| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| menvert |
Posted - 09/25/2004 : 08:40:40
just wondering if anyone is similar to me . I am fairly intellectual and as such . I have , what I consider a very good grip on the TMS theory and concepts .
and as such, I feel more capable of giving advice than actually implementing it myself.
It is one thing to breach it intellectually, but getting it into the less conscious areas of the brain seems to be the challenge for me. But definitely reading this board everyday, helps keep me focused. And since discovering this forum . my percentage of pain during a day has been significantly reduced and specifically my depression has.
As I am rather introverted. One thing I am curious about is how many of us with TMS on this board actually have a good social/personal life? specifically how many of us have girlfriend/boyfriend/wives/husbands. I often think that my TMS would be way reduced if I actually had a girlfriend and a supportive social group. Because loneliness and time to dwell on my TMS seems to be a major amplifier of symptoms.
Or do you actually find that perhaps these relationships cause more pressure than advantage? |
| 3 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Agata |
Posted - 09/27/2004 : 06:40:14
Relationships!!!
I think those could be both, cause and cure to TMS problems.
I was married for 27 years and I am convinced that relationship triggered my TMS with the help from my personality. I adored my husband but not the other way. I repressed acknowledging that and I had to be unconsciously angry that my husband didn’t return my feelings. I am sure now about that.
All my feelings surfaced at the divorce and after. I didn’t feel good mentally but physically, great. Now I am dealing with different type of emotions: loneliness, wanting friendship, seeking love, etc. But that is conscious and doesn’t trigger TMS.
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| menvert |
Posted - 09/25/2004 : 19:10:29
Mainly for me the reason I think having a girlfriend would be good is that
1. It would give me a significant distraction in my life. A lot of my life consists of having nothing particular to do and it is easy to dwell on pain at those times.
2. The idea of having a more nurturing aspect my life. I think Sarno briefly mentioned he thinks the amount of 'positive pressures in your life' can increase your tolerance/threshold to internal rage.
3. Potentially open up a larger social group & therefore address my fears/social phobia.
4. And then of course there's the feelings of social inadequacy from not having a girlfriend like 'normal people' are supposed to.
5. And yes, as you mentioned it probably has something to do with self-esteem issues, if somebody actually wanted to be with me it probably would validate my feelings as being a real and valuable person.
And yes it seems most of this stuff stems from 'pressures' mostly exerted by myself and my own personality rather than other people.
Also, I find in giving advice it helps me too clarify my ideas about the topics.
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| Zshapiro32 |
Posted - 09/25/2004 : 09:27:56
Menvert,
I am very introverted as well. I think this is probably a common trait among many TMS sufferers. I consider my social life to be pretty bad. I've really only had one girlfriend, that I was never happy with. We were together for a year, I was sick the entire time and I had a fairly bad TMS "back attack" during it. I also realize that my perception of my social life is definitely skewed as I expect perfection. I expect myself to be the life of the party and nothing short of that will do. I am sure you probably do the same to some degree. Really sit back and examine it. I hate to compare myself to others, but if you do, I'm sure you will see that your social life really isn't that bad afterall. Of course there are people that are "the life of the party" but most people aren't. You need to stop comparing yourself to the ideal.
We put too much pressure on ourselves.
I too feel like giving advice is much easier than adhering to it, but this is true for most people, don't be so hard on yourself.
Why do you think having a girlfriend will help? Will it give you some kind of validation that you are attractive and likeable? You really need to sit back and examine why you think having companionship will help your self-esteem.
And from my limited experience, yes having a relationship can actually add more stress to your life.
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