| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 03/01/2007 : 08:28:05
I'm very much into the inner child aspect of TMS unconscious work, with nurturing the inner child and accepting her (in my case, yours may be 'his') feelings, and processing those feelings. (This kind of work is described in The Drama of the Gifted Child, and http://www.creativegrowth.com/teresa.htm, which influenced my approach a lot.)
One of the interesting things I've discovered is that my inner child's age seems to be gradually increasing. My first encounters mentally were of the nature of holding a very young child, a toddler or maybe three-year-old. She was mostly just sad and needed my comfort. Sometimes angry and I would simply be present, which no one was able to be for me back then. When happy we would dance together. That child seems to be more satisfied now. She is still present but when I see her she's usually happy.
Lately I've been encountering a six-year-old who really wants to know that it's okay to be clever and sharp-witted. (Being smart was always seen as okay, in fact necessary, but my wit hasn't always met that same approval.) I haven't had as much success with this yet, as she is a bit more prickly than the younger child (as indeed I was, I suspect) and this issue is not resolved for me yet, but is quite live.
This development was unexpected and I am finding it very interesting. It seems my unconscious self is wiser than 'I' (my conscious self) am and knows what my issues are, and given the opportunity will present them for resolution. That's reassuring in a way, even though it is also an ongoing challenge.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
| 3 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| miehnesor |
Posted - 03/01/2007 : 12:01:18
The talk with your father brings up the challenge of really proper parenting. As I am the parent of a 5 year old it is a good thing that i'm connecting with my own wounds and healing them as best I can. Parents need to achnowledge and see and accept their children and especially be OK and able to handle all the childs feelings and not be triggered by them. I think it is virtually impossible to do this well if you have substantial wounds that you have not addressed. I might never have addressed my own stuff if it wasn't for TMS forcing me to do it.
It used to be that I would reject vulnerability and regressive behavior in others because that was what I learned probably from my parents. Now I embrace it and realize that it is essential for true intimacy in adult relationships as well as with children.
The fact that you have discovered and healed your own TMS puts you in a good position to parent well if you have children now or have in the future. |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 03/01/2007 : 11:02:43
quote:
The concept that you can heal your own childhood wounds by reparenting yourself is quite profound. The child holds onto the feelings that I think are the primary cause of TMS for many folks and making a safe enough environment for the child permits the feelings to surface.
I absolutely agree, for me it's been the most profound change in my view of myself and behavior toward myself that I've ever experienced.
As a related benefit, I think when we are able to make things safe enough for our childhood wounds to surface and be healed, we are also creating an environment where feelings can surface as we experience them, and we no longer have as much need to repress. For me this has helped me to begin living a more full and dynamic life, and also helps with preventing TMS recurrences before they start.
For example, this morning I was listening to a song about war and I realized that I'm very sad about all the things going on in Iraq and elsewhere with soldiers dying. It's a true tragedy and I was able to feel a little of my sadness right away, without intellectualizing it or pushing it away. I also thought about some time I spent with my dad this weekend where we discussed car fashions, an interest of mine. (Walking from the train station to my destination is a fruitful introspective time for me. :-) ) I realized that I was in a sense showing off for him, not in a negative way, but in the way that children do, wanting their interests and talents to be acknowledged. And we never really lose this desire, but we learn to sublimate it and try to forget about it because so rarely are we acknowledged in the way we want. This leaves a tremendous sadness (and probably anger) in the vulnerable parts of our selves, anytime we are rebuffed in our enthusiasms. I was lucky in this case and many others because my dad has consistently been tremendously supportive of my interests.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
| miehnesor |
Posted - 03/01/2007 : 10:31:54
ACL- I'm so glad you keep talking about the inner child stuff here on this forum. It's such a powerful tool to accessing emotions and its readily available to everybody. The concept that you can heal your own childhood wounds by reparenting yourself is quite profound. The child holds onto the feelings that I think are the primary cause of TMS for many folks and making a safe enough environment for the child permits the feelings to surface. The challenge is to figure out what that child needs to feel safe enough to let go of the feelings. For me I needed to have the help of a witness, therapist, for that to fully happen.
I can relate to what you said about the child having more wisdom then the adult you. This has been exactly my conclusion as well. The feelings once they start coming start to paint a very different picture then the adult conscious you would paint. |
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