| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 12/07/2006 : 06:01:27
"Bitterness and an unforgiving spirit can be likened to you taking poison and expecting that someone else would die from the effect. Forgiveness is about setting the prisoner in your heart free only to discover that all along, you had been the real prisoner."
Tope Popoola
Clergy and Author |
| 5 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| HilaryN |
Posted - 12/07/2006 : 13:54:19
That quote is exactly right!
Hilary N |
| Tunza |
Posted - 12/07/2006 : 13:35:28
quote:
Goodism is not always about being or acting good. It can also be about doing things that I feel are bad and then punishing myself. If I don't punish myself with guilt and self blame then I am truly a bad person.
I can identify with this completely. I am constantly beating myself up for not being a "nicer" person. I am someone who has a low tolerance for stress and I have a perfectionist streak. An example of where this causes problems is in my job where I will not volunteer to help others out when it is "expected" of me because I am already overwhelmed by the amount I have to do.
I know that if I volunteer to help I will get even more behind with my own workload (a workload that is made harder by my own perfectionism -others could probably get my job done in less time) and I can't handle the feelings of stress this creates so I end up being abrupt with people and not as friendly as I should be. However, I just can't hide my feelings.
Then (and this is where the TMS comes in) I agonise later over my actions and manner. The guilt and self hatred is a breeding ground for TMS. I even notice my inner self feeling petulant and resentful of people for making me hate myself! And immediately my rational mind steps in and says that is ridiculous.
These conversations with myself would be quite entertaining if they weren't so destructive.
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| shawnsmith |
Posted - 12/07/2006 : 11:28:59
It's like we "should" forgive as we were taught to do so. It is not acceptable to be unforgiving or God will not love you and punish you. Expectations that send me personally to madness.
Yes, I may outwardly forgive, as it is expected of me, but inside I resent the fact that I have to as maybe I see myself as being right and the other person as wrong. But sometimes we have to do things in order to survive in this world, or at least we are made to feel we have to.
There is also the associated guilt. I personally have a ton of guilt towards my wife, for example. I just heap it on myself to the point I enduce bitter weeping and I go into hysterics. Not good enough, not supportive enough, always dumping my problems on her, not living up to expectations etc. I thought I would make an excellent husband and did not understand why I had no success with women while growing up. Now my percieved failures comfirm my worst fears. The list could go on for pages. I am personally very harsh on myself and this enduces so much inward anger.
Goodism is not always about being or acting good. It can also be about doing things that I feel are bad and then punishing myself. If I don't punish myself with guilt and self blame then I am truly a bad person.
In essence, I think that I have to feel guilty to prove that I am a good person because only a rotten, no good person would not feel guilty. It is a crappy way to think and live. It was brought upon by religious teachings (ie we are never worthy enough for God and we deserve punishment amd misery) as well as upbringing where I was told, either through words or percieved social codes, that I should do this or should not do that. I have internalized amy of these shoulds over the years to the point they have become part of my inward personality. But at the same time I am well aware that I violate these shoulds. I then inflict guilt and self-blame upon myself as a form of punishment.
To repeat myself, if I punish myself then possibly God will not punish me, or only a person who is really good on the inside would feel guilty and only a bad person would not.
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| sonora sky |
Posted - 12/07/2006 : 09:32:26
I like this quote. And I think it has a lot to do with your thread on 'shoulds.' We are often unforgiving of others, but also of ourselves. Either way, it acts like a poison inside us.
ss |
| 2scoops |
Posted - 12/07/2006 : 07:19:30
I like that. |
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