| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 12/04/2006 : 12:21:17
“Treat the other man’s faith gently; it is all he has to believe with. His mind was created for his own thoughts, not yours or mine.”
~ Henry S. Haskins |
| 7 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 12/05/2006 : 18:26:01
I have always felt like the queen of repression due to being an entertainer..No matter how terrible I truly feel, the show must go on! The biggest example was that I had to sing in front of 10,000 people w/ a well known band in the early 90's shortly after my father died..I was crying hysterically back stage, but the second I was on, I had to be on..no matter what..5 months later my mom died and that double whammy nearly destroyed me..I gained alot of weight, left the band, left my other part time job as a counselor and tried to get through a day..I used food as a drug, (guess it could have been worse, although in my field image means alot..)..I wasn't singing or painting..Instead of major TMS I was using the food addiction as a coping mechanism..
Once i relocated to Vegas and had alot more to repress, the TMS began, full force..An injury that should have healed in a couple of month took years instead..TOday I still struggle, some day/weeks/years are worse then others..I still have a habit (not only when performing) of squelching my unpleasant and painful emotions..I tend to put others first, alot..and that sure makes me pissed..(but, I do it anyway..) Anger is something I have alot of deep inside..but I hold ALOT of it in..SOmetimes it comes out in the context of my love relationship, other times I just eat over it..or have a neck attack over it..Amazing the lengths we can go to in order to avoid the difficult feelings..
~Karen |
| cheeryquery |
Posted - 12/05/2006 : 18:12:02
Right. We are civilized on the outside and primitive on the inside. I agree it is important to learn how to communicate as gently as possible. But communication is usually not an option. It's a necessity. I WANT to hear what others think (consciously!). If they don't want to hear, and I know they don't, I can usually shut up. Usually.
I often feel badly about being too straightforward but have had many people say, "What a relief to hear an honest response!". Others don't say a thing and I get the impression they are thinking of ways to kill me.
Life is hard. |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 12/05/2006 : 16:57:13
Yes, we can be consciously less annoyed and even very calm and, at the same time, unconsciously filled with rage. It seems at this time in human history those who are calm, cool and collected are masters at emotional repression. |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 12/05/2006 : 16:41:53
I like your quote, SS. I actually have had an experience recently that bears it out.
I walk or bike and take the train to work. When I ride my bike I always do so on the street, as is the only legal mechanism here (both counties I travel in ban cycling on the sidewalk). It truly annoys me when I see cyclists on the sidewalk. It is neither legal, nor safe, nor efficient. There is one guy that always is on the sidewalk, and he doesn't speak English (or makes out that he doesn't, but I see no reason not to believe him based on his behavior), so I can't even communicate with him about my frustration. It just makes me crazy.
Yet, even as a proficient street cyclist, I often experience frustration, feeling like I am constantly fighting cars for my rights -- even though people here are 99% nice and about 70% competent at driving in traffic with cyclists, pretty decent. I would like to repress it because I enjoy cycling tremendously and it saves me a lot of time. But sometimes I just cannot deal with it and I walk instead. Walking isn't really safer, but it feels safer; because you're separate from other traffic most of the time, you can relax and feel calmer as well. So I realized, perhaps the sidewalk cyclists are also suffering from this feeling that they would have to fight traffic, perhaps they want to relax and feel safer (although they should not, because they aren't, just as I shouldn't when I'm a pedestrian). Their beliefs keep them feeling okay and able to deal with things, just as mine do.
Just the two don't work together very well! But it made me less annoyed.
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
| floorten |
Posted - 12/05/2006 : 07:52:09
quote:
Originally posted by cheeryquery
If other people don't feel the same way, fine. I try to be nice. Often unsuccessfully.
Spoken like a true TMS-type personality! ;-)
--
"What the Thinker thinks, the Prover proves."
Robert Anton Wilson |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 12/05/2006 : 07:47:58
Hi cheeryquery
Thanks for responding to the quote I posted.
I admit it is a strange quote, but I thought I would toss it out there to see how people understood and responded to it.
I find that how I react to something, especially if it is a strong reaction, tells me a little bit more about myself.
I read the quote as respecting other people's belief system and not trying to change them to conform to my personal beliefs. One person has a set a beliefs and another person believes something else. These beliefs are how we understand the world around us and help us cope with daily realities. They sometimes can be destructive and other times helpful in maintaining sanity. Either way, at any particular moment, that is all a person has and it is important to treat the other man’s faith gently and realize that what that person is, and the beliefs he or she holds are a product of a lifetime and will not change overnight.
People become very attached to their beliefs - whether religious, political, philosophical, etc - to the point that they see an attack on those beliefs as being an attack on their person. This can be very hurtful to an individual who is unable or unwilling to distinguish between their true inner selves and the beliefs that they hold. I think this is one reason (but not the only one) why some people lash out so harshly sometimes when they are challenged.
It can be really tempting to ridicule or make fun of someone else's beliefs as they may seem so strange to us because we interpret them via our own value and belief systems. But trying to understand how and why we react the way we do tells us a lot about ourselves.
As we all know from reading Dr. Sarno, there is a one reaction to people, things and events at the conscious level and quite another one at the unconscious level. Using myself as an example, I may praise myself for being open minded to other people's beliefs as well as being tolerant, but at another level I may be fuming mad and have a desire to lash out. But this latter reaction would clash with how I consciously see myself, ie open minded and tolerant, so I respress it. Over time that builds up and accumulates into full blown inner rage. Again, I congratulate myself for being one kind of person but on the inside, unknown to me, I am something altogether different. If this were to ever come to surface my hold identity my be threatned soooooo .... well you all know what comes next as that is why were are all on this board:)
Anyways, I have gone on too long so will stop here. |
| cheeryquery |
Posted - 12/05/2006 : 01:55:37
If you say so, could be. Personally, I'd rather hear the other guy's opinion just in case I'm wandering in a fool's paradise. If other people don't feel the same way, fine. I try to be nice. Often unsuccessfully.
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