| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| floorten |
Posted - 09/25/2006 : 06:03:50
Hi everyone!
This is my first post here. I actually only discovered TMS a day ago, so all this is still pretty new to me. Reading your posts gives me hope though.
I haven't been diagnosed with TMS, and I think I'm unlikely to ever get an official diagnosis, living as I do in Germany (without German health insurance!). But if it's okay with you, I'd like to write about my experiences in detail here, and if anyone has any comments about whether my experiences are typical TMS, any similar experiences or advice, I'd *love* to hear them.
OK ... on with it! Hold on tight, this might be quite long...
11 years ago I woke up one day with a splitting headache. It just seemed to come from nowhere. I thought nothing of it, but a few days later it was still there, and had been there for the whole time inbetween.
I went to my doctor, who prescribed me some pretty knock-out painkillers at first. The headaches stayed though. I spent the next two or three years having these constant headaches, 24 hours a day without break.
The pain then lessened in my head and spread out over my neck and back into traditional back-pain symptoms. I also started to suffer from Thorassic Outlet Syndrome type symptoms - nerves pinching in the middle of my chest, numbness and tingling down one arm.
Now, lest anyone think I have anything actually physically wrong with me, I should say that I have had MRIs of my brain and full spinal X-rays. I've seen neurologists, chiropractors, oesteopaths, physiotherapists and acupuncturists. All of them seem to agree on one thing... they can find nothing really wrong with me!
Sure my muscles are quite tight, my posture isn't perfect and I have some painful knotted "trigger points" here and there, but there's nothing structurally wrong. And nothing which should cause such a wide array of symptoms.
My GP thought it was "psychosomatic" and a symptom of depression, so he put me on Seroxat /Paxil. That was fun. The pills did nothing apart from cause me two months of agonising withdrawl symptoms once I finally managed to come off them two years later.
That reminds me... the other symptoms...
Well it seems that each time I address one symptom, something new arises. So I addressed my posture and back flexibility with swimming and yoga and had some gradual improvement. The pain eased off, though it never really left me. Always there just gently throbbing in the background.
I recall thinking to myself "at least my arms are fine and I don't have RSI" at the time. I'm a programmer you see, so using a keyboard is critical to making a living. And guess what.. within two weeks I started to develop RSI pains in my wrists and fingers! They got so bad at one point I switched mousing hands and got voice-recognition software.
Now I've switched back because I decided it was quite absurd and I wasn't going to let these pains control me, and they've receded to the point where I can get my work done, although the pains do still stab now and then.
And then I thought "guess I should be thankful my legs are working fine" and then I started to develop pains in my ankles (achilles heel) and the back of my knees! Totally without injury or any change to my lifestyle!!
Recently I've started to suffer a different sort of symptom - exhaustion, listlessness, low energy levels, and aching all over. Some days I don't feel I have the energy to stay awake. Despite eating fine and getting enough sleep my legs will feel like jelly and I will have to fight to stay awake. I've started to take naps to handle this. It's absurd! From the outside I look young, fit and healthy. Why is this happening!???
Additionally, I've started to develop clicking and pain in my TMJ, as if all the above wasn't enough!
My physical symptoms are worse in the morning and tend to ease off around early evening. I'm not sure if that has any significance.
I've noticed also that lack of sleep is the single greatest trigger to bringing the symptoms on and making them worse. If I get less than 6 hours sleep, I feel like the living dead, even if I got 10 hours the night before. Sleep magnifies the headache and neck pain many times.
The second greatest trigger of symptoms seems to be not eating good quality food regularly. If I miss a meal, or replace it with junk food snacks, the symptoms flare up again.
I don't understand why I have such low tolerance to the kind of stresses that normal people put their bodies through weekly. If I miss a meal and only get 6 hours sleep, you'd think I was suffering from some debilitating disease, the way I act.
That's about it for now. As I say, it started with headaches 11 years ago and has diversified into aches and pains across my whole body, accompanied by low energy levels, but there's no physical evidence that anything's wrong with me.
What else can I say about myself?
I'm a very sensitive person. Not just emotionally sensitive, but my nervous system is sensitive too, like the volume is jacked up to 11 on all stimuli.
I've always been that way. Even as a kid, cold water and loud noises would shock me so much more intensely than any of my friends. Even today getting into a swimming pool other people tell me is "warm" still feels like jumping into a bath of ice to me!
My Oestoepath once did a test where he pricked my toes to test my reactions. He said that my reactions were much too over the top - as if I was in alerted "fight or flight" mode continually. 24/7. He noticed also my pupils are much too dilated normally during the day, in good light. Unfortunately he never followed this observation up with any kind of diagnosis or advice.
I'm intelligent and good at what I do. I learn quickly and seem to be able to pick up any new skill I set myself to. I tend to over-think things though, and I find myself being quite over-sensitive to the criticism of others, even strangers or people I don't care about.
Well that's about it for now. I might think of other relevant details and add them later.
Has anyone any comment or advice?!
Many thanks in advance,
Greg. |
| 8 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| h2oskier25 |
Posted - 09/26/2006 : 06:40:49
Hi Greg,
Boy you said SO many things that really resonated with me. The whole alcohol thing. I used to not drink at all and obsessively eat healthy. Now, I'm still a healthy eater, but I noticed when I first started doing the emotional work of TMS healing, I craved alcohol now and again. It was as if I suddenly noticed that I live a stressful life. I was so "gee, I can't even attempt that with my RSI" that I was able to escape a lot of my potential stressors, and life, for that matter.
I think alcohol helps because it's harder to repress things when your relaxed and your inhibitions are reduced.
Certainly sounds like you're on the right track.
If I were you, I would start journaling as SOON as possible. Begin with the words "Right now, I feel . . . ." and see where it leads you.
Regards,
Beth |
| floorten |
Posted - 09/26/2006 : 06:19:03
> Read Sarno's books and enjoy the process of healing.
Wow - now there's a paradigm shift. The thought of actually enjoying the process of healing! So far it's been a painful slog with little progress.
I got my copy of TMP through the post today, so I'm off to a cafe to read!
Later,
Greg. |
| Nor |
Posted - 09/25/2006 : 21:13:49
Wow! Sounds like classic TMS to me, too. Especially the "they can't find anything wrong" part and the moving around of symtoms. I was having symptoms that felt like fibro and my primary MD alluded to it. That night I did a search online and learned that headaches are common. I, like you, thought, "I'm grateful not to have headaches."....2 days later chronic headaches ensued! Our subconscious is always on duty w/wide open ears!!
Welcome to the forum. Read Sarno's books and enjoy the process of healing.
Nor |
| nora |
Posted - 09/25/2006 : 14:12:26
The alcohol point is interesting - I don't know if anyone else has noticed the same, but it actually HELPS my symptoms. The day after a night's drinking my symptoms are often *better* than the day before!! Madness. And of course, while I'm drunk, I don't notice them! Maybe this can be explained by some increase in oxygen in the blood or something... anyone? (Don't worry - I never developed an alcohol problem. I hardly drink much at all now.)
Hi Greg,
Welcome !! I agree with your observation about alcohol helping with TMS symptoms. My TMS manifests itself in low back pain, but whenever I have a glass or two of wine, the tightness seems to lessen. Perhaps one feels more relaxed ?! I too would like to understand this.
Nora
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| nora |
Posted - 09/25/2006 : 14:07:09
The alcohol point is interesting - I don't know if anyone else has noticed the same, but it actually HELPS my symptoms. The day after a night's drinking my symptoms are often *better* than the day before!! Madness. And of course, while I'm drunk, I don't notice them! Maybe this can be explained by some increase in oxygen in the blood or something... anyone? (Don't worry - I never developed an alcohol problem. I hardly drink much at all now.)
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| floorten |
Posted - 09/25/2006 : 13:48:47
Thanks to you all for a warm welcome. This place seems a haven - everyone not only very friendly but knowledgable too!
It's great to know that my symptoms match TMS very well. This gives me a lot of hope that I can get them sorted, once I've read the books.
To answer some of your points... I haven't read Sarno's books yet, but I've ordered TMP and Scott Brady's book and hopefully the postman will have some Amazon boxes for me tomorrow. Can't wait to get stuck in!
I'm in Germany cause I'm a freelancer who is able to move around, and really liked this particular city when I visited it in the past. I decided I'd like to live there, and so here I now am.
Being a freelancer too has been part of my strategy for coping with TMS. I found my symptoms too erratic and disturbing to normal life to hold down the usual 9-5.
How did I keep my sanity over 11 years (ongoing) of TMS symptoms? I became a master of repression. I ignored the pain and what I thought its implications were as best I could. I told myself that the next thing round the corner would be my magic cure and worked my way through every healthcare method known to man. I got depressed sometimes and I relied a lot on alcohol to get me through.
The alcohol point is interesting - I don't know if anyone else has noticed the same, but it actually HELPS my symptoms. The day after a night's drinking my symptoms are often *better* than the day before!! Madness. And of course, while I'm drunk, I don't notice them! Maybe this can be explained by some increase in oxygen in the blood or something... anyone? (Don't worry - I never developed an alcohol problem. I hardly drink much at all now.)
Cheers,
Greg.
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| tennis tom |
Posted - 09/25/2006 : 09:34:59
Hi Floorten,
Welcome to TMS'land. I'm on vacation de-stressing at an old spa taking "the cure" in the mineral baths, so can't write a whole-lot. Must get to continental breakfast and prepare for the ardures of my 10:am massage.
Best advice I can give you on the run, is to read Dave's post in the next thread over. It probably applies to you--and all of us.
Read all of Dr. Sarno's books like you would the Bible.
How did you wind up in Germany?
To get over your sensitivity to cold water, jump under water-falls. It is very exilerating, and a good natural massage.
Chao-Chao,
tt
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| ndb |
Posted - 09/25/2006 : 07:34:56
Welcome Floorten,
Your symptoms sounded typical TMS to me. Also, I've had exactly those same set of symptoms, though in a different order :). How did you keep your sanity going through this for 11 years? I found out about TMS one year after my symptoms started. Even one year was really enough to make me suicidal because I had no idea what was wrong or when I was going to get better. Now, after Sarno, I can tell you that you've come to the right place. I'm free of symptoms now.
Get well soon,
ndb |
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