| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 12/09/2006 : 19:25:38
Dear all,
If it is true, as Dr. Sarno writes in "Healing Back Pain," that "the compulsive need to do well, succeed and achieve is a reflection of deep seated feelings of inferiority," what happens to a person who possesses this personality trait but feels that he/she has in fact not been successful or achieved much at all? The drive is there, the work has been done in response to that drive, but little or no fruits can be seen.
From my vantage point the answer is that no matter what such a person achieves- even if they become king/queen of the world - it will NEVER be enough. They will feel, even in the face of objective evidence to the contrary, that they have accomplished nothing. This leaves the person in a constant state of dissatifaction and anger. Their percieved lack of success will further confirm the person's low self worth. They have set up a standard for themselves they cannot possibly achieve to prove they are worth nothing.
Once again, I point out, NO MATTER WHAT THAT PERSON DOES, NO MATTER HOW SUCCESSFUL THEY BECOME, NO MATTER WHO FAR TO THE TOP OF THE HEAP THEY GO AND NO MATTER TO WHAT LEVEL OF EXCELLENCE THEY ARRIVE AT, IT WILL NEVER BEEN SEEN AS ADEQUATE AND IN FACT THEY WILL SEE THEMSELVES AS OUTRIGHT FAKES.
Shawn |
| 4 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 12/11/2006 : 16:03:28
That's exactly what Sarno says, and I think he's exactly right, as far as it goes. It's clearly not necessary to getting better and it's key to emphasize that.
I do think I'll always be perfectionistic, goodist, etc. But what I'm doing right now isn't "trying to change" that quality. I'm attending to (feeling, mourning) the pain of my inner child, which seems to naturally bring about change in how I feel about myself. Some stuff is repressed and I can't get to it (at least not yet), but repressed stuff is always striving for consciousness and if we can let it out, feel it, I think we change how we relate to ourselves. The stuff I'm doing is from The Drama of the Gifted Child, and it's working well for me, though it's clearly not the path that everyone takes or should take.
As you said, perfectionism comes from low self-esteem, and low self-esteem may come from many places, but among them is being taught in childhood that we could not be ourselves, have our feelings, and still receive love from our parents/caretakers. Allowing our inner child to have a different relationship with our adult selves -- ie, to be allowed to be him/herself, to be "parented" with love for the whole child -- changes the game somewhat.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 12/11/2006 : 13:47:36
I, if I have read Dr. Sarno correctly, tend to hold the opinion that one cannot fundamentally change who or what they are they are on the inside. Luckily, it is not a pre-equisite for recovery either. It is the recognition of who one is on the inside (ie how they react unconsciously to people and events, goodism and repressed childhood experiences) and acceptance of this reality that brings one to a full recovery. Dr. Sarno talks about this over and over in his lectures and books.
Furthermore, if I have indeed read Dr. Sarno correctly, recognition of one is on the inside and not trying to change it is the NUMBER ONE key to getting better. Frankly, for me personally, wanting to change myself would be a further expression of self-hatred or self-loathing which would be even further enraging to my unconscious self, and yet another imposition on my narcisstic self
You may change your conscious outlook- replacing bad feelings with good ones, or negative feelings with postive ones by reading many inspirational books - but it is not the conscious part of your being that is the source of the pain.
If I am way off and have totally misread Dr. Sarno someone please advise. |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 12/11/2006 : 10:32:21
I believe it's true that if you don't adjust your views, you'll never feel like you achieved anything, no matter what you do. Because you don't see yourself accurately -- like a waif-thin girl who still thinks she's fat.
But I think there are ways of changing that view, e.g. inner child work. When I care for myself, and feel good in myself, I'm less concerned about achieving.
I'm not there by a long shot, but I've made some progress.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
| altherunner |
Posted - 12/10/2006 : 10:07:39
To the egoic based self - nothing is ever enough. Your soul needs nothing, and is infinite. Look inside to your soul for fullfillment, and to live authentically. As a bonus, your aches, pains, or anxiety may just go away. |
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