| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 11/07/2006 : 14:42:50
Hi all,
As some of you know I am in a huge transition in my life right now and under considerable stress..I have been in NYC singing for the past 7 weeks..Interestingly, when I am on stage my neck moves so much better..much better range of motion left and right..BUt then once back to the reality of financial hardship, missing my dogs so badly I am having nightmares, and some relationship challenges..the neck starts up again..Also, the roads in Staten Island are ridiculously bumping..tons of pot holes to contend with..
I have some new TMS symptoms which are truly baffling..Was wondering if any of you ever experienced your head moving very slightly on it's own when just sitting down..I have tons of muscle tension in the back of my head and very top of my neck..It comes and goes in intensity, very dependent also on emotional issues that i am facing..When I lay down to sleep, I can hear strange sounds in the back of my head..top of the neck..like bone sounds..Maybe it's that alien implant i have back there..lol..well at least i am cracking a joke about it..I am hoping it's just plain old TMS but it is a bit anerving..
God bless,
Karen |
| 5 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 11/07/2006 : 17:10:46
OMG, ACL...your posts are so helpful and caring..Thank you very much..I feel all of the above when missing my dogs, coupled with a HUGE dose of guilt..Which is why I am probably trying to kill myself with the overeating and gaining weight..They are my kids..i don't have human children and they have no clue why i left or if i am coming back..THey don't speak our language so i cannot explain to them what is going on..this kills me inside..I know you understand since you have furry kids too..It just hurts, so deeply..I do hide alot of my sadness about this in front of my boyfriend because i don't want him to feel any worse about it then he already does..He cannot help the bad allergy he has, he gets breathing issues, it's not just sneezing, etc..I am praying this TBM, total body modification will work for him..but even so..he is in a leased apt. that doens't allow pets..So we would have to break the lease or not be with the dogs til July..AhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHH i could scream from the frustration of this impossible choice/situation..I love my boyfriend so much, he is a tremendous person and so talented..SInging together is a blast..but I miss my doggies more then words can even express...
I called my OA sponsor, hoping to get going on the 12 steps regarding my eating issues..THat should help too..I am also trying to put a group together over here..Wish you lived nearby..I feel a special connection to you!
Hugs,
Karen |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 11/07/2006 : 16:24:25
No, I was closer to you before! I'm in CA (Bay Area).
It is hard to be without our friends and comforters. I love to hold my kitty when I'm at home and he curls up on my shoulder and purrs like a big tugboat. Our dog is the sweetest and he will come and jump up on the bed when I'm resting and curl up and look like he's guarding the door from the bed, but then fall right to sleep! What does your puppy do that you love? How do you feel when you miss her? Empty? Angry? Sad? Lonely? What kind of pressure does that feeling put on you? Do you sometimes have to act happy when you are sad and missing the dogs? Are you afraid to cry even when you are falling asleep without your basset and feeling sad without her?
I think Beth's post is also full of wisdom. We have to look deeper sometimes than we want. Remember that your subconscious can be a little brat and that doesn't mean that you're a bad person. Maybe it's angry at your bro-roomie, or at your current sweetie for being so far from where you were and making it hard to move. Or even your dogs for not being able to come with you. The subconscious is an irrational little beast sometimes. We don't have to do whatever it wants. Just let it out for a run sometimes, let the crazy pressure pipe off. Just because you are back in New York, you don't have to feel happy all the time, you can still let your crazy stress out -- go inside your place, or to a park, just do a crazy dance to show how much pressure you have on you, and get it out into the world, not inside yourself.
Journaling could be a huge boon to you; it gives you a very private space to just let things all out, where no one can judge you for how you feel and it doesn't matter if what you write doesn't make any sense.
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 11/07/2006 : 15:10:25
ACL,
Thanx sooo much for your support and willingness to listen..The biggest issue I am dealing with internally is missing my dogs..My boyfriend is VERY allergic and so I couldn't bring them along for this long trip..They are happy and safe with their surrogate dad (my roommate/surrogate brother) in Vegas..But, I have slept next to my basset for 11 years and it is torture without her..I am praying that a miracle cure happens for him because I want us all to be together..I wish my roomie/bro could move out here too..He is the brother I always wanted and I care very much about him..It is sooo weird being out here for this long with only 2 suitcases..My boyfriend has been very kind lending me his car, etc..and trying his best to make me feel at home..But I know no one out here..everyone is in NY and the gas/tolls are sooo expensive so i see them rarely..I am happiest when singing on stage but the gigs are not weekly just yet...I have not been journaling and i know i should..I have been eating like a maniac and gaining weight too from the stress..I went to an OA meeting and have to get serious about that..Sooo wish there was a TMS group out here..DO you live in the area??
Hugs to you,
Karen
Bethie,
I just sent you an email to your regular email addy..Thanx as always for your friendship and wisdom..Can't wait to meet you in person..You have become a great friend and I love ya!
~Karen |
| h2oskier25 |
Posted - 11/07/2006 : 15:02:42
Karen,
Dear Friend.
It's tough love time. You keep talking about the physical. You know the body's tricks with new stuff. Yet, your mind is never off of the physical. Your unconscious mind has you right where it wants you.
It doesn't surprise me a bit that your neck is better when you sing. My wrists never used to hurt when I was waterskiing. When we're doing what we love, all levels of consciousness are soothed.
Are you journaling?
The reason I ask, is that I think that you think you're in touch with all the stressors of your life, since they are big as life right now. New city, new guy, new lifestyle, new gigs, missing the dogs. Etc.
But, I think you're not in touch with the things that are really bothering you.
Here's an example.
I mean I know you miss your dogs, and I would, too. But part of me would be a little resentful of the fact that you can't just dash off to NYC without considering them and feeling guilty. I mean don't you have a right to enjoy life?
It's the same thing any parent feels deep down, as they lose the freedom that their single friends enjoy. Not that they don't LOVE their kids, and you LOVE and NEED your dogs.
I'm just saying. Sometimes its hard for us to face the selfish thoughtless feelings our little gremlin has. Remember, can't change that. Must acknowledge it.
Try to focus on the parts of your life that are GREAT right now, as I think you sometimes feel too guilty to do so.
I'm pulling for ya'
Beth |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 11/07/2006 : 15:02:29
Hi Karen,
Someone mentioned crackling sounds in the neck recently. Maybe the search page will turn it up.
It's good to see you cracking jokes and seeing all your symptoms as they are, and their connections to your feelings. Remember that even if you are under stress, you still don't have to experience that through physical pain. (But if that's where you are now, then that's where you are.) Do you feel able to experience your feelings more than before? Are you able to journal? If you need or want to talk about how much you miss your dogs, I'm sure you could talk about it here. I for one would be happy to 'listen' and respond. I love and miss my family pets a lot as well.
I hope your time in New York is turning out to be just what you need, even though it is tough. It's great to hear that you're singing regularly! You are the Singer Artist, after all.
Best to you.
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
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