| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Kristin |
Posted - 10/11/2006 : 09:29:10
Okay, this is my daughter who, when I talk about this stuff she tells me that "not everything is psychological". She is the most skeptical of TMS in the family. She's a high school senior in the middle of planning activities for homecoming, a candidate for homecoming royalty, has a job at a health club (although she's not particularly athletic), babysits and carries a challenging load of schoolwork. Oh yeah, she's taking the SATs are this weekend! Yikes.
My question is since this is a crisis that occured just this morning as she awoke I want to be supportive and aid her in getting better as soon as possible but not add to the stress of the situation by insisting that she should see this as a distraction from things that might be stressing her out. In all honesty she doesn't really get stressed out, either that, or she's a very good actress and hides it perfectly!
I gave her advil, heat, and ice but I told her that there's nothing wrong with her neck. Does anyone have any advice? |
| 6 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Kristin |
Posted - 10/11/2006 : 13:38:30
Thanks Wavy. I had a father who worked on the technical end of "rats in mazes"! I "wanted" to be a psychologist when I grew up because my friends told me I was such a good listener and would make a good one!
I will take the "healing the self first" approach to heart. She won't appreciate my making everything psychological! She just needs my caring and understanding now. It also seems like a good opportunity to examine goodist tendencies and maybe some control issues. |
| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 10/11/2006 : 12:24:34
As a kid my mum was a psychologist (rats in mazes). I think I've shared before that I learned the word "hypochondriac" before "rabbit." It didn't help, because I was in major emotional pain already and this just felt like a further layer of pain - that my mum didn't believe me. I didn't want to be healthy, I wanted to calm the simmering agony in my gut. Although I wasn't aware of this, my illness was a necessary expression of this.
I don't know how you can tell this stuff to an unreceptive teenager. I have worked with the teenage daughter of a friend who had that thing where half your face goes to sleep - Bell's Palsy. She is so unhappy about this visible symptom that she is willing to work on her deeper stuff. But it may be kinda like in 12-step - the first step is admitting you need help. You only get there when you get there. I avoided Sarno for years, unconsciously. So I don't expect anyone else to be ready until they are ready,
and the way I know they are not ready is that they aren't asking me for help even though they see me having a truly dramatic healing and offering to turn them on to what helped for me
so I guess the path is to keep working more and more on one's own healing until one becomes a true healer from having deeply integrated these principles.
there are my two cents and you can have them for nothing
xx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| Kristin |
Posted - 10/11/2006 : 11:36:37
hi Dave,
Yes, I know that the ice and heating pad reinforces the physical. The hands on/touching approach is comforting at least to her. The fact is she can't turn her head at all, or lift it, get up and roll over. I've been there I know what it feels like. I've learned to talk myself out of many potential episodes after first reading MOBP and later books. Without Sarno it would take 1 to 2 weeks to go away.
I am telling her that there is nothing wrong physically with her neck and that the pressure of her schedule is likely to be major cause.
Thank you.
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| Kristin |
Posted - 10/11/2006 : 11:26:20
She said when she woke up she felt fine and then realized she didn't want to go to school. She thinks fatigue is to blame and I gently suggested that she may be ticked off because she's tired and wants to nap instead. Wham-o, she's suddenly not having to go to school/can't go to school and she's napping!
Yep, she's a teenager it's pretty easy to make her defensive! It would never enter her mind that if things are generally going really well that there's a problem. No use in creating one and more stress for her right now by asking her to examine buried rage!
Thanks. |
| Dave |
Posted - 10/11/2006 : 11:20:26
quote:
Originally posted by Kristin
...In all honesty she doesn't really get stressed out, either that, or she's a very good actress and hides it perfectly!
That's TMS in a nutshell. She does not get stressed out because she wants to project a strong image and please others. The true feelings are repressed.
There is nothing you can do to convince somebody that their symptoms are psychogenic, though heat and ice tend to reinforce the feeling that there is something physically wrong. Belief or not, the strategy is the same: ignore the pain, don't let it serve as a distraction. Just treat it like a headache or stomach ache; it's temporary and will go away. |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 10/11/2006 : 11:17:33
quote:
In all honesty she doesn't really get stressed out
This is a prime indicator of TMS risk. I am high-functioning (getting things done effectively and usally pleasant in apparent temper) even when stressed or depressed or otherwise troubled, and I think that that kind of behavior really pisses off the unconscious. The unconscious wants to scream for a while, then lie down and take a nap. When we don't give it any outlet at all, watch out!
That being said, I think you're taking the right tack. She probably will not be willing to change her mind about TMS/psychogenic pain just from one stiff neck, and so treating it with the usual physical placebos is appropriate -- you don't want her to be in pain unnecessarily. But hopefully the message will get through to her eventually that you believe that the pain comes from the emotional realm and would really support her if she were to try looking at it that way. Maybe you could suggest to her that since she may have a little downtime while resting her neck, to think about the stress she is feeling. But if she doesn't do it, well, you can lead a horse to water but...
...and too much pushing will probably make her defensive, so you don't want to go there. People just need their pain sometimes. 
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
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