| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Jesse07 |
Posted - 01/12/2007 : 12:00:42
Hello, I am 26 years old and have dealing with back pain for the past 5 years. I played a couple years of football in college, and I have continued to play basketball at least 3 times a week ever since, on top of lifting weights. The first major trauma happened in my back /life in my last year of college, and even though I stayed extremely active since, it has been crippling at times and a constant in my head. When my back would go out, I couldn't do anything but lie on my back for weeks. I have attended the chiropractor ever since to help me cope/ deal with the pain.
Athletics have been almost my number one priority my whole life, and dealing with the pain has been extremely difficult for me. My brother has said in the past how my back pain was my repressed emotions, and I have always blown him off because I am smart, successful, relaxed, and easygoing person. The first time that I started to make the connection between the mind and body is when my sister gave me a deep tissue massage (she studies Rolfing). I believe she started to release some emotions down deep in me that I was not prepared to handle, and my body felt like it was falling apart and had extreme back pain.
I became convinced that I needed to conquer my back pain. If surgery were an option, I would do it as long as I can become healthy and active again. I got to the point where I took 2 months off from everything. The heaviest thing that I would pick up was my one-year-old son. The pain seemed to spread and relocate on me during this time. I was convinced I had a sports hernia and went to a bunch of various doctors. The doctors kept contradicting one another, and I became even more frustrated.
At that point, I talked to my brother and told him I was open to anything as long as I can get healthy. He didn't get to much into my situation, but he did reiterate the fact that my three major back spasms happened right before I graduated college, right before I got married, and right before I had my first born. He gave me Dr. Sarno's book, "The Mind-Body Connection". I truly believe that the timing that I received his book was very important. I was at the end of my rope and was open to new things from my experience with the medical community.
Reading the book was eye opening for me. I felt that the Dr. Sarno was describing me on every other page. I have always been successful and someone who could get things done. I have always put way too much stress on myself without knowing it by biting off way too much than I can chew, but no matter what I remained calm and accomplished whatever I put my mind too. I like things done my way (because it is the right way), and I cannot comprehend why people would do things their way when it is quite obvious that they are not being efficient and making mistakes. I am expected to be the good son that everyone can count on. I feel at times that I have to help everyone with everything because that is what I do.
I have come to the realization that I am a very narcissistic and judgmental person. I have always had a very thin build, but I have thrown on over 50 pounds of muscle naturally since I graduated high school. I love the fact that people are impressed by me. I like the attention. I like any attention. Some of my coworkers joke with me how I cannot pass a mirror without looking in it, so I make sure I do it for them just to get a laugh. If I am feeling like I am having a day when I look skinny, I will do push ups in the bathroom at work which is crazy because I weigh almost 210lbs with no fat on my body. The truth is I am always looking and not only at myself at everyone.
My drinking has curved in the past couple years because of my responsibilities, but I used to drink pretty heavy, and I was pretty outrageous always seeming to top another unbelievable story from what this cool & crazy guy did again. My wife, who has been by me since the beginning of college, 7 years ago, has never left my side. We have one wonderful baby and another one coming soon. I love being married and being a dad. I get frustrated because it seems to me that she cannot do things at good as me, even though she is amazing. Nobody can do things as good as me. I feel I am always the best.
When I get frustrated with her, I just want to be left alone. Little things like the house not being clean enough sometimes get me very angry. I do not try to show her my anger. I remember once she was down stairs, and I was power cleaning the upstairs of the house because I am a perfectionist, and I cannot stand things out of place. I cannot relax if things are not in their right place. I was looking into the mirror in the bathroom, and I exploded. I let out a quick explosion that shook my body. It was quiet enough where she wouldn't hear me down stairs, but my face was beat red, and I was shaking with anger until I let out my air violently. My wife was in the bathroom's doorway. It scared her. It scared me. I am an angrier person than I understand. I apologized to my wife for scaring her. She wasn't supposed to see me like that; it was a moment of weakness. I do not show emotion like that.
After reading the book, my back pain diminished. I have learned that little things like walking in the mall with my wife used to hurt my back. It wasn't that my body was hurt; it was I was annoyed shopping with my wife and it was probably because I wasn't in complete control. I have been able to conquer the little things, but my mind is not completely healed.
I have gotten back into lifting weights and have learned to understand that my mind plays tricks on me, and I have to learn to overcome it. I am also starting to play basketball in the morning before work a couple times a week. I am scared because basketball is where I attributed that "my injuries" happened. My second injury happened with no contact. I was running down the court around a screen and my body lock up on me. I fell to the floor in unbelievable pain and couldn't move for almost 20 minutes.
I go to the gym before I play basketball and ride the bike for 20 minutes to warm my body up. On the twenty-minute drive to my old high school to play basketball, I am talking to myself to help me understand my pain comes from my emotions and try to talk away my fear. I am scared that another injury or release will come. I am trying to be more intouch exactly how I am feeling. I am not sure how I can overcome the fear or repressed anger. For those of you that read this, thank you. I am completely open to any judgments, views, or suggestions?
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| 2 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Jesse07 |
Posted - 01/13/2007 : 09:54:30
Tom & Kevin,
Thanks for your replies. Posting what was going on with me in my TMS and being honest with myself has definately help. Also, last night the wife, and I were able to spend sometime together outside of the house without our son, and the time out & posting seemed to really help because this morning I work up extremely refreshed and without any pain.
I did start a daily journal on my my feeling & activities through out the day. Im excited to see the progress that I make. I started off my journal by posting on this message board because I felt it was important to look at myself and try to identify things that cause my TMS, and who I am.
Seconldy, I wrote down every close relationship that I have in my life. Then, I took a look at that relationship from a far. I just freelanced and wrote whatever came into my head about that person or group of people. I wrote on charectoristic of that person, moments in the relationship that stuck out to me, and possible problems with the relationship that could cause any type of stress.
Like I said I am excited to see the progress that I make, but when the journalizing seems not to be enough, I am glad that I found this message board. Reading other people stories and relating to them really helped me in the book, so I really think glad I found this forum.
I like reading things that other people says helped them. I looked at http://www.mkprojects.com/pf_emotions.html yesterday. Not everything in the article applied to me, but I am happy if I can pull a few sentences out that relate to me.
Kevin- Thanks for the link. I will check it out.
Tom- Good idea on the audio tapes. It might be something that would be good for me to look into especially listening before I went to play basketball in the morning. |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 01/12/2007 : 16:59:22
Sounds like you've got an excellent handle on the TMS stuff. Your post is very honest about your self-view. Keep up the good work. If you need more re-inforcement, just keep reading Dr. Sarno's books. Maybe get Dr. Sarno's video and Dr. Schechter's audio tapes are good to listen to in the car.
Good Job,
tt
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