| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| JaneLeslie |
Posted - 11/20/2006 : 17:41:35
Hi there TMS genuises and other folks:
I think my TMS has "found" yet another physical venue and was wondering if anyone else has had this experience. I went on Weight Watchers a few months ago and yes it created "pressure" to not eat emotionally all the time but it also worked and now I am pretty much at a normal weight. I have lost about 27 lbs and sometimes I was darned hungry but got through. As I have been doing this TMS work I noticed in the last few days that I completely lost my appetite and things even tasted a little odd. I seem to have no desire for food and have to remind myself to eat.
I wonder if my TMS has noticed that I have lost almost 30 lbs and wants me to lose more so I can focus on "wasting away" and freak out about it?  Why else don't I feel hungry? Sometimes I feel anxious, but not all the time so it is not anxiety. Why couldn't it be TMS? I mean if the mind can find the site of a herniated disc and create pain can't it figure out when someone has dropped 2 sizes and ring alarm bells, can't it? It is trying to scare me off the scent again. That makes me mad! It is so SNEAKY!
Too weird! I am bloody sick of all this but I am not going to fall for it.
Anyone's input welcome. Why is this syndrome so stong? I just feel helpless against it's power sometimes.
Jane |
| 11 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 11/22/2006 : 18:58:35
I don't think that not being so good means we are bad at all, though it's easy to think that way. I think of it as, being so good, for the wrong reasons (fear), is not really good at all. Good is balancing ourselves and others and acting for the right reasons (health, love). It isn't an easy balance, but that doesn't matter, the point is that balancing ourselves with others is a good thing.
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
| Dave |
Posted - 11/22/2006 : 17:38:37
Sometimes you just have to yell STOP to yourself when you find yourself in circular thinking patterns that go nowhere. Slap yourself in the face. Close the curtain. Remind yourself that these thoughts are irrational manifestations of your unconscious mind. Then go do something you enjoy and forget about it all. Do something productive, something that makes you feel good about yourself.
You're spending a lot of time thinking about how you feel on the outside. It's the stuff you can't feel that's the cause of all this. Try to find it. If you do not have success you may find psychoanalysis helpful. |
| JaneLeslie |
Posted - 11/22/2006 : 17:17:58
Well, I am not overeating anymore and now stuck with all of this nutty turmoil. Probably not a coincidence. Maybe there should be a 12 step program for TMS folks!!! I truly think that would not be a bad idea.
I am feeilng borderline mentally-ill these days, I can tell you that. I can't really get to rage, but I feel like I am getting bad thoughts and sadness. The thoughts are all very negative beliefs about myself and about my parents. These thoughts/beliefs must have attached themselves to the rage. It seems that the emotional opposite of the rage is quite real too---helplessness/guilt/dependence. These are not fun concepts. I can feel the helplessness but can't feel the anger. I am sure it is there. I can feel one, but not the other.
I am confident that my parents didn't hate me, nor does God hate me; why I must have believed they did is complicated. (I was both neglected and unfairly punished as a kid. Also I was too sensitive.) But I have carried these false beliefs around for a long time. I never knew how horrible my self-esteem really was. That is why this work is so difficult. It takes you down a long gutter and you can't be sure you will get out, or where you will get out.
Now I am really questioning my "goodism." I think of myself as a good person but maybe I was just a fake anyway. Maybe the goodness was just to get them to treat me nicely. Maybe that's what it still is---if I am "nice" to people I won't get slammed. Goodism=fear. That is not a very nice feeling is it! Altruism is really SURVIVAL! Ugh.
Sorry this is rambling. See, I am good at all the analyzing but it only leads to sadness, no anger yet. But thanks to Dave and LIttlebird and everyone who is trying to coach me. It is good to have friends. Hopefully I will stay out of ye olde mental asylum!
Happy T-giving!
Jane
This whole thing is just awful. |
| Littlebird |
Posted - 11/22/2006 : 15:28:37
Your unconscious mind is trying to numb you for fear that you will experience the "forbidden emotions" buried deep in your unconscious. The most important of these inner emotions is rage -- not conscious anger, but blind rage that is felt by the inner child who resents the pressures of life and just wants to be left alone. The child inside is selfish and wants to be taken care of.
So this must also apply to what's known as "emotional hunger" and excessive eating, at least for many people. I hadn't thought of it that way before, but it seems like it would fit. |
| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 11/22/2006 : 12:19:21
"Don't expect immediate results. Don't try to track your progress. Just do the work, every day, and have faith that the symptoms will slowly fade."
Yeah - there's a reason why One Day At A Time is such a powerful tool.
We are, after all, in SickAnon!
xx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| Dave |
Posted - 11/22/2006 : 08:20:04
quote:
Originally posted by JaneLeslie
I don't know quite yet how to thwart it
You do. Just ignore the symptoms, accept that they are benign. Treat them as a signal that there is some emotional conflicts going on inside that you need to stop avoiding and face head on. Try to find out what they are. You don't need to be successful in figuring out what it is. In fact, it's likely not one thing, it's a pile-up of 25 years worth of "junk".
If you have a bad habit that lasts 25 years, you have to expect that it's not going to be easy to break that habit. You just have to stick to it and take a long term view. Don't expect immediate results. Don't try to track your progress. Just do the work, every day, and have faith that the symptoms will slowly fade. |
| JaneLeslie |
Posted - 11/21/2006 : 18:22:00
I know I have to thwart the strategy. But this strategy has been doing it's "thing" for 25 years. It HATES what I am doing, quite frankly. I don't know quite yet how to thwart it. It really doesn't want to go away but I wish it could just pick a symptom I can live with and stay there. That probably won't happen.
Thanks Dave! Your input ALWAYS helps.
Jane |
| Dave |
Posted - 11/21/2006 : 14:18:04
In my opinion, all of the things you describe are symptoms.
Whether it is back pain, depression, anxiety, loss of appetite, obsessive thinking... they are all distractions.
It is counterproductive to spend too much time analyzing. This is a distraction too. One common trait in many TMS-prone people is that we are thinkers and not feelers. We have a tendency to "run up into our heads" which is really just an escape from our feelings.
Keep in mind that some conscious feelings may be just a smokescreen for what is really going on inside. Anger, frustration, guilt, self-loathing . . . the list goes on.
Your unconscious mind is trying to numb you for fear that you will experience the "forbidden emotions" buried deep in your unconscious. The most important of these inner emotions is rage -- not conscious anger, but blind rage that is felt by the inner child who resents the pressures of life and just wants to be left alone. The child inside is selfish and wants to be taken care of.
The first step is to accept that the symptoms -- whatever they are -- serve to distract you from that inner rage. The next step is to ignore those symptoms try to face that inner rage. What is going on in your life that has the child inside you in a blind rage? What about your life do you wish would be different?
Keep in mind the child inside is completely irrational, a product of the most primitive parts of the human brain. That is why the rage is forbidden from becoming conscious -- because it is in direct conflict with the reality of living life in society.
The goal is to try to put your finger on what the child inside is feeling, and accept that as irrational and forbidden as those feelings may be, they are there, and threatening to be felt. All of the symptoms serve to keep you focused on something else, or to numb you altogether, so those feelings will stay buried. This is your unconscious trying to protect you in the only way it knows how. You need to thwart that strategy and make it fail. |
| JaneLeslie |
Posted - 11/21/2006 : 09:29:44
Well, I think you both have brought up a fruitful point. Guilt about looking "better." It goes along with some deep unworthiness I am feeling. All along while losing the weight I was very hungry and now I have no appetite all of a sudden. I am still eating in a healthy way but I know I am not going to die if I skip a meal---believe me. Well, this explains why I don't feel so happy about my weight loss, or as happy as I could. I don't want good things to happen to me I guess. How ridiculous.
OK so what do I do with the guilt? I am just trying to feel it and not push it away.
Also, I think that some of the no appetite thing is a way to distract from getting to some TMS stuff. Well, maybe the distraction stuff goes along iwth the guilt stuff.
I feel so emotionally overloaded and a bit OCD lately. Questioning everything I hold dear, torturing myself,brooding, obsessing, etc. Is this TMS?---I guess it is, but I cannot tell if it is the road "in" or the road "out" (distraction.) I want this to be over to tell you the truth. I want to be happy. If it is the road in I have to follow the thread but it is hard to know the real from the false.
Thanks for your help.
Jane |
| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 11/21/2006 : 05:24:36
Very interesting.
I've also been playing with lots of other things being TMS equivalents, particularly all kinds of addictions. Obviously, the whole thing with eating is addictive, whether it's over or under-eating.
I've found 12-step work to be helpful although not the whole story, as most things aren't (including the TMS story). I like Al-Anon even though my family didn't drink that much. And one thing I've noticed there is that the people (usually women) look awful. They are suffering from caretaking others and don't take that much care with their own appearance. Mostly they are recovering from intense guilt.
So this relates a bit to the idea that one gets guilty for looking good.
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| carbar |
Posted - 11/20/2006 : 20:50:58
Hi Jane,
When I was first learning about TMS I maintained my weight, but as I got further into recovering from my pain, I was definitely motivated to start eating better and getting back on with exercising regularly. In addition, I did find I was eating much less, and not wanted to eat as frequently. I would definitely say I have emotional eating impulses, so this was a nice side effect for me to experience.
I've never tried something as organized as WW. Do you think you are repressing some emotions about eating and losing the weight? Do you feel healthy and are you eating enough calories? I've seen programs about folks that lose weight and sometimes they feel guilty for improving their appearence. Like, you've got this fab new look, but if your self-esteem is still feeling wallflowerish, it triggers feelings of guilt/unworth. Also, sometimes ppl close to us can get all threatened by the fab new look, so if there's a people-pleasing side to the "TMS personality," then you might feel bad for "upsetting" that person.
There's a lot of societal/social group pressure to look a certain way, and be a certain weight and I think there are lots of emotions tied up in this that every person represses to get through the day, so maybe you want to look there in a general way, too.
Well, that's my thoughts on it....good luck working through this. Congrats by the way for sticking to the plan even when it was hard.
|
|
|
