| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Paul |
Posted - 01/27/2007 : 13:55:51
I've posted here once before. I've had nearly 6+ years of rectal pain, rectal spasm, or "pelvic pain". Over the last few years, I've started to get really bad anxiety, panic, depression etc. I never had anxiety, panic or depression BEFORE this pain situation. It just sort of evolved in time.
2006 was a bad year for me...I got divorced because my wife felt "alone", etc. She had to deal with me over the years going all over the country trying to solve the pelvic pain problem. Also, I got more and more isolated from doing things with her because one, I didn't feel well and second, I was panicky. All my issues just took all my focus and I left her out and made her feel alone. :(
Second, I left my full-time job to work at home doing freelance work. I did this a month or two before my wife wanted to separate. Also, in the same year, my brother nearly died from his addictions, etc. and bipolarism.
So in a nutshell, I lost my wife, I lost my home, I switched jobs, I nearly lost a brother who is still having a hard time, and now I live all alone, work alone, and don't feel good enough to get out and socialize because of pain and fear, anxiety, etc.
I'm in a really bad rut. I wake up feeling very scared for some reason. Even driving or going out to eat with a friend causes me a ton of fear, etc. That general sense of "fear" and a gloomy, scary feeling hanging over me is the worst! Can anyone relate to that?
I'm not sure what to do. I've thought about moving back to my small home town where my parents still live. Not much there...but at least I would have the comfort of them being around. Right now I still live in the same town my wife and I have lived in and I feel like I'm just living in the past and feel "trapped"...I don't want to get out because I don't want to run into her out of pain (even though we do communicate via email every now and then and are friendly).
Life has never been so hard. There is NO doubt in my mind that the long pattern of chronic pain has had a dramatic effect on me emotionally over the years. Who wants to enjoy life when you don't feel well and it feels like you have a basketball on fire right up your ass! Sorry to be graphic...but that is what it feels like! That is due to trigger points and years of muscle spasm and tightness...nothing else has been found to be wrong.
I really, really don't want to take any meds. I've tried them briefly before for anxiety and pain...but I just never tolerate them well at all.
Thanks for listening...I just needed to vent. :( I just want to feel happy again and most of all, not have pain anymore. |
| 20 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| cindyo6 |
Posted - 09/07/2009 : 21:34:42
hi paul.....i am a psychotherapist (16 years) and also a TMS warrior in my own life. do you know louise hay's work? her video "you can heal your life" changed my life and also several of my clients. the new version is called "the expanded edition" and has a second disk with several interviews on it. i really like the interview with esther hicks.
i'm not sure which meds you have tried. there are a number of ways to go with meds. some less stringent than others. i think acute anxiety is quite difficult to manage without meds, until you get the hang of a multi-facted , self-soothing approach, which takes time to develop. dr. emmett miller has a good book on healing in which he lays out a multi-facted approach, similar to fred amir's. it IS possible to get better, feel better. you CAN be happy again. do you believe that?
cynthia oeser |
| Dave |
Posted - 09/02/2009 : 11:54:21
quote:
Originally posted by JohnO
Pain In The -- That's all so wrong what you are doing. So wrong. I am all better and it is all Sarno teaching related. What you go into on your post is not Sarno. You haven't fully recognized that it is all psychological because you are doing things that indicate you still believe it is physical. Read and re-read Sarno and drop the physcial concept and I guarantee you will be "cured". If you want to e-mail me off-line the offer to get into it more still stands.
I'm as much of a "Sarno purist" as anyone but I have to disagree with you here.
PainInTheButt clearly recognizes that the muscle tightness is a TMS symptom and is "habitual and chronic." This is clearly different than believing that there is a structural issue.
I believe that part of the syndrome is that we may subconsiously tense our muscles. We're not aware of it, it's a habit. Becoming aware of it and consciously relaxing those muscles is not necessarily contradictory to TMS treatment. In fact, it may be beneficial in that it contributes to the reconditioning process. Becoming aware of this propensity to hold our muscles "in rictus" (the "old timers" here might recognize this term popularized by Gary -- the original creator of this forum) and consciously relaxing the muscles is not the same as seeking physical treatment. |
| JohnO |
Posted - 02/16/2007 : 06:48:00
Pain In The -- That's all so wrong what you are doing. So wrong. I am all better and it is all Sarno teaching related. What you go into on your post is not Sarno. You haven't fully recognized that it is all psychological because you are doing things that indicate you still believe it is physical. Read and re-read Sarno and drop the physcial concept and I guarantee you will be "cured". If you want to e-mail me off-line the offer to get into it more still stands. |
| ReferFire |
Posted - 02/16/2007 : 04:09:09
Paul, although i've never had the rectal pain you have (and reading your post was the first time i heard about that kind of TMS), i have completely overcome a seriously bad case of TMS. i didn't have the anxiety you mention either, but i am a lawyer and am thus entirely familiar with super stressful, anxious situations.
In terms of my TMS pain, when i realized it was a mental issue and not a structural one i ignored it and over the span of a few weeks it went away. i still feel the hint of that pain (i had tendonitis in my fingers from too much typing), but it hasn't come back. it sounds to me like you are convinced rectal pain is TMS. in that case, i wouldn't let the pain hold you back from a full life. treat the pain for what it is - a creation of your mind (just like bad dreams, etc.).
In terms of anxiety, i have a hobby with happy colorful art that reflects my positive attitude on life (my art is at www.jonathanvanee.com). there are a lot of things to be anxious about (we're all going to die, get sick, lose loved ones, etc.), so i find trusting God with those things is really helpful.
I overcame TMS and, while I'm seriously smart and special, I'm not that smart & special. You too can overcome it. |
| paininthebutt |
Posted - 02/15/2007 : 20:07:35
Hi JohnO
I didnt have time this morning to get into it in depth, but my main problem has been stress at work. Im training for a very "prestigious" career, which means long hours and even higher expectations and, now with only two months left in my training, I'm at the height of my discomfort
That discomfort can be best described as a rectal tightness with severe levator ani syndrome-like knotting beneath the tailbone...right in the coccyx. I know whats causing it (the "sheilding" or "protecting" urge that forces my pelvic muculature upwards when Im anxious) but its become so habitual and chronic that symptoms have taken a life of their own. I know that everything is in my mind and how I react to the day to day, but in the absence of an ability to outright change that on a dime (although I am slowly learning) I have realized that the best thing to give a little relief is to pretend Im 'passing wind' and lower those pelvic muscles in a reverse kind of kegel. The danger is in tightening the muscles the opposite way and forming worse knots, but if im focused more on relaxation rather than forceful "pushing" I do get temporary relief.
I sympathise so much with you and with Paul, both who seem to share similar stories to my own. I'm only 24, but the realization that Im causing this was the first step on the road to recovery. I feel I am almost there...but itll take time to train my mind to accept that no amount of stress in ones life is worth this. |
| JohnO |
Posted - 02/15/2007 : 14:46:50
Pain In The -- I have had the same misery (see other posts of mine). Consider it TMS and repudiate the physical 100% and go with Sarno's teachings. Those things you suggest represent the fact that you think you have a physical ailment and you likely do not.
Try Sarno. Repudiate the physical. Go psychological. I am much better for it! |
| paininthebutt |
Posted - 02/15/2007 : 09:55:29
Hi Paul
I am a sufferer too and understand your pain. Have been symptomatic for about 10 months now, but I have had two or three periods of three weeks where there has been no pain over the course of that time. What I did was almost a reverse "Kegel" exercise, not pushing too hard, but forcing myself to lower that tense pelvic floor. If I have stresses in my life its hard to keep that going, and I definitely could benefit from trigger release, but this has helped me on more than one occasion.
Best of luck...to us both. Those periods of respite tell me this can be beaten. Hope this may help. |
| Paul |
Posted - 02/01/2007 : 19:47:40
miche,
Funny you should say that about my now ex-wife. Almost everyone I talk to say I got a raw deal out of it and she just bailed. Chalk it down to immaturity. Sure, I had pain and anxiety during our marriage, I even mentioned my pain problem to her on our first date! Yet we still got married nearly 2 years after that. Anyway, I was a good husband to her and I can say that with confidence...I just wish I would have shown more affection and attention. I guess she thinks that grass might be greener on the other side. Who knows.
Yes, I hold a lot of pain and resentment about the divorce. A lot of self-blame too...but many people tell me I'm too hard on myself and I always have been this way.
I had this pain before the marriage, many years before so the marriage wasn't a cause. But I know it has added to whatever it is that is causing tension, etc.
Today I just wept on and off most of the day. I'm back at home in my hometown with my parents. I've been here for nearly 2 weeks now. Today I had such bad pain it just triggered great sadness and frustration that I just cried. Then cried some more. More frustration than anything.
I just want to be "normal" again on all levels.
I thank all of you on this forum. You are all angels, seriously. |
| miche |
Posted - 02/01/2007 : 18:49:47
I am no therapist of course, but when you say that you are mad at the pain I cannot help but wonder if you may have some subconscious anger towards the wife who left you also The pain that you suffer from might have been responsible for the tension and stress in your marriage but let's face it wedding vows state "in sickness and in health," Would she have left you when you got old anyway? I AM NOT TRYING TO GET YOU ANGRY BUT IF EMOTIONS ARE CAUSING THIS PAIN THEN FEELING THAT YOU HAVE BEEN LET DOWN AND DESERTED WOULD CERTAINLY BE CAUSE FOR SOME ADDED EMOTIONS OF HURT AND ANGER and should be acknowledgedand felt. YOU SEEM TO TAKE ALL THE BLAME FOR WHAT HAPPENED, I JUST DON'T SEE IT THAT WAY.
YOU DID NOT ASK FOR YOUR MEDICAL PROBLEM, what you tried to do is find answers and treatment, who the heck could blame you for this? I am sure your wife would have done the same had she been her in your shoes and you might have found the strain difficult but would have had the maturity to support her.
I had a fair weather man in my life once, I dumped him and found a man who has been there for me through the good AND the bad times. He is the kind of man I want to grow old with
Sorry if I sound harsh but I have met good decent people, one man who refused to put his wife in an institution and looked after her till her death even though she had alzeimer and did not know him anymore, all in the name of love duty and decency, there are many people like this . Your wife had different priorities, you are not responsible for her emotional make up. Guilt is also a factor in tms, seems yours is unfounded. Hoping you can find your way to a painfree life,you are still quite young, I have no doubt that you will |
| Paul |
Posted - 02/01/2007 : 13:06:25
Miche,
I appreciate the article...but I've tried all those treatements. They only give temporary relief.
armchairlinguist, I need to get back to the Sarno stuff. I guess when the pain and anxiety get so bad, it is SO hard to think it is all just harmless. It is hard for me to think I have to fight and battle MY OWN SELF to get better...it just seems crazy. Like my body (subconscious) is going against me. But, I guess this isn't necessarily true...it is trying to protect me with pain. What a mess...I don't see the point. I would MUCH rather deal with emotions, etc. than pain...no doubt about it.
I'm just at one of those points in my life where I lost my beautiful wife and I DO blame all this pain and anxiety for interferring with my marriage (rage!). Of course, I also had to lose my house, changed to working at home and living alone in an apartment, etc. I could go on and on...but I'm not here for a pity party. I just want to get better, plain and simple.
I guess that there are cyles in life and sometimes everything is just bad...everything. That seems to be where I'm at, for whatever reason.
All I want is some happiness and PEACE and most of all...comfort, with security, not anxiety and fear.
I REALLY APPRECIATE EVERYONES COMMENTS!! I will be printing out this thread to give me hope.
I know others have been through hell and back...hopefully, I will make it through as well. I'm only 31, feel like I'm 70.
EDIT: Yes, I've never resorted to drugs or alcohol, etc. In fact, I've become an avid runner and am always trying to get better. But the pain takes it's toll on the mind and body regardless. |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 02/01/2007 : 12:30:53
Rage at the pain and how it's affected your life is absolutely appropriate. And maybe getting mad at it will help you to stop fearing it (since anger and fear are kind of opposite sides of our basic reactions to things we don't like).
Ultimately you will get your life back. But you need to get out of the anxiety/preoccupation with pain spiral somehow. Do you regularly recall and recenter on the basic Sarno points that the pain is harmless and will eventually go away if you keep re-focusing on the psychological and thus undermining its strategy?
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
| miche |
Posted - 02/01/2007 : 12:17:36
Paul, one more thing, you should not beat yourself up about the fact that you react to stress with this pain in the butt,at least you recognise the problem as a reaction to stress and rage and so have a better chance at resolving the problem, others whom you may think have it all together could be on their way to develop heart disease, auto immune diseases, maybe cancer without being aware that their emotions are working against them. You must also look at all the people who are coping with drugs and alcohol, overeating etc, all in all , the fact that you were able to cope with this pain for so many years tells me that you are quite resilient and demonstrates your strenght of character,you should give yourself a pat on the back instead of putting yourself down. |
| miche |
Posted - 02/01/2007 : 11:53:20
Levator Ani Syndrome: A Real Pain in the Butt!
This article is brought to you by D. Herren .
PAUL , PLEASE READ THIS ARTICLE
Levator ani syndrome is one cause of chronic pelvic pain. The typical symptoms of levator ani syndrome include rectal butt spasms, rectum pain and tightness, and a sensation of fullness. It is sometimes associated with proctalgia fugax, which is defined as a short, sharp pain in the rectum. Levator ani syndrome, on the other hand, tends to be more constant pain. The pain is located in the pelvic floor muscles in the rectum, mainly the levator ani muscle.
The root cause is pelvic floor muscle tension or myalgia. In simple terms, it is muscle knots in the internal walls of the rectum. These "knots" are usually referred to as trigger points. When these tiny knots are active, they can cause great pain and a sensation of tightness and burning in the rectal area. This is typical of levator ani syndrome.
Common Levator Ani Syndrome Symptoms
Rectal Pain and Burning
Rectal tightness and muscle spasm
What is the treatment for Levator Ani Syndrome?
The common types of treatment for levator ani syndrome are usually muscle relaxants, hot baths, and proper diet and exercise. In most cases, there is an underlying element of chronic stress and anxiety which causes these muscles to tighten up and spasm. This pelvic floor muscle tension causes pain and burning. In order for most cases of levator ani syndrome to be resolved, trigger point therapy or internal massage on the levator ani/rectal muscles can bring great relief. The treatment itself can be very painful, but the overall relief from treatment can be felt almost immediately.
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| Paul |
Posted - 02/01/2007 : 10:45:45
Here is the thing...my everyday life consists of the rectal pain/tightness which creates inner tension, anxiety, and of course anger at the pain. I get SO mad inside about it because of what it is doing to me, how it is sucking my life away from me, and creating so much fear and anxiety.
Why the fear? I don't know when it is going to hurt really bad so this creates avoidance of many things for me...hanging with friends, etc. This isn't a type of physical problem you want to share...it is downright embarrising.
I just don't understand why some people I see that are REALLY stressed and uptight in their life don't have any physical problems ala TMS. Yet, I do.
I guess it is just hard for me to mentally accept that I can outthink this nasty subconscious clenching that is going on deep in the rectal area.
I really wish Carolyn (I think that was here name) could still post around here...I know she had the same thing I did and beat it. I can understand though why she doesn't read here anymore...she is moving forward with life.
Just a tough time for me right now...I'm not trying to be whining about me, me, me here. Just frustrated, that is all. I've dealt with this since college way back in 1996. It even affected my college years when I should of had a ton of fun...but I was held down due to pain. Do I hold RAGE against that, you bet. I hold a TON of rage at my pain, no doubt about it. |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 02/01/2007 : 00:23:54
Paul,
I am so sorry to hear this, I feel for you..Fear is the most difficult emotion, I believe, next to loneliness..Have you tried prayer and meditation..? I need to take my own advice! I will keep you in prayer!
Be well,
Karen |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 01/31/2007 : 17:37:30
Hi Paul, glad I was able to help. A lot of the traits you describe I also have (they are all pretty much classic TMS personality, I think!) so I can relate very much.
I want to note again that I think that our self-criticism can also come from times later in our lives, with friends or esp. the peer group. (I also found that feelings of loss generated when I was an adult or nearly had a much deeper and more primitive aspect than I realized.) While my family environment definitely set me up to be self-critical, it was also difficulty being accepted/popular with peers that helped to reinforce it. (I also told myself I did not want to be popular. This was true to some extent, but I really would have liked to be able to comfortable joining groups of people I enjoyed hanging out with, bonding with them and expressing myself to them, which I wasn't really very good at.) Shyness is a major obstacle and a lot of it seems to be genetic. Generally both family and peer group encourage a child not to be shy and at least for me, I came to see myself as having a big deficit in this area and criticizing myself for it a lot, which made it even worse!
Also, I didn't realize some of the nature of my home environment until I had examined it more fully, so it's always worth checking that out and seeing if the unconscious and the conscious have the same opinions about what happened. For me, re-examining some old family stories about my childhood, from the child's perspective to see if those emotions were validated (usually not), was really helpful. This might or might not be the right approach for you though.
I have had a lot of luck doing inner child work, like miehsnor and I think miche have. Mostly in being accepting of and soothing toward the feelings that I have in my child self. It has made a big difference in how comfortable and confident I am (major decreases in anxiety/worry/shyness) to give myself this message that I have feelings and I have flaws but I am still okay.
You're on the right track. And you're okay, too. We all are. You'll get there. 
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
| miehnesor |
Posted - 01/31/2007 : 17:05:41
Paul, I wanted to second the comments made by Armchair and Littlebird.
While you are looking for a therapist to help you with this I would also recommend you get to the business of journaling to try and focus yourself inward and possibly discover something about your hidden feelings. Start with the people that are closest to you which usually means your family. Start writing about all of the hurts you can think of and let yourself write about whatever comes to mind. Don't judge yourself or feel guilty about anything you write. See if you have any feelings come up and then relate the feeling to what you are writing about. Then ask yourself why you have that feeling. I like to call this process following the feelings. If nothing comes up then move on to something else. Over time you will start to have better definition of the characteristics of your own hurt.
If you start to feel anything like sadness or anger then just let yourself have the feeling and keep your thinking head out of it. Do some journaling every day and see what comes up for you. If you find a therapist you can also share with the therapist something you wrote and caused stirred feelings. This can be very powerful for healing.
I have personally benefited from inner child work so you can check that out if you want.
Lastly I would recommend that you have patience with this. You are on a process that takes as long as it takes. Just do the work and keep the faith that you will get better. |
| carbar |
Posted - 01/30/2007 : 07:07:59
acl, the same quote jumped out at me.
quote:
Originally posted by Paul
I honestly think my main problems are personality ones...being shy, wanting to be liked, afraid of making a fool of myself, can be stubborn, over-analyzer and I worry and think a lot about "what if's". Basically, I live out of my mind way, way too much!
Paul, these are criticisms many folk have about themselves. It sounds like you are down on yourself for thinking a lot, but it's going to help you in accepting the TMS diagnosis and putting it into action. Stopping the cycle of pain is all about changing the way you think about the pain. You can do it! Keep reading the books.
Seeing a therapist has helped me a lot. At first I wasn't sure my therapist was really helping me. I was almost ready to give up, and then I told my therapist that I had these doubts, and it really improved the whole relationship. I was able to start determining WHAT I discussed and my therapist started keeping me focused on uncovering the emotions, rather than letting me talk in anxious circles.
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| wrldtrv |
Posted - 01/29/2007 : 23:43:28
Paul,
I've definitely been where you are mentally (more than once) and so I think I can relate to what you are going through. I agree with all those who have suggested therapy as that has been helpful for me in the past. But one thing not mentioned, which I have found to be a great comfort, is mindfulness meditation. I find that during the times I force myself to sit down and do it; do it on a regular basis, I feel calmer, more grounded. The best thing about it is that it gives you a mental vacation from yourself, your problems, by transfering your attention from you to something else. You become the neutral observer; of your breath, random thoughts, bodily sensations, external sounds...
I have found that meditation, unless you are very disciplined, is best done in a group setting if you can find one in your area. I know meditation works, but foolishly, I often wait until I'm in a crisis situation to get back to it. Hope this helps. |
| miche |
Posted - 01/29/2007 : 20:58:55
Paul,there was a time when I could barely function from the anxiety that plagued me, the muscle spasms in my upper back and shoulder took my breath away, it is very scary to live alone when one is so anxious, a few times I sat in the parking lot of the hospital thinking that were I to have a heart attack at least I would be close to help, I realised after a while that I was forever holding my breath, as a way of bracing against the pain and the fear, eventually I hyperventilated and that alone sent me into a full blown panic attack.
I am anti meds also, I still do not take any pain medication, however I got a mild anxiety med to get me over the hump back then , it helped relax my muscles and got me some needed sleep, once I calmed down enough I was able to look for solutions, maybe you could get help from an anxiety support group, local hospital usually have them.
I encourage you to get some help for your anxiety, hard to find your way out of pain when you are consumed with this kind of emotional pain
Believe me it won't last forever, I also remember not wanting to die but wanting to go into a long sleep so I would not feel the anxiety anymore. Eventually things got better and I was able to make changes that would hepl me function better, I fell in love again, I MOVED AGAIN , I still suffer from fibro, I am more and more certain that my muscles are still holding fear and pain, it is almost as if they have a memory of their own and remember events that I have forgotten at a conscious level, hence the total body bracing when I get stressed out,or live something close to what happened before, difference is now that I am more aware and recognise it for what it is .
I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF THE KIND OF PHYSICAL PAIN THAT YOU ARE IN ,I DON'T KNOW IF THIS WOULD FALL UNDER TMS, have you been told that it could be? If not maybe you still have not seen the right doctor and should pursue this avenue longer, insist on yet another specialist, whatever you do hang in there buddy, remember the old cliche, when one door closes you have to look for the window, or something to that effect, I am French and often have my proverbs backward among other things |
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