| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 12/08/2006 : 13:50:14
Hi all,
I would like to discuss sadness in this post. It seems that as I do the mental work necessary for a full recovery I uncover a lot of sadness which enduces a flood of tears.
It seems that despite the pains that many people on this board experience, they rarely discuss sadness and crying sessions. I know it is not easy to talk about that in this emotionally repressed age we live in, but I thought if there is one place to discuss this it would be here.
I am doing some Byron Katie work on my thoughts and people around me with the view to uncovering and inquirying about some emotions and it is very interesting what comes up. One one thing that does come up is sadness. The mind just keeps bringing one thought up after the next, bombarding me with so many things, and fills me with sadness, terror and a sense of defeat. Words actually are not adequate to express what I feel.
Has other people experienced this in their work?
Shawn |
| 16 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Littlebird |
Posted - 12/13/2006 : 18:16:38
Hi Bluewater,
It's so nice to have you on the forum. I haven't been here long, but I've found it very helpful to me in dealing with TMS. I had been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibro, as well as some other things which are all manifestations of TMS. I've been very limited by the symptoms for the past 19 years (as of January, it started in Jan. of 1988) but I've had a lot of improvement.
When my son was a newborn I had strange images of hurting him flash into my mind, even though we had bonded well and I was very attentive to his needs. I didn't seek treatment because of cost and also because I was embarrassed to admit that these horrible things were coming into my mind and I couldn't stop them. I haven't read a lot about PPD, but what I have read gives me the impression that my thoughts were similar to those of mothers who've been diagnosed with PPD.
There seem to be certain glitches that can occur in certain parts of the brain that create thoughts and images which really have nothing to do with your true personality or true feelings. I think of it as somewhat similar to what happens when we dream and our unconscious mind puts together bizarre images that we'd never imagine normally. It's like some of the information stored in our brains can get scrambled, creating these thoughts and images that are really not our fault.
There seem to be a variety of conditions involving disruptions in the normal functioning of the brain that cause everyone who has that specific disruption to experience similar thoughts, images and feelings that they normally wouldn't have. Which type of thoughts they get seems to be tied to which type of condition they have. For example, people who have schizophrenia often have similar bizarre fears, such as thinking that someone evil is pumping poison gas through the air conditioning/heating system, so they put tissues or paper towels in their nose to "filter" the air. Many people who develop dementia also end up having distorted thoughts that are very similar to those of other people with dementia. Scientists have found that they can stimulate certain parts of the brain and produce experiences similar to what people who've had "near-death" experiences describe.
You're probably familiar with the theories on just what causes PPD. Here are a couple of links that might be of interest.
http://www.postpartumhealthalliance.org/
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20021202-000001.html
I do relate to what you say about stopping medication and feeling alive again, but then having worse pain. I've been up and down with med doses, trying to get a good balance, but never finding it. Learning about TMS and journaling has really helped me get to a point where I am weaning off meds and decreasing the pain level at the same time.
Have you started to journal? In the beginning I was afraid that would unleash overwhelming feelings and emotional pain, but it has turned out to be the most helpful thing I do for overcoming pain. I finally have hope of eventually getting back to a fairly normal level of functioning again. I am also getting over feelings of guilt over a few difficult situations that I've been through. I'm not just getting better physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.
I wish you all the best. You are not alone!
Corey |
| bluewater |
Posted - 12/13/2006 : 15:23:06
This is my first post to this site and I am glad I found it. I have had fibro for 14 years (only 34) and I have developed severe back pain that goes down both legs and into the feet after a fall last year. My MRI shows small bulges nothing significant and I think this all could be TMS. I take narcotic meds everyday just to function, since I begin to hurt about 30 min after I start walking. I have a 3 year old and I suffered severe PPD after the deliver and did not get TX until he was 10 months old. I went on celexa and I think that just masked the symptoms. I stopped taking it and I finally felt alive again. However the pain just keeps getting worse. I have to say though that I have read Dr Sarno and Dr Selfridge's book and I really fit the bill. A huge part of my problem is I do not know how to forgive myself for the PPD, you see I had the bad kind where you fear hurting your baby. Anyway I am a really good mother and take great care of my son, but I just can't seem to forgive myself. (I am sobbing now). I have been to couseling but they say you just need to let this go, BUT HOW. Sorry to take up so much space but I feel just like when littlebird says about feeling like she is drowning. That is just what I feel like all of the time. Thank you to all, your stories of getting well are hope for me. |
| Hilary |
Posted - 12/13/2006 : 13:58:16
quote:
Originally posted by Chris Graeme
Sometimes - and I think I read it in Sarno somewhere - it is almost as if depression and sadness are alternative symptoms to the back pain. The anxiety / depression/sadness can be just as diverting as the pain.
I think it's important to separate sadness from depression and anxiety. They're very different things in my opinion.
Depression and anxiety are TMS equivalents - they are not emotions. Sadness is an emotion. Crying from sadness is very different to the weighty, awful feeling of depression or the nervousness of anxiety. You can feel terribly sad without feeling depressed.
I think repressed sadness, like anger, triggers TMS and causes depression and anxiety. That's why it's important to distinguish sadness from depression. |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 12/13/2006 : 13:19:29
She Dried Her Tears
by Emily Jane Brontë
She dried her tears and they did smile
To see her cheeks' returning glow
How little dreaming all the while
That full heart throbbed to overflow
With that sweet look and lively tone
And bright eye shining all the day
They could not guess at midnight lone
How she would weep the time away |
| Paul |
Posted - 12/10/2006 : 16:48:16
Speaking of happiness, here are some great quotes that always keep my life in perspective...
"Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness." -- James Thurber
"The secret to health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly." -- Buddha
AND MY FAVORITE...
"Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder" -- Thoreau
Cheers! |
| Littlebird |
Posted - 12/10/2006 : 16:14:59
Kristin,
Your comment resonated with me, because I do feel that I've learned important things and become more empathetic as a result of sadness, and I've had the idea that it's happiness that is shallow and temporary, so why bother to strive for it.
But lately I've realized it's not necessary to hang onto sadness to maintain the awareness and empathy that sadness taught me. Brain researchers are discovering new details about the benefits of happiness and the ways that sadness can limit our function and damage our health in the long term. Mike posted a very good thread with lots of links to information on the internet that might be of interest to you, if you haven't already read through it all:
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2823
When I talk about striving for happiness I don't mean chasing it through constantly engaging in pleasurable activities. I see a real difference between happiness and pleasure. Pleasure can be temporary and shallow.
I see a real connection between the acknowlegement of feelings that makes up the TMS work and becoming more happy. Figuring out who I really am inside and accepting it is helping me trade happiness for sadness.
This is something I wrote down the other day: Think of a situation where a child is not acknowledged by its parent. It feels rejected and begins to pester and nag at the adult, trying to get the attention it needs. Maybe the child wants the parent to do something that the parent can’t do, but as long as the parent acknowledges the child and says, “Yes, I see what you want, and I understand why you want it, but I just can’t do it now,” the child may be disappointed, but it will at least feel good that the parent took the time to connect and address the child’s desires and needs; it will feel validated. That’s what our unconscious inner self is looking for, and it’s going to keep at us until we are willing to stop ignoring and rejecting it through suppression and repression.
I think a lot of my sadness has been the result of ignoring and rejecting my inner self. I don't know if that would also apply to other people, but I think it could. |
| Kristin |
Posted - 12/10/2006 : 12:32:05
quote:
sadness is shallow, and temporary.
This challenges my idea of sadness somewhat, and that's just fine. There's a part of me that thinks sadness is deep and profound, something worth holding onto in order to experience the depth of being human. That may be flawed and dangerous thinking. |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 12/10/2006 : 08:01:39
That article on "Toxic Tears" by Charles Downey, in the link above, is interesting as it comfirms that in this modern age we are expected to repress our emotions- due to their unacceptability- and keep a stiff upper lip. Showing our emotions is a sign of weakness in our society while showing fortitude in the face of difficulties is a sign of weakness.
Indeed, this must be utterly rage enducing to the self. It's almost like the tears come out from other parts of the body. |
| altherunner |
Posted - 12/09/2006 : 20:24:00
Hey Shawn, sadness seems to be a partner of tms. I love Byron Katie's books. I also love Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, Gwen Randall-Young, and Gary Zukav. Stay the course, sadness is shallow, and temporary. |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 12/09/2006 : 19:34:39
Nice post Littlebird, very insightful. |
| Littlebird |
Posted - 12/08/2006 : 21:17:44
This is just based on my personal experience, but I think the sadness is a phase we move through on the way to healing, because as we start really looking at our lives we experience grief over things not being as we wish they would be or over things we wish we or our loved ones had done or wish we/they hadn't done and so on. One of the reasons we suppress and repress is to try to avoid that grief, to try to deny it. We're now facing these emotional losses, which brings on this intense sadness, but in time we'll get through it if we keep working towards being able to acknowledge and accept our losses and the emotional pain and, perhaps more importantly, to acknowledge and accept the anger that those losses have caused our inner self to feel.
Anger is a stage of grief, and if we don’t allow that stage and acknowledge and accept that anger, we’ll get stuck in the grief. Once we can get to the stage of accepting the anger part, we can then move on to the point where the sadness becomes a milder thing, a nostalgia sort of feeling rather than an overwhelming, raw emotion, a feeling that may come up sometimes as we think of the situation or the person but won’t rip us apart or take over our lives every time it comes up.
So much of this work seems to hinge on being able to acknowledge our “negative” feelings and being able to say to our inner self that it's ok to feel this way about whatever the issue is. The healing seems to come from this open acknowledgment and acceptance of that part of ourselves that we may not be entirely comfortable with. It may take a while, but in time we'll be able to integrate the parts of ourselves that we've been avoiding, rejecting and supressing with our conscious mind; we'll be able to say "I'm not a bad person just because I have these feelings. Everyone else has these feelings too."
What makes us a good person is that we do take the time to analyze the consequences of acting on our primal feelings, we consider what the effects of such actions on other people may be and we choose to act in a way that reflects concern and respect for the needs and rights of others.
Until we accept the inner self who gets angry and resents others when they’ve hurt us, the only emotion we can feel is sadness because we’re defenseless. Our conscious mind is telling us, in effect, that we can’t react to protect ourselves from these painful violations against us. To me that feels like being held under the water and knowing I need to fight to live, but my conscious mind is telling me that fighting would make me a bad person, so I just have to give in a let myself be drowned.
Once we do accept the anger as part of ourselves, not only can we finish our grieving process, but our conscious mind can then forgive the unconscious part of us for being selfish and childish, which is also healing for us. We forgive others, we need to also forgive our self-centered unconscious, but when we’re rejecting it we can’t forgive it. We just get stuck.
Mike, I enjoyed the article on tears—thanks for posting the link.
|
| Kristin |
Posted - 12/08/2006 : 20:40:14
I almost forgot to say, yes, I cry too. I don't show emotions as easily as many women. Sometimes, it's cleansing and I feel released and free afterwards. Other times the tears are just bitter, afraid and lonely, and I feel empty afterwards. Sometimes it has to be a conscious choice to turn it into something therpeutic. Somebody posted a link here a while back that got around to the deep therapeutic benefits of crying, sobbing and really letting go. I will see if I bookmarked the link. It had all sorts of interesting advice on getting in touch with difficult feelings.
Of course, when we realize our pain has psychological origins, it can be hurt so bad. Pain in exchange for emotional protection. I guess it's our choice. How nice to free of both physical symptoms and repressed feelings! I don't know if I really have the emotional support to make a full recovery that involves the people I love and am working on loving better. The light is there at the end of the tunnel but it seems a bit far away now and it's just me walking toward it. Going alone is kind of scary but I think the results will be good. |
| Chris Graeme |
Posted - 12/08/2006 : 17:28:45
Yes I cry.
Sometimes - and I think I read it in Sarno somewhere - it is almost as if depression and sadness are alternative symptoms to the back pain. The anxiety / depression/sadness can be just as diverting as the pain.
Currently I'm stressed about Christmas. I want to spend it with my family. Mu girlfriend wants to come too. I feel I "should" take her but don't want to for a couple of reasons (she and my family never hit it off.....and I sort of want a break from the emotional stress she generates) . A couple of weeks ago all that manifested as a huge ack spasm....now it is a depression, emptiness, guilt thing....with an occaisional little niggle in my back.
Workaholism is another thing - I work long horus and get absorbed in it ....so I don't hink about hte things that stress me.
But also the jourmalling / mental work makes me sad too - see the mess of my life and how it had become so ....worried and anxious.
Sadness....the more I work on this TMS thing the sadder I get.
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| MikeJ |
Posted - 12/08/2006 : 15:59:13
Hey Shawn!
Crying? Crying is for girls. I'm a man so I never cry.
... Alright, I lied about that.
Crying is great, and like armchair said, it empties the emotions and you feel so much lighter after the release. I think crying has been essential for me when I had TMS. Forcing myself to cry by watching a really sad movie sometimes is a great way to empty whatever is repressed.
Here's a good article on the topic: http://www.thirdage.com/healthgate/files/14240.html
Sadness, terror, and defeat however ... I think that's another story. I just made a post about what I do when I feel down and defeated in another thread if you're interested. |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 12/08/2006 : 15:20:00
Yes, I have very much experienced this. I cry and cry, sometimes harder than I've ever cried, and a knotty constriction in my chest feels painful. Sometimes I feel like I'm falling into a big well of pain. Sometimes I have one thought that goes through my head over and over. Sometimes images, sometimes nothing, just tears and pain.
Now that I know I can survive these experiences, I actually don't mind them as much as I did at first. I feel release after each one. They say our emotions are stored up in our bodies. Maybe I feel lighter now because they have been able to 'go through'.
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
| Kristin |
Posted - 12/08/2006 : 14:00:52
I am really sad right now. I've been working so hard to birth my higher self. I seem to keep making mistakes and upsetting the people I love, my husband, mostly. He is getting fed up. I'm trying to be sensitive to him but my words, actions, and feelings are all wrong.
The world is wearing on me right now. My therapist says that I have a 'gift' of sensitivity and that I should find ways to protect it. I'm afraid that if I tell my husband she said that that he'll take it wrong. Like don't upset the "fragile flower". I don't know what it means in the context our relationship but I feel raw inside and out.
I hope we can find some light on the other side of these emotions so we can be strong and whole. I think the road is rocky and we need strong support and caring. |
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