| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| JaneLeslie |
Posted - 11/25/2006 : 15:30:59
Hi! As some of you folks know I have had no appetite for a while and am losing a lot of weight. I needed to lose the weight and I now at a good weight. The TMS sx. are hanging around annoying my muscles and bladder. I have been doing the "work" (a la Sarno) and been very hard on myself--and everyone else---because I don't feel better physically and emotionally yet.
Today I gave myself a pep talk about the weight loss and said to myself: "Isn't it great! There is nothing to worry about. You are supposed to look like this. You are NOT sick! You look great." I felt my appetite come back!!!! I remembered that in the past every time I tried to lose weight---more numerous than I can count---I felt depressed (equivalent!)and would gain the weight back.
I think that I am such a TMS weirdo that I was beating myself up for not getting to the "bottom" of my rage (or whatever) when, regardless of that, my mind is threatened by my body CHANGING. Sarno says that the ucs. mind panics at any change. So a now 30 lb. weight loss might threaten it alright. This is like the people who claim their necks hurt when they drive over potholes. Conditioning.
I am trying to talk myself out of having sx. from the weight loss process. Not sure how. I think my ucs. mind is very threatened by it. Any thoughts welcome. I will continue my "work" but I feel better about the whole thing because it may not be that I need to feel more rage, etc., but that a conditioning process is occurring as well, or besides.
Thanks!
Jane
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| 20 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 12/01/2006 : 10:41:32
quote JL:
"Can't lose confidence. I will persist and especially in activities of daily life, which can slide a bit in the middle of this.
How long might this process last Tennis Tom? I have an urge to take tranquilizers or something but I think this would slow me down."
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There is no way I could ever predict that, knowing almost nothing about your situation. It is really up to YOU. I would encourage you to "persist in activities of daily life," which will build-up your "confidence" in your personal strength to control your mindbody.
Good Luck
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| JaneLeslie |
Posted - 12/01/2006 : 08:46:14
Thank God for you people. This is an overwhelming time but I will continue in spite of the fear. This is the last frontier, letting the mind take the brunt.
I actually will be trying out a psychoanalytically trained therapist soon and I am rather excited to get help with this as it is a challenge by oneself.
Thanks. I will keep you all posted. Sometimes the pain is going between the body and the emotions/mind. Back and forth. We'll see how long it lasts.
Can't lose confidence. I will persist and especially in activities of daily life, which can slide a bit in the middle of this.
How long might this process last Tennis Tom? I have an urge to take tranquilizers or something but I think this would slow me down.
Jane |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 11/30/2006 : 11:24:29
Hi again Jane,
I just now saw the note you wrote me below..Sorry..I just wrote you something b4 reading it..I consider you a good pal too..:))
I so relate to alot of what you are experiencing..THese deeper, intense emotions are VERY hard to deal with..Unfortunately, lately I have been using food to push them down and this has really caught up w/ me, health wise..I wonder why the heck we all are sooo afraid to just FEEL our FEELINGS and be done with them..I suppose that is a very complex question to ask..Keep up the good work..you are ahead of the game in my book..I have been a slacker in this work lately..So busy learning new songs for new gigs, and other stressors of life and this transition I am in..Talk soon!
Hugs,
Karen |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 11/30/2006 : 11:19:55
Wow Jane,
You have some great feedback here! Sounds like you are on the right path, totally! ACL always gives the best advice..and I must admit I chuckled when TT wrote that you may levitate..:)
Talk to you soon!
Karen |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 11/30/2006 : 10:39:13
quote:
Originally posted by JaneLeslie
Well I find it interesting that sometimes when I am really feeling my emotional pain I cannot tell the difference BETWEEN that and the physical pain! I know that something "hurts" but is it my body or my mind!!! I can' tell for those few minutes. How can that be?
Really strange, but I hope this is the right direction.
Thanks,
Jane
If it's TMS induced physical pain, it is real pain due to the autonmoic nervous system reducing the oxygen supply to a part of the body resulting in harmless pain. If you are feeling both physical and emotional pain concurently, that would probably be a good thing.
The gremlin is confused, you are winning the game! You may be experiencing a transformation in your consciousness. You may want to hold onto something in case you start levitaitng. You are on the right track. Just do it!-- No fear! |
| JaneLeslie |
Posted - 11/30/2006 : 09:55:08
I may post about this! |
| JaneLeslie |
Posted - 11/30/2006 : 09:54:01
Well I find it interesting that sometimes when I am really feeling my emotional pain I cannot tell the difference BETWEEN that and the physical pain! I know that something "hurts" but is it my body or my mind!!! I can' tell for those few minutes. How can that be?
Really strange, but I hope this is the right direction.
Thanks,
Jane |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 11/29/2006 : 11:13:33
We are big and strong enough to be with our pain...It's tough but hang in there. It will start to come out, and then you won't have to feel it in your physical body as aching, and you will feel a renewed vitality for all of experience, even pain.
The pain I've been experiencing lately is still quite horrible, but I also feel that I'm healing as I experience it. This is described in the Growing Towards Wholeness essay as your inner child experiencing the pain, while your adult self experiences the healing it brings. She adds that your "higher self" also experiences the beauty of you being able to help yourself heal, though I seem not to have connected that up yet.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
| HilaryN |
Posted - 11/29/2006 : 10:06:15
quote:
It also seems like the only way to keep the pain away is to live through these horrible emotions. I hope this goes away soon so I can have freedom from emotional and physical pain at the same time.
Hang in there, Jane! It sounds like you’re on the right track. It may take a while, but you’ll get there in the end.
Hilary N |
| Dave |
Posted - 11/29/2006 : 08:19:22
quote:
Originally posted by JaneLeslie
Thanks Dave. I find that I am getting depressed sometimes because I cannot quickly resolve this thing, even though I think I have a good intellectual understanding.
TMS-prone people are thinkers and not feelers. That is part of the problem.
Intellectualizing does not help. TMS is an unconscious process dealing with the most primitive emotions that we cannot even feel.
You simply cannot place any expectations or schedule on relief. If you do then you will surely fail. |
| JaneLeslie |
Posted - 11/29/2006 : 05:54:16
It also seems like the only way to keep the pain away is to live through these horrible emotions.  I hope this goes away soon so I can have freedom from emotional and physical pain at the same time.
Any input welcome.
Jane |
| JaneLeslie |
Posted - 11/29/2006 : 05:39:47
Thanks Karen! You are a good pal!
What I am noticing today is a LOT of emotion, mostly anger coming out. IT is very frightening to me. It almost feels a little like PTSD. Waves of emotion.
I think it is progress, but I have never just let it roll over me before and it is like a tidal wave.
Hold me in your prayers.
Jane
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| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 11/28/2006 : 20:42:50
Good to see all the great replies you got, Jane..:) I feel for you and for all of us..My TMS is doing some very weird things I mentioned in a previous post..Like, I am sitting watching TV and my whole head moves very slightly..Seems this happens more after driving over those darn intense potholes, while being tail gated by a crazy NYC driver! Or..after a fight w/ my boyfriend..(stress related)..Dave is right, conditioning is Big in TMS and ACL is right..you are on the right track and determined to heal..I have faith in you!
Hugs,
Karen |
| JaneLeslie |
Posted - 11/28/2006 : 17:57:38
Thanks Dave. I find that I am getting depressed sometimes because I cannot quickly resolve this thing, even though I think I have a good intellectual understanding. I feel in "limbo." I am trying not to let it get to me, but you know how that is. I know I always have use of pharmacology if I need it temporarily.
Good response. I will re-read.
Jane |
| Dave |
Posted - 11/28/2006 : 11:09:42
The conditioning aspect of TMS is perhaps the most important to understand and accept.
You feel symptoms in a certain location, at a certain time, or in response to certain external events. It is all part of the brain's strategy to convince you the problem is physical.
Surely if you feel pain every morning when you wake up, then you must have "slept wrong", right? Or if you feel pain when you sit for too long, it must be that our bodies are not "designed for sitting", right? Or if you get a headache every time it rains, it must be the weather, right?
WRONG. It is a conditioned response. Recognize that, laugh it off, and ignore it.
There are no magic techniques that will rid you of TMS in a hurry. As I said before, a habit developed over a lifetime cannot disappear overnight. This is one area where I feel Dr. Sarno does his readers a disservice: he claims in his book that most people are cured in a few weeks. If this is true, then I bet the majority is 50.0001%. The rest of us have to keep at it and may not experience significant relief for months.
Don't have high expectations, and don't get frustrated with a lack of results. Just do the work faithfully and trust that the symptoms will fade over time, be it days, weeks, months, or a year. |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 11/28/2006 : 11:01:16
You do what feels right to you! I hope you'll come to adopt that philosophy more and more as you heal. I don't see you trusting yourself as much as you could. You know the symptoms are harmless, so disregard them, and do what feels right -- do some TMS work, or do normal daily stuff.
You might think about devoting a certain span of time, at a certain time of day, each day, to TMS stuff. You work then, and you don't at other times, unless it comes on spontaneously. That way you know you are working, and you know you are living.
Sarno says we don't have to change our personalities, but I kinda think we just get sick of being the way we've been. I've been really astounded at how helpful the book The Drama of the Gifted Child (recommended by many on this forum) has been to me. I also love the essay at (http://www.creativegrowth.com/teresa.htm). I feel like if I'm able to work through some of this stuff, some personality evolution may happen naturally.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
| JaneLeslie |
Posted - 11/28/2006 : 08:30:26
ACL---I have noticed too that focusing on TMS stuff can make sx. worse. What does that mean??? Do you back off or work harder?? It's so confusing.
Littlebird, thank you. Fear of the rage has created the pain and I need to learn the art of acknowledging the rage and ACCEPTING that it is normal and doesn't make me "bad." We are only human.
As I was saying on another thread I think that along with the ucs. rage I have been hamstrung by how my mind has conditioned me to feel pain---worse at some times and not others. Certain types of pain come and go. It can even be in response to weather!!! How silly. I am trying to think of techniques to stop some of this because it is so insidious.
What I find hard is knowing what part of my TMS is "deep" (Freudian ucs. rage) and what part is a conditioned response (my brain "thinks" I will have more pain in bad weather so I do.) I may never know. I don't know how deeply I am repressed and conditioned both!
I do think that at the heart of it, as Sarno says (Brady too) is my personality. But that ain't easy to change, or really possible.
Thanks all as usual. You are great!
Jane |
| Littlebird |
Posted - 11/27/2006 : 16:33:33
I think ACL is right about your strength and your dedication to healing. I want to share what has helped me, but I realize there's no guarantee that it will help someone else. If it doesn't fit for you, I know that your determination to overcome TMS will lead you to whatever does work.
I have also been afraid of getting to rage, because of what I expected it to do to me. I have been barely functional; it takes me a week to do what I used to accomplish in a day's time. I've been afraid that this emotional process will debilitate me further, but once I decided to push ahead I found the opposite. I am getting more energy and functioning better. I've been surprised to find that I'm actually less overwhelmed by emotion now that I'm willing to feel real anger. Before I could face my anger I was so very sad all the time, but that is lifting, and I believe it's because my unconscious was using those "surface" emotions as a distraction from the anger that needs to be acknowledged.
I had to go back and review Dr. Sarno's words that we just need to acknowledge the anger, which is not the same as trying to analyze it or justify it or try to do some sort of intense processing. I had trouble believing that I could benefit from acknowledgement without doing some sort of intense analysis process. I realize now that I expected it to be like processing grief, because that is what I was constantly doing, grieving, but allowing/accepting the anger is not like going through the stages of grief; at least it hasn't been for me.
I think I was stuck with grief and emotional pain because I was afraid of allowing major anger. I did allow some mild anger in some situations, but nothing like the real anger that was being suppressed by my conscious mind and repressed by my unconscious mind. What kind of person would I be if I allowed that sort of rage? My mother had regular rages, and I wanted to be nothing like her, so I stifled anger. Plus I was afraid that showing anger of any sort would drive people away from me the way my mother's rages drove everyone away from her. I have to say that I never stopped loving my mother, despite all of the pain she caused, but anger/rage and love don't have to be mutually exclusive.
I'm finding that acknowledging rage to myself, and accepting it as a natural response to certain demands from people and life in general, is very different than the type of rages my mother acted out, even though the source of her rage and mine is probably quite similar in many cases. Both mom and I tried to suppress and deny the angry feelings; for her they leaked out as outbursts that hurt others and for me they became physical pain.
My impression of treating sx with meds is that whether it impedes your TMS work depends on your perspective of why you're using the med. If it's viewed as a temporary assistance until your emotional work gets you to a point where you can function better without the help of the med, I think it doesn't necessarily limit your progress. I'm still taking some pain medication, and expect to wean off it as I progress. I've weaned off of one already.
Corey |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 11/27/2006 : 10:55:20
I think Sarno generally recommends OTC pain meds, primarily, to take the edge off symptoms so you can better function and do the work.
It seems possible that your pain will get worse at some points -- I've seen a lot of people report that, although it didn't happen to me. But I still have stuff (stiffness and mild pain) that goes up and down with time, and it sometimes gets worse if I am trying to think about TMS things. :/
I see a lot of strength in you and great dedication to your healing, so I have confidence that you'll figure out what works for you! :-)
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
| JaneLeslie |
Posted - 11/27/2006 : 09:25:05
I have two questions for you smart ladies (and Dave, a very smart guy):
1) How can we get at the rage (ucs) when we are "conditioned" to feel pain with cs. anger? That scares me. If I get to the rage am I going to hurt even more for a while???? Maybe that is what is going on now and I don't even know it.
2) I now have muscle stiffness that is unpleasant. My TMS doc is rather hard-core about no drugs. I am considering going to my GP for something. I will still do "the work" of course, I am just tired of non-stop sx. In the past muscle relaxants have really helped but didn't know if that was a Sarno "no-no." If it is, why is it? What other things are usually prescribed (specifically.)
Thanks Littlebird for your emotional input. (You too Karen.) I think a great deal about it. We just KEEP GOING!!
Thanks,
Jane |
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