| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 12/28/2006 : 07:03:02
Hi All,
Hope your Holidays are going great..Mine were better then expected in some ways..On Christmas eve I witnessed a huge blow out at one party and then after Christmas day all hell broke lose in my family..My sister is at the center of it all..There are deep seated issues she has always had and never healed..She medicates with Xanax and food..She has always been extremely competitive and jealous of me..She is almost a decade older and yet I have been the responsible 'older' sister..My mom favored me because I was there for her and didn't drive her nuts like my sister did..I don't want this to become a novel..(my novel days are over..lol)..The bottom line, I woke up with a very stiff and painful neck this morning..hmm..wonder what that is about??
I am very close to my oldest neice and my sister is green with envy..She is starting all kinds of problems trying to put a wedge between my neice and I..THis is part of the reason I moved from NJ to LV 12 years ago..I couldn't take all the drama..I have watched my sister hurt everyone in my family for years, including my parents who died 16 years ago..and certainly my neices..My family is very small and my neices/nephews mean the world to me..The last time my sister did something outrageous and we didn't talk for 9 months, my youngest neice allowed her to poison her against me and she also didn't speak to me for 9 months..It was devastating..It's so hard when your family is super small like mine..Most are still in Czech Republic and don't even speak English and the others deceased..Anyway, this is getting too long..Hope you all had a more peaceful holiday then I did..
God's blessings,
Karen |
| 20 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 01/04/2007 : 17:05:04
Thank God Jody is eating or I would not have stayed here..It was just in the very beginning, she adjusted to a point..But the intermittent peeing in the house continues..I could hear her happy "let's go for walkies" bark while on the phone and I have 'talked' to her on the phone many times..(I know, the non-animal people think I am nuts..lol) ANyway I will be home with her soon enough and I know we will figure something out..:)) |
| alexis |
Posted - 01/04/2007 : 15:03:14
Poor little Jody! Good luck with the shots or whatever other miracle solution you can come up with. I knew one dog who wouldn't eat at all away from his owner. The guy had to pull amazing stings to get him into the UK with him under the old strict quarantine laws. |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 01/04/2007 : 09:50:33
Hi Tom,
I have wanted to see him desperately, but unfortunately he is 1000 dollars..We are doing gigs but I have been barely staying afloat with basic bills, living expenses here..Things are Alot more expensive then out West..When I can afford to, I would love to see him..I had thought of seeing the doctor in Piscataway, NJ who is partially covered under my insurance but I have held off..Thanx for asking..BTW, did you move from No. Cal. to Kansas?
Thanx ALexis,
That is something to think about for sure..I do know, however, that he is telling it like it is..WHen I first left they weren't eating normally and my basset has been on and off peeing in this house ever since I left 4 months ago..I believe my Border Collie/Beagle mix has adjusted well after the first couple of weeks..but Peezly aka Jody (my basset) and I are ridiculously bonded..WHen he goes away and I am alone with them she eats fine, never pees in the house, etc..But when I leave it's another story..She doesn't seem to fully recover from my absense until I return..THis has happened other times when I had to go away for either a singing job or visiting family here for the holidays..SHe is safe and happy w/ my roomie/bro and my other doggie but she is not herself..doesn't play as much either..If anything he would downplay a bit how sad she might be because I begged him to do so for my sanity..I spoke to my vet too and he said Jody is an exception and an especially sensitive and intelligent dog..I miss her so terribly and cannot wait to be with her again..I just need some sort of miraculous solution for all involved..
Take care,
Karen |
| alexis |
Posted - 01/04/2007 : 07:26:53
Karen, Did you once say your roommate is willing to take the dogs? If you ask how they were without you, make sure you ask him to tell you the whole truth. I don't mean that he would lie for any bad reasons, but often people want to hear at some level that when they were gone the dogs were pining away for them when in fact they were quite happy. And people may tell you such a story thinking you want to hear it.
I know that my family has been known to exagerate how much my dogs missed me. Actually, I've been quielty told that my dogs were completely normal and showed no signs of missing me at all, after other family members told me stories (they thought I wanted to hear, I'm sure) of sad little puppies missing me. Dogs are quite flexible creatures, usually (I have known a few stark exceptions) and may well be very happy with what sounds like a very good person.
I've given up a dog once for a different reason--one I loved very much--and I think her home is now maybe even happier than what she had with me. And she was very happy with me. |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 01/04/2007 : 07:12:39
Hi Karen, I'm wondering since you are in NYC, have you tried seeing Dr. Sarno? |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 01/04/2007 : 06:36:21
Hi Kovsi23,
I am so sorry to hear about what you are dealing with in your family, sounds horrible..It is very challenging for us TMSers to not allow (especially family) to add to our reservoir of inner rage..FOr me this is a day to day challenge..I keep telling myself not to take it personally, that it is her 'stuff' not mine..Sometimes it works, other times it does not..
RIght now I am dealing with another sort of stress that is overriding the sister stress..I have been in NYC singing and living with my boyfriend for 4 months now..I have to return to Vegas for awhile where my dogs, paintings and most of my belongings have been..My boyfriend and I have become very bonded through sharing such deep things as our music, art, etc..We are in love and dreading having to separate for awhile..We also have a band that will have to be put on hold until I return..We are both struggling with this whole separation, although it is more then necessary..
My roomie, who is the brother I always wanted, happily has been taking care of my doggies and my affairs in LV..He is an incredible person and friend..My dogs consider him their dad so they have been in the best hands..However, I have had recurring nightmares about how much I miss them and how guilty I feel for leaving them for this time..
THe biggest catch 22 I am in is that my boyfriend is highly allergic to dogs..He has one more treatment to try so I am praying it works..Very complicated situation all around..Not to mention, I need to raise the money via my singing or selling my art to relocate myself, my 2 dogs and 40 paintings across the country..A huge and stressful move, indeed..So now, I feel as if I am living in two places, living two different lives like a split apart..And this is causing me all kinds of emotional turmoil..I could go on but had no intention of even talking about this now..Guess I needed to.
I hope your situation somehow heals..You will be in my prayers..And, btw..I see you are in Croatia..I am 100 percent Czechslovakian..second generation..Love Europe, best place on Earth!
Hugs and God bless,
Karen |
| kovsi23 |
Posted - 01/03/2007 : 17:59:42
Karen i understad you too well, imagine having most supportive, closest, friendly parent and have your schizophrenic brother turn her or as you say poison her against you and then imagine what kind of anger i m sorry rage you have to deal with against your brother or even her, i know you dont have to imagine the rage unfortunately.
His doctor told us, either control him or he will f*uck up the whole familly and that just happened. Sorry for bad word but couldnt find a nicer one. |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 01/03/2007 : 16:05:32
Hi h20,
Thanks for the much needed support now that the board is drifting from education to support. Being called egotistical, I viewed as a complement. People with TMS need all the ego they can muster.
Your idea of TMS brawls is a good one. We could go to the WWF and see if they would be interested in it. We could have TMS tag-teams.
TMS doctors could referee. But no physical first-aid treatments would be allowed accept for compound fractures.
I'm thinking about writing a TMS musical. Too bad Anne Bancroft passed away, she was a recovered patient of Dr. Sarno. She would have played the part of Mrs. Sarno, Mel Brooks will be the Good Doctor and Howard Stern and Rosie O'Donnell will play themselves. I think Clint Eastwood would be appropriate to play little ME.
Nice to hear from you h2o and thanks for throwing me the life-saver.
Happy New Year,
tt
from Emporia, Kansas |
| h2oskier25 |
Posted - 01/03/2007 : 12:41:41
quote:
Originally posted by tennis tom
In all honesty Karen, like Dr. Sarno qualifies his patients, I qulaify who I will dialog with on this board. When you first came on the board, I put a lot of time and effort, as well as others did, into being sincwerely helpful to you.
Boy I really relate to this statement. I remember countless phone conversations with you, Karen, where I couldn't get you to stop focusing on the physical. I agree with Tom that it got really frustrating.
Art, can't believe that just because tt mentions himself and Sarno in the same sentence, you feel that's egotistical. Come on. You really seem to want to jump on tt at every turn. (I'm purposely not capitalizing his initials, for fear of feeding his ego  )
NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING. I think it would be helpful if we all broke up into two's and the pairs fought with each other. What a great release for our repressed anger.
I'll take that guy KevinT. He always seemed really off base to me. Let the games begin! 
Seriously, best wishes to all of you for the new year, especially my buddies, Karen, tt and Art, and to my heroes; Alexis and Wavysoul.
Beth |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 01/02/2007 : 19:18:59
Ruberfire,
I hear ya..My music and my art keeps me sane, indeed! And when I am in the middle of creating a painting, I can go for hours even without eating or drinking..Or, at other times..the TMS flares from sitting too long, etc..
WavySoul,
WOW! Excellent reply..Full of inspiration and truth..thank you for sharing this..I will be re-reading it for sure! You are very wise..
Happy New Year!!
Blessings,
Karen |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 01/02/2007 : 18:31:58
Art, You didn't bother reading my post carefully, but I don't pay much attention to yours either. It's just not worth my time to deal with your vendetta towards me. I have exchanged in flames, but I never was the one to start them. I have always cordially greeted newcomers and answered their questions with facts about TMS and TMS resources. The only times things went south was when they started it.
You've sited "several" newbee's that I drove away. As you can see I have the most posts here, well into the thousands. I'm not counting and I don't give a hoot if I've posted once or 10,000 times, it's just that Ive simply hung around longer than most others and have a great interest in the topic.
You've proven my point, I've replyed to perhaps hundreds of posters and you can only site "several" who've left--the poor vulnerable darlings. (They e-mailed me too, and I can assure you those delicate flowers, can curse like druken sailors).
That's a pretty darn good record. Thank you Art, I had never thought of it like that. Even the Good Doctor says most people won't be interested in TMS. I probably have a better record than many TMS doctors in regard to inoculateing sufferers with TMS penicilin.
Donald Dubin told me once that I had one of the best understandings of TMS he had encountered. (He said the BEST, but I would hate to appear immodest)--you may call me egotitical again. I bet you would be for captial punishment for people with big egos--they are the bane of all civiliztion.
I give my TMS knowledge and advice away for free--you get what you pay for. If you're not happy with my services take it up with the Better Business Bureau or make a complaint to the FDA.
When I was coming out of my deep depression, I lurked here and not. It was fun to observe the occasional flame. I realized that was how you and I appeared when we went at it. People would e-mail me and encourage it in fact. It livened-up 'ye old board.
When you and I go at it, my typing speed improves, and the board has some entertainment to distract it from the depressive grayness of TMS--every Shakesperian tragedy needs some comic relief and our flames provide it here.
Art, you're really inspiring me now--I just had a thought, I may become the first TMS stand-up comic, and you can be assured I will give you all due credit for launching my career. I should have an in with Rosie O'Donell and Howard Stern, don't you think? I might even hire you to be part of my writing team.
Same old, same old,
tt 
From Dodge City, Kansas
p.s. I just noticed you edited your post and you changed it's context--so if I were Sigmund Freud or Dr. Sarno, how would you talk to me?
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| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 01/02/2007 : 17:08:12
What a fabulous thread!
I especially enjoyed this, from Randolph:
"Slather froth magger warts blinky botswargle"
Seriously (oh I hate saying that word), I contend that all families are nucking futs. The problem I have had is in believing that it is SUPPOSED to be otherwise. Reminds me of a comment from Byron Katie to someone complaining about her unfaithful husband: "On what planet are all husbands faithful?"
My biggest realization of the last year was that I can only really expect everyone to be themselves, perfectly. Those "selves" comprise all kinds of layers of wounding, suppressed rage and various ridiculous strategies of defense in the form of a personality (or if you are a New Yorker: "poisonality").
Sometimes your personality seems to be meeting my needs and I "love" you. Other times it's not, or even triggering my worst wounds, and I "don't love" you. The problem with this, for me, is that a lifetime of expecting other people to be other than they are has dug me deeper into thinking I have to be other than I am.
I feel great peace when I expect people to be however they are being. As a belief system it avoids setting up new dramas to trigger new rage that I can then suppress, and stay a sickie forever. However, the truth is that other people's behavior triggers my old rage. I sat today with several couples who were triggered by their partners' behavior - not because the behvior was that bad in itself, but because they reminded them of family of origin.
It is SUCH a trance to get hurt by other people, even though we know that other people are as mysterious and unreliable as we are. I can hardly believe how much suffering I have caused myself (and probably others) by wanting people to meet my needs.
I'm not saying I don't still have reactions to how people are, what they do, etc., but I am more quickly catching them as my old unresolved reservoir of rage issues. It feels like a big relief to be in the process of giving up expecting anything of anyone except ... dare I say it.... er... the universe. God. Goddess. My higher self. Insert non-enraging word here, or get enraged and enjoy it!
Happy New Year to all
xx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| ReferFire |
Posted - 01/02/2007 : 13:13:05
the best way to overcome TMS and stress in life in general is to work at something you love. for me, one thing i love is my art. happy new years!
I overcame TMS and, while I'm seriously smart and special, I'm not that smart & special. You too can overcome it. |
| art |
Posted - 01/02/2007 : 10:22:50
quote:
Your characterization of me as un-welcoming is 180' off base.
I've personally spoken with several newcomers you've offended to the point that they've either left the forum, or seriously considered it. I can also think of at least one oldcomer who was so offended he left.
You never answer the questions put to you. You asked a specific question. I answered that to the best of my ability with an illustration followed by a question of my own. The reason I wrote that I'd regret getting involved in any further discussion was because I knew from experience that you'd pour all your energies into defending yourself, rather than engaging in a geniune dialogue.
Just more of the same TT. More of the same..
Thanks but no thanks...
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| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 01/02/2007 : 06:48:51
Hi Kym,
Thank you for sharing about your sister issues..It does help me to know I, too, am not alone with such family dilemas..I am sure that the TMS you and I both deal with must have to do w/ repressing all of that understandable rage we feel..It is horrible to be attacked for no apparant reason..and very frustrating to not be able to fix the situation and just accept that it is what it is...Is she older then you? My sister is 9 years older..Don't know if that has something to do w/ her dislike of me or not..
Happy New Year!
Karen |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 01/01/2007 : 18:40:12
Art if you research my posts you will see that I have NEVER been uncordial to a frist time poster. I am usually the one who welcomes them to the board. I notice if no one has responded and feel empathy for them and welcome them. I'm the one usually gives them the link to tarpityoga to help find a TMS doctor, so they can do the FIRST thing they need to do to get a DX to find out if they have TMS or a legitimate injury.
I have never fired the first salvo in a flame. If I am attacked, I will not turn the other cheek but will defend myself. You have always done a grand job of turning the tables around and accuse me of being the attacker and I know in my heart that's is not true. Let's face it, you dislike me for what you percieve my political views. It all started with my comments against marijauna, dr weil, my views on global warming, Fox News. etc, etc. It has nothing to do with TMS it's just your personal dislike for me.
If I'm atttacked, I will come to my defense. Your characterization of me as un-welcoming is 180' off base.
I guess we'll start the year off just like the last one. If I turn people off so much, there are other TMS boards, Monte Hueftle has one and Tarpit Yoga has one. I occasionaly peruse them but the action is here.
Alexis, to each his own, if you don't like my style, don't read my posts. I'm not going to change my ways to suit you. Like I said if after a few posts, things don't go well I've learned to dis-enagage.
You and I have lost raport over style issues so I guess syle has triumpehed over substance.
Just because the board is titled TMShelp does not mean it is a support board. I was around when AustinGary, it's founder was here and that was not his intent. You are taking it too literaly. That is perhaps why you have TMS, when the world doesn't act in a literal way it frustrates you. I am not going to bow to the rules of PC or to the rules you are trying to compartmentalize me into. I will be me. If I offend you and you split the board for that, Art will be the first to point it out. Actualy I'm the one who will probably be splitting soon as I have stated. I've gotten what I need here and given back in return. I have no guilt over my behavior here.
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| YogaKym |
Posted - 01/01/2007 : 16:46:23
Thank you to those who have posted on this topic and have been so open. The several comments about specific problems with a sister could have easily been my own. Easily. It's just nice to know that other people could probably relate to what I'm going thru with a family member. (I believe I have TMS with RSI, and am working thru it using Dr. Sarno's book and this forum--and have ordered the lectures too.)
My sister, who has had depression and taken anti-dep drugs for it for years, didn't show up at my house on Christmas. When called on the phone to find out what happened to her, she proceeded to come over and take out her frustrations on me (longer explanation but i'm trying to be brief), effectively ruining our family's Christmas celebration, even though I thought we covered the incident weeks ago. No matter that I usually just apologize to her for whatever she's mad about at the moment (it's down to such things as 'my attitude' and 'my facial expression' now that she's trained me, over several years, not to say ANYTHING she doesn't like), it starts all over again a month or two later. It's so hard to listen to someone so mad on the phone. So, I surpress rage from her consciously, over her unsurpressed rage against me on the phone, etc.---but I also need to not repress rage UNconsciously, over the stuff she does to me, to get well. There are other things, too, I'm sure I get enraged about besides the issues with my sister, and am looking forward to becoming aware of them and dealing with them this year.
The last few days have been difficult, TMS wise, for a number of other reasons, too--but perhaps that's a good thing that I'm fighting thru some layers of this, using the principles in the book and the helpful suggestions in the forum.
Kym
Kym |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 01/01/2007 : 12:18:50
PS..I want to again thank everyone who has responded to me in this post..I have read and re-read all of your thoughts and they are very helpful..Regarding my sister I have just decided to keep a safe distance and just see one another for major events/holidays..Things get so easily misconstrued between her and I so this is the way it must be..I am praying that my youngest neice doesn't take issue with me over this decision..It hurts because my family is so very small and I wish we could all be okay with one another..But it appears that even my youngest neice feels jealous or threatened by how close my oldest neice and I are..So..I am feeling like I am walking on eggshells over this situation and other situations in my current life..I suppose that causes unconscious rage and adds to the TMS..Thanks for listening..:)) |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 01/01/2007 : 12:15:20
Hi Alexis,
Thanks again for your response..I am happy to see Art and Tom are chatting in a more civil way..As a typical TMSer goodist who feels guilty over everything..I must admit I was starting to blame myself for the heated discussion that came about between you guys..(Art and Tom..) Art we have become friends and have written outside of here and I care about you and appreciate your kind soul very much..Tom, You really have helped me alot with certain posts in the past..We did have a rough patch because I found some of your responses a bit too abrasive for my tastes..I own that I am overly sensitive at times as well..The bottom line is that I wish everyone would get along and we all were pals..You have all helped me soooo much during the real rough times..and you continue to..I hope that this resolves well and positively..Just like I hope my crazy life somehow works out..all the various Catch 22's I now find myself in..wishing you all the best New Year ever..
God's blessings and hugs,
Karen |
| art |
Posted - 01/01/2007 : 08:38:17
quote:
still ask you what is wrong with haveing an ego? I am a Sarno devotee, I try to share my viewpoint--my knowledge of TMS-it's the TMS 'goodist' profile. If after a few posts the dialog isn't going anywhere, I pull-back and not waste my efforts.
I know I'm going to regret this, but I can only answer with respect to the post that bothered me...
Let's turn it around a bit...Here's a hypothetical...Suppose this were a forum on psychoanalysis...That is, we discuss the subject both from the standpoint of its academic interest as well as as its potential for healing...
You've been around a bit, have come a long way, but still are struggling with various emotional issues that are quite painful...You put up a post to which no one responds...After a couple of days, obviously disappointed you put up another...
I'm a long time member and I begin a response to you this way..."Just like Sigmund Freud was, I'm selective in who I choose to reply to.."
Now I ask you, what personal characteristics would I have that would lead me to say something like that? What do you suppose my view of my own role in the forum would be?
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