| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Redsandro |
Posted - 12/27/2006 : 15:42:07
Depression and pain.. both manifestations of TMS, according to the Good Doctor. I know my many many flareups are partially TMS induced and partially conditioned. Now during the holidays I'm not working and having the conditioned flareups at all, and it goes (so far) quite good with the other pain. Now I'm having damn depressions, like a list of equations proving I don't belong in the system.
Heh.. if it's not the pain that's stopping me from doing stuff, it's the thought how everything's useless. It's like it's so obvious; living long only makes the scars on my soul deeper, so I better save myself from that.. not on my agenda btw, I would be a loser, but the thought is pretty far from fun.
Ok I know this is TMS and although I'm probably always thinking this deep inside (because it's the same damn issues everytime I was depressed and luckily for me that's not so damn often 'cause choosing between can't work or can't live I don't know if the first is so bad) when I'm not consciously thinking about it I can find joy in all the useless things we do before we die and I'm okay with it.
But what's really beating my noodle is that I strongly think these emotions are for a big part responsible for the TMS. It's always coming down to the same equations; when I hate school and my future; when my love life's like a worm on IV, when a loved one dies, when I read my really old journals... always the same.
Now how in the neurological network of jesus God %$@#! on earth would uncontrolled and forced painfull thinking of factlike reasons why my life sucks, which seems to me like a great sense of inferiority and lack of love - but hey I am not a therapist - be a distraction of exactly these thoughts? I thought my ego was supposed to protect me. How do I deal with this? How is depression TMS? I know it sucks and it helps me in no way, but since fishing for enraging, saddening and sucky emotions is supposed to be the cure for TMS, depression seems to me like the ultimate TMS therapy on autopilot. Still they keep coming back..
Fact is, this sucks and I don't get it and I shouldn't have typed this long post to state my point of not understanding this, but it was there in one typing spree so the good news is that I don't even have 0,1% of RSI at the moment. YAY.
But what do my fellow depression experienced TMSsers do? Should I actually journal about these thoughts? I get a smile on my face when trying to figure out how I should 'focus on the psychological' lol, but that one isn't permanent enough to decide not to post this.
:)
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No Hope = No Fear. |
| 11 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| cfhunter |
Posted - 12/31/2006 : 14:13:02
Just a suggestion but you might want to look further into the real definiteions of OCD. It may be helpful.
:)
Hope you have a good and safe New Year!
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| Redsandro |
Posted - 12/31/2006 : 07:03:57
Hi,
Tx for the pointeer.
I do not have OCD afaik, I never had the drive to do small stuff multiple times or to mirror myself. But when it comes to thinking, I do to try and think everything out pretty much always. I'm doing it less and less since I get older, but esp. during this 'episode' it's sort of back.
The closest thing to OCD I've had is fear of germs, washing my hands from their sockets, but I don't have that anymore either and it's something different.
If my image of OCD is totally wrong then I'm sorry :P it's just what I've picked up.
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No Hope = No Fear. |
| cfhunter |
Posted - 12/30/2006 : 18:30:44
Me again...Just out of curiosity Resandro do you have OCD? You said something that made me think you obssessively think about things in order ot figure them out, then return to them to see if that was right..soemthing like that.
I also have OCD from childhood and constant foot pain I am working on eliminating.
One thing I do with my depressive episodes is volunteer...I am activei n 3 major animal groups with rescue, fostering, on the board etc. This keeps me from focusing on myself tooooo much and remembering that life could be so much worse.
One book I have found extremely helpful in regards to depression etc is the book "You can be happy no matter what" by Richard Carlson...it has really been amazing to read in the last two weeks about how "delving into" your past nad all the thoughts you have does you no good. To stay in the moment and experience true genuine happiness we were born to know is very easy.
Long story..but his writing reminds me of the connection Sarno speaks of.
It was $2 on amazon.
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| tennis tom |
Posted - 12/30/2006 : 14:46:58
"The problem for those of us with an analytic bent is in thinking that all problems and questions have solutions. Some problems and questions are simply fundementally unsolvable, and many more are unsolvable with the resources and information available. The psychological damage is in spinning one's wheels in an effort to solve the unsolvable."
Good answer Alexis, that's what acceptance is for.
RedS,
Depression is a TMS equivalent as if it were RSI or anythiing sturctural. It serves to distract us from our inner rage that would not be socially acceptable to exhibit in polite company. Sarno thinks psychosomatic pain is a protector and not a punisher as Freud
did. If you can think of depression as your friend, keeping you from feeling much worse, maybe that would be helpful until you can get through. |
| alexis |
Posted - 12/30/2006 : 08:11:54
I think I may have a better summary of the quote that was so meaningful to me at the time. The wording is my own, and is how I now think of this idea.
***
The problem for those of us with an analytic bent is in thinking that all problems and questions have solutions. Some problems and questions are simply fundementally unsolvable, and many more are unsolvable with the resources and information available. The psychological damage is in spinning one's wheels in an effort to solve the unsolvable.
***
It took me a lot longer to understand this emotionally than to understand it intellectually. |
| Redsandro |
Posted - 12/30/2006 : 05:24:36
True that. Though I still can't see depression's role in ones life, I know it's probably the brain synthesized chemicals that define why the seemingly pointless things in life can be fun or the other way around and that's part of the problem. I prefer to keep searching, for then I am right for now (important to make thoughts stop) and it's out of my hands and I can forget about it, sort of.
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No Hope = No Fear. |
| alexis |
Posted - 12/29/2006 : 21:34:38
I remember reading a quote from some zen master years ago about how one of the greatest psychological problems in the world today is the assumption that all problems are solvable if you just think about them long enough. This is, in fact, not the case, and only leads to much fruitless and circular brain activity. I've wished for years I could find the original quote which was a much better summary than I could reconstruct. |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 12/29/2006 : 21:18:10
Yup, RedS,
You've got too much time on your hands. You need a raison d'etre . I've gone through periods of depression. It's a lack of life energy because you aren't turned-on by the things you are doing. Your life is temporarily stale. Keep searching, exercising, and something will pop-up that will stimulate you and raise your mood and get you energized.
You are suffering an over-use injury to your gray matter, as you have figured out. Parts of your post are pure psycho-babble and tautalogical thinking. Stop thinking, start doing. Or just stand on your head to reverse the process. |
| Redsandro |
Posted - 12/29/2006 : 20:46:07
Hi TT,
I very much agree. I also think the biggest problem with depressed ones is that they have too much time (to think). But when the spell is cast on myself, I notice, even on a normally full agenda, lack of motivation to do hobbies, work, social life (to some extend) and sleep creates time.
Usually I vary between running, fitness and occasionally swimming. But the latter two are postponed during my stay in Drenthe these holidays, and the first is postponed due to my footpain which I wrote about somewhere and still trying to find out if its TMS or not (which is doing much better now btw).
The plan is to pick it all up after the holidays, but I also don't feel the heavy thoughtburdon when I'm commencing social life.
But then, and also in reply to cfhunter, since the Good Doctor sais depression is TMS, thinking or running it away sounds like using triggerpointmassage to cure RSI.
Although not experiencing depressive thoughts makes me feel less sad, it also feels like I have massive unfinished thoughts. When I go back to finishing it, I conclude I finished the thoughts before, calculating myself out, and I don't like the conclusion so I have this urge to rethink everything again and again untill it's okay, but I cannot change that conclusive variable so I try and manipulate other variable's but I can't rephrase the thoughts enough which feeds the depression and well... Sarno sais we don't need to change ourselfs to become symptom free. I also feel the 'unfinished thinking' is one of the sources of rage so I must think them to cure thinking about them in such a way, which is an impossible circle.
Or, as Peter Steele put it:
I'm suffering from depression.
The anger turned within.
What do I gain for all my pain?
Pherhaps a seat in heaven.
Don't do what you want
Do what you're thought is right
Your life is built on paranoia and guilt
Don't forget your valium to night
They say don't give up
That Jesus loves me
But there are some things he doesn't forgive
I am therefor worthless
And I don't deserve to live
Depression ain't cool and I don't know where I'm going with this.
I think, in the UML list of my personal manual, depression is covered in ??'s and I have the 'cause' and 'effect' linked to each other. How can a symptom be it's own cause?
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No Hope = No Fear. |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 12/29/2006 : 19:43:38
Hi RedS,
Are you getting enough exercise? One of the keys things that got me out of my significant depression was when I returned to regualar exericse. I had stopped exercising cold-turkey out of frustration to see if resting my hip would "cure" it. It did not, but was the key ingredient to getting depressed.
Regular exercise, creates a feeling of well-being and balances the mindbody. It gets the blood circulating to wash out the toxic waste products especially from over-use injuries to the gray matter. Do you do anything for exercise? |
| cfhunter |
Posted - 12/29/2006 : 19:28:39
The more I THINK about anything negative the worse it feels....try to NOT think about anything negative just for a little while...see where your mind takes you when you don't allow it to go to the BAD places.
Hard stuff...but possible if you try.
Cheers to you this New years.
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