| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 12/07/2006 : 00:28:29
You know that phrase, the elephant in the living room? It's used in family therapy, especially, to describe the family problem (like incest or alcoholism) that is disrupting everything, but which no one mentions.
I thought it would be fun to have a defensive thread, to bring out the denied defensiveness in all of us. Sometimes there are threads where someone is saying "but, no, THIS isn't TMS," and others of us are saying, "sounds like it to me, buddy," only to reverse roles elsehwere, perhaps.
Anyway, here goes:
From me: "My TMJ can't possibly be TMS. Just because the first two letters are the same doesn't mean anything. Anyway, I had 16 teeth operated on. Anyone would have TMJ under those circumstances!"
From my friends: "I investigated TMS but I realized it was just making me angrier to keep looking for my inner reservoir of rage. But I had to move out of yet another house because I am allergic to it."
"I am really glad you have found a solution to your long-term problems with psychosomatic illness. I always knew your illness was psychosomatic. Mine, on the other hand, is real."
"Not EVERYTHING has to be TMS. You guys are a bit cultish about this."
have any to add, from yourselves or loved ones?
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| 4 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| h2oskier25 |
Posted - 12/11/2006 : 07:50:14
Wavy,
You're my hero. I swear, your posts have helped me out so much. I would like to know more about your spirituality, as I, too, find myself worrying and obsessing about things that I shouldn't. It does effect my happiness too much.
Thanks, Wavy.
Beth |
| Littlebird |
Posted - 12/09/2006 : 15:22:08
Just wanted to get back to you to say thanks. I didn't find your comments preachy at all. I consider myself to be both a spiritual person and a religious one, so I'm familiar with the scriptures about the lilies and the birds. I think of the reference to the birds every time I throw seed out in the back yard for the little sparrows that hang out there. Thanks for the encouragement! |
| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 12/08/2006 : 05:32:26
quote:
yet the only way for me to stop stressing would be for me to recover from the fatigue enough to work and produce income to cover our needs. So I have this fear going on that I'll stay stuck. And it's making me angry.
Hey Littlebird,
I was starting to think no one loved me and getting defensive about it (because no one had responded to my thread!). I want to respond to your above quote:
Up in middle of the night suddenly awakened with INTENSE pain. I've spent the last half hour emoting about everything I can find to be emotional about (cat thinks I've totally lost it once and for all!).
What it finally came down to was "I don't want to do it!!!"
The "it" is a weeklong seminar I'm going off to teach, starting tomorrow morning. It's a huge endeavour in which I hold space for others to go through their stuff, (but--obviously-- they don't do same for me). As I got to the part about "I don't want to do it" I remembered...
"Oh yes, it doesn't have to be ME that does it."
It doesn't work very well when I have this sense of being a tired, stressed out martyr, who is "doing " the work. Now, I'm not going to go all religious on you. I was raised by atheist physicists and I don't have a religion, but I do have a connection to a vast, indescribable source which I call God. And since my life fell apart 3 years ago, I started doing all kinds of spiritual practices that involved surrendering my control over everything to my higher power.
Boy, does this ever work well! I had been stressing about finances for YEARS. As I gradually found a way to "hand it over" and not worry about money I found my energy increasing, and money started to come in from all kinds of different sources.
Good ole Jesus said something about "consider the lilies of the field. They toil not, yet they are clad in finery greater than King Solomon." And Brian, in Monty Python's Life of Brian, said an even greater thing:
"Consider the birds, they do not have jobs!"
So I'm saying all this to refute your statement, above, that the only option for you to stop worrying about money is to work and produce income. As Byron Katie would say, "Can you absolutely know this is true?" Is it an absolute truth that this is the ONLY way you could stop worrying? What about pre-emptively stopping worrying before the actual money arrives.
I'm just saying this has worked spectacularly well for me. And I attribute much of my dramatic healing, even pre-Sarno, to my conscious, deliberate surrender of pretty much everything. Turns out I didn't have to "do" so much after all, and I am still alive, just healthier and more fun. Living well.
Hope this helps and doesn't sound preachy.
xx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| Littlebird |
Posted - 12/08/2006 : 01:35:28
Oh no, Wavy, you jinxed me! Just kidding, but this was the last thing I read this afternoon, and I was thinking about about whether I have any denied defensiveness going on, then this evening a friend asked me to do something that I really don't think I'm up to taking on, and yet I said "yes" because I love my friend--within half an hour the TMJ pain that I haven't had in months and months suddenly struck! Even though I had decided, well before I learned about TMS, that TMJ was just another one of my numerous stress-related symptoms and that I could make it go away if I refused to accept it as being "real", and even though once I started journaling I also got rid of a chronic toothache that I've been trying to ignore for 2 years. (I'd had that checked by a dentist and he told me there was no reason for the tooth to hurt.) But just because I'd last read about your mouth, my stupid brain decided that was the symptom to use to get my attention. BTW, I did read about your improvement on the current TMJ thread and I'm glad to hear you have gotten some relief.
Anyway, I did think about the elephant. I'm not sure if I would call this a defensiveness or just a doubt--is there a difference? But the doubt is that I can really recover from the crushing fatigue when I'm still stressing over financial matters, yet the only way for me to stop stressing would be for me to recover from the fatigue enough to work and produce income to cover our needs. So I have this fear going on that I'll stay stuck. And it's making me angry.
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