| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Chris Graeme |
Posted - 11/22/2006 : 10:47:19
Hi there
I'm new to this forum and just wanted to say hi. I'm a 38 year old man from Scotland, working a a general purpose bureaucrat in local government and pretty active with running, weight training, cycling hillwalking etc.
I've had back pain on and off for the last 14 years originally - i thought - kicked off by an injury in the gym. However a few years ago I came across Sarno and read his books, plus those by Sopher, Amir and Heuftle and realised I was typical of a TMS type person.
The pain comes and goes, generaly acute muscle spasm in the low back. The penultimate episode was on a holiday in Brugge a month ago when it spasmed one morning. It was only when I told my girlfriedn that I was angry at her for being grumpy the night before that the pain simply vanished. I would never usually challenge her behaviour like that. I then thought that I had vanquished the whole thing.
Until yesterday morning, waiting for the bus to work when - out of the blue - I had the most severe spasm which left me on all fours on the pavement. Most embarrasing. I made it to work and was Ok during the morning but basically was stuck in my chair for the afternoon not able to stand; when I eventually did stand, I couldn't walk and had to be helped into a side office where I could lie on the floor for a while to let the spasm die down.
My colleagues got me a taxi home and were all very worried. I told them it was not as bad as it looked.....In HBP Sarno says the best thi with such acute attacks is just ot accept what they are and rest them out.(p15)
Bah.
I've spent today in my flat trying to think about what is stressing me or making me angry. But you know what - that is so tiring, it is hard work. The movement has gradually come back through the day and I've even done some chin ups and other exercises. I know this is not physical...but it still hurts.
Anyway, sorry for the long post.... |
| 10 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Chris Graeme |
Posted - 11/25/2006 : 16:40:41
Ok
My big spasm happened on Tuesday. I spent the next thre days at home off work. Today my back is maybe 90% back to normal. I keep tellign myself that it is all ok, just repressed emotions trying to hide and that is helping. There's alot of anxiety around though, partly from fear that it will recurr.
But hopefully I'm through it for now and will tackle the stresses too as they com up.
I know what kicked it off this time - work, an impending stressful Christmas and a stressful relationship. |
| Chris Graeme |
Posted - 11/24/2006 : 04:43:44
Yeah ,there is a lot of repression here. I hate it when people lose their temper or get angry. I tend to see it as immature and controlling. Of course that means that I tend to bury my anger deep and avoid it as much as posibble.
I'm making an attempt at journalling, and even writing on this forum is helping.
Thanks for the encouragement.
Chris |
| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 11/24/2006 : 00:55:21
Hi Chris
I, too, am English (ex-pat, been in US 30 years) and I can reassure you that being English alone gives us enough reason to have truckloads - um, I mean lorryloads - of repressed anger.
That is a joke, but only sort of (I can't believe how much everyone is repressing when I go home).
So don't worry about it. Just stop believing in it, as you are. Journalling can be less tiring than just thinking about things.
All the best, mate!
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| Chris Graeme |
Posted - 11/23/2006 : 15:25:28
Wow, everyone is a big fan of Scotland. It is a great counry, even at this time of the year when it only seems to be light from about 9am to 3:30pm, with gales blowing outside and contant rain.....I am actually English, but have lived in Edinburgh for the last 14 years and think of it very much as my home now. I love the mountains here and would struggle to move south now.
Anyway, now the pain has moved to the upper back! The lower back is still tight but now there is a massive knot of muscle in the upper left lat. Wierd, but typically TMS as it moves about.
No real idea what I am repressing - anger over a busy job, difficult relationship, perfectionism, goodism - al of that....but I just want this to loosen off. Actually it has been good having a couple of days off work, not worrying about "performing" competing and keeping people happy.
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| redskater |
Posted - 11/23/2006 : 08:43:27
HI Chris, Just wanted to say I love Scotland, we lived in Aberdeen for a couple of years before moving back to the states 2 yrs. ago. I was struggling with all the back stuff while over there. It actually got worse when we moved from there, I really liked it and wasn't yet ready to leave.
Anyway, I had conquered my TMS until 2 weeks ago it came back in a slightly different spot but just as painful. I did the work, journaled, re-read the books and talked to my brian. The pain didn't go away immediately, took about 12 days (but who's counting!). The thing is, if they are just minor twinges I can get them to go away quickly, but for some reason, this last bout stuck around for a while and trying to make it go away fast didn't help. I just had to be patient, know it was tms, and that it is what it is, and will go away if I keep doing the work and keep doing all my daily stuff, like it wasn't there. It isn't always easy when in a lot of pain. But it will go away, just maybe not on your timetable. And it may be a way of your brain telling you that there is more stuff going on in your sub-consious than you ae aware of. Start writing. It's what helps me the most. I feel like when I write that garbage is coming out my fingers and on to the paper and then I shred it!
This too shall pass.
Cheers,
Gaye |
| Chris Graeme |
Posted - 11/23/2006 : 03:18:08
Thanks for the respnoses.
It has been interesting reading through the other threads here.
I was hoping to return to work today, but despite it all being psychological, despite the pain being generated to divert me from my emotions, this still hurts. The acute spasm has gone now in terms of pain but it has left the muscles down the left of my lower back stiff as a board so I'm twisted over to one side and not really walking well.
Strangely I've been lifting some heavy thngs around my home with no real bother.
Of couse my perfectionism wants this fixed NOW!
I've tried to get angry about things too but the stiffness remains.
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| Fox |
Posted - 11/22/2006 : 14:04:23
I triggered my worst series of back spasms after simply reaching out a little further than normal to swat a forehand (tennis) and my second worst one from leaning over to pick something off the floor. So absurd! Now I realize that the first episode came on during a highly "competitive" tennis game - I was playing with someone better than me - someone I really enjoyed playing with on a regular basis - whom I felt was ready to start playing with someone else better than me instead of getting bored beating me nearly every set. I was thinking I just had to beat him that time or our tennis relationship would be over - so the pressure was on....Like Sarno says on his audio tape, the result was similar to what the non-TMS educated might expect after lifting a heavy refrigerator. There is no way to guard against such episodes. You've just got to go through life and avoid nothing that you enjoy or must do. If the back spasms return, you will know how to think your way out of them within a short period of time. |
| weatherman |
Posted - 11/22/2006 : 13:38:07
Ditto to what Stryder said. I fairly well conquered my back-related TMS stuff years ago. But one of my worst back spasm spells ever occurred from putting on a pair of pants. When you're in the midst of it, it's very hard to believe it's harmless tho it is.
I had the good fortune to spend a couple of weeks in Scotland when I was growing up, truly one of the beautiful places in the world.
Weatherman |
| Chris Graeme |
Posted - 11/22/2006 : 13:30:11
Thanks Stryder for the encouragement.
Things have loosened off over the day. One thing that concerns me is the fact that this has come back and with as much ferocity as ever experienced before. Even though I understand the cause this did not stop an absolutely debilitating episode. It is going away now, but I would lie eto be able to stop the "reservoir of rage" from overflowing like this.
I was just speaking to my Mum on the phone and she told me about my brother's back "it went when he sneezed and then again when he was putting his underpants on" she said. I told her that that was an excuse - he puts his pants on everyday and has sneezed thousands of times without this happrning. |
| Stryder |
Posted - 11/22/2006 : 13:19:34
Hi Chris,
I've spent today in my flat trying to think about what is stressing me or making me angry.
Sometimes this works. Other times your inner rage is repressed and you will not be able to consciously figure it out. Your anger bank could be full from a collection of many smaller past incidents that you still have in your subconscious baggage. These little nasties can stay buried for years until some trigger starts pushing them to the surface. As they near your consciousness, TMS kicks in and gives you a nice little distraction.
I've had back pain on and off for the last 14 years originally - i thought - kicked off by an injury in the gym.
Excellent diagnosis, Chris. You have thwarted the misconception that an old acute injury causes chronic pain. Good catch.
I suggest you rest a bit, press on and return to normal activity. Its common to have small relapses as you progress and learn more about your inner rage.
Take care. Cheers, -Stryder |
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