious brain did not want me to go to and so it immediately pulled back. I think my mind switched very quickly to worrying about not sleeping. It was interesting to observe. I am going to explore this loneliness and lack of security with the psychologist tomorrow. The divided mind talks alot about the distraction process of the brain. I think this new book from Sarno is actually my favorite - it goes into a very deep analysis of the TMS process.
if you are in pain, keep switching to the emotions - anything that is bothering you.
I actually also use prayer and like you, this is quite a week for me. I think Sarno would include this as one of the soothers - helps take the edge off TMS. |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 07:52:08
Suz,
That is great that your mind was able to pull you out of that fearful place...I am not currently dealing with a break up but many other big stressors in my life...Fear has been coming over me alot lately about every little tiny ache or pain...It is mostly about getting older, what might happen physically and who will take care of me when I am old...I don't have human children, just doggies...I am so picky when it comes to relationships and since I have never married, I am ultra picky about that..I don't want to make a mistake I will regret...but I also don't want to grow old alone...
When I feel the fear wash over me, I pray very hard and it subsides...This week is a very spiritual week and I am fasting on Good Friday and looking forward to the spiritual 'high' that comes from that...I will keep you in my prayers...
Hugs,
Karen |
| Suz |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 07:18:00
I know we veered off topic from TMS here but I just wanted to say many many thanks to you all for such kind supportive words. Breakups are just awful! Especially when you adore someone and it happens out of the blue.
Back on the insomnia topic, yesterday I was feeling quite angry by the end of the day towards him and I ended up thinking too much about it before bed time. I could not sleep again and took a sleeping pill - ugh!!!! I hate those things. I feel groggy in the morning and I tend to feel like a "sleep failure" again - ridiculous. I actually thought of Art's words last night - about not worrying so much about the sleep problem. I know that the fear of not sleeping is just a cover for the real fears of life.
Another quite weird thing happened - i was having a good cry about the break up - haven't done that in a while and was thinking how heart broken I am and suddenly I went to a place of fear that was quite quite terrifying. It was very brief and I know it was a feeling of terrible terrible loneliness. I am not describing it well - it was so incredibly dark and I actually watched my mind pull very quickly away from it. It was extraordinary. I actually think that I was touching on some of the deep buried sadness in my unconscious. Ok - this all sounds a little melodramatic and the moment was quite brief - but it was completely horrifying. I think that this breakup is allowing me to get into some of the existing deep rooted fears that sit in my unconscious - also the psychologist might be stirring it up as well. It was actually quite interesting. |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 04/04/2007 : 21:40:47
Hi Suz,
There is a book I read when I was recovering from an awful break up..I cannot recal the exact title but it is something like "It's called a break up because it is broken.." It is written by a couple and it is wonderful..Kind of simplistic, but very helpful..On the cover is a picture of ice cream, lol..At first I thought what the heck is this cheesy book..but then it became a life line for me..Maybe someone on here read it too, and could tell you the authors and proper name..
Wishing you fast healing,
Karen |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 04/04/2007 : 18:54:37
I don't think that women are worse judges of character than men. I've seem plenty of men blindsided by women that other women didn't like. Where the brain gets involved in romance chemistry, our judgment stops working to a large extent.
Also, women are socialized to be those who give, those who take care, those who need to "find someone". And to be nice, and not judge. We can try to get away from this socialization, but it's quite difficult. This can help turn the brain off for "judging character".
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
| art |
Posted - 04/04/2007 : 16:29:00
Suz,
You're more than welcome...And I think you're absolutely right about him using the whole priest thing as a cover to avoid what he feared the most...failure, both professionally and personally...
Anger is a cover as well...an emotional cover...it's so much easier to hide behind rage than it is to feel exposed and sad and ashamed, which are the genuine emotions in this case..Rage gives one a sense of power, however phony...And it's less painful than those others..
You're doing all the right things Suzannah. Time and supportive self talk and getting on with your life...I promise it won't be long before you'll be able to feel gratitude at the way things worked out...
Incidentally, it's not beyond the realm of possibility that he'll contact you again..Feel enough pain and even cowards can do "brave" things.. |
| Suz |
Posted - 04/04/2007 : 16:12:15
Art,
Lovely post - thank you. I absolutely think the man has serious fear issues and was a terrible coward at the end. After making me wait for 5 weeks, on the agreed date, he called me telling me my list of problems. It was originally about whether he would be a priest or marry me. When you think about it, it was really quite dreadful. He was furious on the phone - really angry. I was completely flawed. I had never heard him like that before. You are right - it is deep narcissism. He is unable to look at his own problems. He was becoming a lawyer and actually cancelled the Bar exam under the guise of becoming a priest. I know that he was terrified of failing the exam. He now has to wait until July to take the exam and cannot even practice as a lawyer or get a job.
I am trying so hard to get over him - the best way seems to burst this perfect view of him I have which I realize is not real. |
| art |
Posted - 04/04/2007 : 15:52:51
It's hard to know what was in his mind and heart...It could be that he really did love you to the extent he was able given his drinking, but that in the end he simply chickened out...That the reality of marriage, and children, and those very real and very sobering responsibilities were too much for him...
Alcoholics are usually full of fear, and do not trust themselves to be fully functioning people...That's why they drink in the first place...
All that said, the way he broke things off ultimately speaks volumes about the man's character...He found it easier to blame you rather than face up to his own deeply experienced inadequacies...That's cowardly in the extreme..Deeply narcissistic...People do not recover from those fundamental flaws in character generally speaking because in order to do so, they'd have to take responsibility for their behavior, something they simply cannot do... |
| Suz |
Posted - 04/04/2007 : 11:19:11
Interesting Art. I think I know what you mean.
My situation was a tough one - it all started to come out very slowly during the relationship. He drove down 2 hours to see me every weekend and called me every night throughout the entire 8 months. I actually discussed the drinking issue with him several times and told him how concerned I was. I then pushed it to the back of my mind. He comes from a very holy, absolutely lovely family and they all adore him. I think this clouded my judgement. He has 3 sisters who put him on a pedastel and call him Mel Gibson (rather weird now I think about it). He was kind and lovely to be with. It really was a complete shock at the end.
I often hear of great women being taken advantage of too! |
| art |
Posted - 04/04/2007 : 11:06:18
quote:
was also broken up with suddenly and violently by my ex hub after 7 years during which I thought I was with my ultimate soulmate. I'm 3 years into recovery from this life disintegrator, and I can confirm! It's a stressor!! I've found that the death has been followed by resurrection and I feel more or less ready to be with someone again. I've been intending to heal all the way before I try to get a relationship to heal me, this time.
I might be getting ready to put my foot in it yet again, but it has been my life experience that women are not as good as men at judging character...I'm one of those guys who's had lots of women friends, and it distresses me sometimes how gullible these very intelligent capable women can be...Time and time again I've had to stand by and watch a friend waste herself on a guy who I just knew was a jerk....How is it that it's often so obvious to me, and not to my female friend?
Here's an example from politics, which is always dangerous I acknowledge, but I'm already stepping way out on the tightrope high above the bigtop...No sense chickening out now and asking for a net..
Every guy I knew, even the liberals, understood that Bill Clinton was, for lack of a better word, a "cad"...We also knew eventually he'd prove it somehow...But my women friends, forget it...They simply couldn't see past the smarm..Even when the Monica story broke, they were still making excuses for the guy...
Interested in hearing opinions on this, especially from some of the women on the list, assuming they're still speaking to me. |
| Suz |
Posted - 04/04/2007 : 08:11:08
Corey,
What a great and interesting read on relationships. It is strange because I really felt John and I connected on that level. I opened up alot to him about my family and difficulties in my life. Unfortunately, he threw that back at me as a reason to break up with me. I felt quite horrified and betrayed. I also realize that he never really revealed much to me about himself. I think I had quite a false image of him and as the months went on things were revealed. I have learnt to be true to myself and not to try and be someone else in a relationship. I hated going out to all the bars with his young friends and thought we spent way too much time with his parents. I kept quiet because I wanted it to work so much. I also was worried about looking and dressing young enough for him. At the end of the 8 months, I started to stop pretending that I was ok with everything.
One of my closest guy friends said to me "Suzanna, to thine ownself to true". What a lesson I have learned!
Sorry that this has come off topic from the insomnia. I guess it has revealed some of my insecurities and perfectionist tendancies.
|
| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 04/04/2007 : 07:58:35
We were so compatible from a personality perspective but I paid for everything
About compatibility...
I've read all those relationship books mentioned, but I read one called "Is He Mr. Right" which, despite a rather annoying title, is a very intelligent book. The author (can't remember name but Amazon will know) says it's NOT compatibility, it's CHEMISTRY, and THERE ARE FIVE KINDS. She cites numerous examples of relationships that are "compatible" (both birdwatching demorats, for example), but don't have the 5 chemistries and don't work, whereas if you have the 5, you don't need big compatibility...
Not just sexual chemistry but 4 other kinds too. She says if you don't have all 5, your relationship won't work. If I could remember what they are I would tell you, but when I read it, I felt it was true.
I was also broken up with suddenly and violently by my ex hub after 7 years during which I thought I was with my ultimate soulmate. I'm 3 years into recovery from this life disintegrator, and I can confirm! It's a stressor!! I've found that the death has been followed by resurrection and I feel more or less ready to be with someone again. I've been intending to heal all the way before I try to get a relationship to heal me, this time.
Good luck.
xx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 04/03/2007 : 17:54:59
Oh Suz, you dodged a bullet there with that guy. I especially sympathize with the whole "Being really sweet right up until the dumping, and dumping like a coward" thing. Sorry you had to go through that. Congrats on deleting the emails and moving forward.
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
| art |
Posted - 04/03/2007 : 16:37:01
quote:
This is my fault for not realizing that these things showed real immaturity. I guess I wanted to get married so I tried to ignore everything.
I think "fault" is too harsh a word. It's easy to see things with the benefit of hindsight...We're all human...People of conscience and high ethical standards generally have the default assumption that other people are operating on the same moral plane. Good people are just not generally speaking, very suspicious..
Life often has a way of curing that all too painfully...
You've lived and you've learned...He did you a huge favor. You're still young Suz...Younger even than you think you are...Good things happen when you least expect them... |
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